EDITED FEBRUARY 1ST: Due to the alarming generosity and understanding of Mr. Dave Navarro, How To Launch The **** Out Of Your Ebook is also on half price. Details are below.

I recently received an email asking if I would ever use a semicolon under any circumstances. (For why this email came, read the topless post.) In answer to that question, I have put one in the title of this post. I’m fairly certain I have used it incorrectly, which is good because that is all the evil and morally vacant semicolon deserves.

Moving on, it’s Jamie’s and my five year anniversary. Customarily, you should be giving me a gift of wood. With the cost of shipping rising prohibitively, we can pretend that you really wanted to and you’ll give me some next time you see me. Read More

OK. I’m not totally drunk. I have had about two glasses of wine. Well, I’ve had them recently and in fairly rapid succession, sure. But it’s not like I’m loaded.

This is obviously a highly relative statement considering I just spent the weekend in Dublin. I have not been in Ireland since 1989, when I was eight. I would like to tell you, as an aside, that EVERY SINGLE THING you’ve heard about Ireland is true. I stepped off the plane at 8:50 in the morning and the very first thing I saw, before customs, before the little “do you have anything to declare?”, before THE BATHROOMS was a pub.

In the airport. A fully operational pub. Before nine o’clock in the morning.

And who was in the pub? I’m glad you asked. A full team of rugby players — maybe 30 of them? — all in uniform and all drinking Guinness. Read More

Every now and again, when I’m feeling too cocky about being The Greatest And Funniest Marketer In Christendom, I like to read some of my emails to make me realize exactly how badly I communicate with my blog readers. If you are an aspiring marketing consultant or world famous blogger, I recommend this on a regular basis.

Therefore, some questions from my inbox. I only include ones I’ve received more than once.

Havi has a duck. Why don’t you have a duck?

First of all, I have publicly stated that Havi’s duck is a whore. You can tell by the look on her face. I can’t speak for Havi, but I’m not the type of girl to have a whore for a sidekick. If anybody in this business is going to be a whore, it’s going to be me. Read More

Yay! Course! We’re doing a course! A not-very-expensive course that’s going to be super crazy fun. I love it.

So, after much ado — OK, a little bit of ado — here’s what’s going on.

Lots and lots of people wanted to be in Self-Promotion For Wimps after it was done. The problem was, it was, uh, done. So we couldn’t really do that. And lots of other people wanted to get the Marketing School book, but it WASN’T done. Naturally, this was a conundrum. And because the IttyBiz team is made up of some of the best and brightest people in the Western world, we solved the conundrum.

Let’s make a course. About marketing! And then we could release the Marketing School book right after, but the people who took the course could get it for free! Hurray! Love and cookies and businesses that don’t suck can be had by all. Read More

Ah, the credit crunch. The current economic climate. The bear market. The recession. Nobody has any money and none of us have jobs and we’re all poor and disenfranchised.

Life sucks, doesn’t it?

We’re not spending ONE RED CENT more than we actually have to, right? Housewives across the country are dusting off their Granny’s old copy of The Ration Book Diet. And when little Tiffany celebrates her Sweet 16 next month, we’re not going out for dinner. Oh, no. We’re going to have Spam on toast and water with a squeeze of the juice from a tired looking lemon. You know, because it’s a special occasion.

And what do we do with our evenings now that God has confiscated every Visa, Mastercard and American Express in the country? We’ve stopped discretionary spending so we don’t have internet, satellite, or long distance phone service. It’s kind of nice, actually — families all over the Western world are playing charades and Yahtzee or reading library books by the light of candle stubs. Read More