I am sick. This is good for you because I write better when I’m sick. I don’t give a shit if anybody likes what I have to say, so I just say it. Like Chris Rock, but whiter. Or Johnny Truant, but prettier.

So how did the seminar go?

I did my first ever in-person seminar the other day and it was killer. I won’t tell you what I talked about because then I can’t charge you to come to the Canadian version later, but I will say that the intrepid souls who braved the trip and the risk made me very happy indeed.

I met Mark Benjamin who is brave enough to be honest about not having been born passionate about selling widgets on the internet. He’s about to launch a new quit smoking mp3 download and is using the proceeds to travel the world. Pretty cool, huh?

I met Ali Hale, an amazing freelance blogger and funny, brainy and beautiful woman just finding out how much she can kick ass in all sorts of ways. After using her writing to make money for other people, she’s ready to start ruling the world by herself, thankyouverymuch.

I met Marta, a gorgeous web designer with shoes so beautiful they’d make you weep, getting ready to make the jump into more automatic income streams, all while courageously handling the crazy life of a freelancer with grace and aplomb.

I met Willie, a fantastic freelance illustrator and soon-to-be comic book magnate who just happens to be funny and insightful and patient and clever and wise while she’s at it. (She also taught me to say “manga” the right way without making me feel like an idiot.) Take that, Marvel.

I met Lucy, a successful freelance embroiderer from Scotland who is taking her super-sexy-gorgeous stuff from exclusively service based to big time retail products for her adoring masses. To anybody who says you can’t make money doing what you love/with crafty stuff/in a small town I present you Lucy and bask in the smugness of my righness.

I met Colin, a Maidenhead maths tutor, who has proven you can be a maths geek and seriously cool dude at the same time. Plus, he’s gonna be on TV and I’m gonna get up at 3 in the morning in Ontario to see him live if it kills me.

I met Adrienne, who makes stunning angel paintings and has taken it upon herself to bring her home country of Singapore out of the 20th century in regards to social media and internet marketing. She hung out with my mom for hours and made my mama’s month.

I met Amanda, a coach for professional mums, who is helping women who happen to be mothers and professionals not JUST be mothers and professionals. Thank you, Amanda, for blazing a trail and making life better for mamas everywhere.

I met Fiona who is about to take the textile art world by storm, stupid bullshit artists have to starve to stay pure myths be damned. She had crazy, fantastic insights that I know helped every person in attendance, including Terry the hotel manager.

With that assembly of awesome people in front of me, no wonder I was nervous. Jesus.

Which brings me to the topic of presents

So there I am, sitting at the end of a long table, trying to make sure to remember to say “fuck” often enough that people felt they got their hundred quid’s worth. And doesn’t a lovely woman come in bearing a pretty bag. Says she’s looking for me.

I think Jamie must have sent me a present. Maybe my inlaws? Probably not my mom, since she was sitting right there. I see something floral and a card. I open the card, because that’s what people with good breeding do. Says:

“Wish we were there with you…”

Hmm.

Who is this mysterious gift from? Shannon Wilkinson and Janine Adams from Declutter Happy Hour. And what is it? It’s a corsage.

A fucking corsage.

Now, you wouldn’t be crazy to wonder why Shannon and Janine sent me a corsage. It’s a little weird, don’t you think? Except, when you know the history, you’d know that it’s not weird at all. Because a while back, Shannon and I were emailing and at some point, we said our email was like a date. One silly inside joke led to another and I said, “I demand a corsage.”

So they sent one. And it was beautiful. And perfectly timed. And just right for my girly-ass self. And at that exact moment when I was feeling most self-conscious and in need of a little love.

I’ve received some pretty cool presents in my day. Jeff Sarris sent me this crazily fantastic piece of contemporary canvas art. God knows where he got that picture from… Jamie’s blog, maybe? But he did, and it’s one of my favorites and now I worship him.

Char Brooks, patient advocate and general cool chick sent me a beautiful little kit of love when I was feeling down, including an Elmo phone for Jack. Why an Elmo phone? Because once upon a time, the Hire IttyBiz page said, in fine print at the very end, “If you are Elmo and would like to sing at Jack’s birthday party, consulting is free.”

Fabeku, my token woo woo friend and sound healing superstar, sent me Buddhist prayer beads and a hand drawn birthday card with a picture of Dunford’s Gin. Why? Because one time, he read that I have Buddhist tendencies. (If you’re new here, you might like that post.)

I have wanted to write a post about presents for a while now but I didn’t want to seem like I was soliciting them. Now I’m sick and don’t care if it looks like I’m soliciting presents. (My birthday is the 8th of every month.) But seriously, there’s an art to good presents. And presents sure do get you noticed.

1. Don’t send presents you obviously can’t afford.

If you’re a client of mine, I know how much money you make. It’s the first question I ask you. That means I know if you can afford what you sent. And if you can’t afford it, I feel guilty. You never want your recipient to feel anything other than delight and gratitude.

2. Promotion is a balance.

If they would really, really like something you sell, by all means give them one for free. (Carrie didn’t turn away the Vivienne Westwood wedding gown in the Sex and the City movie just because it was promotional for Vivienne.) But there is a difference in the energy of a gift for gift’s sake versus a gift that also has self-promotion involved. Nothing wrong with either — I’m all for great swag — but important to know where you’re coming from.

3. A gift well-communicated and from the heart will never go wrong.

If you give your gift for the right reason, your recipient should love it. And if they don’t, they’re the asshole and you shouldn’t lose sleep over it.

That’s it for today. I’m going to go back to my busy schedule of drinking tea and asking Jamie why HE didn’t send me a damn corsage.