Dec
21
A Bloody Poor Excuse For A Title
Well now. This HAS been exciting.
First of all, I moved to England. Hurray! If you’re ever looking for something really fun to do, I recommend crossing the Atlantic with a 2-year-old. I also recommend you try to co-ordinate it so that said 2-year-old does not sleep for a second during the entire overnight flight. And if you can swing it so that they close the airport you’re supposed to land at and you have to hang around for 3 hours in a locked airplane at Heathrow instead, well, so much the better.
The good news is, I now live in an idyllic little town called Cheddington which has all of 1103 people. (When you think of a pastoral English town, this is what you’re thinking, folks. Remember The Holiday? I think I live in Kate Winslet’s house. Except is warmer, which is a plus.)
The bad news is, I live four houses down from the 15th century pub. Now, I don’t know about you, but I simply cannot be expected to walk AN ENTIRE FOUR HOUSES just to get a fucking glass of mulled wine. I thought of writing to the mayor to complain and then I realized we didn’t have one.
Let’s move on, shall we?
I wrote another book. Well, Dave and I did. But then I wrote this post and Dave’s like, dude, it hasn’t even launched yet. And I didn’t want to change the post. So anyway, we did this thing and it hasn’t officially launched yet so all the requisite bonuses and BUY RIGHT FUCKING NOW isn’t there yet because Dave’s busy making a total fortune on other people’s launches. Isn’t that nice?
I provided the wit, he provided the, um, substance. In future I will do all of my projects this way. Please also note the title, How To Launch The **** Out Of Your Ebook. Pretty damned cool if you ask me, which nobody did. We’ve had a bunch of buyers who got the chance to buy when they bought Online Business School, but now it’s (sort of) open to the public. YAY!
Seriously, go check it out. It’s killer.
Next up, your donations. Holy shit, dudes. We raised THOUSANDS of dollars for the woman leaving her lout of a husband. Like, a lot of thousands. There are two donations I want to mention in particular.
One, from a woman whose partner was just laid off. The partner was laid off, the woman was given the option of taking a 20% pay cut or getting laid off herself, and they just found out that their charming bank was about to foreclose on their home.
How did I find this out, you ask? Because she donated a THOUSAND DOLLARS and I wrote to her to make sure it wasn’t a typo. Get out your hankies, darlings.
“Right after all this happened and when we were in the depths of despair, we stumbled upon a speech being given by someone in which the phrase “nothing leaves heaven until something leaves earth” was uttered, and it penetrated us. The amount of $1,000 was mentioned – and we looked at each other and said, “Universe, we are open to demonstrating infinite supply in the next 30 days – when the right thing comes along to release $1,000 to that in no way benefits us directly, we will know what it is.”
Over the past couple of weeks, we have been presented with some opportunities that did not click for us. We said, “No, that’s not it yet.”
Last night I read your post out loud to [name removed] and we looked at each other with tears in our eyes and no small amount of terror, and said, “This one is it.” We held hands as I clicked the button to finalize the transaction. We know that ultimately, $1,000 won’t save our condo, but it could make the difference that saves two lives – and we’re both resourceful individuals in a loving relationship and we’ll always be fine – whatever that looks like.
So there. We did it, with open hearts and trembling hands last night. And this morning, we woke up feeling just fine.”
And they ask me why I blog. Jesus.
The other donations I want to draw your attention to are from the literally hundreds of people who donated one, two, three, five, seven, ten dollars. The people who sent emails saying they hoped it was enough because it was all they had. The people who said that if she needed more money, they’d see if they could borrow some so they could donate more.
You know when your mother said every little bit helps? That woman is not going to end up dead on her bathroom floor because of each and every one of your little bits and you should be really fucking proud of yourselves. I could not have dreamed up better readers than the ones I have.
Lastly, so I don’t leave you all in a crying jag, completely unable to face wrapping presents, let’s have a little chat about Josh Hohmann. We talked about him before in the Partners Rule, Mentors Drool post. He’s been a busy little beaver and I thought I’d give you a heads-up.
Twelve days from now the online business world is going to explode with not-so-subtle suggestion that if you don’t buy this product or that product, your business will fail and you will die hungry and alone. (Don’t worry, I’ll probably do this too.) But Josh, on the other hand, decided to give something away for — wait for it — FREE! Who knew? It’s called the Internet Marketing Report Card and you have to sign up for his (quiet and totally not pushy) newsletter to get it.
He’s taken a look at the stuff on offer out there and has reviewed it unbiasedly. It’s cool. I like it a lot. And I’m pretty sure he’s going to be updating it as new stuff comes out. He spends his money so you don’t have to and all that.
Anyway, go check out the Internet Marketing Report Card. (Yes, he says nice things about SEO School but y’all already have it so that’s not the reason I’m sending you there.
OK. That’s it. Now go email Charlie Gilkey and tell him to get that guest post done so you’ll have something to read around here. (I’m kidding. Don’t email him. He’s a very busy man. But you could go check out his sexy ass new header. Just sayin’.)
Wow, so I’m crying.
Great.
I’m so glad that woman and her child are going to be okay.
And to the couple who donated $1000 – *hug*. You rock. People like you give the rest of us hope in humanity :)
Welcome to the UK, Naomi & co. Come up to Scotland and visit us sometime!
Thanks for the funny / touching / bossy update. Much approvals and lauds on your hugely good deed, you deserve the big props, but it’s nice that you spread it around…
GREAT to hear you back in my reader again, it’s been too long.
Ack! I’ve been called out.
Okay, okay – I’ll go do it. The post has taken on a new life since we last talked, in a good way.
p.s. You still rock, my limey FMW. I’m wondering what you’re going to sound like with the “aboots”, “ehs,” and whatever lovely accent you pick up from the 15th century pub. Will it be posh or cockney?! Oh the suspense!
Naomi, I love your style. Very different from what I’m used to here in Wisconsin but I love it nonetheless…
So much change you’ve created lately, Naomi! I’m especially impressed, given I’m mostly avoiding/blocking opportunities for same. I wanna be like you when I grow up! (I’m prolly 25 years your senior.)
Never saw “The Holiday,” but I wonder whether you ever saw the episode of “The Avengers” set in a typically quaint English village named Little-Storping-in-the-Swuff? : http://theavengers.tv/forever/peel2-23.htm
Welcome to the UK! I think you are about 20 miles from where I live – now that’s what I call a small world ;) Sorry about the journey, though, that sounds like HELL!!! Look forward to reading more amazingness on your blog. All the best, and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Yay Naomi!!
I’ve been wondering how you were doing. Moving can be SO f**king hard! I’ve done it 25 times, and my guess is I have one last one while still of cognizant brain power, but saving it for the perfect house!
You are truly a special person! Anyone, who in the middle of moving, not across the country, nor the continent, but across the ocean, takes time out to reach out for someone else, is really something. I am so happy to “know you.”
Down a pint for me! (Actually, I hate beer, but the sentiment is there.)
Dana
I know Cheddington! I used to live in Tring which as mere hop, skip and a jump away!!
Welcome to the UK Naomi!
Dee
Thank fuck for that. I thought something had happened to you. I knew the book was meant to be launching – then you just disappeared. It didn’t occur to me that you might have just emigrated.
Welcome to England. Cheddington looks nice. I’m right up in the north, near Carlisle but I love London. You need to take the kids to the Natural History museum and the Science museum – they’re free to get in and there’s so much to see. And the London Eye is awesome.
Those people who donated a grand to help that woman are awesome. I hope Karma exists and they will be rewarded.
Good to hear from you again, Naomi. I was wondering if you were in the middle of moving or just taking the holiday off.
My wife and I made the journey from Nebraska to Switzerland for a vacation when our daughters were 22 months and 7 months, so I can sympathize with you. That was the longest flight of my life. Couldn’t get my 22 month old to sit still for the life of me. We walked in circles on the 747 for hours. Looking back, though, it’s now a fond memory of the trip.
I’m glad to hear the collection went well. I hope the money collected helps your friend with a new start.
Finally, I want to say your ebook launch book with Dave is awesome. I got it at the same time I bought OBS (which is also fantastic) and I’ve been working through it and the content is terrific. Thanks.
For those of us left behind, We miss you terribly, and have had a good weep over the fact that there will be no more fabulous lunches.
Keep Well Jamie, Naomi and Jack. Have the best Christmas ever.
I am listening to your interview on CareerRenegade.com as I am typing this comment. Really good interview…Good luck in your new place…Sounds like a fun place to live.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Joyce
http://www.videophonesguide.com
The Holiday is one of my favourite movies. I love that little house.
There was another gorgeous Irish house in “P.S. I love you” – drool-worthy :)
Actually, I’m sure you haven’t noticed but I have a thing for movies with beautiful houses – did you see “Something’s Gotta Give” – oh my WORD! Gorgeous!!!