So today, I thought it might make sense to talk about the very first thing I tried in my online commerce fiesta, and also the thing I’ve had the least success with: selling a physical product. Because it was my first large venture, I have a fair amount to say about it. But, because it hasn’t been a runaway hit, you may not care if I say it.

Meh. You might as well read this anyway, because otherwise you have to get back to work. Or maybe surf for porn. (If it’s the latter, go ahead. I’d make the same choice.)

So here’s what happened. Read More

Ten minutes ago as I write this, I was begging to spend $60 for a service that I didn’t really, on any normal level, need or want at all. It was a surreal demonstration of the power of urgency-based purchasing.

Wait.

Wait, before you start expecting me to write something all deep and shit.

Let me be honest. I’m sort of on vacation here. I hope you’re okay with this being a laid-back sort of post, with a laid-back sort of point to it. I’m going to tell a story, and it has a moral, but I’m going to kind of saunter up to it slowly while holding a beer. Hope you’re cool with that.

Let me explain. Read More

Editor’s note: This is the one where Johnny moves into the coaching and consulting module to see if I’m full of shit. It’s also the one where he appears to try magic mushrooms made of italics. He is high on the italics of life.

I would also like it noted that IttyBiz is pretty much the only place where you can hang out reading about dog-walkers with prostitute girlfriends and people in the esteemed profession of weasel whispering and call it “work”. Yes, we’re that cool.

This internet thing is pretty cool. You get some momentum in any of the traditional internet channels and soon there are all sorts of people finding you on Twitter and Facebook, offering you penis drugs regardless of whether you actually possess a penis. I NEVER AGAIN have to wonder where to find male enhancement devices, Ponzi schemes, or porn. This is why everyone should have a business online. You think you have porn inundating you now? Start building website traffic and just see the strange shit that finds you. Read More

I’m really beginning to understand that if you want to be good at marketing, you need to be good at understanding how people think. To successfully market is to understand your customer better than she knows herself. If you really think about it, a good marketer could also be a good psychiatrist — if the marketer were more touchy-feely, or if the psychiatrist knew more about fonts.

So without further ado, here are some of the key reasons, deep in the brain, why people buy.

1. People buy because they’re emotionally invested.
People don’t base significant buying decisions on logic. They buy based on emotion, and only then use logic to justify their emotional decisions. I can’t give Naomi credit for teaching me this one. I learned it from my mother, Marcia Hoeck, who knows this both because she’s been in marketing for most of her life and because she’s married to a man who likes boats. Read More

“Win-win” is one of those annoying buzzwords that you hear over and over and over again until you just get so mad that you want to punch Ashton Kutcher repeatedly in the face. But as I’m building these new little businesses of mine, I’m coming to realize why people say “win-win” so often.

It’s either because:

1. They understand how ridiculously powerful and important it is and want to use it to their advantage, or

2. They understand how ridiculously powerful and important it is, and so are pretending to use it while remaining selfish assholes.

Which sort of brings me to two points:

1. They never should have attempted to remake Psycho; I mean, what kind of stupid-ass idea was that? The person who had that idea and Ashton Kutcher should both be punched repeatedly in the face.

And, Read More