When I was a kid, starting around four or five, I used to occasionally dream that I lived in an animated bunny world. All of us bunnies lived happily together in a little utopian meadow. Nothing had a price, we just put all of our money into a pot.

Then whenever we wanted anything, we would go to this massive underground storehouse and it would just be there. (Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup featured heavily in the storehouse, by the way. It would appear that all bunnies share the same dietary preferences as myself, age four.)

We went to school and had jobs and stuff, we just didn’t have to deal with anything filthy like, you know, money. We all had matching outfits and spent a lot of time outdoors, working in the garden.

Years later, I told my brother about this recurring dream.

Julian: “You know that’s communism, right?”

Me: “Fuck you!”

Julian: “You’re talking about Chairman Mao in a bunny suit.”

Me: “Fuck you!”

Julian, yelling upstairs: “MOM, Naomi’s dreaming about cartoon communist bunnies again!”

This is why I love Ask IttyBiz. I get to be a marketing consultant but not charge money for it and then I get to fulfill my childhood dreams of communism. Everybody wins.

Let’s get to it.

I’ve been thinking today about one of my frustrations. As an ittybiz, I don’t have lots of money. All the stuff I read about running my business emphasizes the importance of good branding – having the right logo, tag line, website design, message, website copy, etc. I’m convinced, yet I don’t have the money to spend on all this stuff. Just like I don’t have thousands to spend on marketing, I don’t have thousands to spend on hiring someone to help me with my brand.

However, I have a little. Perhaps I have $100-$500. Is there someone out there like you helping people with this branding stuff?

I’m looking for answers to questions like:

I can’t afford $1,500 for a logo. Am I better off buying a cheap logo, or using none?

Is it more important for me to invest in a logo or in good website copy? Does it depend on what business I’m in?

What branding things can I do myself, and what should I pay money for?

I’ve been in business for a while, but I hate my business name. Everyone else seems to like it. Should I stick with it?

Help! My business name URL/Twitter handle/whatever isn’t available. What should I do?

Avonelle Lovhaug, Code Poetry

Here are my answers:

I can’t afford $1,500 for a logo. Am I better off buying a cheap logo, or using none?

None. Slap some marginally decent shit in your header and call it a day. That kind of branding is for Coke. You’re small enough to just go with Not Some Shit My 9 Year Old Could Do With Microsoft Paint. If you can’t afford professional, go extremely basic, just logotype. (That basically means no picture in the logo.)

Is it more important for me to invest in a logo or in good website copy? Does it depend on what business I’m in?

Website copy. The only time that is not the case is if you are in the business of making logos.

What branding things can I do myself, and what should I pay money for?

Pay for a professional and consistent web design. The emphasis here is definitely on consistent. With the plethora of premium themes available, this can be had for less than $100. If you really suck at writing, get some copy written, but that’s not usually vital in every case.

Also, make sure that whatever image elements you have in place are stable across the board. Better to have the same shitty logo on every thing they see than something different here, there and everywhere.

I’ve been in business for a while, but I hate my business name. Everyone else seems to like it. Should I stick with it?

Hate it like, embarrassed to say it out loud? Or just sick of it? If the former, change it. If the latter, think about how branded the name already is. If it’s very stuck in people’s memory then tough shit, you gotta keep it. Coke doesn’t just up and change over to Muhtar’s Tasty Fizz because Muhtar is bored.

If nobody knows or cares your business name because they just know you by your name, then by all means, cross the floor and change ‘er up. Also, do some poking around to find out if they like the existing name as in, they think you’d be retarded to change it, or if they like it as in, yeah, it’s pretty cool but they’re not quivering with joy.)

Help! My business name URL/Twitter handle/whatever isn’t available. What should I do?

Sadly, suck it up and find another one. Welcome to my life. You can add “the” or whatever to the URL, but it’s not great if you ever expect type-in traffic. Best to find something new. Hence the rash of web startups with made up words for names these days. Nothing decent under 10 characters to be had, so they’re just making shit up.