Somebody I know who has a highly cool blog and home business in-the-making emailed me with a totally heartbreaking question. They emailed in response to When Your Loved Ones Want You To Fail. I thought the question (and hopefully answer) would help you guys, and the sender graciously allowed me to use the question anonymously in Ask IttyBiz.

“In short: it’s not about my little blog, it’s about the home business. You wrote a post about it - how to deal with uncooperative “loved ones”. But it is SO hard. I need help from people, b/c it’s a new biz, but sometimes it feels like strangers are a lot more helpful than friends are. Some people, whom I considered as friends, tend to disappear as soon as I ask them for something, even though I would have helped them if they had asked me for help.

My business partner tells me not to take it personally. That a big part of starting any biz is to receive a lot of “no’s” from people whom you expected a “yes”. My spouse tells me not to take it personally. To just re-categorize these people as “acquaintances” and move on. But I DO take it personally. How do you deal with it? Do you just re-categorize and move on? Do you remove these people from your life? How do you avoid feeling disappointed and hurt?”

My woefully inadequate answer:

“Oh, you poor thing. That sucks. It sucks rocks. I have been there. (To a degree I’m still there but I’m making enough money that I can console myself somewhat.)

My story, if it helps at all, is this one. Both of my parents (long divorced and hate each other) have always known I’d do great. No problem there. Total and unlimited source of support. My husbands (I’m on number 2), not as much. Jamie’s great now but there were times in the beginning when he thought I was totally mental. My in-laws were BRUTAL. And my friends? Don’t even get me started. I had to fire my friends and get new ones.

Here’s my theory:

The world of human relationships operates on a pecking order principal. Like dogs in packs. Somebody’s on top, somebody’s next, and so on. Except we’re more complex than dogs, so we have dozens and hundreds and thousands of arenas in which we subconsciously compete.

(The media example is where one sister is the “pretty” one and the other is the “smart” one. When one of the sisters upsets the balance of who is pretty and who is smart, you’ve got a shit storm on your hands.)

Both of my husbands, and both of their sets of parents, have deep down operated with the mindset that the man makes the real money. Yes, the woman is expected to contribute financially, but the man is the real earner. The thing is, I have a skill that pays me three figures an hour in some cases. You just can’t make that kind of money where I live. It throws people off and people hate what they don’t know. It fucks them up.

The real truth of the matter is that the vast majority of the people on this planet are incredibly cynical. In your case (or my case, or the case of pretty much any IttyBiz owner) is that they very strongly think you will fail. They probably don’t WANT you to fail, but deep down, they think you will.

What does that do to them? It makes THEM look like an idiot if they “went along with it”. If they were involved in the process, they were involved in a FAILING process. That is bad for their ego, so they don’t bother.

The what-to-do-about-it part of the email:

If they’re really unhelpful, recategorize as acquaintances and never do them a favor again. If asked why, your answer is that you’re too busy with your business.

If they’re only mildly uncooperative, just don’t ask for help.

Especially when it comes to online biz, they don’t get it. They think of it as a slightly dirtier version of Amway.

As far as how I dealt with the hurt, frankly, I wasn’t hurt. I took the abject failure route through life, so everyone thought I was a complete fuck up. Dropped out of high school, married someone inappropriate, pregnant by 17. If I worked at McDonald’s people would have been impressed. It was no real surprise that they thought I’d fuck this up too. I just don’t talk to them about it any more. I’m also buying a Mercedes to shut them all up (no joke), but that’s just the revenge talking.

Get as much as you can out of your online peeps, and don’t discuss a damn word about your biz with offline peeps unless they ask. If they ask, your answer is, “It’s going great!” You may substitute “awesome” or “never better” if you wish.

Put in 20 hour days if you have to but do not put yourself in the position where you could get hurt any more than absolutely necessary. Sometimes it’s necessary. Most times it isn’t. It’s exhausting and scary and you’ll think you’ll never sleep again, but it’s worth it in the end.”

Do you guys have any advice?

If you’ve got any advice or commiseration to share, bring it on! If you don’t want to identify yourself, just go with “Anonymous” in the comments so you don’t have to publicly mention that your wife was a total bitch and wouldn’t help you with a damn thing.

By Naomi Dunford - May 20, 2008 in Ask IttyBiz - 49 Comments
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Dave Conrey and his mom Michele Morgan of The Right Color have this question.

“My mom and I are wrestling with an issue regarding her home business. I know that you have your startup package for a set price, but what do you tell people once they sign up if they decide to go further? She’s got a complicated price breakdown and I’m trying to simplify it a bit. Figured you might have some insight.”

Ahh, pricing. Strikes fear in the hearts of entrepreneurs and freelancers everywhere. In other parts of the internet, abortion, politics, and religion are controversial topics. With work-from-home blogs, the babykillers hug it out with Dubya, we don’t care. Just don’t talk price.

First of all, there are many out there who think I am the last person in the world who should be giving advice about pricing. Michael, Sonia, Mason, Susan, and many others have told me I’m an idiot for charging what I do. Lately, it’s turning out that they’re right, but there’s piss all I can do about it now, so we’ll move on to my ill-sought advice for Michele.

First off, a definition of terms. There are basically two ways to price:

Hourly: I charge an hourly rate. You give me that amount of money for every hour I work.

Package, or flat: We agree upon a price for a whack o’ services, regardless of how long it takes.

Now, disclosure.

I hate, hate, hate hourly pricing. I don’t mind paying it, I mind charging it. There is no moral issue at play here, I just completely hate the administrative and ethical questions it raises for every goddamn hour of my waking day. I do not work well in long chunks, and sometimes I just want to read a blog post when I should be writing copy and I don’t like figuring out how much of that hour was spent working and how much of it was spent slacking off on Twitter. I don’t like wondering if I’ll get into an argument with the client about how long it really took. I especially don’t like the possibility of screwing someone over, possibly billing for longer than I should have. All things considered, hourly sucks for me as an individual.

I love, love, love package pricing. With a package, everybody knows what they’re getting. In my mind, package pricing is the “benefit” of the feature vs. benefit equation. You tell the client exactly what they’re getting at the end of the day, and how much it’s going to cost them. I heart packages.

The thing with pricing is that there are so many aspects at play. Let’s discuss, shall we?

Psychology of Pricing

Virtually every target demographic is unique, and every individual within that demographic is uniquer. However, statistical trends are a factor. If your target demographic makes ten bucks an hour at the plant, telling them your hourly fee is $250 is really dumb. For many, this is tantamount to attacking their self-worth. (i.e. “Who the fuck are you to be charging $250 an hour?!?! Do you think you’re better than me?”) Keep in mind, these people balk at their heart surgeon’s hourly wage, and you’re not exactly their heart surgeon, are you?

If you told the same person that your package is $500 and they’re happy with what comes out of that, you’re under no obligation to beat them over the face with the fact that it only took you two hours to do.

On the other hand, sometimes it works the other way. Michael Martine charges $120 an hour for blog consulting, and his smallest package is $652. I am currently feeling pretty broke, and I’d have a hard time explaining $652 to my husband. $120, however, we’d all be very happy with. I understand that his time is worth no more or less with either package, but I feel better buying hourly.

Practicality of Pricing

In certain cases, you have to be aware of what people have at their disposal right now. Securing a sale, and therefore the potential for loyalty, is often worth a lower rate. Some people just can’t pay for the full package. My hourly rate is $75, which I knock down a bit for the 2-hour IttyBitty package ($129). I have had people come to me and tell me they will happily pay $75 twice and lose money, simply because they only have $80 free on their Visa.

If that customer didn’t know I had an hourly rate, they might have said, “Oh well. I can’t afford it right now. I’ll come back when I can.” They might do this or they might not, but I’d be pissed if a week from now they discovered someone else who DID post an hourly rate and went with them instead.

Simplicity of Pricing

While there are psychological factors at play for the customer, there are similar factors for the service provider. There is a lot of benefit that comes from simplified billing, especially for people who hate numbers. Like, uh, me.

In my case, for example, my family can live quite happily on $3000/month. I offer a $1000 package. (No, it’s not listed on my services page, and that is a conscious choice.) I will technically lose money on this package, but I liked it for the simplicity factor. When I actively offered this package, I liked knowing that I could sell three of these babies and be good for the month. My invoice ends up reading, “Marketing: $1000”, and that’s it. I will gleefully take a pay cut if I can also take an administrivia cut as well.

Fairness of Pricing

A common argument is that one or the other method of pricing isn’t fair. Both sides raise good points, and it really does depend on your definition of fairness and your level of empathy.

If you charge by the hour, and bill 10 hours, the customer might feel like you should’ve had it done in 5. Assuming they’re not a jackass, they’ll pay it, but it’ll leave a sour taste in their mouth. Sour taste does not equal repeat business. At the same time, I’ve undercharged on every hourly gig I’ve ever done, because I want to make sure clients know I’m being fair and not gouging. This is an incredibly fast and easy way to go broke,

If you charge a flat rate, thinking it will take 5 hours and it takes 10, many people think that’s unfair for the service provider. I think it’s unfortunate, but I wouldn’t call it unfair.

If you think of a package price in terms of hours, somebody is always going to get screwed over, but frankly, it doesn’t really matter that much. Yes, with much thinking and deliberating, you can get your estimate to really, really close, but it’s very difficult to do.

Bottom line for Michele

I don’t know a lot about Michele’s business model, but here’s my thought. Give a few package options, and also give the option of an hourly rate. It’s probably the easiest way to go.

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By Naomi Dunford - Feb 21, 2008 in Ask IttyBiz - 47 Comments
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Over the last week, three people have called the IttyBiz helpline — well, they emailed, but that doesn’t sound nearly as cool — asking how to increase the comments on their home business blogs. Since I have been blessed with the loudest and most prolific readers on the internet, I thought I’d take a stab at it.

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Before you can get more commentors, you need to understand why people comment. Commentors can be split into three groups. Each of these groups has two subsets. Hence the title. Get it?

The Emoter:

The Emoter comments because you provoked an emotional reaction in him, and he wants to share it. You made him spit his gin out laughing or you made his eyes get misty. You shocked him. You scared him. You surprised him. Maybe he thought, “Holy shit, that’s GENIUS!” Basically you got him out of his drone-like existence for long enough to feel genuine human emotion and he feels the need to say something about it.

The Selfless Emoter makes a comment because he wants you to know that your mission was achieved. Except in the most tragic of cases, a piece is funny because the writer wanted it to be funny, and it’s nice to hear you made someone laugh.

The Self-Centered Emoter wants to get something off his chest. This has nothing to do with you. Maybe your piece reminded him of their long deceased hamster Stinkie and he needs an outlet, or maybe he just wants his friends to know he’s smart enough to get the joke. These people are the ones who will corral you at the bus stop while you’re standing in the cold, cold rain waiting for a bus that’s already late and whip out all 28 plastic-coated, waterproof pictures of their long deceased hamster Stinkie because they assume you must be just as riveted by the rodent in question as they are. OK, maybe that one touched a nerve.

The Dissenter:

The Dissenter comments because he doesn’t agree. These can be large scale disagreements or they can be “You spelled Tim Ferriss’ name wrong”. Either way, he’s coming to say you’re wrong.

The Genuine Dissenter is doing it to either contribute to the conversation or to alert you to a mistake that might make you look like an ass. When a loyal reader lets you know you have a typo in your headline or accidentally posted a picture of your cat’s most recent hairball in place of a shot of Barack Obama, he’s not being mean, he’s trying to do you a favor. When these people disagree in the spirit of healthy discussion, it’s often because you asked for feedback or because they think that a nice, friendly debate makes everybody come out smarter at the end.

The Asshole Dissenter is commenting to either make himself look good or you look dumb. He’s disagreeing because it makes him feel cooler or smarter than you, or because he’s defending himself against a real or perceived attack. This type of commentor can often be found ripping apart what you said and referring to you as “my friend” somewhere in the comment text.

The Starfucker

The Starfucker comments because he thinks that in some way or another, you are superior to him. He is treating you like a mini-celebrity. He almost always says something nice, although it’s often tremendously bland and contributes nothing real to the conversation. There’s nothing wrong with that — it’s lovely for the ego — but when this commentor writes, “Amazing article, blah blah blah, I’ll definitely try to incorporate this into my own [blog, business, sex life]” you probably have a Starfucker on your hands.

The Worshipping Starfucker comments because he really, really likes you. He has probably read your archives back to your first entry. He loves everything you’ve ever read. He always thinks you’re right — sometimes because you really are, and sometimes just because you’re the one who wrote the piece. You can find these people by writing a completely asinine post and seeing who says nice things about it anyway.

The Upwardly Mobile Starfucker wants a piece of you. He wants you to notice him or he wants a piece of your traffic or he wants his name seen on high-traffic blogs. He might want other people to think you and he are friends. He is just as likely to disagree as agree, as he’s noticed that when he disagrees, some bloggers will comment back and address him by name. He feels that’s one more way of getting on your radar. He is also likely to be a big, fat bragger — he’ll find a way to weave in the name of his blog or a marginally relevant story of his own blog or business into the comment.

BONUS: Then there are your friends. That’s just what they are — friends — and they defy classification.

This is probably where I should add an open-ended question to encourage reader participation, but can we just pretend I did and you can insert your own?

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By Naomi Dunford - Jan 16, 2008 in Ask IttyBiz - 85 Comments
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Kate, who I adore for reasons that extend beyond her enthusiasm that borders on the offensive, has a question.

“I currently work in IT Project Management (oh, the excitement! Ahem…) and I may soon have an opportunity to move into corporate communications. WOOHOO! This gets a WOOHOO because I really wanted to go into marketing but thought I wasn’t cool enough to major in it. (I know, I roll my eyes at me, too.)

Since I saw you used to work in Mega Company corporate communications, I thought maybe you could give me some inside scoop on what the job really is. This would be the communications department for the IT department that reports to the corporate communications folks.

Basically, would I be bored out of my mind? I don’t want to jump from comfy and boring to strange, new, and boring! Plus, I want to eventually run the whole shebang — or learn enough to start my own home business shebang. How could a job like this fit into the bigger picture, if at all? Although, if they offer me crazy money OF COURSE I will take it!”

Dearest, most wonderful Kate,

Corporate communications is a fancy phrase for politics. You get paid to attend meetings and write stuff that will never be seen because other people will rip it apart by committee. You will generally get business cards that have your actual name printed on them, not a little line where you’re supposed to write your name in with a pen. In my experience, and the experience of others I know, a move to corporate communications is almost always associated with a substantial increase in pay.

Marketing and corporate communications, while different animals entirely, are based on the same premise. You have to say something in a way that people — maybe customers, maybe colleagues, maybe higher-ups, maybe subordinates — will understand it well enough to do something as a result. Sometimes that “something” is getting people to buy your crap, sometimes that “something” is getting customer service representatives to remember how to say “hello” without fucking it up. (Secret: Every time I try to type the word “result” I accidentally type “reslut” instead. The Freudian implications of this are, well, Freudian.)

If you want to run the whole shebang, it is definitely a good career move. The people who are in charge of deciding whether or not to give you the shebang-running responsibilities tend to like both demonstrated communications skills and promotions. If you want to run your own shebang, it will, at the very worst, be a neutral career move. And if they offer you crazy stupid money then you should take it regardless. (No. I am not saying that people should take jobs just based on crazy stupid money. I’m saying people should take jobs THEY WOULD ENJOY AND WERE STRONGLY CONSIDERING TAKING ANYWAY based on crazy stupid money.)

Will you get bored? Yes. Corporate communications is not a good place for creative people to spend any great amount of time.

If you are offered and accept this position, your first order of business is to find a way to be running either the aforementioned shebang or your own shop before you burn out. Communications department burnout is ugly.

I have two pieces of advice for people who want to work in communications. One, you have to stop viewing writing as an art and start viewing it as a product. When people don’t like what you write, and they won’t, you’ll need something with which you can console yourself. Knowing that they don’t like your product is a lot easier on the ego than knowing they don’t like your art.

Second, invest in a membership to a gym that has a boxing ring. The people you work with will occasionally make you so angry you will want to kill yourself.

Got questions? Ask away! Want to make fun of other people’s questions in the comments? Subscribe here.

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By Naomi Dunford - Jan 5, 2008 in Ask IttyBiz - 10 Comments
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