There was a time when I didn’t defend Barney. There was a time when I didn’t know the names and educational histories of the hosts of Blue’s Clues. And there was a time when I had no plans to buy a Tickle Me Elmo.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Elmo’s gone big time, and the nice people at Sesame Street released the TMX Tickle Me Elmo to much fanfare. It’s the 10th anniversary edition of the world’s most annoying toy. It’s been discontinued by the manufacturer, so God knows what these bad boys are going to go for on eBay.

Bottom line, you know damn well some horrible toddler on your gift list would appreciate it. Either that or your brother’s wife just had a baby and you want to get back at him for years of torture. Whatever. The Elmo folks donate a bunch of their cash to the Sesame Foundation, supporting the education of children at home and around the world.

Whatever side of the Elmo fence you’re on, you may as well buy it here instead of Walmart. At least this way you can drink and curse while you do it.

Not into Elmo? Don’t know any toddlers? Check out Sesame Street - Old School on DVD. It’s over 400 minutes of classic Sesame Street from back when you were a kid. Before PC. Before “Cookies are a sometimes snack.” This was back when Sesame Street was raw and uncensored. People, it comes with a warning label letting you know it’s not suitable for children. I’m not kidding. Buy it for that, if nothing else.

This post is part of IttyBiz’s charity drive for the charity that shall remain nameless. The proceeds IttyBiz receives from you buying this item (or any other item Amazon sells, if you use the link provided) go to a Very Good Cause. Not loving Sesame Street? Try a book instead.

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By Naomi Dunford - Dec 4, 2007 in Charity - 16 Comments
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I’m sleepy and this really requires no introduction. Anything involving half-naked firemen had me at “hello”. Turns out, if a firefighter dies while working, the insurance benefits get slashed and the widow and kids get piss all. Isn’t that nice? The half-naked and very charitable members of Hillsborough County Fire Rescue got down and dirty and gave us this block-rockin’ calendar.

This post is part of IttyBiz’s charity drive for the charity that shall remain nameless. The proceeds IttyBiz receives from you buying this item (or any other item Amazon sells, if you use the link provided) go to a Very Good Cause. Not eager to put this show-stopper under the tree for your wife? Try Perfection In A Bag instead.

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By Naomi Dunford - Dec 3, 2007 in Charity - 5 Comments
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There comes a time in everyone’s life when they realize they don’t need more junk they don’t like and didn’t choose cluttering up their house. They can afford to buy their own crap, thank you very much. (This stage lasts one year. Then you move into a bigger place and get more crap, and the cycle continues.)

These people do not want your candles, your bath salts, your figurines. They want consumables – things they do not have to clean, store, or look at. For these people, I suggest something from The Women’s Bean Project. This is a highly funky charity that gives jobs and work experience to chicks in need. Very cool.

The product I’m featuring here is the Lovingly Handmade Two Soups and Two Spice Rubs Bundle. Seriously, that’s it’s name. I could have featured the Lovingly Handmade Chili Lover’s Gourmet Food Bundle or the Lovingly Handmade Three Bean Dip Bundle, but I have a juvenile sense of humor and I think the word “rub” is funny.

Here’s the cool thing about these presents – they seem to be at least reasonably non-perishable and they’re at a totally acceptable price point. This means you can buy five of them and have them on hand for those times when your guest – for whom you bought nothing – hands you a gift and you say, “Oh. Shit. We were doing presents?” Not that I’ve done that or anything. Also handy for teachers who will likely fail your kid if they’re presented with yet another “World’s Best Teacher” mug.

(Also, they have a Cindy’s Sinfully Chocolate Brownie Mix if you’re cheap or you’re looking for stocking stuffers.)

If you can’t buy this because the friendly neighborhood raccoon eats your mail, consider one of the previous prezzies. Click here for Perfection in a Bag, or here for a present for bookish types. Completely raccoon safe. Unless you have freaks for raccoons, in which case you should probably just get off your ass and go to the mall.

This post is part of IttyBiz’s charity drive for the charity that shall remain nameless. The proceeds IttyBiz receives from you buying this item (or any other item Amazon sells, if you use the link provided) go to a Very Good Cause. Even if you hate bean dip, click on it anyway and buy something else with no beans involved.

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By Naomi Dunford - Dec 3, 2007 in Charity - No Comments
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Despite soul-crushing delays, I give you the next gift link in IttyBiz’s charity drive. Don’t know what I’m talking about? The proceeds IttyBiz receives from you buying this item (or any other item you buy, if you use the link provided) go to a charity that shall remain nameless. Want to know why it remains nameless? Click here.

Anyway. You know the person. You ask them what they want for Christmas and they say “books.” What kind of books, you ask? “You know, books.”

You don’t know what to get them because everyone likes different books and they might like trashy romance while you like Westerns. (You don’t like Westerns, do you?)

Anyway, back to shopping. Bill Clinton’s latest book, Giving: How Each Of Us Can Change The World, is cool and blessedly short compared to his autobiographical tome. It’s pretty trendy and it’s just as appropriate for your father-in-law as it is for the office Secret Santa. Plus it’s a book, so it’s pretty cheap. (I realize that by writing this I’ve kind of blown my chances of giving it to my own father-in-law. Sorry, Dave.) Bill’s giving a whole bunch of his proceeds to the charities he talks about in the book. I dig changing the world. You should too.

If nobody on your gift list knows how to read, or if everyone you know is a Republican, you can click here to check out the last gift idea. Far sexier, and no reading involved.

Click here to get hand-picked, charity-friendly book updates every day from now until Christmas. This will both increase my subscriber base and give you the opportunity to act pretentious at Christmas parties. It’s win-win.

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By Naomi Dunford - Dec 1, 2007 in Charity - 1 Comment
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As promised, here’s the first product link for the IttyBiz charity drive. Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about? Click here. Remember, even if you don’t buy this product, anything you buy through Amazon from this link helps the cause. Click the bag, buy a banana hanger, doesn’t matter.

Anyway, about this item. The awesomeness of this bag cannot be overstated. The title of this post is taken verbatim from one of the many, many five star ratings on this product.

Here’s the deal. You buy a bag that looks highly funky. The World Food Programme feeds a kid for a year. A YEAR! This is a perfect gift for the conscious person – whether they’re fashion conscious or socially conscious, it doesn’t matter.

(Oh, and yes, I’m well aware that the celebrity spokesperson for this product is Lauren Bush. I know it’s hard, but try to get past it. Don’t take it out on the kids.)

Want to subscribe for more save-the-world-by-shopping goodness? Click here. Every day till Christmas, people. At some point, you’re going to have to shop. You may as well do it here.

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By Naomi Dunford - Nov 28, 2007 in Charity - 3 Comments
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We are the shoppers, and we’ve had enough.

This season, our dollars will make a difference.

We’ve had enough of hearing that your cologne will make her have sex with us, when someone dies of AIDS-related illness every 12 seconds.

We’ve had enough of watching you spend millions of dollars to persuade us that your lip gloss will make us more beautiful, while millions of people in this country eat less than one meal a day.

We’ve had enough of feeling the environment collapse while you cover your useless and disposable products with 7 layers of non-biodegradable packaging.

We’ve had enough of listening to you try to convince our children that the holiday season is about who got the best officially-licensed gifts.

This season, we will teach our children to think about what really matters.

This season, we will do our part to keep John Lennon’s dream of peace alive.

This season, we will help people across the world to Livestrong, warming our hearts at the same time as our bodies.

This season, we will clean our souls as well as our hair.

What You Can Do

When IttyBiz made the front page of Digg, we had been using Amazon advertising for about 6 weeks. On the day we made the front page, we received 23,000 visitors and received 5 times the Amazon income on that single day than we had in the six previous weeks. This was without asking anybody to do a thing.

We’re going to try and replicate that success, and we’d like to do it for charity.

Here’s what you can do:

From now until Christmas, IttyBiz will be donating all of our proceeds to charity. (For information on why we are not mentioning our charity of choice by name, please click here.) If you click on any of IttyBiz’s links to Amazon products, or on the link at the bottom of this post that leads to the Amazon homepage, money from anything you buy will help those in need. Even if you click on the link for the Berenstein Bears book for your nephew and end up buying a blender for your mom, a portion of every single sale goes to a good cause.

The best part? The cost of your item will not change. Your $20 item still costs $20 - but now a portion of that money will go to help those in need.

You were probably going to buy something that they sell anyway - you may as well do it through the link and have a decent portion of the cost go to a great cause.

Each day, in addition to our regular posts, we’ll highlight a new gift item that gives an acceptable portion of it’s proceeds to charity. Click here to subscribe for updates. If you don’t use a feed reader, you can have updates emailed to you by scrolling to the top of this page and inputting your email address. I’ll never see your address - it’s fully automated - so I promise I won’t spam you. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Which I don’t, because I’m sure you’re very nice.

Here’s the main link you can use to get to the Amazon homepage. Please bookmark it for your future purchases.

Amazon’s Home Page - Do your shopping here.

If you are a member of any social networking or home business groups and you liked this post, it would mean a lot to us if you could vote for it. We might be able to make a really big difference this season, and we’d love it if you would join us. Please, let your friends know. So many people buy from Amazon every single day. Your costs won’t change, and you can be a part of something great.

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By Naomi Dunford - Nov 26, 2007 in Charity - 30 Comments
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