When my husband was young — like young enough for his parents to still buy his clothes for him — he didn’t have a lot of interest in fashion. Most 12-year-old boys don’t.

His mother, because she was a nice mother who thought children should have input in these things, used to ask him what he wanted. My husband, like most boys his age, didn’t know. She asked what he liked. He didn’t know. She asked what other boys his age wore. He didn’t know.

She, quite sensibly, suggested that since he saw these boys at school FIVE DAYS OUT OF SEVEN, that maybe he should have at least a clue what other kids are wearing. My husband, never the most observant when it comes to things like this, confessed that he did not.

One day, though, he knew. There was a new fashion, and he wanted in on it. He wanted a buzz cut. Continue Reading …

By Naomi Dunford - Jul 31, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 19 Comments
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Yesterday, I got a Google alert for my name. It came from a website I have heard of, but not really visited. The website has a subscriber base of about one quarter of what IttyBiz has, give or take, and doesn’t have a bad design. Definitely in my niche.

I dutifully followed the link and saw an article with my name on the byline and my photograph in the top left corner. Here’s what it said, with identifying details removed:

“This week’s [name of series] is a special contribution that [website] Founder [name of dude I’ve never heard of, hereinafter shortened to DINHO] lined up from Naomi Dunford. Naomi Dunford writes for IttyBiz, a blog for entrepreneurs, freelancers, and other work-from-home types. Come by for marketing tips, small business advice, and the occasional very bad joke. Naomi shares with use [use?] her top ways to get a new business off the ground.”

Um, WTF? Continue Reading …

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 24, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 39 Comments
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In Which Jamie Welcomes the Lurkers, and Lays the Smacketh Downeth in a Nice Way

OK, first things first. Naomi had a post a few days ago, and we saw the lurkers (and I use this term nicely, it is not meant to be derogatory) come out of the woodwork. Sometimes we get so used to seeing the same names on the comments on different posts that we forget that there are other people reading these posts whom we have never met. While it is always awesome to see our regular commentators show up and put in their two cents, it was especially awesome to see so many new names in the comment section.

So lurkers: this part is for you. We want to encourage everyone to feel like they can take part in the discussion that is IttyBiz, so take this as your official welcome to the party. Please, please, please use the comment section on this post if you have any comments or suggestions on what we can do to make it easier for first-timers to feel comfortable enough to take part.

Secondly, it was previously suggested that the time may have come for us to set up some comment rules. Since unruly behaviour tends to upset my wife and therefore ruins my day, I agreed to take on this task. Please pay attention, I don’t want to have to come find you. If you haven’t already read How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off On-line, perhaps that is the best place to start.

The rules are pretty simple.

Please treat the IttyBiz blog the way you would treat a party to which you are invited and know some but not all of the guests.

If you come to the party only to hand out your business card to everyone in attendance and then promptly leave, you will not be invited back.

If you continually and pointlessly talk smack about the host(ess) or their guests, you will not be invited back.

If you are a bigot, racist, homophobe, or goat-lover at our party, you will not be invited back.

If you are any of these things in the privacy of your own home, that’s your business.

If you contribute to the discussion at the party, you will always have a standing invitation to our party.

If you are the person who always brings more alcohol than is strictly necessary, you will always have a standing invitation to our party.

If you can voice a dissenting opinion in a thoughtful way, you will always have a standing invitation to our party.

If you treat others with respect and kindness, even when offering a criticism, you will always have a standing invitation to our party.

Perhaps most importantly, it’s our little home business party. We are the sole arbiters of who is invited and who is not. (Case in point, we have decided that two people can be sole arbiters, and there’s nothing wrong with that.) Most transgressions will likely get a warning first, but if we’re really pissed off then maybe not.

Welcome, and please enjoy the party.

Image credit : Givepeasachance

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By Jamie Dunford - May 11, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 37 Comments
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First off, thank you everyone for stopping by with your thoughts on yesterday’s No Asshole Rule post. Big supersized lilac colored thank yous to the lurkers — commenting here is not for the faint of heart, and I’m grateful. Hi, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.

Jamie is off thinking of a comment policy that is suitably funny and appropriately vulgar for this little home business blog — we might end up using something from How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off Online — and I am thinking. I don’t have a lot of time to think lately, so sorry about that. It tends to get ugly because I’m so out of practice.

I read a comment by Milena Thomas of Quiet The Thunder, and she points to a link on her blog about comment rage. I was not a reader of hers before but I sure as hell am now. I’m not even going to bother to try and express what she expressed because I’d be useless at it, so just read it yourself when you have some time.

Reading her post made me realize that I am angry with this commentator because they have what I want. They have the time to sit around and read blogs like the kind I want to read and participate in the conversation and subscribe to comments and do all the things I want to be doing.

I’m angry because I’ve finally achieved what I thought was home business success and I’m still stressed as shit. I’m angry because, compared to my old life, I have more money than I know what to do with but I don’t have the time to read the books I can finally afford to buy.

I’m pissed off because there are over 300 unread posts in my reader — and believe me, I do NOT subscribe to a lot of blogs — and I can’t even envision a time when I’ll be able to get through them. Not because I have to — I know I could just click “Mark All Read” and be done with it — but because I want to and it feels like I can’t.

And I’m angry because I feel like this person is taking the privilege of time, the privilege I’m so desperate for, and dithering it away. This person has a special, beautiful, glorious gift of time and they’re using it stupidly. (Kind of like when you have a crush on a girl and her boyfriend treats her like shit. You want to punch him in the face because he’s squandering something wonderful.)

Anyway, I realized that I’m the one being the asshole. I’m directing the anger I feel about my own situation at this commentator, which is stupid and asshole-like behavior and frankly, a waste of my time and my energy and my life.

Thank you for your input and your advice and your wisdom and your laughs. And, when dealing with all of the overwhelm that has recently taken over my life, thank the Lord for the blog that is making my life better every day. If you are not reading Dave Navarro, you are an idiot. (Dave, you are free to put that on any testimonial page ever, for the rest of your life, and thank you for everything.)

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By Naomi Dunford - May 10, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 24 Comments
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Hey, y’all. IttyBiz need your help.

There is a commentator who comes to this blog a couple of times a week seemingly just to be an asshole. This individual stops by every now and again ostensibly joining the community but only has one topic to discuss: why I am dumb and they are not dumb. It seems like everything I do inspires this individual to tell me how retarded I am. If they cannot find anything to act superior about they generally remain silent.

I have seen this person on other blogs doing the same thing. I was on the phone with a particularly prominent blog consultant a while back and he told me that the pain in the ass factor of this individual made him not want to leave comments on my blog anymore. Nobody wants to come just to be argued with.

I read a book one time — shocker — something pathetic like Chicken Soup for the Soul, version 143. There was a story about a grandma who had a rule.

Let nothing pass your lips that is not true, kind, and necessary.

Now, if I only ever said things that were true, kind, and necessary I would be out of a job. But I try to follow at least two of them at any given time.

This commentator tends to err on the side of truth with a fairly casual disregard for kindness and necessity.

Here’s the thing. I don’t mind general assholes. Remember Tomato Guy? He follows me on Twitter and stops by every now and again to let me know how much he hates me, which is cool. I’m down with that. He doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a hater and I respect him for his honesty.

But this commentator is pretending to be a part of the home business community here and on other blogs and it’s really fucking pissing me off.

So I want your thoughts on what I should do. I’ve thought of a few options:

1. Email the commentator politely but firmly. Something along the lines of “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

2. Email the commentator with “Get out of my fucking shop”.

3. Call the commentator out on the blog and we can all beat them up. (Did you see what happened to Oscar?)

4. Delete the comments on an ad hoc basis.

5. Do nothing.

As you can tell from the content of this website I don’t dig censorship, but I also don’t want readers making other readers uncomfortable. It’s my party and I don’t want everybody to leave.

So what’s your vote? I would especially like to hear from you lurkers who don’t normally comment. What do you think?

***

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By Naomi Dunford - May 9, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 70 Comments
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There are no words to explain how Not Safe For Work (NSFW) the following video is. It is not safe for kids, it is not safe for church, it is just generally unsafe.

I present my esteemed professional colleagues having a friendly chat at our favorite blogging conference.

Must See SOBCon08 Video.

(The handsome man on the left is one of my clients, Clay Collins, who writes a pretty darn cool blog about meaningful productivity and anti-hacks. (I have to say it’s cool because I do his PR.) The beautiful young lady on the right is Sonia Simone of Remarkable Communications, the only blog in the world that will make you well and truly believe that marketing people aren’t all shysters. And the final gentleman in the picture is Michael Martine of Remarkablogger who needs no description.)

You: But Naomi, I thought you weren’t at SOBCon!

Me: Funny, that. Watch the damn video.

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By Naomi Dunford - May 7, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 18 Comments
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IttyBiz has been awful busy lately, and I figured I’d give y’all an update on what’s going down at the home business HQ.

IttyBiz and Brazen Careerist Get Together To Make Sweet, Sweet Love

Brazen Careerist is:

“We’re an online career center aimed at Generation Y — young professionals who want to design and define their careers using the new rules for success.

“The Brazen Careerist network is made up of a vibrant, curious and ambitious group of career-minded bloggers, passionately covering a variety of fields: personal development, entrepreneurship, public relations, technology, marketing, and politics, each blog offers a unique, informed perspective to our ever-expanding audience.”

They’ve included me in that network of bloggers, which is damn nice of them, wouldn’t you say?

IttyBiz and Alltop Get Together To Make Equally Sweet, Sweet Love

Moving on to the lovely folks at Alltop:

Guy Kawasaki, general internet dude extraordinaire, created Alltop as a place to go to get all the top stuff in one place. You dig Mommy blogs? Daddy blogs? Humor? Religion? Wine? Books? Social media? It’s all there, all on one page.

“We import the stories of the top news websites and blogs for any given topic and display the headlines of the five most recent stories.”

The cool kids are saying that Alltop will help non-RSS people start reading blogs regularly. This is, shall we say, highly cool.

Anyway, they say I’m good enough to hang out with Entrepreneur Magazine, Fast Company, Seth’s Blog, and Copyblogger, among other cool people and websites in the Small Biz category. Yay!

I Never Said It Was A Meme

UPDATE: It has come to my attention that what follows is even snarkier than my usual fare. This is what happens when I try to be funny. Sorry if it sounds bitchy. I’m just playing, y’all.

Certain readers of this blog have accused me of starting a meme with the What’s Your Small Business? post. I would like a chance to defend myself against such a grievous and public attack.

(For the uninitiated: A meme is when a blogger creates a post with the intention that it goes Viral Lite and gets them incoming links. They pose a question or challenge, and generally tag several people to answer it on their blog, linking back to the original post. A popular meme that goes around a lot tells the reader to grab the nearest book, open it to a predetermined page and post a predetermined sentence or word from that book.)

Memes, while allegedly fun, don’t help your business. What’s Your Small Business? does. Therein lies the subtle but important difference.

Contribute! Participate! It’s fun. It opens the conversation with your homeboys. It might get you business. It will get you a PR 4 link from IttyBiz, not that you’re so shallow to care about that sort of thing.

You don’t have to link back to me, although it’s nice when you do. In fact, you don’t even need to participate.

You can die in obscurity for all I care.

Anyway, that’s all folks. I’m going to go do weekend things with my family. (By weekend things I mean tie Jack to a keyboard and whip him until he comes out with legible web copy.)

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By Naomi Dunford - Apr 24, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 57 Comments
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It has come to my attention that many home business bloggers are discussing their comment policies. Specifically, they want to know which comments they should delete. (Jonathan Fields at Awake at the Wheel discussed this recently, and very well.)

I’ve previously heard people say, both in business and in blogging, that they will accept criticism as long as it’s constructive. Personally, I don’t have a whole lot of time for constructive criticism because I don’t have a lot of time for criticism in general. But if you have to criticize, I guess it may as well be constructive.

What I notice, though, is that what gets packaged as constructive criticism tends to be a thinly veiled form of assbaggery. Someone says something is constructive and then they proceed to be a total prick for no good reason. (You get this when you go into freelancing a lot.) Kind of like prefacing something with “With all due respect.” Cause what they’re about to say is just SO respectful, I’m sure.

Therefore, since there seems to be so much doubt in the world about what is and what is not constructive criticism, I have decided to make public the ultimate guide.

First, a definition of terms:

Criticism: the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

Constructive: Serving to improve or advance; helpful.

1. You are a fatty.

This is an example of criticism. The writer is finding fault with their target’s weight. There is no suggestion, advice, or offer of help. Plain old criticism at its grammatically dubious finest.

2. You should eat some celery.

This is an example of a statement intended to improve, advance, or be helpful, and is therefore categorized as constructive. Taken verbatim, however, there is no direct criticism here. This is just constructive.

3. You are a fatty. You should put the McFatty Burger down and eat some celery.

This is constructive criticism at its best. There is the criticism, along with some helpful and well-meaning advice. Obviously, since we are all good businesspeople, we should leave this in our comments section as an example of our ability to receive constructive criticism well.

NOTE: There is some concern within constructive criticism analysis circles about relevance and accuracy. Some suggest that a true and relevant statement, even when said critically, is not inherently criticism and should therefore be treated as a simple and neutral statement of fact.

For example, somebody could write in my comments, “You are rude and disrespectful.” This would be both true and relevant, leading many experts to debate it.

At the same time, they could say “You have no tits and you look like a man.” While this is also true, it is not relevant and therefore it sparks additional — and equally heated — debate.

Click here to subscribe to IttyBiz. “Hire IttyBiz so you don’t have to live off ramen for the rest of your fucking life.” (Today’s stupid tagline brought to you by Sonia Simone.)

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By Naomi Dunford - Apr 9, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 44 Comments
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I get a lot of shit for being so sarcastic on my little home business blog, and I happily take it. If I wasn’t sarcastic I wouldn’t have very much to say at all, so for me it works out to being either sarcastic or blogless. Blogless means businessless — I get about 95% of my business because of my blog — so I choose the former.

But what happens when people don’t get the joke?

I didn’t post an April Fools’ post on my blog — well, I posted on the first of April, but it wasn’t a joke — because I’m not into it. A lot of people are, though, and the blogosphere was abuzz.

Deb Ng Quits Freelance Writing Gigs

Darren Rowse Launches PayPerTweet

Tim Ferriss Quit Blogging A Year Ago (Thanks, Hunter, for this one.)

While some readers, especially North American ones who are familiar with April First shenanigans or those who have been in the blogging world for more than a year and were prepared for some craziness, thought these things were funny, “touché” or “well-played”, some didn’t. In fact, a lot didn’t.

Why didn’t it work? Why did people not get the joke? Why are people threatening to unsubscribe left and right? Three reasons.

1. These people are not known for being funny.

Maybe they are funny — I read a few of the blogs that ran April Fools’ jokes, and they can be funny folks — but they’re not known for it. Dooce is known for being funny. David Sedaris. Many of the lesser known mommy bloggers. But not these three.

Many of the readers of these blogs were not expecting a joke, and April Fools’ jokes are traditionally known for being practical jokes. Practical jokes are often not funny. They’re something one person does to make someone else look or feel stupid. They are an expression of superiority, or one-up-man-ship, of derision. And when you’re not the type of person who does this thing normally, people feel like they got screwed over.

On this blog, I make a regular habit of talking smack about everyone I can find. People come here and expect a certain level of snarkiness. Other than those who are very, very new (Hi, new people!) nobody’s surprised when I talk a little shit.

Tim, Deb, and Darren are known for offering fairly serious advice, and people felt betrayed. They are trusted resources, and it didn’t cross many people’s minds that their trusted resources were kidding.

2. A lot of people don’t like April Fools’ Day.

I, for one, like comedy movies. I like to laugh. But I don’t remember the last time I went to the theatre to see a comedy because I don’t like the comedy that’s on offer. I don’t like the Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn/ Ice Cube/ Wayans brothers style of comedy. Not inherently bad, just not for me.

Many people feel the same way about April Fools’ Day, or about physical comedy, or about practical jokes in general. Some people don’t like the Saran-Wrap-On-The-Toilet thing. Birds of a feather flock together, and when people realize you’re not like them, sometimes they leave. Sometimes they don’t, and I’m the last one to tell people to change who they are just to keep a few dozen blog subscribers, but it’s worth noting.

3. A lot of people aren’t North American/British/Australian.

While I’m not an expert on the culture in Tanzania or Serbia or Mauritius, I have a feeling that the citizens of these countries don’t hold April Fools’ Day in the same high regard as your average Connecticut WASP. (Don’t start. You know damn well I’m not saying a word against Connecticut WASPs. I’m just saying they’re different from your garden-variety Tanzanian. Am I wrong?)

Many international readers just weren’t prepared for April Fools’ Day. Thus even when people said, “HA HA! Don’t freak out, it was April Fools’!” they still didn’t get it. They were in many cases offended and pissed off and I don’t particularly blame them.

My point, and I do have one:

Joke, don’t joke. Doesn’t really matter. Just consider the impact your joke might have. If you run a business blog, consider the potential impact on your clients. I lose some clients because of my language, because of my sarcasm, and because I tend to run off point. I’m fine with that — it was a conscious decision I made to eliminate potential pain-in-the-ass clients.

Your business might be the same, but it might be different. You might be at the point in your career where you don’t want to run the risk of pissing off the Mauritians. (Who knew THAT was a word?) Whatever. Just know what you’re doing, and if you do end up pissing people off, don’t blame them for leaving.

Click here to subscribe to IttyBiz. It’s fun and fat-free.

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By Naomi Dunford - Apr 2, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 34 Comments
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First of all, you’ll be happy to know that the top search term entered into Google which results in an IttyBiz visit is “naked firemen”. Not home business. Not small business. Not entrepreneurship. More people enter naked firemen and arrive here than those who enter IttyBiz and Itty Biz combined. Oh, the glorious power of Page Rank.

Other search engine highlights:

“At what point do you think you can be an entrepreneurship”
When I was in high school, there was a grade eleven course called Entrepreneurship — which, for the record, I did not take — and the teacher had a running joke that if you could spell “entrepreneur”, you would pass. Let’s make a new rule, shall we? If you don’t know that “being an entrepreneurship” is not the correct word usage, you’re not ready.

Where they ended up:
Entrepreneurship — What To Do When You’re Scared Shitless

“Big pootang”
I have a feeling that IttyBiz was somewhat of a disappointment for this particular reader, don’t you?

Where they ended up:
Go Big Or Suck: A Guide To Being Unforgettable

“Breasts like mangoes”
If you knew me in person, you’d know exactly how disappointed this poor bastard was.

Where they ended up:
Duct-Taped Breasts, Hairy Mangoes, and New Kids On The Block

“Cattle branding kids”
What the fuck was this person searching for? Yes, we all think of doing it, but who searches for it in Google?

Where they ended up:
Brand Vs. Image: What’s The Difference, Anyway?

“Does my ass look good in a thong?”
Honey, if you’re asking, the answer ain’t yes.

Where they ended up:
Bikini Vs. Thong: My Response To The Challenge

“Had to pee in the sink desperate”
Has Google become a confessional? Is it no longer for searching but for admitting stuff? Is it just one big ass PostSecret?

Where they ended up:
Moral of the Story: Violent Snuggling Edition

“Im brand new at my job and i fucken get the flu”
See previous entry. Um, sorry?

Where they ended up:
What To Do When You Hate Your Job

“Morals in marketing”
Honey, there are no morals in marketing.

Where they ended up:
Moral of the Story: Marketing to Alcoholics Edition

“How can I be the ultimate starfucker?”
Somebody, there is an ebook begging to be written here.

Where they ended up:
The 6 Types Of Blog Commentors — Do You Know Them?

“What does Gen Y eat for breakfast?”
Gen X, baby. Gen X.

Where they ended up:
Penelope Trunk Says I Am Older Than My Mother

“Women Painted To Look Like Tigers”
I liked this one so much I Googled it myself. Not nearly as interesting as you’d think.

Where they ended up:
What Tiger Woods Can Teach You About Marketing

Now for the lesson. Seriously, this is important.

Somebody reached my blog using this search term:

“How do I know my mummy and daddy love eachother?”

All joking aside, some poor kid out there is up in his room, searching for this in Google. Remember this when you’re bitching at your spouse for not cleaning up the toothpaste. Do you want that to be your kid?

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By Naomi Dunford - Mar 29, 2008 in Home Business Blogging - 45 Comments
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