Jul
26
Coffee Cup Copywriting
“Breathe and savour the pleasure of your favorite European coffee. Personalize your Mocaccino by adding a delicious flavoring or topping it with whipped cream…”
What’s wrong with this copy?
Well, a lot of things. But we’re going to talk about one.
“…Personalize your Mocaccino by adding a delicious flavoring…”
Calling the flavoring “delicious” is subjective. Of course you’re going to call it delicious. You’re looking to fucking upsell me. And maybe it IS delicious. But since you’re the one who said so, my little red bullshit light is flashing.
Subjective copy breeds mistrust.
Call the flavoring organic or all-natural or refer to your 7 different flavors. Tell me that 87,498 people treated themselves to a flavor shot last year. Tell me your vanilla is sourced through a fair trade farming initiative in Madagascar. Those are objective and can be easily proven by the customer. They don’t sound like you’re talking your shit up. They just sound like a reasonable statement of (conveniently flattering) fact.
Allow your customer to come to subjective conclusions on their own.
If you tell them it’s delicious, they’ll think you’re lying. Use appropriate description and they will decide it’s delicious on their own. And honey, they trust their own analysis of the situation a whole lot more than they trust yours.
(While we’re talking about it, ideally you would do none of the above on the back of a coffee cup and instead, tell me a fucking story already. If I’m the type of person who reads my coffee cup, I’m the type of person who likes to read.
You might also want to recognize that by the time the coffee cup is in my hand, I’m already on the highway and therefore not in a position to add a flavor shot. This might be a nice time to let me know that as a part of your commitment to using sustainable resources, I can bring back my cup for recycling and a handy discount on my next visit. You wouldn’t tell me it was handy, though, because that would be subjective.
And I’m pretty sure “Mocaccino” has an H in it and is not a proper noun. But that’s for another lesson.)
Naomi,
Funny that you mention coffee in this post, as I just finished my blog post about our experience buying coffee…and relate it to marketing! Bloody hell, I would have sent it your way if I knew you were going to respond to your email (still waiting…).
Totally dig what you’re saying about adjectives here. Let the people decide for themselves. But isn’t that what they’re doing by checking us out online anyway? I suppose that’s part of the information we provide for them. Anyone can say they have the most fantastically amazing coffee, but if we try it and it sucks, then they make a sale, but only for a moment. Word of mouth stops that in its tracks. Is the reverse also true? If you say you suck, do people believe you because its negative?
Anywho, have a great day!
P.S. – Carissa says Mochaccino is a proper noun and spelt like this.
I have to admit, the alternatives you provided also set off my bullshit meter.
While calling something “delicious” elicits the question “according to whom?”, “organic” and “all-natural” have been used for years in deceptive ways. Usually one can verify this by looking at the ingredients, and quickly finds out that the company is telling a blatant lie or a half-truth.
I think most consumers are already overwhelmed by choice (see Barry Schwartz’ The Paradox of Choice), so giving 7 options is meaningless if not anxiety producing.
Telling me about the 87,498 people that did what you want me to do is not at all easily verifiable, as this is private company data, and makes me think “do they think I’m simply a conformist?” I know this tactic “works” in many contexts, but it does set off my personal BS meter.
To me, those statements do sound like some marketing committee sat around a conference table making up copy to get me to buy their stuff.
Claiming Fair Trade is the one thing I’d respond to positively, although I’d want to see real evidence for that from one of the major certifying agencies.
Most consumers pretty much assume that the stories on packages are lies, and even the marketers know that (e.g. Seth Godin’s book on storytelling in marketing All Marketers are Liars).
The reason people don’t trust your marketing is because it ain’t trustworthy. Duh. It isn’t that subjective copy breeds mistrust, (subjective copy *is* mindreading, which can break rapport with the customer), breaking your customer’s trust breeds mistrust! Lies breed mistrust, and we live in a “ubiquitous matrix of lies” mostly perpetuated by marketing: http://www.realitysandwich.com/ubiquitous_matrix_lies
The solution is pure and simple honesty. This probably won’t sell much in the short-term, but if you care about sustainability–not to mention truth–honesty (not fake honesty, or “sounding honest”) is the only thing that will build trust with your market.
~Duff
“Personalize” was what set off my bullshit meter. If I cared passionately about my coffee–and I do–I’d make it at home. If I’m buying it out, it’s because I need caffeine. (And yes, if there is writing on my cup, I will read it. So make it good.)
I can not help but feel like you read all of that crap PRIOR to writing this post. Have you considered saying something like this, “I need a big fucking cup of coffee, it better not taste like shit and this is your chance to either make me a customer for life or lose me forever, please” when placing your order? Just a thought and I’ve noticed you like thoughts!!! Still, this was a great way to take an everyday experience and turn it into a marketing lesson. That’s why I come here. THANKS!
Again, this is a really useful way to reframe how we write copy. I’m with Duff in that “organic” and “all-natural” are really overused and quite subjective (at least according to some companies) so that bugs me. But there are other ways to make it clear that you’re not just trying to pull one over us.
Very useful marketing right there Naomi. :)
You are 100000% correct (as usual!)
Real world example (sorta): every time i go to a particular Starbucks there is a display shelf of ‘stuff’ that is placed where you wait for your coffee. EVERY TIME – I say to myself while waiting for my coffee ‘ooh this is interesting” quickly followed by “hmm there is a line and I don’t want to get back in line, I will get it next time” and guess how many times I have gone to that display shelf and purchased something? NEVER.
This experience has successfully drilled into my head that no matter how enticing a product/pitch/whatever is and/or how much on sale it is, unless you pick the proper place in the cycle to tell people about it (make it easy to actually purchase it) people will not go out of their way to buy it.
While I agree that “organic” and “all-natural” are used a lot, I don’t think they’re overused at all. People are looking for those words. But it’s not about what I’m looking for or you’re looking for. The real question is what words and messages are these particular customers looking for? What do they care about?
As the divine Miss N points out, a story about the coffee being organic or all-natural or fair trade would be even better.
Kate, that is a super genius point. Making it inconvenient for people to spend more money with you = Not So Smart.
“Delicious” is what you do when think you’ve got one shot at a customer and you’re terrified he won’t get it. “Better not forget to tell him it’s delicious, he might not figure that out on his own.” Stories, relevant facts, interesting benefits, etc. are what we do when we have a relationship. Which any decent coffee shop has. It’s all about who comes back again and again.
This wouldn’t be MickyD’s copy by any chance would it.
They’ve been pushing their upscale coffee drinks relentlessly just about everywhere.
I remember in the olden days when a cappuccino was fancy if you added a little cinnamon on top. The drinks MickyD is pushing look like a concoction you’d get at Disney World.
Much as the copy writing sucks I doubt any of us are in their target market. Strikes me more likely to be the Wal-Mart crowd.
I used to do research on Suave Shampoo ad copy. It annoyed the crap out of me but it worked with the intended audience.
Ya think? Or do you think they’re going after a more sophisticated person?
Great article. My husband sent it to me and helped me rewrite a sales letter, using your advice. It’s the same advice I’ve been given about writing academic papers.
“Breathe and savour the pleasure of your favorite European coffee. Personalize your Mocaccino by adding a delicious flavoring or topping it with whipped cream…”
Why do I need to be sold to after I’ve already purchased?
WIIFM? What’s in it for me?
Make me laugh, give me a fun fact, make me think, give me a good cry . . .
This rant sounds very familiar; I’m thinking of the hours and hours that you can pour into fiction writing students’ ears “SHOW DON’T TELL!” and still ending up with, “He was handsome in a good looking way. He was rich and his suit was divine.”
Maybe all my D students ended up writing Mochaccino (or however the hell you spell it) marketing copy?
ina, disheartened.
This rant sounds very familiar/ I’m thinking of the hours and hours that one can spend telling fiction writers, “SHOW DON’T TELL!” …and still end up getting stories that start, “He was handsome in a good looking way. He was rich and his suit was divine.” And papers starting, “Since the dawn of mankind, humans have been wondering about great white whales.” No, I wish I were kidding.
Maybe all my D students ended up writing Mochaccino (or however the hell you spell it) marketing copy?
ina, disheartened.
Er…sorry about the double/revised post. Must have hit the return twice by mistake or something equally idiotic.
Sorry guys.
great post! my coffee bullshit filter is targeted to the word “gourmet.” “gourmet” coffee (or insert other consumable here) just isn’t, so i wish they’d stop trying to tell me that it is!