Jun
22
Crossing The Red Line
Note: This is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on getting what you want. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t write it. Fortunately for you, Chris Anthony did, and he’s going to let you read it.
First, get a red marker, pen, crayon – whatever you have handy to write with, as long as it’s red. Then, draw a red line on the floor.
No, really. I’ll wait.
You didn’t do it, did you? “I just had these floors put in.” “This is a rental.” “My husband would kill me.”
This is the power of the red line.
Red velvet ropes are an important part of marketing. (I thought this was a Naomi thing, but apparently I picked it up from Havi Brooks, who got it from Michael Port. Naomi just calls them “barriers to entry”, which is more direct but isn’t as good for this metaphor.) Think of the entrance to a nightclub: you have a door and a guy, and a red velvet rope. When someone who’s on the list shows up, the guy opens the red velvet rope and lets the person through to the door. Anyone who’s not right (at least, not right now) for the nightclub waits outside the red velvet rope. Occasionally someone will grease the wheels by giving the guy some money, and he’ll let them in too.
The same applies to your marketing; your paid content, or working with you, is the door, and your free content is the guy and the rope. (Okay, the metaphor’s a little labored, but the concept is there.)
But here’s the thing: You don’t need the rope. If you paint a red line on the ground, people will still queue up outside the line. There’s no physical barrier to them getting to the door, but they’ll still stand there, waiting to be allowed in. Sure, some brave souls will walk up to the door, but the vast majority of people will stand in line quietly and wait for the guy to let them in. They’ll let the line dictate their behavior.
Want proof? Go to a parking lot.
Don LaFontaine
Switching gears for a moment (don’t worry, we’re coming back): I never got to talk to Don LaFontaine. Don was one of the great professional voice artists; if you’ve never heard of him, I guarantee you’ve heard his voice. (This video is a brief interview with him; watch this video to hear pretty much every other male voice you’ve ever heard in a trailer. Naomi’s note number 1: HILARIOUS.) I’ve wanted to work in voiceovers for a long time, and Don was something of a luminary in the industry, but it never occurred to me that I could just get in touch with him.
Then came the news, in September 2008, that Don LaFontaine had died. I would never get a chance to speak with him, about voiceovers or anything else.
Not long after his death I read a story written by an independent filmmaker. When he was a film student in Minnesota, this filmmaker and his friends had made a trailer for class and, on a whim and partially as a private joke, written Don to ask if he’d do the voiceover for their trailer. They were surprised when, a few days later, they received a note: “Send me the script.” A week after that, they received a recording of Don LaFontaine reading their trailer script in his trademark style.
All they had to do was ask.
Taking Advantage of the Red Line
The red line is a social and psychological construct. It’s the line we won’t cross – not because we can’t, but because we believe that we shouldn’t. You wouldn’t mark the floor with your red pen; there would be a consequence to that that you didn’t want to face, even if you didn’t know quite what it was. There’s a line painted on the ground around this door; obviously someone wants us to pay attention and not enter without permission. There’s fear attached: “something bad is going to happen to me if I try to cross that line without permission.” Don LaFontaine was a celebrity; obviously I couldn’t just call him. Never mind that his number was in the phone book; never mind that he was clearly happy to interact with fans and students. There was a social fear attached to just getting in touch with someone even remotely famous. Something bad was going to happen if I called him without permission.
There are two ways we can take advantage of this phenomenon, one from each side of the line.
From the inside the red line allows you to be a little more free with yourself. I’ve had my phone number up on my website for almost a year and I haven’t received a single unsolicited call. I keep the number there because I know that people won’t cross the red line. (I will bet, in fact, that even after this post that number doesn’t go up significantly, because now you’re going to be thinking, “the secret’s out, so everyone’s going to be calling, and he’s going to be mad that I’m wasting even more of his time.”) Naomi, who also has her phone number up, happens to have a bit burlier guy at the door than most do; she does not go to great lengths to hide how much she charges per hour of consulting. So people are also aware that her time is valuable and don’t want to waste it by calling her.
(Naomi’s note number 2: There’s a not bad chance I left my iPhone in Cuba so if you call the number on my contact page, you’ll either get an automated message or my husky masseuse who only speaks Spanish. Other than that, Chris’ point is valid.)
From the outside, you have an advantage because you know how the red line works and how other people will behave around it. If you see a personal telephone number on a website, you can be pretty sure that calling it is actually okay. If I were getting overwhelmed with telephone calls, I’d take the number off the site. I’m clearly not, because I haven’t. So you can call, because you know that I value being approachable more than I value my privacy.
It’s not just limited to getting in touch, either. My first actual contact with Naomi was when I crossed the red line and emailed her at the end of Summer Camp last year. She’d offered those of us who attended Summer Camp a guaranteed spot in the Speakeasy, but I couldn’t put the money down then. So I sent her an email expressing my regret at not being able to join her at the Speakeasy. She replied within the day to tell me that she’d be holding a spot open for me. (Then, of course, I got laid off and ended up not being able to join anyway, but that’s another story.) Crossing the red line, in this case, got me a significant opportunity that I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise (even if I didn’t take advantage of it).
Similar things are true of pricing and availability. If you set a price for a program and start publishing it, almost nobody will contact you and say, “Can I do a payment plan on this?” or, “Can I go in on this with a friend?” We say to ourselves, “If those options were available, they’d have said so.” But Naomi’s gone on record wondering why nobody does this, because almost always you’ll find that the people producing these programs are willing to work with you. It’s not about the immediate money to them; it’s about changing lives and making a difference.
Use this knowledge to your advantage. I’m not saying that you should take advantage of them, but don’t feel constrained by the red line. Email Naomi and say “I really want to do your program X, but I don’t have the cash up front; can I pay you over the next three weeks?” Since nobody else is going to be doing this, it will be easier to get a positive response.
(Naomi’s note number 3: One of the coolest examples of this came a few weeks ago. A customer noticed that the 50% off coupon code I sent to the people on my email list didn’t work on a certain product. Knowing that I’m horrible with email at the best of times, and vacationing in a communist country is far from the best of times, they didn’t email me to ask if it was included — that wasn’t going to get them anything. Instead, they sent me unsolicited money with a note explaining they weren’t sure if the product was included, but in case it was, they wanted to send the cash before the sale ended. Well I’m hardly going to say no now, am I?)
Nothing bad is going to happen if you cross the red line. You’re not going to be named and shamed. You’re not going to be arrested. Naomi’s not going to say, “Well, I’m not going to let you in, but now you have to pay anyway.” It doesn’t work like that. The worst they’re going to do is say no. Most of the time, actually, you run the serious risk of getting what you want.
Chris Anthony is a Delight Specialist, working with small businesses and organizations to turn their audiences into insane, raving fans. He can be found at delightspecialist.com, by email at chris@delightspecialist.com, or by phone at 765-994-7081.
Through all my years growing up, my father would say, “you have not because you ask not.” He is a man who is not afraid to ask for anything. And guess what? He usually gets what he asks for (or more). He usually followed this statement with, “the worst they can say is ‘no’.”
Despite knowing this in a deep-down way, I still struggle with the asking. There’s weird social constructs in our brains that keep us “behind the red line”, but dammit, you’re right! We need to cross it. That’s something I work on constantly.
I’ll leave you with a similar statement from my father-in-law: “What are they gonna do, take away your birthday?”
David, I knew someone who used to say, “What’s gonna happen, you’re going to sink into the earth?”
I like your father-in-law’s version better!
Jodi, we feel like that sometimes, don’t we? I certainly do, anyway. But they’re not going to take away our birthdays and the earth isn’t going to swallow us up – even if we wish it would. ;)
Glad to see you here!
David, your father has exactly the right idea. And I love the “take away your birthday” line. I may have to steal it. ;)
Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for putting this idea out there so beautifully. I’m no superstar but I get emails on a daily basis that basically apologize for contacting me – even when it’s in regards to sending me money. I feel bad that people feel that red line in regards to contacting me. And I do my best to make them feel at ease.
But at the same time, while reading your post, I though about all the red lines that I’ve willing lined up at. Not any more, I’m going to feel good about making connections and asking for what I want. Thanks!
Tara, isn’t it weird how we resist giving people money because we might be imposing on them? I have the same problem a lot of the time. :)
Best of luck stepping over those lines. It gets easier every time!
Very well said, by both of you.
Treat the red line like the red cape,
and charge right in to get what you want.
(Unless it’s a china shop, duh.)
Chris, you’ve now made it impossible not to ask for what YOU want, and we’ll hold you to it ~ like saying,
“does anyone please have a leftover monitor they don’t need for the few months it’ll take to replace this green one…?”
Pinkly yours,
~GirlPie
PS: Thanks Naomi, you really walk the talk with every action.
Ms. Pie, I love that analogy – turning red lines into red capes. I wish I’d thought of it. But then, that’s why they pay you the big bucks. ;)
As for the monitor, I’m borrowing my wife’s at the moment, since she’s not using her desktop computer right now. (Why I’m not using her computer is another story.) But once that’s over… yeah, you’re right, I should cross that line too. :)
Great post Chris!
Even if you wait behind the red line (which in my humble opinion is profoundly discourteous and unneccessary), there’s no guarantee you’ll be granted entry.
Yes–better to ask those who you admire if they’ll give up the goods…and while no is always an option, think of all the time and energy saved.
Sorry about your Don LaFontaine moment–I’ll remember that one next time reluctance knocks on my front door.
Thank you, Linda!
You make a great point – at some point you’re going to have to ask what you want or walk away empty-handed. The red line is just a delaying tactic. :)
It’s a shame that I didn’t get to meet Don LaFontaine, but I’ve started trying to connect with other celebrities I admire in an effort to avoid repeating the circumstance. :)
You forgot my reaction to being asked to draw on my floor, “I’m cynical and this is a metaphor.”
I think the real takeaway from this for me is not “just ignore those red lines” but “be more mindful of the places where you want it enough to cross the red lines.” Not all of those lines are just about not wanting the ask — sometimes, I just really wouldn’t want into the club in the first place. ;)
I did! I’m sorry – it would have been a funny cap to the paragraph. Oh well. :)
It’s true that red lines are useful for deciding how badly you want the thing that’s beyond the line. Then again, if all that’s stopping you is a phone call…
Thanks for commenting! :)
“Most of the time, actually, you run the serious risk of getting what you want”. Very powerful. And monstrously debilitating.
If you want it, go for it. If it resonates, trust and reach. Energy simply can’t be ignored and we attract what we need, when we need it. But a little nudging sure as hell doesn’t hurt.
Thanks for the great post.
Erica, it’s so strange how “I can have what I want” shuts us down (or me down, anyway). We build the process of acquiring (and the thing we want) up in our heads so much – and then finding out that the process of acquiring is just a phone call – and by reducing the process, somehow, I think, we also reduce the personal value of the thing we want.
Very strange. :)
Thank you for your comment!
Chris,
While I am behind the power curve it finding this post, that does not make me appreciate it less. Well said for sure.
Dave
P.S. I would love to meet David’s father-in-law whose line re: stealing your birthday may become a mantra for many.
Sometimes I feel like my whole life is dictated by those red lines. In my head, the “worst thing” that can happen is not getting arrested, or being yelled at, or even being told no. The worst thing that can happen is bothering someone. There is something ingrained deep within me that is always saying “No, you’ll bother them,” at any moment I need or want to ask someone something. Sometimes the benefits of crossing the line never outweigh the risk of bothering someone to me. I think it has something to do with wanting to be liked by everyone I interact with.
I need to remind myself that there are situations where people put themselves out there, saying “Look! No red line! If I get bothered, it’s my fault!” And I *especially* need to get over it when it’s that person’s job to not have any red lines (like asking my boss for new tasks at work!)
I’ve had a similar problem… going through my whole life feeling like asking for anything was putting someone else out. Even when people would offer to help me if I needed it, I could never admit to needing it, for fear that I would be somehow “bothering” them.
I recently had a bit of an epiphany, in which I realized that this stems from being young and having my mom “ask” me to do something (which I usually DID NOT WANT TO DO), and feeling like I had no choice; my answer pretty much HAD to be yes. I absolutely HATED the way that felt.
So now, I resist asking others because I don’t want them to have to feel the way I felt.
Fortunately, this epiphany occurred during a lesson in sovereignty, in which I realized that I have every right to ask… and THEY have every right to say “no”. Without guilt, without expectation, they can say no, and we can both go on our way.
So if all it takes is for them to say “no”, then asking can’t really be that much of a bother… right? ; )
I totally agree with this! We’re (usually) conditioned from a young age that to ask for something means we’re an inconvenience. I mean even customer service makes us feel like poo when we ask them a question, how can a well respected important/semi important person possibly have the time of day for us?
And in cosmic web awesome, I have a red rope related story! I have a friend who was going to a new club. She saw a line about 6 people deep at the door, and figuring a short wait, got in the back of the line with her friend. The line behind them got longer til about 40 people were waiting to get into this club. Then some girls walked right up to the rope, talked to the bouncer, who opened the door. My friend’s companion stomped up there to find out why he let them in and not them, who’d been waiting almost half an hour. The answer of course was that they asked. The KICKER however is that the people in front of the line were waiting for a ride and bumming smokes of the extremely friendly bouncer. In reality the line didn’t even exist.
Ang, no joke about the customer service – the management stays sealed away in a steel tower, and the customer-level employees have to deal with everything. It wears you down as an employee and as a customer. I wish more business owners were like Tony Hsieh (of Zappos).
I love that story! It fits the metaphor perfectly. :) Thank you for sharing it!
Exactly, Heidi! It’s just as much work for them to say “no” as it is for us to call. Sovereignty is a hard thing for lots and lots of people to get a grasp on – but when you do manage it, wonderful things start to happen.
For those who don’t know, when Heidi refers to “sovereignty”, she’s using a concept put forth by Havi Brooks and Hiro Boga. I can’t link too much or my comment will get swallowed by the moderation queue, but they’re easily googlable. :)
Thank you for coming by, Heidi! :)
Oh, yes. More than anything, I have a fear of bothering or disappointing someone. “How could I possibly be worth their time?” The trick I have to keep reminding myself of is that they’re almost certainly thinking the same thing.
I had a bit of a revelatory experience when I talked to Naomi for the first time. I was about to apologize for taking up her time when she apologized to me for wasting time by eating, because it was 1 PM and she hadn’t eaten all day. We all think we’re imposing on somebody else. (That’s an interesting point, actually – I’m actually more likely to pick up the phone because I feel like it’s rude to let people go to voicemail when I can at all avoid it…)
Thank you for your comment, Natalie!
Reading this post inspired me to go cross a red line right now. Which in turn inspired my wife to do the same (although a different line). Like rings in the water, inspiration spreads.
That’s pretty awesome.
That is awesome, Rasmus. I hope you both get great results out of it! :)
Thanks for commenting!
I will go so far as to say, that simply by crossing the line, we’ve already gotten something out of it. Whether it’s what we intended or not, it’s all good. :)
Awesome! See, positive results can be yours! (Even if they’re not what you expected. ;)
Great post! And knowing that Naomi is terrible with email, I’m going to post a link to a TV show here in the UK I think she’ll really like and get, like 8 blog posts out of http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00sr463/Mary_Queen_of_Shops_Series_3_Maher_and_Sons/
That’s my way of trying to step over the red line and say “hey, Naomi! I saw this show and thought you’d dig it!”
Thank you, Tamarisk! (I love your name!) And thank you for the link, even though I’m not Naomi – I’ve heard good things about Mary Queen of Shops, but I hadn’t known it was available online! Now I know what I’m watching tonight… ;)
Love this post.
A successful businessman I met while in college told me once, as I’d been stammering and apologizing right through trying to ask him something, “You can’t get if you don’t ask.”
I’ve tried to live by this, and when I have taken that leap and crossed that red line, I can’t even think of an example of when it hasn’t worked.
(Well, ok, one time … we went to see David Copperfield perform overseas, and after the show, much to my husband’s embarrassment, I went up to the “bouncers” and asked if there was any way we could get backstage to meet David. He said no, I said “thanks anyway,” and re-joined my husband. No big deal. You never know, I thought maybe he’d be traveling with less of an entourage and might have enjoyed talking to someone about the city we were in … could have happened!)
But aside from that one time, picking up the phone and just calling people has worked out very well. In the process of researching for a product I’m currently sourcing, I’ve called a handful of people working at different small businesses whose work I admire and who manufacture something in the same category as mine.
Everyone has been more than happy to talk with me, share their thoughts on the industry, and I’ve found one fabulous supplier and one potential new partner.
Thanks for the great article … I’m going to make more calls tomorrow.
Andrea, I think “You can’t get if you don’t ask” just obviated my entire 1500-word post. ;)
I’m totally envious of you getting to see David Copperfield, even if you couldn’t get backstage. :) And I’m inspired by knowing that this has worked for you every other time! It’s really amazing what a little confidence and – to steal Richard Branson’s phrase – “screw it, let’s do it” will do for you. :)
Thank you for your comment, Andrea!
My Nan always said: If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
And yet I realise I am terrified of asking.
You’re right, *something bad will happen.*
Or I will just fuck up the opportunity forever, so I’d better be really really ready and really really ask in exactly the right way and….
Hmm… Do I have a Thing about this?
Seems so.
*whinnies lips and looks into the distance*
Andrew, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Even if I don’t offend them, I’ve Only Got One Shot At This.
(Here’s the thing: even if you do offend, you’ve got more than one shot. People forgive and forget. Unless you called them up and the vibration of the phone caused it to fall into the tub and electrocute their baby – knock wood – you’ll probably get a second shot at improving that first impression.)
One thing I wanted to mention – folks, Andrew just released his first infoproduct, at http://www.apeacefulresolution.com/thinglist/ – I haven’t had a chance to listen yet (this week has really been kicking my ass), but it comes so highly recommended from so many people I trust that I want to make sure you all know about it too. :)
Andrew, thank you for coming by!
Ahhh! I love this metaphor and I love how we’re talking about it. I also have some “stuff” about asking and getting in touch with people. I’ve found that sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. Not let some of that social conditioning get in the way of taking action.
Great stuff… time to cross that line. ;)
Nathalie! I love your name. The “h” makes it work somehow. :)
It’s hard to trust your instincts sometimes, especially when you feel like your instincts are telling you to hide and run away. Social conditioning can feel a lot like fight-or-flight. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that we’re not going to get hit if we press Call. :)
Thank you for stopping in!
I think that believing you shouldn’t or can’t is probably the cause of death for more great successes and more great ideas than any other set of causes combined.
Whether you have a friend, family member, or spouse’s voice stuck in your head, telling you that you can’t, or should try to reach your goal, or maybe you even failed once in the past; it’s all the same thing.
I think that the red velvet rope is the so profound and yet so stupidly simple that it’s a crime that we all have these things in our lives.
Just like the voiceover example that you gave… there are REAL people at the other end of all these guru businesses. each of these real people once had their own “really bad time” and it’s amazing what you can get if you just open your pie hole and ask for it.
One of my red ropes is guest posts. For some reason I just can’t get my act together and submit a few to the blogs that I care about. I know I can write and I know people like to read what I write, but for some reason that burly bouncer is still standing there with the clipboard.
Thanks for the inspiration. Maybe I will just walk up and kick that bouncer in the junk so I can get by.
-Joshua Black
The Underdog Millionaire
I think that believing you shouldn’t or can’t is probably the cause of death for more great successes and more great ideas than any other set of causes combined.
I absolutely agree, Joshua. In fact, I almost didn’t start my business because I felt like I shouldn’t – like I was stepping on the toes of a lot of people I admired, and like they were going to hate me for coming onto their turf.
Then I remembered that it was one of those very people who told me I should do it in the first place. ;)
Joshua, I’m not sure if Naomi’s accepting more guest posts, but I expect to see your name popping up all over the blogosphere (are we still allowed to use that word?). :) Those red lines are there for the crossing-over!
Thanks so much for your comment. :)
Fantastic Post Chris!
You make a great point about not being afraid to ask. “No” is seriously the worst thing they can say to you. I work for an SEO company, Pear Analytics, and just recently got brought on. It just so happens that we are releasing a new product and I had some ideas about it. Well, I decided to voice my opinion and propose my thoughts assuming I was going to be shut down for being the new guy. Nope, they took my pricing model into consideration. Go Figure! Thank you for writing this post to show others that “what is” doesn’t always have to be permanent!
I invite you and your readers to sign up for our beta release of our re-enginnered free SEO analysis tool and look forward to any feedback.
Robert, thank you! It’s really hard to speak up when you’re the low man on the totem pole in any situation, but especially in that one – when saying the wrong thing could not only get you a “no” but could get you fired! *gulp* But good on you for saying your piece anyway – and for getting approval for it! That confidence will serve you well. :)
I’ll check out your link and see what I can make of it. I’m not fabulous at SEO, so hopefully it’ll be kind to a newbie like me. ;)
Thanks for coming by!
Nice post.
I admit, I have trouble crossing the “red line”. As a matter of fact, I have often said those same things you mention about not asking for payment plans, etc. Almost verbatim!
I think part of it for me at least, is getting up a little courage to just do it. When I do, I am usually not let down by the response.
Just the other day, I contacted a fairly high profile blogger with a guest posting proposition. He hasn’t responded yet, but at least I put it out there.
P.S. I have my number posted on my site too, but I think I haven’t gotten calls yet because no one has seen it! :D
Thank you, Bradley!
Those sentiments are amazingly common. We all want to be seen as nice people – and nice people stay on their little plot of land and don’t go tromping over to see what the neighbor’s up to. It’s like we’ve taken Frost’s “Good fences make good neighbors” as the truth – as though he weren’t condemning that sentiment!
It’s great that you reached out about a guest post. You’ll have to let us know when it goes up! :)
(And now that you’ve said that, I’m sure you’ll get a call sooner rather than later. :)
Thanks for stopping in!
Chris,
First of all – nice to meet you. Based on this post, you have a new twitter follower & a new RSS subscriber to Lost in Translation. :)
I related to The Red Line from the perspective of the person afraid to cross it, but I’m learning to change how I think about these situations. At a certain point, you just have to realize that nothing that might happen is going to be totally earth shattering. The consequences – even the negative ones – of crossing The Red Line are never as bad as the consequences of NOT crossing it … and often, the positive consequences are better than you imagined.
Bottom line: just go for it.
One of my favorite quotes is from Brandan Gill – “Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.”
… go have fun. :)
Hi Jamie! It’s great to connect with you. :)
“…and often, the positive consequences are better than you imagined.” I’d say that, in fact, that’s true nearly always. :) Even if you don’t get the answer you’d hoped for, you’ve taken the step of crossing the line – and that in itself is a positive result, because now that you’ve done it once, every time after that will be easier!
I love that quote by Brandan Gill, too. Thank you for sharing it. :)
So funny. I was on your site the other day, wondering if I should call you for the free 15-minute chatalogue.
You have some serious writing chops, by the way.
Dree, I love your website. I hope you do call – I’d love to talk with you.
And thank you! :)
I’m going to make it a point to write down a “Red Lines To Cross” list and do more. Thank you. :)
Excellent! Go you! I hope you get everything you ask for. :)
Holy cow, I cannot believe what I just read.
Stupendous is the only word I can think of right now.
I am so grateful to the person who sent me here.
Magnificent words, and right now? I feel pretty damn empowered, pritty pritty damn empowered.
Wait, I just thought of another word: nah, already used it: magnificent.
Thank you.
Alexandra, thank you. :) I’m glad I could help. :)
Thank you for this. We seem to make assumptions in life and never cross that RED line because we seem to be afraid of what might happening. We associate the color red to STOP…. Why? Love it
Yogasavy, you’re right on the nose about red meaning “stop”. I like TheGirlPie’s suggestion above to start thinking of it like a red cape – the kind bullfighters use. Instead of red meaning stop, it should mean CHARGE! :)
Very interesting. I tend to pay attention to the red lines, but I was raised by a woman who has never worried about crossing the red lines. She almost always gets what she wants just because she asks and when she doesn’t she is totally unfazed.
This post is brilliant, and good reminder that if you really want something, you should just ask. Not to mention, a lot of people are really more accessible than one might think, especially if you’re genuinely interested in what they do. Just reach out and say “Hi. I’d love to talk to you about . . . ” You’ll be amazed the doors that open and the sudden opportunities that are yours for the taking.
I don’t have anything profound to add, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post. Really. Something so SIMPLE, yet we are so utterly afraid of it.
Also, I misunderstood the analogy of the red cape meaning like a cape Superman would wear. Didn’t think it referred to bullfighting. :P