Jan
13
Easy And Free Marketing Tips You Can Implement From The Comfort Of Your Toilet
[rant] So I’m reading Steven Snell’s archives tonight (because that’s what the cool kids do on Saturday nights) and I come across a post discussing the benefits of guest blogging.
Guest blogging rocks, without question. You get to see your name “in print” in something you didn’t “print” yourself. You get new readers. You get new subscribers. You expand your brand. It’s pretty cool. Some might call it, uh, marketing.
Phil, one of the commentors, left this little ditty.
“The involvement level might be a little more than the average internet blogger might be willing to endure.”
Phil is totally right, and that totally pisses me off. (Not that he’s right. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy. It’s not his fault he’s right.)
Marketing is work. Get over it.
Why is it that perfectly intelligent home business owners think that because something is work, they don’t have to do it? We discussed this (and oh, did we ever discuss it) about the Problogger real site vs. fake site drama the other day, too. In that case, it wasn’t work, it was expense.
It seems like a colossal amount of business owners or, to be more accurate, would-be business owners, want it all to be easy.
They want it cheap, they want it fast, they want it easy.
One of my clients, who shall remain nameless not to protect the innocent but to protect my boob job fund, is stuck in this right now.
That seems really hard.
That seems like a lot of work.
It seems like there’s a lot involved in that.
Isn’t there something easier?
Do you think that’s really necessary?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for avoiding hard work. I avoid hard work on a daily basis. I hate hard work. But sometimes you have to do it. Such is life.
About five years ago, someone suggested I should think about going into law, and I actually thought about it for a while. Law seemed cool. I like logic and arguing. I like valiantly defending the underdog. I like watching Boston Legal. Sounds like fun.
The shitty part was, I didn’t finish university. I didn’t even start university. For me, a law degree was a long way off. Too long to make it worth it. The benefits did not outweigh the costs. I didn’t do it. (Duh.)
I am not, however, paying good money to bitch and moan to a career coach that there should be an easier way to become a lawyer.
If you don’t want to be a business owner, there’s nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of lovely people who are not business owners. They cease to be lovely, though, when they whine and whinge that they are trying OH SO HARD to be business owners when in fact, they’re doing piss all but complaining and justifying their asinine actions.
Yes, marketing takes work. Networking takes work, guest blogging takes work, giving topical advice in forums takes work. If it’s too much work for you, don’t run a business. OK. Whatever. No-one cares. But you might be a lot happier if you invested the time you’re currently spending bitching about how hard it is to run a business in something that is worth it.
I don’t care if you hire me or you hire Mason or you hire Sonia or you hire Susan or if you hire any other respectable marketing consultants. I don’t care if you hire non-respectable marketing consultants. I don’t care if you read everything Levinson and Godin ever wrote and decide to do it yourself with wild success. I don’t care if you fail and end up living in your car.
I care when you tell me that proven marketing techniques that have been hand-picked for your situation, including your budget, your ability level, your commitment level, and your time availability are too much money or work or time or whatever.
For the love of God, get over yourself. [/rant]
***
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Non-respectable Marketing Consultant here. I come across lazyclientitis a dishearteningly high number of times (thats what I call it BTW, lazyclientitis).
I don’t know what it is about otherwise intelligent business people that makes them go fsking stupid when it comes to the amount of work that goes into a good marketing plan. Throat punches to the next client who thinks throwing money at me means I’ll do their part of the work.
*applauds Naomi’s rant*
I, personally, am allergic to anything resembling work. Money on the other hand, is a wonderful antihistamine.
@ Michael – I had no idea you were a marketing dude, non-respectable or otherwise! You can totally go on my “I don’t give a shit if you hire…” list!
@ Joshua – Two peas in a pod, dude. It’s kind of too bad you wrote the “wonderful antihistamine” thing in public. If you’d done it in an email I could’ve stolen it and passed it off as my own. Damn.
@Naomi – Benefit of being non-respectable number 47: Passing Shit off As Your Own and Not Caring.
One thing I used to tell the damnable sales monkeys (aka: Salesmen) when they were battering at the walls of my cubicle back in the day, wanting a project they promised to their clients yesterday: You can have it cheap and fast, you can have it easy and cheap, or you can have it easy and fast, but you can’t have all three.
I feel for you. This is the same as the person who whines about a real F-ugly website with crap content not getting enough traffic. We come in, analyze the site and propose good changes, and then…
“Oh. That’s a lot of work. I didn’t expect that much work. I thought maybe if I paid you a dollar to change a word in my banner… Can’t you just change a word in my banner? I really only want to spend a dollar. And triple my traffic in five minutes. Can you do that? Triple my traffic? On one word? With no budget? Maybe in year 2098 when I’ve made enough money, we’ll make those other changes.”
*blink blink* “Wait. You want amazing results with no work, no money, no effort, and you only want to change for the better AFTER you get rich?”
“Yes.”
I feel your pain, Naomi.
Thank you, James. I love you a little bit more right now.
Public relations through blogging (marketing’s too-close-for-comfort cousing) is a lot like planting apple seeds. What happens, though, is the client calls up a mere two weeks later and wants to know where’s their damn orchard.
i love rants. i was going to leave a long winded response to this post but fuck it, too much work, so ditto on what michael martine posted (because he has a dope name).
PEACE!
Aaaaand scene…
I’ve done some house cleaning with my RSS subscriptions. This is one of the few that still made the cut. Certainly one of my favorites. I love it, thanks Naomi :)
Eric
Formerly of younggogetter.com
Eric! You have no link?! What am I supposed to do all day if I can’t cruise my commentors’ blogs? Help me out here, dude!
Seriously, though, thank you. We’re honored.
Ok, I admit it, I’m guilty. I regularly spend too much time on learning new skills and not enough on marketing. I’m here though and happily too. That counts, doesn’t it?
@ some other Naomi – NONONO! I don’t care that you don’t spend time on marketing. I love when people don’t spend time on marketing. It keeps my blog popular. :-) I care if you hire me and then spend all our time together telling me there should be a better way and that my way is stupid. That’s what I mind.
@Naomi – Ok, then I promise I won’t say your way is stupid, at least not to your face. ;)
I keep trying to implement marketing ideas from the comfort of my toilet, but they all turn out to be crappy.
(sorry, couldn’t resist…)
Seriously though – this is a great article!
@ some other Naomi – That’s all I can ask for. Feel free to talk smack about me behind my back.
@ Brett – I guess somebody had to say it. It may as well be you.
@ Naomi – yeah, I can be the local peanut gallery here if you like – hey, I do it at home enough… just ask my wife!
Hi Naomi – As a small business owner (five months in) and wannabe blogger this post is pure gold!
And the fact that you write so well and never went to university is an amazing testament to whatever school system you attended.
Keep up the killer creativity.
Mark
@ Mark – They don’t teach writing in University. Past high school, good luck getting instruction in grammar and sentence structure!
But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I think Naomi kicks ass.
Hi James – that is EXACTLY what I was saying – Naomi kicks ass and she is an amazingly talented writer!
All the best.
Mark
Thank you both for sucking up. I’m delighted and flattered. For the record, I spent my formative years at a private school in England and was sorta-kinda homeschooled as well.
@everyone: i think we all could agree that naomi kicks ass.
Coolness. Another former homeschooler. For the record, I blame my preference for web-working rather than an office environment on my parent’s homeschooling methods. ;-)
Oh goodness – I featured this entry as a “must-read” on Workerette before I even got a chance to read the comments. I can’t decide which is better.
Perhaps I shall go whine about how much work it is to decide between the two. heehee Or just say this whole flippin’ thing is fantastic. And as a homeschooling momma (and the wife of a Joshua) – this whole thing has me cracking up on that aspect too. TOO much fun. I’ve missed coming by when life got in the way over the holidays and the fun CA storms. You’ve reminded me as to WHY I missed your blog!!!
As always, you seem to speak the words that I think in my head. Perhaps I’m a ventriloquist and you’re my Canadian puppet. I don’t know.
What I do know is that my mom needs to read this post. She’ll think I put you up to it.
Hey you crazy sneaky married people! I didn’t know you were married or homeschooling or ANYTHING. I’m so out of the loop.
@ Dave – Don’t do it! I know your mom, she’ll totally blame me! She’ll think we’re in cahoots!
I don’t guest blog because I am too wimpy to ask. That is even worse than being lazy! Although I am also lazy.
I do not, however, ask for advice on these things. I know perfectly well that I should guest blog, that I should write about 3x more than I do on my own blog, and that I need to follow up with about 10 people at the moment but am nonetheless commenting on Naomi’s excellent blog instead. If I asked for advice and then said, “but I am too wimpy, and also lazy,” I would just be asking for a smack in the mouth.
Totally agree. If owning a business were easy, everyone would be doing it. It is definitely not for the faint of heart. Tell your client to take Yoga and call you back in 6 weeks.
Can’t wait for your guest post for my blog on your most profound baby tip. Will I have to censor parts of it? :-)
So tired now…must go watch the recorded episode of Grey’s Anatomy in our DVR…must go
You sassy minx!
There’s a saying in project management: You can have it fast / cheap / good — pick any two.
Of course people want cheap, fast, and easy — people are basically lazy, stupid, and chintzy.
That’s why so many people buy every new Internet Marketing “Silver Bullet” that comes along.