Fan Socks, Impassioned Pleas, and the Ice Cream Excitement
The next installment in the how to write an ebook series is coming, but I gotta beg for stuff before I forget. First, what you see on the right is my feet with fan socks on them. Fan socks are very similar to fan mail, except instead of letters, they send you footwear. Please take a moment to appreciate the awesomeness of the fan socks. They’re from Sock Dreams. Jesus Lord, I could spend thousands there. Want to know why you should blog? Blog for the socks. (And yes, I chose THESE socks of the many fan socks so I didn’t have to shave my legs. We also had to crop my underwear out of the shot.)
***
Next, I have a plea. It is impassioned. Some might call it an impassioned plea. This is for those of you who are NOT involved in problogging, internet marketing, etc. This is for the people who quietly read and don’t say much. I would like your help.
Every March, generally right around my birthday (which is the 8th, by the way, in case you feel like sending socks), there is a festival/conference thing in Austin called South By Southwest (SxSW). I have desperately wanted to go for years, but I’ve always been pregnant or nursing very young and very ungrateful children. (Border authorities frown on pregnant woman crossing the border because they think Canadians are in a huge rush to give up their free health care and turn their unborn into budding Americans.) This year I’m going and I’m bringing Jamie and we’re very excited.
I have been invited to speak on a panel at SXSW, and since everyone and their mama wants a panel at SXSW, part of the panel selection process is a public vote. If you think a panel sounds cool, you give it five stars. Lots of people equals lots of chances for me and the J-Dog to rock SXSW.
Other people on the panel with me would be:
Jonathan Fields from Awake at the Wheel
Brian Clark from Copyblogger
Tamar Weinberg from Techipedia, Lifehacker, and Mashable
Pam Slim from Escape From Cubicle Nation
Anita Campbell from Small Biz Trends.
Getting votes for stuff when you’re in marketing is usually not exactly hard. BUT, here’s the problem. Since they don’t want you to mess up the voting and vote for yourself a hundred times, they make voters sign up. (They don’t keep the email addresses, it’s just to secure the site. I have signed up myself and I have NEVER gotten any spam or anything.)
If you can spare about three minutes, it would mean a lot to me if you could head over and vote. You would go to the link below, and click “Create an Account”. When your account has been created, click on 5 stars for our panel.
Vote for Naomi at SxSW
Edited: The link will say you’re voting for Jonathan Fields, because he’s the one setting it up. It’s cool, though. He’s friend, not foe. A vote for Jon is a vote for Naomi writing off the trip as a business expense.
I know this is a pain in the ass and I’ll never know whether you did it or not, but it would be so cool if I could be on this panel. Thanks in advance.
***
Lastly, remember The Little Ice Cream Shop That Couldn’t? We were looking for creative marketing ideas for the ice cream shop that went out of business in my little Wortley Village. We have a winner!!
Nick Cernis wins for making Jamie spit milkshake on my Mac keyboard and forcing me to go out and buy a wireless one. Oh, shucks. His idea?
“There’s only one viable marketing option, really, isn’t there?
Become an ice cream supervillain.
The moment I discovered that my biggest weekly business pull had been outsourced to a car park in West Wortley by a bunch of bureaucrats, I’d have been straight on the phone to Auntie Christie with her Sewmistress 5000 to whip up the meanest-looking supervillain outfit the world has seen, emblazoned with a crisp blue “I” for “Mr Ice Guy”, and finished with a delicate cape of dry ice that spills ominously from the neckline.
Next, I would steal the longest, meanest ’50’s vehicle of them all — the 1957 Cadillac Seville — and retrofit the tailgate with an ice cream cannon and refrigerated hopper containing 66 flavours of deadly but deliciously creamy ammo.
With a ride secured, I’d rename “Cruise Night” to “Dark Tuesday” and make the locals aware of the new convention with some clichéd but essential cut-and-stick ransom-style flyers. Next, I would discover the personal addresses of the board of the Small Business Association, and have my trusty sidekick (’Flake Girl’) do the driving while I pelted a ’sample’ of flavours through their windows with unholy precision.
By this time, of course, the spectacle of two leotarded villains in the Ice Cream Cadillac would have drawn such a crowd that Dark Tuesdays would become a local celebration — hailed as a day to exact revenge on unpopular politicians and other local unsavouries.
Weasels of Wortley would buy my ice cream for the sole purpose of pulling projectile-based pranks on their most-hated enemies once a week. The local kids and teenage miscreants would look forward to Dark Tuesday with such passion, that they’d frequently wind their living room clocks forward in an attempt to trick their often inebriated parents into believing that Monday had finished early that week.
Sometimes this would actually work, resulting in a flurry of unexpected sales late on Monday nights.
Next, I would rename the Ice Cream shop to “Mr Ice Guy” to ensure that my overall marketing effort was in-sync, and that Seth Godin could write about my exploits in the second printing of “Meatball Sundae”. I would repaint the sign myself in a manner that belied deep psychological imbalance, and locals would later falsely interpret this as a sign of artistic genius.
Finally, I would have Flake Girl circulate fliers encouraging locals to save their favourite ice cream/ammo store. The campaign would prove so popular that I would later win a D&AD Gold Pencil for my effort, and be hailed as the world’s most unlikely guerilla marketeer. My “No more Mr Ice Guy?” fliers would be reproduced in many overpriced coffee table books. They would sit in the waiting rooms of every pretentious ad agency, where they’d delicately gather dust and come to smell mostly of steamed milk, but also of the type of perspiration that only those with a cupboard full of black polo necks and a vastly inflated opinion of themselves could hope to produce.
And yes, of course I’d keep the costume.”
Now, I happen to know that Mr. Cernis has recently come out with a new premium blog theme called Ice Cream Dream, and I have a feeling he won simply because he had ice cream on the brain. Oh, the corruption.
Those are some sexy gams.
Um, and that vote link went to some Johnathon guy.
Hi Andrea! Jonathan’s the guy setting up the panel, so he’s friend, not foe. Thank you so much!!!
Off to vote (I’m going next year as well), then check out Nick’s new site, then buy some socks. You really know how to out-do my to-do list.
@ GirlPie — I aim to be as much of an inconvenience as possible. :-) And YOU’RE COMING?!?! That is so awesome! (You’ll have to reveal your true identity if you want to come to all the parties, though. Dude, you’ll be like Batman.)
I’d vote … but I already did it. Jon beat ya to the punch :-)
*whew* Good to hear.
In my blonde-at-heart defense, it’s easy to confuse me today.
Hi, Naomi -
You got my vote.
Now, any interest in immigrating to the U.S. so that I can also vote for you for president?
Hey N,
Just to make sure everyone knows, that SXSW is really a massive cult!
The moment you click on the link, you’ll be brought to a page that hypnotizes you into buying a lifetime supply of butt-high socks. But, hey, that’s not such a bad thing.
And, how come I’ve been blogging, oh, almost as long as you and nobody’s ever sent me any damn socks?!
Everyone, come play with us in Austin…or at least give Naomi a REAL reason to get outta Canadia for a few days. ;-)
I had the most clever & charming comment written up, then clicked the link to vote halfway through and lost it. What a dork.
Voted, of course. Will be at SXSW to heckle, er, support you.
@Rebecca, don’t be silly, Naomi was born outside the U.S. and thus is TOO EVIL TO BE PRESIDENT.
Also, Naomi, please try not to breathe too much of our pure American air while you are down here soiling our U.S. goodliness with your wanton Canadian ways.
p.s. very sexy socks.
I voted and commented as well. I am hoping to go and if I do, I’d love to see you on the panel. Good luck and I hope the bar is there too :)
Done, though I’m not at all sure this isn’t the first wave of a Canadian invasion. Subtle, those Canadians.
Naomi,
I could send you some custom made “fan huaraches” if you like. I just need a tracing of your foot, with the a marking of the space between your first and second toe.
(Don’t worry, this isn’t some lame foot fetish thing…)
:)
PS – have I told you lately that you rock?
-Brett
You got my vote.
Hadn’t heard of this conference/festival…very tempting indeed…:)
And Nick is just too funny.
Naomi!
Thanks so much for the plug for the panel. I am totally with you, how dreamy would it be to cavort with everyone at SXSW.
And I gotta tell you, forget ad revenue, thigh-high sock modeling is obviously your hidden talent, and will probably make it necessary to do only one or two copy writing gigs a year. I refuse to show my legs right now — due to recent baby, no exercise and sitting on my ass finishing my book for 12 hours a day, let’s just say that my thigh high ad would be a “before” picture to your “after.”
I would love to meet you, even more so now that I know you are Canadian. How did I miss that?
Big hugs,
-Pam
Oh, that Jamie person better realize how lucky he is. A smart woman with legs like that and a dirty mouth! I’ll vote for you just for that reason. Oh no – there’s Pam. I gotta go or she’ll tell my wife I’m looking at your legs…
Well, I voted. I hope it means they’ll like you so much they’ll invite you back in five or ten years when I can come and hear you.
You *are* wearing the socks to SxSW, right?
i voted for youuuu :) (as a ‘quiet one’ i figured i should say it out loud!)
Dave, if we get the panel I will strongly consider going to SxSW and ONLY wearing the socks.
change ’strongly consider’ to ‘definitely be’ and I’ll get 5000 yahoo email accounts to vote with. Nothing like voter fraud for a good cause!
Yes, I am crude- and kidding.
@Jonathon – Glad I’m not the only one on the planet who thinks “Canadia” is kinda funny (unless that’s a typo, then I really am the only guy on the planet who thinks “Canadia” is funny).
@Naomi – SO voted!
Hello from Sock Dreams! Someone bought socks from us today because of this entry, so thank you!!!
Bsti Natosi
Shipping Director
Sock Dreams
And I would be another person who read this and bought two pairs of socks. I get a feeing that the hubby will not be bothered (at all) by this impulse purchase. I read for the marketing advice and leave with over-the-knee socks. Love it.
I voted for you! Love the socks, btw!
First and foremost: sexy socks!
Secondly: thanks for the kind words and free plug.
Thirdly: noted and voted. Good luck!
Finally: sorry about the keyboard…
I try to vote for you but my computer keeps going back to the lovely picture of your legs and forcing me to stare at it.
I’ll keep trying. I promise.
@ Joe — There’s plenty of time for ogling later. Vote now. Stare after. Don’t make me take it down and ruin it for everybody else. ;-)
[...] make a habit of being as embarrassingly honest as possible on this blog. (You’ve seen me in thigh highs and topless, for God’s sake.) So I have to say [...]
[...] it cannot be the new cover of the book, but it can be the cover of this blog post. Note the drool. Fan socks, you have met your [...]
[...] buy your affiliate crap. They won’t do you favors. They sure as hell won’t send you fan socks. If you take nothing else away from this series, at least take [...]
[...] through your blog, and will be joined by other great panelists: Jonathan, Naomi Dunford from Ittybiz (landing marketing clients), Tamar Weinberg from Techipedia, Lifehacker and Mashable (landing [...]