Get Out of My F*cking Shop
So I’m in the tattoo parlour — another favorite Tuesday morning activity, and I overhear this comment from the most badass looking tattooist I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen a few) to a girl who is no more 18 than Jack is:
“You want me to put a heart and a maple leaf and a rainbow inside a shamrock behind your ear? Get out of my fucking shop.”
It’s nice that tattoo artists get to say these kinds of things. I have a feeling I’m in the wrong job.
Willy Franzen, a friend of mine whose home business is One Day One Job, a site profiling entry-level jobs for Ivy League graduates, sent me this email the other day:
“I was just thinking, and I realized that you have a really hard job.
As a blogger you have to tell people what they want to hear, or they won’t read.
As a consultant you have to tell people what they don’t want to hear, or you’re doing them no good.”
Willy, in addition to having a pretty damned fantastic idea for a website, has a very good point. It’s particularly true in the creative professions.
Press Releases
Out loud: “Perhaps we can look at some other angles.”
In head: “Yes, I’m sure thousands of Associated Press journalists are holding their breath waiting to read about the biggest spring sale Duluth has ever seen. That is the dumbest idea for a press release I’ve ever heard. Get out of my fucking shop.”
Web Design
Out loud: “Maybe we should go for something cleaner.”
In head: “There is no fucking way I’m putting this shit in my portfolio. Get out of my fucking shop.”
Web Content
Out loud: “I’m sure we can work something out with the right balance of keyword density and readability.”
In head: “Yes. Of course we can put “student credit cards business credit cards first time credit cards bad credit credit cards reward credit card mileage credit card” verbatim 8 times in 250 words and still have it make the homepage of De.licio.us. Get out of my fucking shop.”
I raise my glass to that tattoo artist. Rock on, dude.
Click here to subscribe to IttyBiz or get out of my fucking shop. (Today’s stupid tagline brought to you by Alisha Navarro.)
Image credit: pedrosimoes7
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Your tag line for this one is alllll wrong. It should be “Subscribe to Ittybiz….or get out of my fucking shop!
Great job putting in words what so many small business owners think on a daily basis. :)
Totally fixed it. I love it! BTW Alisha, if you’ve emailed, my email’s been down. I’m hunting through the web server to grab everybody.
Thanks for the shout out Naomi. I laughed out loud multiple times reading this post.
My girlfriend and I have decided that “get out of my f-ing shop” will now be a mainstay in our conversations.
And just because I target Ivy Leaguers as readers doesn’t mean that I’m going to tell other kids to get out of my f-ing shop.
Great post! I love the idea of telling unreasonable clients to take a hike.
Well, it’s true for life in general.
We rarely get to say what we think.
That tattooist – you think he’ll still be in business five years from now?
Amen to telling it like it is.
I can just see the T-shirt and bumper sticker orders coming for your new tagline–if you set up a cafepress shop up in the next few hours I bet you’ll make a few hundred bucks in paraphernalia. Okay, I’d buy something.
This makes me think of Andrew Hyde’s VC Wear shop with taglines like “I have an idea too. Leave” and “Your idea made me puke in my mouth a little” : )
@ Vered — He’s an institution so he gets to say what he wants. :) In this very particular instance I think a lot of people would’ve said the same thing, although maybe not quite so succinctly.
The fact that he would’ve been fined for tattooing her probably factored into it as well. Those guys have to put up with a hell of a lot of crap in their line of work, I’m guessing.
@ Jared — That was awesome! I think I like “My ham sandwich has a better shot at market share” best.
Just wondering if the “f*cking” in the title is for censorship reasons or for SEO reasons.
BTW, click my link for Wikipedia’s blurb on a relevant village in Austria.
@ Hunter — Neither, really. I just try to keep my swearing to small text. Not sure why. My opinions on it change daily.
Ok, Naomi, now you’re reading my mind. You’ve just given me a new battle cry.
Great post.
Perhaps not as graphic, I find that the word “no” is one of my best business development tools.
“No we can’t do the project because we would overwhelm the staff and quality would suffer.” What often follows is a call that goes something like this, “What do we need to guarantee you so you can hire the staff needed to support our efforts?”
In any service business it is important to maintain integrity. Sometimes painful in the short run but, over time, it will pay off. I for one think the tattoo artist will be in business for a long time.
I think this just happened to me.
Me: Harrison, I think maybe I’m scared of the banner.
Harry: Get out of my fucking shop. And think about it. And then come back and tell me it’s brilliant and that you will use it, because you know I’m right.
Me: ::meekly:: Okay.
@Tei: Yes.
See, I knew that’s what happened. Now I’M the one who’s right. And it feels delicious.
I got a new tattoo this week …. and my artist said, when she first heard the idea … “Hey that’s really cool!” Though I am certain she has a version of “get out of my fucking shop” too.
I’m at the point in my freelance career that I have no problem telling this to people. In a somewhat nicer way. I had a woman tell me my dog & cat illustration was “demeaning to animals”. I dumped the project immediately.
And, I showed the illustration to my dog. She loved it. The cat didn’t care.
Right on!
I love your humor and twisted slant on life.
Thanks again for a great read!
I was going to think of something totally clever to say but alas, Alisha (the first to comment) beat me to it :D
The funny thing is, as I’m sitting here reading this, I could “actually” hear you saying it all, lol.
My boyfriend’s boss, a small business owner, got to use that line on a customer a while back. Granted, he did give the customer a refund on something even though he didn’t have to (immediately before said comment), so I guess that balances it out, karma-wise.
On a side note, my boyfriend is beginning to notice whenever I read your blog – mostly for the involuntary chuckles it causes. (Neither of us are small business managers.) Thank you!
The only way that line could be better is if you could make your eyes glow read when you shouted it.
@Jon Engle -
The nerve. I just looked at your portfolio – don’t you know your “Mantra” logo is demeaning to DRAGONS? GTFO! :-p
The world of professional music is not much different, have you ever seen a conductor walk stop a symphony when an audience member’s cellphone rings? “Get out of my fucking symphony!” Exciting stuff I assure you. I think once you get to a certain level of professionalism in your niche, you get to say that…not just tattooists!
Firing one’s clients is just a hallmark of a job well done…
Naomi,
That’s perfect! (Side note: I didn’t know there were age restrictions on tattooing.) Blunt like that works in his profession. He’ll be around a long time.
We certainly all think it from time to time. I tweaked (rewrote) a radio spot a couple of months ago for a client who just kept wanting to insert his original junk back in that wasn’t working when he handed it to me. Finally I said “What are you working with me for?” which was my version of let’s do this, or get out of my f-ing shop. He’s happy now. IttyBizzes often have people at the helm who don’t like to give up IttyControl, but do want to do some IttyGrowing, too.
This causes IttyConflict. :)
Regards,
Kelly
Oh my gosh.
Harry just said it to me.
And I went and hid under the bed.
And put tape over my mouth for daring to speak to him.
I might come out later today.
maybe.
It just makes him sound so big and powerful……
lol, sorta reminds me of “No soup for you!”
LOL! I love it! While there aren’t too many of us that could get away with being quite that explicit, it’s important to be able to turn clients away when you recognize that they aren’t your ideal client.
It doesn’t serve you, your biz, or the client to stick it out if working with them drives you crazy or completely sucks the life out of you. The sooner IttyBiz owners realize that, the better off they’ll be. It’s much easier to turn a client away initially than to have to “fire” them later when you simply cannot stand it one more minute.
That you are able, Naomi, to consistently deliver great advice in such a bold, irreverent way, blows my mind. Thanks!
Right on! If more businesses and clients were more straightforward with their demands and then their replies and responses to those demands, the world would be a better, albeit cursed out, place!
Naomi, where will you be reporting from next week? A whore house?
You’re so genius! This is great.
Made me think of three things:
1. How different my life was when I worked at as a bartender instead of a “person who helps people rewrite their habits”. Back then I’d only work at bars where it was cool to throw people out for wanting coca-cola in their whiskey. Or at least you were able to mock people mercilessly for ordering Corona. Ah, those were the days.
2. How challenging it is to be in compassion and open-heart with people who don’t know all the stuff you’ve spent your life learning and can’t even appreciate how your vast stores of learning are saving their butt.
3. How every profession will attract some people who, beyond just plain not-getting-it, don’t really want to get it. Sometimes it means becoming a better explainer, but sometimes it really does mean showing them the door …
Oooh, and spinning off …
Yoga teacher:
Out loud: “As we do this work on the body you’ll be happy to find that all sorts of things that used to bother you about your body just won’t be issues for you anymore”
In head: “You’re here to work on your CELLULITE? Get out of my shop!”
Sigh. I could play this game ALL DAY!
I feel you should know that I called my mother up, after she questioned the wisdom of cursing on my own blog, and read her your entire post. Out loud. Verbatim. Including the tagline.
And she laughed until she choked on her own hiccups.
[...] read her, verbatim, with all the cuss words in it, Naomi’s post from yesterday. And she laughed so hard she choked on a [...]
See, this is why I should never get behind on my RSS reads. I could have nosed my coffee two days ago.
I’m with Nicola. Next Tuesday should be Brothel day.
Gives whole new meaning to your catchphrase, though.
/subtle
You didn’t tweet this and I’m late to the party. I’m so disappointed that I have nothing to say.
Oh, I used the “get out of my fucking shop” yesterday when a client wanted me to work for free.
Bloody hilarious!! Oh, when I was a book project manager and editor, I would have given my left tit (it’s even bigger) to say that to all my publishing clients when they wanted the most horrible things! Instead, I ended up quitting: too much repressed rage. Now that I’m a freelancer, I’m happy to announce that most of my clients trust me enough to allow me to say, That sucks. Change it to this. No need to tell them to get out of my fucking shop! (Thankfully. I couldn’t afford it.)
This reminds me of my uncle who always tell people to “Get the f*ck outta town” whenever they say something unbelievable. Cracks me up.
A smart post to make us each think about how we can say this without getting a bum rap in the world of published opinions…
My internal dialogue in this type of situation runs:
“My hourly fee is $100 to make it better; $150 to make it worse.”
Thanks for inviting us into your IttyBiz shop every day!
“There is no fucking way I’m putting this shit in my portfolio. Get out of my fucking shop.”
Oh wow, you nailed that one. I can’t count how many times we’ve presented a lovely design and have it all mucked up later although I’ll also admit that most of our clients respect our work and trust that we give them the best we’ve got. So, can’t complain too much!
[...] 2. Email the commentator with “Get out of my fucking shop”. [...]
[...] Now, hiding out isn’t a luxury my partner can afford. Until now, I never realized how lucky I was compared to James. He can’t turn off the world like I can. As the father of a toddler and a teen, he can’t just shut the door and tell everyone to get the fuck out of his shop. [...]
I’ve been lurking for a while…(I hope that is alright), but I keep coming back to this article every time I want a good laugh/cry. I think you have tainted my customer service skills. I like it!
Q: Can you make the name of my company flash and follow my cursor around the page?
A: Get out of my fcking shop!