Nov
08
Getting More Jobs: Are You Cocky Or Do You Have Balls?
For reasons that will soon become evident, I have chosen not to run a photo with this post.
Cocky – adjective
a. arrogant; pertly self-assertive; conceited
Balls, Slang: Vulgar.
a. boldness, courage, brassness
Time for a quick self-assessment quiz.
Please answer the following multiple-choice question, identifying the letter that most accurately represents your response.
Someone calls you cocky.
A.) I’m not cocky, I’m confident.
B.) Anything else, including, but not limited to: blushing, lame and self-deprecating jokes, stunned silence, and wild laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of the implication.
If you answered A, yes, you are cocky. I can’t help you. Find another blog. Good night and good luck.
If you answered B, you are a part of the 97.4% of the population who think they suck. Welcome. Enjoy your stay.
Thank you, Naomi. That was very funny and succinct. Why do I care?
Uncocky people don’t like cocky people. This is likely because you are both jealous of them and repulsed by them at the same time. They represent both what you hate and what you aspire to be and have. You want their confidence, their swagger. You also want their jobs. But how do you get what they have without turning the asses that they are?
You need balls.
Having balls is an unappreciated strength. Having balls can open doors and create opportunities like you could never imagine. Having balls will change your life.
There is a person I know very well. He looks a lot like my husband. He is taking something related to computers in school. The school sucks. They are not providing the education he paid for. This is a concern.
One of the classes he’s taking has to do with databases. His teacher, hereafter referred to as “Database Dude”, is not actually a teacher but a database administrator at a very big company nearby. He didn’t think it was necessary to provide his students with a textbook or tutoring or even open office hours. He comes, he babbles, he leaves.
This person who looks like my husband is concerned because many people are failing this class and he doesn’t want to be one of them. Database Dude is being unhelpful, as is the college’s administration. The person who looks like my husband does not know what to do.
His class is divided into three types of people.
Group One does not worry because they are certain they will be fine. They are smart and if they fail this course, f*ck the college, they don’t care.
Group Two is generally hysterical. “OhmygodwhatamIgoingtodo?” whines Group Two. “I’mgoingtofailandIwon’tgetmydegree! ThenI’llnevergetajob! I’llnevergetlaidagain!”
Group Three consists of one man, the one who looks like my husband. He’s calling in favors from every nerd he knows. He’s asking his brother-in-law, his neighbor, some guy his wife met on the internet – everybody. He’s going to figure this out if it kills him. He’s close to knowing more about databases than Database Dude.
Pretend you’re in this situation. You want to be in Group Three.
Cocky people are in Group One. Wimpy people are in Group Two. People with balls are in Group Three.
I’m not going to give you a nice, handy list of ways to get balls, but you need them to run a home business. Balls is not something you can Google. (Well, you could, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t get the kind of results you were looking for.) You just need to be conscious of balls. You need to channel balls. You need to look your life in the eye and say, “I have balls.” (This is very different from looking your life in the balls and saying, “I have eyes.”)
When you’re done, can someone figure out how to get a keyword density on how many times I’ve said “sucks,” “cocky”, “balls”, and “ass” in this post?
And they ask me why I didn’t run a picture.
Liked it? Subscribe to the feed. Didn’t like it? Subscribe anyway. How else are you going to know when I post so you can make nasty comments?
lol – Naomi, you crack me up! I know where people can get some balls – well Bawls, actually – my favorite online store (Think Geek) sells em by the case! http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/drinks/2818/
I think the guy who looks like your husband deserves a Case o’ Bawls. :D
Christine! Those look awesome! Maybe someday I’ll pay off my credit card and hook it up.
Mmmm. Bawls…
I took the quiz, firmly and decisively answered A) I’m not cocky, I’m confident (and in fact, have actually said that)… and had the wind sucked out of my sails on being told to go play elsewhere.
Needless to say, I kept reading.
My question is, what about the people that have the balls to be cocky? They accomplish great things because they believe they can. What about those who are cocky enough to show their balls? They end up definitely knowing without a doubt that they can get through something bravely and courageously… because they’ve got a double duo going on.
Actually, if I wasn’t cocky and I didn’t have balls, I wouldn’t be an online entrepreneur and writing for a living today.
Huh.
Naomi,
I had to comment on this post out of sheer disbelief. I cannot believe you wrote all of the things you wrote. But my goodness was this post funny.
Thanks for having the guts to write this post,
– Mason
@ James – thanks for the comment. I will allow for the possibility that you are one of the lucky few who have confidence without attitude. That is certainly the ideal situation, although one few reach.
In my not-so-humble opinion – I have been accused of many things, humble not being one of them – true confidence, like true courage or true integrity, is quiet.
@ Mason – Great to see you again. I’m glad you liked it. It may turn out you’re in the minority. :)
It takes so much energy to be ballsy, and if I whine, maybe someone will take the lead. Being cocky means you need to walk the talk.
Can I be really wishy-washy and say that I’m a whiney, ballsy chick who is cockeyed?
So the difference been cocky and gutsy is not one of initiative but consideration of others?
It’s an interesting question. Being someone born with little innate humility (see choice a), I have to agree there is enormous weight to the value in both the courage to chase your dreams and the ability to value the worth of others. In the first chapter of good to great, Jim defines the difference between a level 4 & level 5 leader by their ability to build others to be greater than themselves and though having an iron will, keep their egos in a healthy balance. I ended up writing a post recently that seems to me to be a good follow on to this post. What to do if you are cocky!
Humility in Business
Naomi,
I just wanted to mention that the feed numbers for all of the eMoms blogs are down significantly today, so don’t freak out . . . it isn’t because you said “cocky” and “balls.” ;-)
@ Mariam – Do you think maybe you can turn that into a tagline?
@ Shane – Please offer that in pdf format with a way to forward it anonymously.
@ Lornadoone – Thanks! It’s funny, Jarkko Laine came to me about that this morning and I (very unusually) checked my email before I checked my stats. Thank God I did – twice in one week after dirty words? Too big of a coincidence…
Thanks for the good laugh. I think I might be in the wimpy category, but luckily I’m married to a ballsy man. Maybe his balls will rub off on me. ;o)
@ Lisa – I had the opposite problem – hubby has balls but I was cocky as hell. Finally he said – very nicely and most certainly not verbatim – “You know you don’t have to be an ass to do well in life, right?”
Best of luck with the balls rubbing.
I love this post so much it may kill me. “You need to channel balls” is my new mantra.
@ Sonia – I think we should make t-shirts. Bumper stickers. Mouse pads. Come on, we’re marketers! We should be able to think of something…
Absolutely head over heels in love with this post. Subscribed!
-Josh
As the owner of a very small, very new business, I couldn’t possibly agree more with this. You win. Lots. I’m with Sonia, “You need to channel balls.” will be on repeat in my head for the next few weeks. I’ll let ya know how it works out!
I have balls, but I doubt them on occasion. Thanks for reminding me that it’s okay to figuratively grab my crotch and say “unh!” when in doubt.
I think you mean “skirt”, not balls.
http://bitchphd.blogspot.com/2007/11/trumpet-flourish.html
This is an honest question. How does someone with balls respond to the “You are cocky” situation if answering I have confidence (or, I have balls) = I am cocky ?
Awsome… cant go into much more detail than that
Because I’m a 12 year old stuck in a 33 year old man’s body, I can’t help thinking of the meme (does anyone else f’ing hate that word?) you may have started.
Maybe I’ll write a new ebook entitled something like: “The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Anatomy.” Or “Everything I Learned About Marketing I Learned in the Sack!”
Sorry.
Like someone said above, based on your quiz I am cocky with balls. So I guess that makes me a cock ball? Or maybe I am a ball of cock?
Either way it sounds rather unsightly but my attitude helps me get stuff done.
Hi Naomi,
I’ve just found your blog and I love it! You bring across good points in such a funny way.
Hi Naomi, obviously I’m late to the party but I did read this a while ago and have been cleaning out my old “ToDo” links list.
>When you’re done, can someone figure out how to get a keyword density on how many times I’ve said “sucks,” “cocky”, “balls”, and “ass” in this post?
Counting the request line;
sucks: 2 (apparently just the school sucks)
cocky: 9 (including Uncocky)
balls: 15 (including the title)
ass: 2 (the last ass and “asses”
husband: 4 (for a cock and balls comparison). =)
Thank you, Jay. Google, pay attention!!
Just found this (gawd it’s fun rummaging through your posts)
I’m cocky. Or as I prefer, confident. Competent, competent, cocky.
Get over it or walk away muttering.. doesn’t matter to me.
By the way, one thing not covered above:
I’m “cocky”, but I’m also a realist. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. If I say I can do something, I can: end of discussion, it will be done. If I say “maybe”, it probably will turn out well, but I know I’m not completely capable of guaranteeing it. If I laugh and say you’d regret the day you ever hired me to do THAT, you had better believe that too :-)
Oh man. You just got yourself a new subscriber. :)
I read the scared sh*tless post first and I was LMAO so much that I had to read this one. Love it love it love it. Got yourself a new subscriber. I don’t know how many times I’ve called myself confident and not cocky, too many to count!
Had a similar situation in class as your husband, in my case all us cocky folks confronted the sucky prof. in class, and wrote letters to the program administrator and then huddled after class to complain and pat ourselves on the back for telling the professor how much they sucked. (my grades have only suffered marginally, lol)
“Balls” is standing there while the kick is delivered because you know the kicker is going to be left off-balance and you will have 3 seconds to respond before the pain hits.
If it’s gonna take you 4 seconds, bummer. But if you can make the 3 seconds count … well, that’s what you came here for, isn’t it?
Somebody (IRL) has been slandering me lately. Ugly, racist, stuff. I keep grinning and doing damage control. But one of these days they will slip up and I will learn their identity.
The next three seconds belong to me.