Brandon and the Homeless Dude
The home business marketing homeless dude is back to reiterate his lessons.
You may or may not know that I wrote an ebook. In that ebook, I told readers that if they ever had any questions about SEO, they could email me. Lots did, which was awesome. One in particular stands out, though, and I want to tell you about it.
Brandon (hi, Brandon!) came through StumbleUpon. He’d never heard of me before that. He dropped me a line through my contact form and we got to chatting.
He wanted to talk about his blog-to-be. He knows he shouldn’t use Blogger, but doesn’t know what to use instead. If he’s like most newbies to blogging, he’s read the posts where people spit venom at Blogger but don’t give an alternative because the writer thinks it’s obvious. I know I’ve been guilty of that.
So we chatted back and forth a little about Wordpress and the difference between WordPress.com and WordPress.org and all that totally overwhelming shit you have to think about before you start a blog. We get to what I think is a logical end to the exchange, and he fires back one more quick email. He wants to know about hosting.
Ahh, hosting.
Knowing he’s a newbie, and not knowing if he knows anything about affiliate marketing, I figure it’s important to hit him over the head with the fact that I am an affiliate for InMotion, so I will be financially compensated if he goes with them through my link. I make this as crystal clear as possible because I don’t want to fuck him over. (There’s plenty of time for him to get fucked over by internet marketers later. Life is long.) He thanks me and goes on his way with these parting words:
“PS- i think its awesome that u respond, in an actual friendly manner; and also seem sincere when doing it. I ran across a few sites similar to yours prior, and got rude responses if any response in return.”
The other bloggers are not being very nice to Brandon, and I think that’s fucking ridiculous, for more reasons than one.
Most importantly, there’s the karma element. Be nice to people or karma will fuck you.
Secondarily, remember the Cool Kids Edition? When I was a dick to Dan Schawbel and felt like shit afterwards because he was in Fast Company and about to be all famous? You never know who you’re dealing with. Be nice to people because you don’t know who you’re dealing with.
Lastly, and most shallowly, these people are your customers. They buy things from you. They are the ones with the money. Be extra nice to the people with the money.
Today, I found out Brandon bought hosting through my link. And he bought my book at full price. Brandon gave me $89 yesterday. I have a feeling, considering we’re getting tight, he’ll probably buy more of my stuff, or take my recommendations, or become an affiliate for SEO School in the future. Maybe he’ll send his friends.
But because I took a little time out of my night to help someone — and keep in mind, I didn’t think there’d be cash coming from this — I have a customer, maybe a fan, and I get to know that I made someone’s day a little better after he got treated like shit by other people in my industry.
So what does this have to do with the homeless dude? Lesson # 4. “Don’t be a prick.”
As a life lesson, you shouldn’t be a prick at all. As a home business marketing lesson:
Don’t be a prick to the people with the money.
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There is nothing I could possibly add to this. Except maybe, “Don’t be a prick to the people with the money, you dumb fucknut.”
I *never* get to say “fucknut” on my own blog. It’s fun here.
I must chime in here with Brandon and say how pleasantly surprised I was to have you respond to me when I sent you a message on your comment form. You not only responded to me–period–you did so quickly and with a bunch of great advice. And so the bon bon life was birthed.
Thanks Naomi!
If my blog were a party, it would be held in a strip club. Thank you for bringing your fucknutty wisdom.
Christine! I was typing while you were typing, so I don’t want you to think the fucknuttiness refers to you.
You have the best domain ever. EVER. I’m so glad I could be a part of that. I think I’m going to create a thinking-up-domains service. I will change the world, y’all.
It IS nice that you respond to emails! We’ve exchanged emails a few times and you’ve always been friendly, and usually pretty prompt. It’s definitely unusual in my experience, and has guaranteed you top spot on my list of “people to hire when I get some money.”
It’s really frustrating when I email someone with a question — sometimes even a question about their pricing, which ought to indicate that I may want to hire them… — and they don’t return my email. (Hellooo… is this thing on…?)
Plus, I think this is the ONLY blog I’ve ever heard the word “fucknutty” used on. How can I NOT love that?
Though not being a prick is always day-to-day, all-round excellent advise, sometimes you have to call a fucknut a fucknut, even if they have the money. Seriously. Some people will GIVE you the money just so they can be fucknuts and get away with it, and these ones you have to just kick (somewhere painful, but not so it will cause permanent damage).
InMotion, you say? I’ve been looking for a new host…
Crap! I wanted to Digg this post, but can’t find the link!
Hi Naomi! This is so true. I believe being nice to people (answering their questions, saying hi, and so on) should be a core value for every blogger and business person (every person, in fact) - something that you do even if it wouldn’t make business sense at all!
I still haven’t read your book, yet. But I will :) Congratulations for finishing it - it has been awesome to watch your blog and online business grow! And it’s getting more interesting all the time! Way to go!
I’ve emailed a couple of people lately and got no reply… I might send you an email just to feel the Ittybiz love!
Fuck, YES. Customer service counts in such a damned huge way that it isn’t funny - and customer service IS marketing. If you treat people well and with respect, they’ll keep coming back time and again.
This is one of the main reasons we land and keep so many of our clients - they clearly, often, and consistently tell us our service rocks. It makes all the difference in the world.
Third fucking time I’m writing this comment because of some screw-up. Grrr.
Two things: first, can you start that thinking-up domains service before our date today at eleven?
Second: Before you ask, I haven’t read your book yet. I was waiting till I talked to you. Don’t know why. But Colin read it, fresh off the printer the day I bought it. He gave it two thumbs up. In fact, he shocked the shit out of me yesterday: he referenced it (okay, the gin and no bra part, but anyway).
You are the best at what you do because you *get it.* You’re not just some schmuck who has a marketing company because marketing is cool and you can make good money. I know this about you first-hand and I love you for it. I’m always flabbergasted when assholes (why on THIS site does spell check not like assholes?) jeopardize their marketing companies by marketing badly. Dumbasses.
Later, ho (typo but keeping it. Don’t be offended).
-S
Beyond just not being a fucknut, you should at least pretend that you actually give a shit, because if you pretend for long enough then you actually do. Too many times now have I had customer service people just tell me that “they can’t” do something and I’d come away feeling better about the whole experience if they at least feigned regret about saying so.
*Aside: Can I ask how many people (like me) try not to swear so much in real life (toddler at home who mimics EVERYTHING) but find it liberating to do so when in the presence of Naomi?
@ Steph - DO YOU NOT LISTEN TO ME? SnatchyourPanties.com (Of course, if you’re not going with the romance novelist editor angle, that would be a very bad choice…)
And if Naomi doesn’t approve, I’ll have words with her.
@ Vivian - I swear a ton at home. My kids don’t care and don’t repeat it. There’s nothing fun about something commonplace, after all.
@James: I’ll have to see what comes out of this conversation that’s just about to happen in about three minutes. The domain name might just get shortened to Snatch.
Man, romance never even entered my mind. But erotica could be fun. We used to read those aloud when I worked at Chapters in the back room. Probably written by retired English profs in tweed with patched elbows. We’d howl for hours. That shit is so hilarious, I’d never be miserable again if I started working on it. Hmmm. And maybe neither would Colin. [grin]
@ Steph - I don’t know about you, but up here in Canada, “snatch” has a whole different meaning. You may want to reconsider that, LOL
What goes around comes around is one of the best sayings. It’s all about Karma. When you give love you receive love. The Ittybiz gives out all kinds of free information and it’s followers are repaying her in kind. Even if it’s just adding to the conversation in the comment section. Every little bit of love helps.
Naomi,
You rock.
My mom (who warned me about people like you… which is obviously why I adore your blog) used to tell me “You get more flies with sugar than vinegar.” I never understood why she’d give me advice about attracting flies…. why would I want to attract flies for heaven’s sake?
Anyhow, it seems obvious. If you want clients, then treat the people who contact you with respect. You help them at first to establish that you really do know your stuff. They figure that out quickly and then they hire you and you eventually buy an island somewhere warm and retire.
You obviously learned this lesson early on. Good for you! Hopefully you learned it without getting covered with flies -because it turns out that flies flock to shit as well as sugar. (That explains why those garbage programs are doing so well!)
Naomi - I always seem to learn something from your posts…sometimes words, sometimes ideas, but always useful. Thank you for candor and insight!
Naomi: I was going to email you but I have to say this in public. I just got off the phone you after one hour, four minutes, and forty-four seconds (my phone said!) and you hadn’t even had coffee and you rocked my shirt off!! (And gave me homework!) You know how when something is so exciting and you’re talking to someone about it and you feel like the phone is in the way and you just want to be sitting across from them instead and jabbering away about it? The kind where you want to sort of push them in the chest and go, oh my GOD! You’re so awesome!
That’s what this was. Thank you.
I’m very impressed. People: if you’re not already, get excited. Naomi is already the next best thing.
@ james: I know exactly what it means. :)
Shake your bon bons mama! Wooooo!
Just bought your ebook too. **Smooches**
Steph, NOOOOOO. That’s a whole ‘nuther entertainer as my friend Sue would say. Do not shorten that domain. Unless you’re after a whole different niche…Jamie where are those margaritas?? And the pool, you said you were putting in a pool. Oh, I hear the splashing. already…
Thanks Brandon, for inspiring Naomi to write this post, it is truer than true. ….no, no salt. Ahh, thanks.. sip sip.
I’m just kidding, I’m not shortening the name!
Being a prick to people with money is one of the great joys of life. But first you gotta get some of your own.
Re bob’s comment - I think that being nice to people is generally a good life strategy, but I agree. One of the reason’s I was excited about Naomi starting this business is knowing that if I was dealing with a person that was being rude or insulting I could tell them to go fuck themselves, and no one could fire me for it :)
@Steph: I can tell you that Naomi got off your call just as excited as you were. She hung up the phone and told me “This is why we started this business in the first place”. Glad you enjoyed your call - now stop screwing around and go do your homework (I’ve always wanted to say that, and Jack is too young to have homework) :)
@ Jamie,
REALLY?? Because that is SO cool!! Thank you for telling me! Woohoo!!
And if by homework you mean surfing erotica sites and forums and sifting through some of the funniest, dirtiest, scariest, titillatingist things…well, yes, DAD!! I’m doing it!
(But it is fucking WEIRD, man! I don’t know…I told Naomi I’m getting all protestant girl about it. If dancing leads to sex, what will reading erotica do??)
Now stop screwing around and go do your packing!! :)
I just had to add: I just totally accidentally came across a pic of Madonna wearing a tee-shirt that says “Snatch: coming soon.”
So you see? I could be very successful. Even Madonna will advertise for me.
@Steph - Oh yes, I wouldn’t lie to you. Maybe in future, you could just tell me you’re doing your homework without telling what your homework was.
There are a lot of weird phone calls here at IttyBiz HQ, but I have to say that listening to Naomi talk to you was probably the weirdest call I have ever overheard. That said, you go out and rock the erotica.
Keep in mind I’m the conservative one. Never thought I’d say that either.
@ Jamie: Okay. I spent one day on that homework and here’s the verdict: Can’t. Do. It. I’m feeling as though I ate too many winegums or tootsie pops.
I’m conservative too (my eyes, my eyes!!). James can own his Panties and Madonna will just have to keep her snatch.
How does this square with the post on your blog dated May 6, 2008 “Get Out of My F*cking Shop”, especially since the receipients of this are customers with money to pay for what they want?
If you can’t or don’t want to give them what they are willing to pay you money for, what good does it do to verbally abuse them and send them away? This seems contradictory to your point in this post, “Don’t be a prick to the people with the money.”
I’m curious on how and where these two points converge.
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