Honesty: The Fine Art of the Redirect

Written with love by Naomi

Yesterday, we talked about random acts of honesty - the kind of truths you tell out of the blue and without provocation. Today, we’re going to talk about what to do when someone asks you a direct question, the kind that makes you want to lie even if you know you can’t.

Redirection is a skill that everyone needs. It is sometimes also known as being evasive, sneaky, or avoiding the question. This may be true, but since you’re going to be doing it anyway, you may as well know how to do it properly. Here’s the big trick to the redirect.

Behind every question, there is a secret meaning. Find the meaning, find your answer.

In the comments section of yesterday’s post, Shane asked what to say when your wife, girlfriend, sister, or mother asks you, “Do I look fat in this?”

There are two possible meanings behind this question. She wants to know if you love her, or she wants to know if what she’s wearing is acceptable. She does not want to know if she looks fat.

If she doesn’t look fat, say so. Use whatever level of enthusiasm is appropriate to your relationship. Do not tell your mother she looks “smoking”. Do not tell your girlfriend she looks “sharp” or “snazzy”.

However, if she does look fat, you need to redirect. (We’re assuming she’s not already morbidly obese. If everything she wears makes her look like a beached whale because she is, in fact, a beached whale, the secret meaning behind the question is actually “Does this make me look fatter than usual?”)

The only acceptable redirect under these circumstances is to blame the clothing. Some examples:

“Do you think something happened in the wash?”

“I think the dry cleaner’s screwing up again.”

“I think they’re doing something weird with their sizing lately. Maybe they’ve changed sweatshops.”

“Have you heard about this whole vanity sizing thing? They’re saying clothing makers are starting to change the sizing of their clothes to make people feel thinner. Isn’t that weird?”

(If you can get away with the last one, you’re golden. Not only did you get off the topic of her being fat, you also managed to ask her for her opinion at the same time.)

Dealing with home business relationships is the same as dealing with fat girlfriend relationships.

You need to find out what they’re trying to find out.

Let’s say a potential client asks you outright if you have done web design in a medical environment before, and you don’t know a stethoscope from a tongue depressor. You know that web design is web design and you don’t need to be a damn surgeon to give their chiropractic office a shiny new site. You also know that what they really want to know is if you will do a good job for them. Here are some things you could say:

The medical community requires an impeccable eye for detail… (Follow up with examples of your stellar attention to detail.)

What kind of medical details are you looking for? (In most cases, they’ll give you a long answer and forget that you didn’t respond to their original question.)

While I do the design elements for all of my sites, I have an extensive network of professionals in place that can handle many fields. (Start talking about something else immediately. Asking a question would be a good choice here.)

In the vast majority of cases, the person asking the question isn’t going to hammer you until you answer.

The redirect will not solve all of your problems, but it’ll solve a bunch. Sometimes, you need to realize that you’re screwed either way. If a potential employer wants to know if you can use Excel and you can’t, you might be just out of luck. If that’s the case, though, you wouldn’t have got the job no matter what you answered.

Come on! Subscribe to the feed! I’m trying to get 1000 subscribers by Christmas. You wouldn’t want my failure on your head, would you?

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By Naomi Dunford - Nov 23, 2007 in Home Based Business - 6 Comments