How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off Online
Push button publishing is cool. Everybody’s little home business can say its piece. We can discover levels of genius to which we would never have been exposed without the internet. Everybody has a voice.
But there’s a problem with everybody having a voice. Everybody has a voice.
Online productivity experts suggest that when you are overwhelmed by stuff, you should cut out time suckers. For me, the time sucker was reading the fifty million blogs I had in my reader. So for a while, I wasn’t very active on blogs. (Side note: For naysayers, in the few days since I’ve gotten back involved, I’ve gained about 90 subscribers. Just FYI.)
Anyway, now I’m back into blogging and snooping and reading comments, and I’ve been re-shocked by the stupidity of some of the things I read on the internet. Blog posts, comments, tweets — man, people are mighty dumb sometimes.
Seriously. What the hell are these people thinking?
What seems to get forgotten by 79% of the people on the Internet is that it doesn’t go away. It is completely public, uncontrollable, and it exists forever.
You will be on Google forever. Forever, forever, forever.
You can delete your own blog, but you can’t control who’s already seen it. But other people’s comments? Forum posts? Even emails? They. Do. Not. Go. Away.
People forgive. They don’t forget.
I’ve seen comments lately, both in my own comments section and in the comments sections of other blogs, that make me cringe to read them. Are these people going to be happy with themselves when the hangover has worn off?
Here’s the thing. You are entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to broadcast your opinion. You are not entitled to control what other people think about it. And that’s the problem.
Here are some ideas:
Do not comment when drunk. Do not blog when drunk. Do not tweet when drunk. Keep in mind, you can be a little silly and tipsy, but if you’re a snarky drunk or an angry drunk or a maudlin drunk or a stupid drunk — and let’s face it, most of us can be described as at least one of these — get yourself a bottle of water and walk away.
If you have a personality disorder that causes you to have major mood swings (like, say, I do) do not comment when you’re in a bad mood. You won’t think the same way later, and you’ll either feel or look like a jackass. Bookmark and come back if you have to.
If you don’t know all the facts, put the laptop down, Tolstoy. How many times have you read a nasty snarky comment and then read the backpedal later that says, “Oh. I didn’t realize that.”? Do you want to be that person?
If it’s none of your business, shut up.
If you’re commenting as a marketing strategy, don’t comment when your blog sucks. If you’ve been posting things lately that are highly off topic, you haven’t posted in six months, or your last four posts have been shitty link posts, you will be wasting a first impression. You don’t have to wait for perfection, but at least wait for mediocrity.
Remember when somebody told you — and somebody ALWAYS tells you — that if you wouldn’t want it printed in the newspaper, you shouldn’t put it in an email? Emails are generally read by one person. Blog comments can be read by thousands.
Do not turn somebody else’s comments into the All About Joe Show. How many times have I read something on Problogger that talks about, say, Adsense, and some genius with 8 subscribers comes on and takes four paragraphs to talk about, “Well, in my blog, I’ve experienced…”? If the blogger is asking for your input or your experience, awesome. Leo Babauta does this a lot. Darren Rowse does it sometimes too. If you’re do talk about your own experience, make it relevant. If you respond personally to every comment — all three of them — don’t go around flaming Dooce for not responding to each and every one of hers. Apples and oranges, dude.
If all else fails, qualify. Say it’s a rant. Say you’re in a bad mood. Say you didn’t take your happy pills today. Whatever. Just don’t leave it alone and bitch.
Finally, keep in mind that the internet is not all about you. In the vast majority of cases, nobody cares what you think. Feel free to say it anyway, but be aware that nobody wrote a blog post because they wanted your specific input. You are not God. And even if you were God, you don’t hear Him talking shit in the comments, do you?
***Conclusion: I’m not trying to turn people off commenting. I love comments. The blogosphere would be a very different, and in my opinion inferior, place without active comments. I’m just trying to say that people get opinions of you based on what you write online, and those opinions are hard to change.***
Click here to subscribe to IttyBiz. It’s fun and fat-free.
***
Overwhelmed? Freaking out? Borderline hysterical? Click here to get your own micro-business marketing plan. It’s not scary, I promise.
I have only this to say:
You are so totally awesome. As always. :)
(Google can keep that forever. Forever, forever, forever.)
The logical first thought that comes to mind while reading this is….
Oh shit. What have I done now?
I’m saying this as a “genius with 8 subscribers” but in my blog simply having commenting available means that I want their “input or experience”. What else could comments possibly give? If the comments are sucky, I can always remove them. If I don’t want anybody’s input or experience, I won’t allow commenting on that entry.
“You don’t have to wait for perfection, but at least wait for mediocrity.”
Damn, you are good! Another just-what-I-needed-to-hear quote for the wall. Yes, I Will get off my ass and get some Work Done.
God! I’ve done all of the above! Is there any help for me?!
Yeah, I feel like an idiot when I say something retarded, but you’re right. Can’t take it back. Can forgive, but not forget.
Live and learn, I guess.
Actually, I like it when people say stupid things, and then get called on it, and have the grace to admit said stupid thing. I like people like that. It shows they are human, and not little angels.
And it’s entertaining!
@ Brett - You are so cute! Take that, Google. Way to show who’s boss.
@ James - You haven’t done anything. (Although I’m sure the friendly folks at WAHM.com have another opinion. Meanie pants that they were.)
@ Lynoure - I agree, if you don’t like the comments on your blog, you can take them away. But if someone comes on and leaves a comment and regrets it later, they’re pretty much stuck. That’s why I’m saying that people should watch what they say. Not don’t say anything — just be careful.
Please understand, I have no issue with having 8 subscribers — we all had 8 subscribers at one point. I have an issue with people with 8 subscribers acting like they know more about blogging than people with 80,000. It’s the same with kids — don’t lecture me on how to raise my 8-year-old when you couldn’t pick an 8-year-old out of a police line-up. And if you are going to do that, for God’s sake be nice about it.
In my Darren/Adsense example, I’m referring to the people who go on and get verbal diarrhea, talking about how on their blog, Adsense didn’t get them any money and it’s a waste and there’s no money in it and it’s all a scam and blah, blah, blah. When a person is getting 43 page views a day, their experience is not statistically relevant. There is not a large enough sample to analyze, and that person’s comment is not an intelligent contribution to the conversation. Short version — don’t act like an expert when people can prove you’re not.
As the blog owner, I always want input. I just wonder if the people giving that input will like what they said later. And if they do regret what they say, there’s nothing they can do about it.
@ Mary Anne - Good luck, hon! Maybe I should go into the motivational posters business. :-)
@ Ellen - Oh, honey, haven’t we all! Luckily, life is long. :-)
I can relate to a lot of what you say here Naomi and I do find my strongest motivation to comment is when I am drunk.
So here goes…
Oh, I already commented, ho hum. It must be related to the stress of the non-cubicle lifestyle. Darn, I miss my buddies in the lab and the office gossip!
Naomi and I spoke about this before she posted it, and we were concerned that people would read this as “please don’t comment”. Obviously comments are great and should be encouraged.
But (you had to see that coming) not all comments are equal :) We all know that when we read something on the internet we have a responsibility to take it with a grain of salt. When leaving a comment that gives some kind of advice (i.e. use Adsense or don’t use Adsense) the commentator has a responsibility to represent themselves honestly. When we had only a few subscribers I saw a post asking bloggers if their subscribers clicked on their ads. We had ads at the time, but I didn’t weigh in because we only had a few subscribers ourselves and I knew whatever my experience was would not be relevant. I didn’t want my response (few of our subscribers at the time would click on our ads) to influence anyone’s opinions on whether or not ads work.
Phew, I got it all out! :)
@ Ellen- You’re right, I have a lot of respect for people who say something they think is stupid and have the guts to say “whoops!”.
After an excruciatingly embarrassing instance of PWP (Posting While Pished) in my yoof (although that was a discussion forum and not a blog) I have made a very conscious decision not to even *read* blog entries with promising titles - that is, on subjects where I may feel like I have Something Very Important Indeed to say. In fact I’ve told my wife to hide my beloved soap box whenever I have a drink or two, or if I’m in a bad mood, the latter being much more likely than the former…
erm, I meant to say, not to even read blog entries with promising titles *when I am drunk or feeling crap*.
and I’m actually sober and in a good mood right now, imagine me loose on someone’s comments when I’m intellectually incapacitated…
@ Jimmy — I love, love, LOVE Something Very Important Indeed. That is completely and without reservation perfect. My husband is also very good at running interference for me when I’m in that mood. He says something like, “Aww, poor honey. So stressed out. Why don’t we put the laptop down and have a nice glass of wine? I’ll get you some cheese. Would you like some cheese?”
From anyone else it would sound horribly condescending, but from him it’s soothing somehow. Kinda makes me feel like I’m four years old and my mother’s giving me a blankie and some warm milk.
I’m so jealous now. I don’t get offered cheese… I get sent to the kitchen to make tea! (perhaps because she knows that if she goes to make the tea, I end up posting anyway…) But I do get promised that if I’m a good boy there might be cake later on. I like cake.
I think everyone should have emergency cake in one of those little glass boxes with a cute little hammer. IN CASE OF DRUNKENNESS/PISSY MOOD, BREAK GLASS AND HAVE CAKE.
Caroline - ditto the don’t comment when you’ve had a couple of drinks. I did this once and called someone a dick on Shoemoney blog. It was quite embarrassing when he caught up with me on another blog and said - “Hey - you’re the one who called me a dick.” Luckily he was quite forgiving though.
Jimmy - ditto the don’t comment when you’ve had a couple of drinks. I did this once and called someone a dick on Shoemoney blog. It was quite embarrassing when he caught up with me on another blog and said - “Hey - you’re the one who called me a dick.” Luckily he was quite forgiving though.
And now I just went and called you the wrong name - sorry. I haven’t been drinking but I visited Caroline’s blog before this one.
@ Naomi - thanks! Well, you know us cute conservative tattooed nuclear engineer types, always flipping Larry and Sergei the bird…
(Hello Google Guys!)
Strangely, I do post from time to time when I’ve had a few pints of beer. The only effect it seems to have is that I can only post 300 comments an hour…
HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS DRUNK?
Naomi,
This was the first article I have read of your and I have to say…You may be my new FAVORITE blogger. This article was absolutely entertaining, but yet had so much truth in it at the same time. I’m afraid I’m going to be spending the rest of the night “catching up” on your blog.
Hope to hear much more from you.
Tad
http://growingintoyou.com/
ha! my first thought was also ‘oh no, what did i do’ and yet i don’t often post comments on blogs. *phew* hopefully for me this is just a nice (haha!) lesson in what not to do!
@ Jimmy — IN CASE OF DRUNKENNESS/PISSY MOOD, BREAK GLASS AND HAVE CAKE. That is the END. You have an open invitation to guest post any time you like.
@ Cath — Oh, no! That’s the worst. At least he was cool about it.
@ Brett — Only 300? When do you ever get the time to get to the other 300?
@ MM — BECAUSE YOU ONLY TYPE IN ALL CAPS WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK.
@ Tad — Welcome! Don’t let these drunken losers (and I consider myself among them) turn you off. We’re nice around here, I swear.
@ Kate — You are perfect. Worry not. If you ever annoyed me I wouldn’t be subversive about it, I’d just change the sticky note at the top to ”Kate from Neato Keen is a sucky commentator.” Until that happens, you’re safe. :-)
@naomi - thank you, i have ceased to worry. though, i may have to snip your response and send it to my husband ’see, I AM perfect, Naomi says so’ we can leave out the part that might limit it comments…
Hahahahaha…
http://xkcd.com/386/
And I was looking for that and found this (only vaguely related):
http://xkcd.com/323/
Both work-safe. The first link is SO ME.
Oh my God, Dana, those are CLASSIC! It’s funny how it’s a total compulsion for some people.
”Must. Correct. Total. Strangers. Must. Do. It. Immediately. Now. Now. Now.”
Too funny!
It never occurred to me that I will never be able to get rid of any blog comments I make. Fortunately, I am brain-damaged in a particular way that makes it equivalent to nuclear holocaust if someone doesn’t like me, so that tends to keep me in line. I was strongly tempted to call someone a dick on Jezebel the other day, but they were actually being a pretty significant dick.
The one that gets me are Twitters. No one needs a blow-by-blow of your grilled cheese sandwich, people. Twitters are just like anything else you write for other people–make it useful or interesting or SOMETHING. I think Twitter should come up with a follow up message after you’ve tweeted that says “Seriously, does anyone give a fuck about that? If not, how about we just trash it?” Twitter would get a lot more interesting.
Some of the most hugely-followed are some of the worst offenders. (urge to name names repressed by abovementioned eternal endurance of comments)
I wildly love “You don’t have to wait for perfection, but at least wait for mediocrity.” That should be the new motto of the entire World Wide Web. Go forth and spread the meme, people.
About “waiting for mediocrity”, it’s really hard to judge if one’s blog is mediocre or worse in their specific category. I struggle with this with my blog, mostly because I haven’t seen a top or bottom list for writing-on-the-wall type of musings. :) But I do think it’s stupid to link to something you are not ok showing in its current state.
Something many need to be reminded of. We all have our moments. I love famous quotes and this one by Plato seems appropriate, “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.”
@ Sonia - I’ll take cheese sandwich any day over the link droppers who post nothing but links to their sites. Now THAT’S boring. We have feed readers for that shit. Once in a while, okay. A morning routine, alright. But power baiting and nothing else?
Cheese, please.
@ Sonia — Yes, yes, yes. Although I’m kind of with James too, much as I hate to admit it. :-) I like the way Darren Rowse does it. He’s very clear about what he’s doing, and for many. he’s providing a service. Lots of people want to be among the first to comment on Problogger, and people appreciate the updates.
I saw a great one the other day that was something like: “Overheard in Subway. ‘These used to be my favorite chips. Actually, they still are.’ Said by 3-yr-old holding Lays SC&Onion.” For some reason, that just seemed like perfection in vignette form.
@ Lynoure — I think your definition is probably the best one. If the writer thinks it sucks, that’s a pretty good starting gauge. If you don’t care, then it’s fine. It’s when people are commenting to get people to come to their blogs that I think they should be aware of what they link to.
@ George — Oh, I’ve always loved that quote! Just right, under the circumstances. :-)
@ James — Cheese, please! I love it!
“It’s when people are commenting to get people to come to their blogs that I think they should be aware of what they link to.”
I think this is important, Naomi, though I’m not really clear what it means exactly. Is it kinda like you don’t show up at someone’s doorstep and start spouting your piece in their face?
I try and gauge a blogger’s comfort level before I say anything provocative. Here, I can be myself, say “shit”, and drink wine and eat chips. But there is a fine line between saying something outlandish, for outlandishness’s sake, and getting people to think.
Everyone wants to be noticed. I don’t have a problem with that. I like to click on links to blogs and see what people are up to. It seems you get a wide variety of readers and that’s interesting.
But I wanted to clarify the whole linking thing. We can all learn from it. Any advice? Anyone? What is proper link etiquette? E
@ Ellen — Good question. Here’s my really long answer.
What I meant there was this: Most bloggers have read the advice on the big metablogs saying that commenting is a good marketing strategy. (I come to your blog and if I say something cool, you or your readers might come to my site too. Then maybe they’ll subscribe or click ads or whatever.)
The thing is, though — commenting is easy, and there’s no barrier to entry. People read that advice on a blog with 40,000 readers and they think, “Well, shit. If I go around and comment like a crazy person, I can get 40,000 readers too!” Maybe you can eventually get 40,000 people to your site, but if you do this as a marketing strategy before your blog is ready to be seen by a bunch of people, they come, they see, they leave, they don’t come back. Big fat waste o’ marketing effort.
This doesn’t extend to people who are commenting because they feel like it. If you don’t give a shit if I come to your blog, then have your name link to anything you like — doesn’t matter. But if you’re using it as a strategy — Caroline Middlebrook talks about this a lot — then you should make sure your blog is ready to be viewed before getting asses in the seats.
The potential issue is this — let’s say you leave a really insightful comment on Problogger, thinking that if you do, Darren might come to your site and you’d get on his radar. Good idea. However, if Darren comes to your blog and sees that “Welcome to my blog” default post that WordPress puts up before you’ve published anything, you run the risk of ruining a first impression. Darren (or whoever else) has the first impression of your site as being the one that has no content. It’s not a disaster, but it ruins all your hard work.
One thing I want to emphasize — if you’re commenting on someone’s blog to say, “Hey, congratulations on the birth of your twins!” or “Gee whiz, I love your theme” and that’s all you’re trying to do, you don’t have to worry about this tip. It’s only for when you’re doing it to get new readers, more traffic, subscribers, whatever.
Thanks, Naomi. I was unsure of how to go about this blogging etiquette.
I only comment on blogs when I have something to add to the conversation, and I had no idea there was this whole other dimension of “spreading yourself far and wide!” I can see why people would not like it - seems like blogging confetti.
@ Ellen — Ooh, blogging confetti. I like it! Yes, the spreading yourself far and wide thing tends to be the most popular get-your-blog-bigger remedy, with the possible exception of guest posts. “Comment everywhere — it’s the new black!” is the mantra-of-the-minute.
Wow Naomi,
I discovered you because you’ve kindly left comments on my blog, and now I’ve finally had time to explore yours. Awesome. Great style. Just subscribed.
This post of yours has schooled me bigtime. Many thanks, particularly for the reminder that google will remember us (and our comments) forever. Yikes!
We all have a dark side, and we all have a filter.
Use both wisely, toward your goal, for the better good.
Like Naomi does.
And when that happens (which is fairly regularly here), we all get to read, meet, interact with and learn from an ever-widening ripple of hot-blooded/cool-brained creatives at this smart/funny party called ittyBiz.
Just like driving home from a party and chattering with your date about all the neat things you heard and fun people you met, I especially love the take-aways that always bring me back…
(and that’s no 4/1 joke.)
[...] Naomi Dunford I refuse to converse with idiots who wear Bluetooth headsets all day [...]
[...] suitably funny and appropriately vulgar for this blog — we might end up using something from How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off Online — and I am thinking. I don’t have a lot of time to think lately, so sorry about that. [...]
[...] Please pay attention, I don’t want to have to come find you. If you haven’t already read How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off On-line, perhaps that is the best place to [...]
Naomi,
This is so well-said, entertaining and timely that I can’t think of anything to add.
Thanks for enlightening those of us are clueless. (I must confess being disappointed, however, to learn that the internet is not all about me. Sniff.)
Keep up the great blogging.