Nov
21
How To Tell The Truth, Part One
Written with love by Naomi.
I’d like to state for the record that I am all for honesty. Good stuff. I’m digging the truthfulness. Big fan over here. But. There is a but…
Honesty is like communism. Executed correctly, and under the right circumstances, it’s wonderful. But it’s often just a really big flop.
There are two kinds of honesty. One is dumb. The other is not dumb.
The first kind is honesty for honesty’s sake. This is the kind of truth you tell when you don’t even need to tell it. The kind of truth that has no relevance to anyone. The kind of truth that does nothing but alleviate your own guilt, fear, or discomfort.
Example: “I know it’s only our second date, but I think it’s only fair to tell you I’ve slept with 34 other men.”
Yes, that may be true. It’s also really dumb.
The second kind is honesty for clarity’s sake. This is the kind of truth you tell because it needs to be told. The kind that’s useful to the receiver. It purveys necessary, accurate, and relevant information.
Example: “I know it’s only our second date, but I want you to know I’m really enjoying spending time with you.”
Also true. Not so dumb.
Someone I like very much (this person shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) was recently offered a lucrative and exciting opportunity for which they are amply qualified. Part of this opportunity involved this person writing press releases. This person has never written a press release before.
I got an email that said, “Damn! I don’t think I can get that gig now. They want me to write press releases!”
Now, maybe I’m a big fat lying pants, but I think that’s a load of crap.
In this situation, my friend can say, “Gee, I’m sorry, I’ve never written a press release before.” This would be true.
My friend can also say, “Let me send over some clips and a testimonial letter from one of my current clients. I’d love to write your press releases for you.”
Guess what, people. That’s also true. Which one do you think is more important? Which one is more likely to help your business?
It’s true that my pants fell down in front of 15 football players in a crowded restaurant on homecoming weekend. It’s true that I stole cigarettes from the gas station I worked at when I was 17. It’s true that I never finished high school and made it into college on a technicality.
You don’t see me mentioning any of those in my query letters.
You get to pick the truths you tell.
Tell the truths that needs to be told.
That covers out-of-thin-air honesty – the kind of statements you make without provocation. Tomorrow I’ll lecture talk about what to do when somebody asks you something outright in Honesty: The Fine Art of the Redirect.
Have you subscribed to the feed yet? What, do I smell?
One thing that I was thankful for being taught by one of my University lecturers – and it has stayed with me – is the concept of “transferrable skills”.
I think that there are a few different types of people in the world — those that like to learn things the “correct” way, and those who will just “give it a bash” and see where it goes.
Might have come from my Arts degree, or the fact that I have balls made of stainless steel, but I have never felt limited in terms of ability or experience — if your friend can write, they can write anything! And not knowing something doesn’t mean you can’t do the job. Every new job or experience requires some adjustment time anyway.
I am a webbie and am constantly trying to learn how to do things a certain way — why would that not apply to a writer as well?
I look forward to your next one. Could you please provide insights into the following questions:
Does this make me look fat? (probably)
What are you thinking about? (if you are like most of us men – the answer is nothing, but no woman ever believes us)
Do you know what today is? (shit, what did I forget now, aniverary is in summer so I’m safe there, birthday and Xmas in dec, nope…. Uuuhjj… Bnzzzzzzzzzz. What is Columbus day? That is incorrect- damn)
Would you still love me if I told you something bad? (sigh… Probably… You are a nutcase, but you are my nutcase, what DID you do now)
And more questions requiring skilled answers
… And more direct questions
I don’t know what your friend’s problem is. Press releases are easy.
Hehehehe. ;-)
One of my first real jobs was won on the basis of a lie. Not a big one, just a small one. I had an interview at Pepsi, said with the utmost confidence I knew how to use a certain program (which I had never used in my life), got the job, and then spent the whole weekend learning how to use it.
Years later, the same thing happened, only it was a friend of mine who said I could do something I knew absolutely nothing about. Again, I faked it and fooled everyone. Sometimes you have to take a chance. Both of these jobs were good ones and I really needed them at the time. Lucky for me it all worked out.
Tell the truth that needs to be told? Hmm…I think I’d skew that a bit and say ‘Tell the best truth that you can tell’ – aka “tell the truth but remember that you aren’t under oath, this isn’t a confessional, and the 60 Minutes team isn’t waiting in the lobby”.
As for the other: Of course you smell. You have a nose, don’t you?
Yes, thats yet another kind of truth that didn’t actually have to be said.
yet, there is something to be said for brutal honesty…
…if your a drama queen.
@ Tea – I happen to know that my friend reads this blog, so thank you for your comments. I know they will please her no end.
@ Shane – Doesn’t the iPhone have a calendar function? Set a reminder 48 hours in advance, then beat her to it.
@ Susan – That’s exactly what I said. Funny, huh?
@ Harrison – After spending many years as a temp, I learned a shocking number of ways to game their little tests. They always need you to know more than a certain amount about various programs, even if the job doesn’t require them. Game the test, then say you really prefer the customer service aspect of reception. Or claim you have bad eyes and can’t see the spreadsheet. Not that I’d know anything about that. :)
@ Bill – You are, as always, a delight. The 60 Minutes one is always a good one to remember. I think I’ll put it on a Post It.
@ Justin – it’s like that scene in Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise’s fiance says “We said, brutal honesty” and he responds “I think you were the one to add the brutal part”.
lol Shane — I am laughing at how many gender stereotypes you crammed into that one comment. Tragic ;)
Thanks Naomi, thats great. We could all do with a confidence lift when we are recoiling in self doubt!
She should take the job an she will be smashing at it, there is absolutely no doubt!
Did you see that Susan?
You’llshe’ll be smashing at it!