Aug
29
The One Where I Quit, or “How To Work From Home When You Have No Fucking Talent”*
* As you can see, I’ve completely given up on the philosophy of not swearing in header text.
This is a very, very important post. If you don’t have time to read it right now, save it in your reader or whatever because it’s a big deal.
I got an email with the title of this post as the subject line. Want to get my attention? That’s the way to do it, baby. Here it is, in its entirety:
“Naomi, thanks for doing the series about writing and selling ebooks. It’s very useful and timely for me, as I’m currently writing my first paid ebook, as well as looking for a way to work from home.
Right before you started that series, I was thinking about emailing you to suggest that you write an ebook called “How To Work From Home When You Have No Fucking Talent.” I don’t mean that the readers are useless, just that they don’t have any particularly extraordinary rockstar talent. People who are fabulous copywriters can be you or Brian Clark or James Chartrand, people who are superb graphic and blog designers can be Harrison McLeod, people who are fantastic internet marketers can be Yaro, people who know how to do everything can be Tim Ferriss, etc. But what about more normal people, how can they quit the 9-5?
The company I work at is likely to shut down in early October, which is actually great timing because that’s about the point when my tolerance for a corporate environment will be exhausted. I’m looking at what options might be available, and I guess I’m thinking about writing since that seems doable.
The obvious thing that came to mind is freelance blogging, but the rates for most jobs I’ve seen are really pathetic. One offered $250 a month for 5 posts per day M-F. When Skellie said that no one should accept less than $50 per post even when they were just starting out, everyone said that was completely unrealistic. Monika Mundell said that it took her 7 years to make a living from freelance writing, and she never once got $50 for a post (though she has now).
And here’s the thing–even this supposedly unrealistic rate of $50 per post is nothing! It’s $52,000 per year IF you can crank out 4 posts a day M-F, and IF you can get that much work. If you can’t find that much work, and you can’t write posts that fast, and you get a lower rate, then forget about making a living.
I’m waiting to hear back from one blog to see if they’ll pay me $50 per post, and I’m looking for others. I know that ultimately I’d much rather make a living from writing my own posts and ebooks, but of course, that route is a lot harder. I think Steve Pavlina said any smart person can make a living from blogging, but it takes 5 years.
You said that you can sometimes get paid $200 an hour to write taglines for whipped cream. I’m assuming that any bum off the street can’t just waltz in and do that, but even to make $20 an hour doing that seems really good. On the other hand, if you have to spend 5 years building up a profile and getting tiny jobs here and there, making less than minimum wage until you make a breakthrough, then maybe freelance blogging is better.
See, these are the kinds of questions I’m trying to find answers to, and I’m sure many other people are too. I hope you’ll consider doing a post series on this, or an ebook on this topic would probably be a best seller. I’m just thinking this whole thing must be way easier than I’m making it out to be. I mean, regular people do this all the time, don’t they?”
***
Well, holy shit, do I ever have a lot to say about THIS! Since I have work to do I will try not to run my mouth off too much. I find the best way to do this is to use numbers.
1. Yes, I’m writing an ebook about this. If all goes well, it’s coming out in October. But I need your help.
If you are in Hunter’s situation and you have questions, I want to hear them. Write to me and whine and bitch and complain and freak out and get hysterical about how fucking unfair it all is. I want to hear it because I want to know what your problems are so I can write a book that solves them. Then I will become rich and move in next door to Brangelina.
Do NOT do this in the comments. The comments are for witty repartee and sucking up. If you write this in the comments some asshole will come along and steal all the content and write an ebook about the same thing. Obviously, this is bad. So contact me here. Nothing is too whiny. Nothing is too stupid. Nothing is too n00b. Fire away, people. Ask your questions. Ask your rhetorical questions. Seriously, do this.
2. I was going to change my services anyway, so now’s as good a time as any.
I have come to the conclusion that while I am good at marketing, so are a lot of people. I’m good at marketing for small business. So are a lot of people. I’m good at finding ways to market your shit on the cheap. Surprise, surprise… so are a lot of people.
But what I’m really, really, really good at is brainstorming.
I can brainstorm about marketing, sure. But I also have the somewhat bizarre but useful talent of talking to you on the phone for an hour and you can come out at the end with a viable business plan. You start all, “I don’t really have a talent but if I have to go to that office one more fucking day I swear to God I’m going to do myself in.” At the end of the call, you’ve got a way to work from home, like, soon.
That, folks, is my USP.
Therefore, from now on, that’s what I offer. I quit big kid consulting as of now.
I am opening up two “Faculty Hours” spots per day — 2-3 EST and 3-4 EST. You call me, tell me what your problem is, we talk about it, we come up with a solution. If your problem isn’t solved, I send you your money back.
In sort-of keeping with my current rates, this is $150. On October 3rd — this blog’s anniversary and Jamie’s birthday, by the way — it goes up to what it’s really going to cost, which is $250.
There’s going to be a waitlist and you are allowed to lock in now and use it later.
A few thoughts:
* If you’re signing up for the course with Havi and me, don’t do this. You’re wasting your money. Pay an extra $25 and you get 8 more hours, plus Havi. (Get coupon codes and crap here.)
* If you’re like, “But I don’t have an idea!”, that’s the point, doofus.
* If you do have an idea or ittybiz or whatever and you’re just stuck, this works for you too. It’s brainstorming. Storm the brains, bitches!
* The single most common question I get from my clients is, “Can I seriously make enough money at this? Can I feed my family? Can I quit my job?” If your business has anything at all to do with the internet, I can probably answer these questions for you, and if the answer turns out to be “no”, we’ll find a way to make it a yes.
If this is something you want to do, here’s what you do next:
* Speak to your spouse about getting some money together. Tell them I’ll send it back if I suck.
* Go to my services page.
* Click the little Buy Now button.
* Send me money.
* Send Jamie an email — jamie@ittybiz.com — letting him know what kind of slot you’re looking for, or just tell him you want the next available slot. (“I can’t do 4 pm because I have to pick up my kids from school” or “I can’t do Tuesdays because I have pole dancing classes”.) If you’re just locking in your price for when you’re ready, tell him that.
And you’re done! Isn’t that fun?
Oh….I have the biggest, biggest…oh I am SO PROUD OF YOU grin on my face right this minute!!!! I swear, you are getting smarter by the second. Nano second…Blink of the eye.
Listen….I can’t do this right this second because I am about to invest some very serious cash in the next phase of my laser beam goal. But I want you to know that you are on my written list. Even still…the budget almost went right out the window the second I got the post about you and Havi. My fingers were itching. They almost moved on their own. I had to hold them back…….
Naomi Dufford…Creative Business Plan Consultant. Does it get any funner then this?
But I will take some time to put together my questions and send an e-mail…cause I have a ton.
This is so surreal. I’m reading Hunter’s email and thinking, “But I’m a regular Joe, too.”
The thing is, we all start at ground zero. I was scared shitless two years ago when I lost my cushy, high-paying, regular 9-5 job. It’s difficult to let go of that security blanket the weekly paycheck provides.
James and I had talent, yes. We also had an idea. But that didn’t make it any easier.
@Naomi: If you move in next door to Brangelina, I swear to god you better have a floor by then.
@Hunter: Sorry, got distracted by the Brangelina thing. I meant to finish that off with, (and pardon the cliché) don’t give up. You’ll have to go through a lot of ideas that don’t work to find the one that does.
Email sent. I totally would have been first to comment – I was on this post like rabbit fur on our sofa (it’s shedding season, oh joy) – but that email took some serious effort.
I love this model. This is very cool. Very very cool. And I love now knowing exactly where to send folks who need this.
@ Wendi — You rule, pumpkin. Awesome.
@ Harry — Screw you. If you can’t stay on my floor now, you sure as hell can’t stay on my floor while we’re all drooling over Angie. (And no, you may not call her Angie. Only Brad and I can call her Angie.)
@ James — Wicked, dude.
Dayum, there must be something in the air. I quit and then you quit. What a copycat you are, Dunford.
I’m completely shitting you, of course. Congrats. Your next ebook will be like a bomb going off on the interwebs, I tell’s ya. A bomb. And it looks like you’re doing the right thing for yourself, your sanity, your life, and your pocketbook.
You’ve got a great plan. I see your self-esteem is soaring. Good for you!
@Naomi: Oh yeah? I’ll remember that, you floorless Canadian, you. At least *I* have a floor. And it’s tiled. And somewhat clean. Except for the dustbunnies. Trained Ninja Dustbunnies. So there.
I won’t have a floor. I’ll have a feather bed. What the hell? Are you guys thinking you’re so young that hardwood sounds *good* to you?
@ James — You’re so out of the loop. Harry wanted to stay at my house and I told him we didn’t have a couch. He sneakily asked for the floor, to which I replied that we don’t have one.
And it’s not hardwood. It’s bamboo. Because we’re eco-conscious like that.
@ MM — We’re such quitters. :)
@ Harry — I don’t need your floor. I have Angie.
Dare I ask who gets Brad?
Awesome transition! <– sucking up
But…on the subject of freelance writing…I made a full time income the third month after I started. Sweet income, if you calculate that I wander my house looking like a homeless person 90% of the time and don’t have the extra car or daycare or gas expenses.
I quit consulting, like three months ago. Glad to see y’all finally caught up. :-P (you know I mean that with love…or at least lust…)
Fuck it. I’m changing the name of the package. All promotional materials from here on in will read:
YOU TOO can wander your house, looking like a homeless person!
@ James — You can have him.
Naomi, I will be waiting for the new e-book with bated breath. Right now, ye olde budget can’t take $150, much less $250. But I have hope that I will be able to afford the e-book. :-)
By the way, I’d love to have bamboo floors. Or cork. We have tile and carpet (hate carpet), but we’re planning to sell up in a couple of years, so I have hope on that outcome, too.
You’ll be getting an email from me as soon as my (lengthy) list is done.
@ Whomever the fuck…possibly Hunter most of all, though.
I was a corporate architect for the largest coffee company in the universe. The paychecks were steady and left enough cheddar left over that I didn’t really need to worry about the next one.
Then I quit. To do graphic design. About which I was mostly clueless, had zero prospects and was making exactly zero pennies annually.
My company is still blossoming. Still growing. It’s a tiny company in the scheme of things but a HUGE company for a solitary chap like myself.
It can be done. You’ll have some long days. You’ll have some longer nights. Just like James and Harry and myself, you have to start from ground zero and build your way up. Do it with spectacular client relations and deliver your product (whatever it is) way beyond expectations. Word of mouth from one client can start the ball rolling and it may never stop.
I wouldn’t believe it either but that’s how it happened for me.
Good luck!
I think Charlie wants Brad. He’s obviously getting too motivational for his own good, there. Sheesh.
(Hunter – he’s right. I left full-time corporate with six weeks paid vacation and full benefits 20 minutes from home to shovel horse shit. Look at me go now.)
email sent! sucking up included, though grossly sincere.
oddly, dont Brad and A have a house in DC? i think i might actually BE neighbors (depending on how far you have to be to still be a ‘neighbor’)
I think you’re working your way into the coolest thing. Holy fuck.
Kate! I see no email! Now I’m desperate to know both what you said and how close you live to Brangelina.
And maybe they’re neighbors, but I’m buying the next chalet over in France. Although I hear Indonesia is lovely. God, the choices.
Naomi, terribly sorry to make you break your sacred vow of not swearing in header text, but I figured that the subject would get your attention, unless it ended up in spam. I’m glad that either it was the former, or you enjoy reading all your spam.
I hope you get enough feedback to make your ebook all it can be. If you can really solve problems like this, then Brangelina will be moving next door to YOU.
Did you know that Brad Pitt is called Bra-Pi (pronounced “Brappy”) in Japan? They don’t like words to end in a consonant, and they feel free to drop letters they consider unnecessary (and then wonder why so many Americans have never heard of Brappy).
Hunter,
Time and Naomi. That’s all you need. You sent your email to the perfect chick. (But then, you knew that.)
& LOL Brappy.
Naomi,
I have a two-day migraine and I can barely see this bloody screen and you haven’t visited my utterly fawning post from yesterday, so I was coming over here to be beastly, but you wrote such an unbelievably inspired post, with such a disgustingly perfect new focus for your IttyBiz, that I’m in love all over and stuck fawning again. “Faculty hours” is HOT.
Darn you, Dunford. I’m jealous of Angie.
Regards,
Kelly
Paid.
Let’s do this woman!!
So, I haven’t been around in a while. Have I missed anything?
;)
OK I’m compiling the email/stupid ass question(s) I have for you now but baby needs diapers till he’s potty trained so unfortunately I can’t shell out the $150 right now or the $250 later. I’ll have to suffice with the hopes you can solve my problems with an ebook.
In AWE!
What a great idea! What a great method of selling!
That’s what a blog is all about. Finding new problems and solving them. That’s a great business tactic – let other people spur on the direction of the book. I’m always learning from you. Thanks!.
Yes, I will be whining about my ebook problems to you real soon.
Dude, Hunter, whoever told you that $50 minimum is not realistic is shitting you, or they aren’t good at their business.
There are many freelance writers who make a full-time living from it, including myself—and you can bet we don’t do that by writing for $50 and under. $50 is a starting point, at the very beginning. To say it’s not realistic even for an established writer is bollocks. Don’t listen. Seriously.
@ Joel – I disagree. You got lucky. Your situation is unrealistic in general. You also live in Australia, where the economy is very different from someone who lives in… oh, hell, Alabama, let’s say.
First, let’s define that $50. The person who started promoting that mark point arbitrarily just because she could was speaking per piece for a limited number of words (I believe 350? maybe 500).
If you’re talking per hour, then that’s about $25 per 350 words, which is far more realistic.
But.
$50 as a starting point is extremely unrealistic for most situations as a freelance writer. and holding out for that money could cost people jobs and opportunities. It’s a nice goal, yes, but to tell someone that it’s the minimum you should accept when starting out is (sorry) pretty pretentious, lofty and very arTEESTe.
Most freelance writers didn’t start writing at $50 either. Most started at a lot less than that and still accept a lot less than that because they know damned well money isn’t that easy to come by.
When you don’t have two goddamned pennies to rub together, you take what you can get. You don’t hold out for that dollar amount that someone, somewhere (who was it again? and who are they to say in the first place) said was the right number to sit and wait for.
That’s a dangerous attitude to spread, Joel. I encourage you to rethink it.
Oh, and for the record? I’m extremely good at my business and I’m not shitting anyone. I bring in a few 100k a year via my writing, thank you very much, and I’ve been at this for a few years.
I like to think that qualifies me to speak on this subject.
Oh this new service is fantastic! This sounds exactly like what everyone I know (including me) needs! It’s like coaching for the fetal ittybiz!
Off to think up questions, when I should be working at the office job….
@ Joel — First off, thanks for coming! It’s great to see you!
@ Joel and James — I think — and I could be talking out of my ass here — that the point of contention with the fee is based on medium. A blog is different from an article. An online pub is different from on offline one. There’s topical variation, expertise variation, demand. Trade mags pay a fuckload more than consumer. It’s just different.
Even if we’re only looking at blogs, there are blogs and then there are blogs.A List Apart is not the same animal as Joe’s Adsense Blog.
If I was paying my guest writers here I would pay them HELLA more than $50 a post. That’s because the guest writers here aren’t just providing idle commentary on the latest gadget. But if I was running an Idle Commentary on the Latest Gadget blog, I wouldn’t pay more than ten bucks because that’s what the writing’s generally worth. Let’s be honest — a trained monkey could do it.
I know I’ve done paid blogging, as has James. I don’t know about Joel. But I think anybody who’s done it knows that it’s not exactly Gatsby. Most of these pieces we can ream off in ten minutes. It doesn’t deserve more money, even to us, the ones doing it. So for Skellie or anyone else to put a big price tag on it as if there’s one value across the board is a little irresponsible. Sometimes it’s worth more and sometimes it’s not.
Wait, let me clarify. When I say “most of these pieces we can ream off in ten minutes”, I’m not talking about Jarkko writing for NxE, and I’m not talking about blogs that are high quality magazines. I mean your basic blogging gig you see advertised on the Problogger board for ten bucks a post.
Naomi: Yeah, as you said, it depends on what kind of writing you’re doing. All of my work is online work, and I’d be willing to put a bet on the fact that every site where my work is published runs WordPress (I know that 90% of them are without a doubt). But what a “blog” is defined as becomes a cloudy issue. For instance, is AUDIOTUTS a blog or a tutorial resource?
I have done and still do paid blogging, but it’s sure as hell not tech gadget blog regurgitation with the corn chunks still floating in it. I did that once at 451 Press. It’s no way to make a living, and it sometimes surprises me that there are those who are still willing to spend years with a place like that. I was out as fast as I was in. I make more from one FreelanceSwitch or AUDIOTUTS post than I made with 451 in a couple of months (and I might add I was striving to add original, in-depth content; some very valuable information. Should’ve held it back for a higher bidder, but I didn’t know what I was doing at the time).
By the way, I’m a friend of Skellie’s and I know that when she made that comment she was talking about setting a minimum of $50 for 500 words, which is a word count almost never seen on gadget blogs and the like, and I would say she didn’t mention anything about quality because she’s the kind of gal who doesn’t even consider the idea of producing trash. So it’s $50 for 500 words of quality writing which I think we both agree is fair.
James, sorry, I didn’t see your comment there until after I replied to Naomi.
I did get pretty lucky. That said, my line of thinking isn’t so much about what I would demand, but what you’d need to break even. If you’re not breaking even, you’re actually losing money on the whole writing thing.
$50 is definitely an arbitrary number without a value in words, but since I read what Skellie said when she first said that I forgot that the qualifier hadn’t been mentioned here. That number is $50 for 500 words and I certainly don’t mean that’s what you should ask for Joe’s AdSense Blog; if you’re writing solid quality content that takes an effort to create for an upstanding client, then I personally wouldn’t work for less than $50 per 500 words. Otherwise you’re getting ripped off.
But as you have said, if you’re desperate for money and need to work for Joe, it’s okay to charge much less, because the good old AdSense blogs don’t really care what you write or how long it takes you so long as it has a keyword density of 3%.
But when it’s not an AdSense blog but someone who can afford to pay you the fair price for your work (and I’m certainly not encouraging that writers start asking for unfair prices), I have to agree with Harlan Ellison: those writers who let clients get away with paying ridiculously low prices are reinforcing that expectation and making it harder for them to ever get a fair rate and making it harder for all writers in the whole industry.
If you don’t have two pennies to rub together, you’re best off getting some kind of steady menial job until you build up a client base, because at prices less than $50 per 500, which is even more realistic than the $25 per 350 you mentioned, you won’t break even unless you built your own shack in the local tip. If you’re not breaking even, you’re not ready to be a full-time freelancer and need a support job.
Btw on the economy: it’s different here because everything costs more, but almost all my work is from the US, except for a few clients (less than a third of my work) who all pay in and operate using USD even if they’re in Hong Kong or Australia. So it’s a pretty typical web-worker situation.
@ Joel – Take out the dollar value that you’ve attached to this whole situation and I would agree with you on some points you bring up (but certainly not all).
You, nor I, nor Naomi, nor Skellie, nor anyone at all are in any position to begin to tell people what they should and shouldn’t charge. We are not the gods of freelance writing (much to my dismay) and while some of us may be in pretty authoritative positions, far be it from us to lay down the financial laws in other people’s lives.
Breaking even: Very important, I agree. Most people don’t calculate the expenses required to work in freelancing accurately and end up working at a negative wage. However, it doesn’t take $50 to break even. (Not where I live, anyways, and not in many places.) Breaking even depends on many factors, and it’s a big damned international world.
Economy: While your clients may be from the US, you still pay the cost of living expense of Australia. It doesn’t matter where your work comes from.
Desperate for money: “If you’re desperate for money and need to work for Joe, it’s okay to charge much less.” Be careful with your words, because this comes off as you granting people permission. No one here is in the position to do so. It’s okay to charge less at ANY point for ANY reason. Again, we are not the gods of all things freelancing no matter who we are. (Yes, I know. The minute I leave this blog I will become a god again, so hush.)
Type of blog: The type of blog you are writing for doesn’t factor in as much as the type of work you are performing. There are clients who are willing to sign 3 years worth of blogging work – $50 a post for daily posts for three years? I think not, dude, and personally I would feel very dirty accepting that kind of rate from a long-term client who will end up paying a good chunk of my mortgage for me.
I don’t think many of these clients are trying to pay ridiculously low wages and make it harder for others in the industry. They’re trying to get by within a budget and give as much as they can without losing their shirts to arrogant writers.
I’m not discussing the $2 per 500 words type of work, let’s make that very clear. THOSE types of clients are just stupid and not even worth my keyboard characters to discuss. But there are many clients out there who just can’t afford $50 per post and try to find the best wage they can with the money they have. There is nothing wrong with fair compensation – it doesn’t have to be the BEST, BIGGEST compensation to be right.
We’re not talking Lifehack posts or Nettuts or FreelanceSwitch kind of posts either. THOSE kinds of gigs are rare and not at all available to just any writer who comes along, I’m sorry.
You mention you wouldn’t work for less than $50 a post and that’s great for you. You also mention that anyone who works for less than that is getting ripped off.
Sorry, Joel, I don’t agree. I personally will, can and do work for less than that and will, can and do work for more than that based on how I feel about the project, the client and the working environment. I don’t get ripped off. I choose which gigs I want and why I want them and I am flexible based on what I’d like to do. Christ, I’ve even written for free because it suits me, and so have you.
@ Naomi – Yes. What you said, and then some. I think that *anyone* telling *anyone* what to charge is extremely irresponsible.
James: As a writer I’ve failed in this particular conversation because I was totally unclear and failed to articulate properly, and any disagreement here is my fault. I personally use $50/500 because it’s a break-even point for me. I never intended to say that everyone must start at $50, but I did. I don’t even have the excuse of having written that late at night or whilst drunk and eating tacos.
Let me try and present my opinion without the coloration of my personal break-even point and various other circumstances:
I think one should work out their break-even point based on their expenses and stick to that rate even when they’re starting out. I think that one can bend those rules and write for cheaper or write for free if they would personally enjoy the project or if it would have a marketing benefit, but the idea of some poor writer bending those rules to get an extra ten bucks for an 1,000 word article with no promotional or recreational value does make me cringe.
As you said, nobody can or should tell anybody else what work to take or what to charge, but I would encourage every writer to draw a clear line somewhere and carefully define the conditions under which they write for free or cheap beyond that line. My comments above were colored by my own personal conditions and “fine lines” and thus they are bad advice for anyone who isn’t in a totally identical situation to me.
I also tend to forget that I come from the point of view of a journalist-turned-freelance-writer and very few others share that, usually having gotten into writing after getting out of totally unrelated industries. That means I am really mostly a feature article writer who has a better chance of commanding a higher price (though I always go for fair – I recently turned down $300 for 1,000 because that made me cringe), and I edit articles written by other writers and manage them. It has been a long time since I last wrote sales or web copy except for myself, and I realize many writers start out filling up AdSense sites with cheap SEO copy.
*shakes hand, pats back, passes beer* Cheers, mon ami. I agree 100%.
:)
I love rates debates. Gets me all French and shit. Fun stuff.
It’s kind of funny, I was just opening a beer when I refreshed to see this comment. Maybe I should move to Canada where my break-even point would drop and really start to appreciate my rates. ;)
James, wait–you bring in a few hundred thousand dollars a year, despite sometimes writing for less than $50 a post, or even for free? My God, there’s enough going on in this comment section to fill multiple must-buy ebooks!
@ Hunter – Yes.
You started this conversation, by the way… :)
Hello all, my eyes are still stuck in the O.O position from all the banter above. I’m not sure whether I should giggle or hide under my desk.
I’m the total n00b. I just wanted to say thanks for what you’re doing, every little bit helps. (especially helps someone who can’t even get a nine to fiver and works part time for peanuts 45 minutes away from home)