The One Where I Quit, or “How To Work From Home When You Have No Fucking Talent”*

* As you can see, I’ve completely given up on the philosophy of not swearing in header text.

This is a very, very important post. If you don’t have time to read it right now, save it in your reader or whatever because it’s a big deal.

I got an email with the title of this post as the subject line. Want to get my attention? That’s the way to do it, baby. Here it is, in its entirety:

“Naomi, thanks for doing the series about writing and selling ebooks. It’s very useful and timely for me, as I’m currently writing my first paid ebook, as well as looking for a way to work from home.

Right before you started that series, I was thinking about emailing you to suggest that you write an ebook called “How To Work From Home When You Have No Fucking Talent.” I don’t mean that the readers are useless, just that they don’t have any particularly extraordinary rockstar talent. People who are fabulous copywriters can be you or Brian Clark or James Chartrand, people who are superb graphic and blog designers can be Harrison McLeod, people who are fantastic internet marketers can be Yaro, people who know how to do everything can be Tim Ferriss, etc. But what about more normal people, how can they quit the 9-5?

The company I work at is likely to shut down in early October, which is actually great timing because that’s about the point when my tolerance for a corporate environment will be exhausted. I’m looking at what options might be available, and I guess I’m thinking about writing since that seems doable.

The obvious thing that came to mind is freelance blogging, but the rates for most jobs I’ve seen are really pathetic. One offered $250 a month for 5 posts per day M-F. When Skellie said that no one should accept less than $50 per post even when they were just starting out, everyone said that was completely unrealistic. Monika Mundell said that it took her 7 years to make a living from freelance writing, and she never once got $50 for a post (though she has now).

And here’s the thing–even this supposedly unrealistic rate of $50 per post is nothing! It’s $52,000 per year IF you can crank out 4 posts a day M-F, and IF you can get that much work. If you can’t find that much work, and you can’t write posts that fast, and you get a lower rate, then forget about making a living.

I’m waiting to hear back from one blog to see if they’ll pay me $50 per post, and I’m looking for others. I know that ultimately I’d much rather make a living from writing my own posts and ebooks, but of course, that route is a lot harder. I think Steve Pavlina said any smart person can make a living from blogging, but it takes 5 years.

You said that you can sometimes get paid $200 an hour to write taglines for whipped cream. I’m assuming that any bum off the street can’t just waltz in and do that, but even to make $20 an hour doing that seems really good. On the other hand, if you have to spend 5 years building up a profile and getting tiny jobs here and there, making less than minimum wage until you make a breakthrough, then maybe freelance blogging is better.

See, these are the kinds of questions I’m trying to find answers to, and I’m sure many other people are too. I hope you’ll consider doing a post series on this, or an ebook on this topic would probably be a best seller. I’m just thinking this whole thing must be way easier than I’m making it out to be. I mean, regular people do this all the time, don’t they?”

Hunter Nuttall

***

Well, holy shit, do I ever have a lot to say about THIS! Since I have work to do I will try not to run my mouth off too much. I find the best way to do this is to use numbers.

1. Yes, I’m writing an ebook about this. If all goes well, it’s coming out in October. But I need your help.

If you are in Hunter’s situation and you have questions, I want to hear them. Write to me and whine and bitch and complain and freak out and get hysterical about how fucking unfair it all is. I want to hear it because I want to know what your problems are so I can write a book that solves them. Then I will become rich and move in next door to Brangelina.

Do NOT do this in the comments. The comments are for witty repartee and sucking up. If you write this in the comments some asshole will come along and steal all the content and write an ebook about the same thing. Obviously, this is bad. So contact me here. Nothing is too whiny. Nothing is too stupid. Nothing is too n00b. Fire away, people. Ask your questions. Ask your rhetorical questions. Seriously, do this.

2. I was going to change my services anyway, so now’s as good a time as any.

I have come to the conclusion that while I am good at marketing, so are a lot of people. I’m good at marketing for small business. So are a lot of people. I’m good at finding ways to market your shit on the cheap. Surprise, surprise… so are a lot of people.

But what I’m really, really, really good at is brainstorming.

I can brainstorm about marketing, sure. But I also have the somewhat bizarre but useful talent of talking to you on the phone for an hour and you can come out at the end with a viable business plan. You start all, “I don’t really have a talent but if I have to go to that office one more fucking day I swear to God I’m going to do myself in.” At the end of the call, you’ve got a way to work from home, like, soon.

That, folks, is my USP.

Therefore, from now on, that’s what I offer. I quit big kid consulting as of now.

I am opening up two “Faculty Hours” spots per day — 2-3 EST and 3-4 EST. You call me, tell me what your problem is, we talk about it, we come up with a solution. If your problem isn’t solved, I send you your money back.

In sort-of keeping with my current rates, this is $150. On October 3rd — this blog’s anniversary and Jamie’s birthday, by the way — it goes up to what it’s really going to cost, which is $250.

There’s going to be a waitlist and you are allowed to lock in now and use it later.

A few thoughts:

* If you’re signing up for the course with Havi and me, don’t do this. You’re wasting your money. Pay an extra $25 and you get 8 more hours, plus Havi. (Get coupon codes and crap here.)

* If you’re like, “But I don’t have an idea!”, that’s the point, doofus.

* If you do have an idea or ittybiz or whatever and you’re just stuck, this works for you too. It’s brainstorming. Storm the brains, bitches!

* The single most common question I get from my clients is, “Can I seriously make enough money at this? Can I feed my family? Can I quit my job?” If your business has anything at all to do with the internet, I can probably answer these questions for you, and if the answer turns out to be “no”, we’ll find a way to make it a yes.

If this is something you want to do, here’s what you do next:

* Speak to your spouse about getting some money together. Tell them I’ll send it back if I suck.

* Go to my services page.

* Click the little Buy Now button.

* Send me money.

* Send Jamie an email — jamie@ittybiz.com — letting him know what kind of slot you’re looking for, or just tell him you want the next available slot. (”I can’t do 4 pm because I have to pick up my kids from school” or “I can’t do Tuesdays because I have pole dancing classes”.) If you’re just locking in your price for when you’re ready, tell him that.

And you’re done! Isn’t that fun?

By Naomi Dunford