Jan
15
In Defence of The Real Social Media
My step-dad died tonight.
If you follow me on Twitter (and you should, because as the following story is about to prove, my tweets are a really great way to lighten your day) you may know this already.
I went to the hospital. When I got there, they said he wouldn’t make it through the night. Sure enough, he didn’t.
I came home. I had what was left of the wine. The only other liquor in the house is champagne, and I’m not quite ready for that yet. But if I went to bed, tomorrow would come. And then the last day that he was alive would be over, and it would never come back.
Thought about answering email. Thought about writing a blog post. Thought about working on the new product. Thought about the spreadsheets open on my computer. But I didn’t have it in me for any of that.
So I went on Twitter. I clicked on links to silly photographs. I read blog posts about sales funnels. I heard about people’s days. I just sat and watched.
They say social media is stupid and vacuous. They say it’s a time suck. They say it’s a whole bunch of people talking about what they had for lunch. (Remember tomato guy, from how not to use twitter? And then reactionary tomato guy?)
They say social media for business is about making fake friends. They say it’s about tenuous connections. They say that it’s not really social, it’s not really friendship, it’s not really real.
But when I went on Twitter tonight, what I got was friends. Real friends. Friends I’d had drinks with. Friends who had let me save their business. Friends who saved MY business. People who were there to share a laugh or a smile or a joke. People who had always been there.
Today, when I needed friendly voices, friendly voices were there. And dear God, I am so grateful.
If you run a third tribe business, you can have everything. You can have love AND money. You can spend your days doing what you love for the people you love, and then share a laugh or a cry with them afterwards.
Thank you, everybody. Thank you for being in my Tribe.
(Awkward update: We’ve had a lot of questions from people about what they could do to help, and I thank everybody so much for asking. As crass as it sounds, a lot of my loved ones have a lot of expenses coming up, and I want to help out as much as I can. If you’ve been meaning to get anything from the store, it would help me out a lot if you could do it now. I hope you understand how much I didn’t want to write that.)
Lots of love headed your way right now, sista. Heart.
Everything I can say will probably sound super cheesy, but I’m really sorry and sending good thoughts your way.
I experienced something really similar last week when Matt got laid off (which is, unfortunately, why I can’t help out – sorry :( ). I mentioned it on Twitter and had an immediate outpouring of support – I’m a big sap, but it definitely made me tear up a bit.
You always write very real, honest posts. I’ve been following your site for the last two months, and decided to drop my two cents because of your words.
I’m sorry for your loss. I recently lost someone who was a father figure to me, so this post hit very close to home.
People do say that the internet isn’t real. That talking online or networking through social media is not really the same as being out with ‘real people.’
I beg to differ. There’s real people behind these words. Real hearts and minds. Thank you for sharing. And I’m glad you found support when you needed it.
So, so sorry, Naomi. My heart is sad with you tonight. Hugs.
The French say, “Mes sympathies,” and I say that to you – it’s the only words I’ve ever been able to say in these situations since my own Dad died years ago.
In regards to the post, when someone decided that our house was a good one to break into last week and walked in while we were all there, thus scaring the crap out of my kids (and me), I needed distraction and company while waiting for the cops. It was late, I couldn’t call anyone, so I went on Twitter.
I was thankful I could walk in and say, “I need some company,” and people answered. To those who did, who distracted me when I needed it and who joked with me that night so I could keep my head on straight, thank you.
“Sorry” never seems to cut it. Sympathy or empathy is more like it. Either way, I’m sending you a big hug.
My deepest, deepest condolences to you and your family for your loss. It’s an honor to be – in whatever tiny way I can – there for you.
Haven’t lost anyone that close to me yet so I can’t imagine the feeling.
That must have been a hard post to write, especially the last part, but it removed the last little procrastination block between me and How to Launch the ****. Might seem inappropriate but I got a laugh out of what happens just after you buy it.
Of many things in my life that mark me as a “lucky son of a bitch” there’s nothing greater than having parents that lived well into their 90’s. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose one when you’re still just a pup.
Lots of love and good thoughts from the King of Snark, sweetie.
Naomi – thank you for sharing your feelings. You have so many friends who care about you. Count me as one too. My condolences for the loss of your step-dad.
Bob
That sucks. It really really sucks. I hope your family finds some peace through all of this. It’s so difficult to lose someone you love.
This story make me think that social media already become part of this real world.
And, may your step father find his peace.
Big hug to you.
I’m so sorry to hear that Naomi. My condolences go out to you and yours. I am here for you, and yes we are real people, real friends, supporting each other.
Naomi-wow, this was a great post. I am so sorry to hear about your step dad. That is such a hard thing to deal with. But I love how you wrote a little love letter to social media above–great reminder that it is not so evil…
And now, I am going to check out your store because I know there are some goodies in there I have been eying :-) I’m glad you made that little plug.
All my best to you and your family. -Amy
Hugs.
And a bright orange baby monkey — when you’re ready for it: http://a.abcnews.com/images/Technology/ap_leaf_monkey_091222_ssh.jpg
I’m holding the space for you, in the way that I do.
And I feel the same way about social media. What we need to remember sometime is that it’s a social outlet for many different needs. It can be a “waste of time,” but it can also be just the thing you need when you’d rather not think about what you need.
I just responded to a FB friend. That she is a second cousin to my husband, lives 5 states distant and I’ve met her only once, that was not important. That she was recognizing today as the 5th anniversary of her daughter’s death was. That I was able to share my own loss 23 years ago and send a virtual hug was important.
Maybe it’s from all these years of receiving muddy-fingered hugs–I just don’t think the structure (or strictures) of communication should get in the way of loving.
Consider yourself hugged.
Sorry to hear your news :(
I expect you are getting lots of offers for people to talk to so as an alternative, if you think it might help to shout some obsceneties at a d-bag, I am available.
When my daughter was in the hospital last month, the friendships I made in 2009 via social media were what got me through. Seriously. I don’t know what I would have done.
So I agree, for anyone who doesn’t “get” twitter, I really do feel sorry for them. They have no idea the depth of human connection they are missing.
x
My sympathies to your family.
It really is the facets that make the diamond. If you need information, it’s there. If you need company, it’s there. If you need empathy, it’s there. If you need money, it’s there, too.
To those who consider social media vapid — more friendships, support, and “real” for the rest of us.
My condolences, Naomi. You and your family are in my prayers. Glad you found what you needed, when you needed it – never mind if it was on Twitter. Whatever works, right?
Hugs.
So sorry about your loss Naomi, be strong and I know you will. If not for social media, I wouldn’t have known you and having conversation with you, it IS truly where the relationship starts, and won’t stop right there.
Thinking of you, tight hug.
xoxo,
Sara
I am so sorry for your loss. And I am glad you found some support when you needed it. And I reckon you’ll find it again when the wave crashes back over you. Sending Light for when you need it.
Long time reader, first time commenter.
I lost a dear member of my family in similar circumstances (the whole “Waking up to know that they are not” thing is so tough & I wouldn’t wish it on anybody), and – whilst I didn’t go on Twitter, I did stay up that night. Something about being awake when they fall asleep is odd, but I felt I should’ve done it, so I completely understand.
Social media is exactly what you’ve said. Facebook is the same – but Twitter I find is more global. You can wake up at any time and talk to somebody. It never stops. In a way, it’s a good thing.
Smile & surround yourselves with family & friends. Treat yourself. Seemingly the entire twittersphere has you in their thoughts :)
People who think Twitter is inane chatter must only follow people who tweet about the jerk in line in front of them at the grocery store who’s on their cell phone. Thanks for being a honest person amidst all the static noise out there and helping me with my business. :) Virtual hug to you!
Love you, sweetie. I’m on your side and always will be. May you have peace for yourself, and peace to give your loved ones who look to you.
*hugs*
Naomi,
I am just blown away. I know what such a loss is doing to you. I am not going to as if there is anything you need, let me know. I love your work, the way you communicate, and they way you see new media. I will let you know that I’ll simply continue to show your value to the community and how you’ve been a huge benefit to my life. No doubt your Step-Dad is the one I should be thanking for that. I feel the loss.
I see you have a great deal of support and I agree with everything you’ve mentioned in your post.
If you don’t mind, I’ll share why this is resonates so much with me.
I am hugely affected from Depression and Anxiety. Yet, I didn’t know they were the reason for so many issues in my past. Let’s look at social media 10 years ago. I know. 10 years-ish.
I left the city of London Ontario for Toronto – Ryerson University. I did not know a single person. (something that would never happen today). Now remember what it was like 10 years ago?
The view was that talking to people and meeting people online was pretty weird. I was always drawn to other websites that connected people though and I did webcam type chats with a girl in South Carolina from time to time. Super friends. LOL. anyways, it was something you told no one!
Friends would think you’re weird if you had a list of people on ICQ or MSN that you didn’t actually know. I’ve actually had a contact since I was 15 from a chatroom.
Anyways, I was in Toronto and so upset. I was lost and I sometimes went out to a bar/club alone just to get out. It felt even more depressing.
I kept searching and came across purerave.com (yes raving…..but in it’s defense I’d not be where I am today). I met some of the best people EVER – online and from Toronto. These people were not in my school program, and became close friends. A lot of the communication was online but we would meetup, party, coffee from time to time. Friends at home would would look at me weird when I would tell them how I met these cool and Hot girls in Toronto.
These relationships let to them telling another person in another city across Canada to add me too. These people became super friends and more real than anything. When I felt really depressed and wanted to do something bad, I could easily talk to them. I am inviting them to my wedding in September. I don’t know if they can make it but I would love them there – More than ‘fake friends’ from high school.
Online friends, digital friends, pixel friends, whatever friends are fucking real. They have saved my life countless times and this world would not be the same without the evolution of the social aspect online.
Aw sweetie, this is awful. I’m so, so sorry. Sending you very squeezy hippie hugs.
Hang in there, Naomi.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending hope for more comfort whenever you need it.
Thoughts and prayers are with you! Be well.
Susan
Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my father’s death so it was kind of a double whammy when I saw your tweet last night and I just couldn’t respond properly then.
But I DID see it and I completely understand your need to reach out to your community. When you reach overload in a situation like this, distractions and connections are the best thing you can do. I wish I had had something like this back then because I was alone with my mom and thousands of miles away from my husband so I am happy that you did.
Much love to you and your family and sincere condolences on your loss.
Chris
Aw, man. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.
Naomi-
Just adding my thoughts and hugs for you and your family.
Liz
I’m so sorry to hear about your stepdad. Sending big hugs your way. I wish I was on Twitter last night so that I could’ve sent you a hug then too.
You and your family are in my heart and thoughts, Naomi.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
And I’m with you on social media. Many ‘virtual’ friends have done a far better job of being there in the pinch than anyone else.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. There are no words we can say that may ease the pain. You & your family are in our thoughts & prayers.
My Thoughta are with you .. i lost my Dad 10 1/2 yrs ago now.. it will get easier .. try to think of the positive moments.. talk about him anytime you feel the need and miss him .. it will heal your heart!
Naomi,
You’re in my prayers.
My sympathies, Naomi.
Oh, Naomi. I know there are no words that can comfort you right now, but I am so, so sorry.
“Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.” ~ Eileen Mayhew
Wow. That’s devastating. Very sorry to hear of your loss. What strength I have to send you (and I got a lot) is yours.
Somehow, “ditto” doesn’t seem appropriate. So I’ll just say, I think you’re awesome and I’m really sorry about your stepdad.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you.
And I agree about social media. When my mom died 2 1/2 years ago, I posted a brief note to my blog – and was amazed at both the outpouring of support, and how much that support meant to me. If it were now, I’d be using Twitter, as well as the blog.
Today was my first visit to your site and it won’t be my last. My prayers and condolences to you and your loved ones.
I’m really sorry to hear this.
And you’re right, it really isn’t about fake friends. I feel like I’ve made a great new business and a shitload of cool new friends.
Raise your glasses, folks.
I’m so sorry. And the worst thing is that no one can bring him back. The best thing is that he was lucky to have a step daughter who’s such a talented person; glad he had you in his life.
Oh, Naomi, I’m so sorry.
You’re right. Online friends are REAL. I’ve just spent three days with them (in person!) and it was as if we’d been together for years.
Sending a big HUG.
Hi Naomi, I just found you website this AM. So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost a dear friend and boss last month while on a business trip. Glad you were there to say goodbye. Lots of hugs and love your way.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Naomi.
Thank you for turning your grief into something warm, thoughtful, and needed.
I’m proud to be part of your tribe.
Big hugs, Naomi. So glad you found a little bit of comfort. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve turned to my tweeps for comfort, distraction, encouragement. Some people have no idea that they’re missing a 24/7 support system.
I’m sorry for your loss, Naomi.
And yes, online friends can truly be friends, and I’m grateful for mine too.
Naomi, I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Oh Naomi … I give you my sympathies. :{ I’m so sorry for your loss. I am so happy, though, to hear that you have such a strong network of support. ::hugs::
Naomi-You, your family, and your step-dad are in my prayers.
I am so, so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Thinking of you, my little bald cupcake. xoxox
Sorry for your loss.
As for social media being a “time suck”, we all know it’s true. But we love it for what it is. Sometimes, we just want to aimlessly wander in the nonsense overload.
Naomi,
Condolences to you, and I can’t think of anything else to say that’s not a stupid platitude.
However – I know firsthand exactly what you’re talking about, as I experienced it just a couple of months ago myself:
http://www.rowboatmedia.com/843/love-amplified-the-power-of-the-internet/
Thanks again, Internet.