Editor’s note: This is the one where Johnny moves into the coaching and consulting module to see if I’m full of shit. It’s also the one where he appears to try magic mushrooms made of italics. He is high on the italics of life.

I would also like it noted that IttyBiz is pretty much the only place where you can hang out reading about dog-walkers with prostitute girlfriends and people in the esteemed profession of weasel whispering and call it “work”. Yes, we’re that cool.

This internet thing is pretty cool. You get some momentum in any of the traditional internet channels and soon there are all sorts of people finding you on Twitter and Facebook, offering you penis drugs regardless of whether you actually possess a penis. I NEVER AGAIN have to wonder where to find male enhancement devices, Ponzi schemes, or porn. This is why everyone should have a business online. You think you have porn inundating you now? Start building website traffic and just see the strange shit that finds you.

Then, once you’ve had your fill of 1-legged Asian polygenital betumored BDSM furry deceased inverted polyploid hookers and have watched Kermit the Frog’s “2 Girls 1 Cup” reaction to your heart’s content (look it up on YouTube… I won’t link to it because it’s NSFW (for language) but extraordinarily hilarious), then I hear it’s worthwhile to use your businesslike momentum to try to make some money.

So let’s move along to that.

In this little adventure through which Naomi has been guiding me, I’ve at least dipped my toes into most of the major OBS components. I’ve got a service business going (just added some new services too, like Blogger migration and Wordpress upgrades; check it out). I’ve tried out niche websites, but kind of fell on my face (which may be worth a post down the road). I have a free e-book, but haven’t actually offered one for sale (yet — I have one in mind). I’ve done the shit out of affiliate marketing, and I even offered a physical product for sale before this all began: my book, May Contain Nuts.

The only module of OBS that I hadn’t really attempted was coaching and consulting. So I decided to try that out.

My situation is probably pretty perfect for consulting. I’m in a very coachable industry (technology), have over a decade of experience, am a pretty good teacher, and have had people asking me in the past few weeks if I could coach them. Still, I’d never technically coached or consulted anyone before, so I re-listened to the appropriate OBS module a few times, made some notes, and debuted my coaching services last Friday.

Here are some key coaching “do’s” that stuck out for me, so hopefully I implemented them correctly. I imagine (I hope) that I’ll hear about it if I didn’t.

1. Differentiate yourself.
Anyone — and I do mean anyone — can decide to call themselves a consultant. The good news here is that you can pretty much toss up a website and consider your shingle to be duly hung out, and immediately start trying to get people to give you $500 per hour to tell them all about weasel flogging. The bad news is that it is similarly easy for your neighbor, and his neighbor, and that second neighbor’s dog-walker’s 1-legged Asian polygenital betumored BDSM hooker girlfriend to do exactly the same. The internet fills up with consultants, and consulting starts to look like a commodity. If a customer wants to pay someone to hear about weasel flogging, she’s going to have a thousand weasel-flogging consultants to choose from. If none of them stand out, she’s going to choose more or less randomly, probably based on whoever places best in Google.

To stand out, you need to be different in a way that adds perceived value to your services. Maybe you specialize in African weasels. Maybe you call yourself a “weasel whisperer.” You need to create your own little niche or sub-niche. Naomi gives the example of Dave Navarro, who took a topic (time management) that is highly consulted in the business world, but offered it to the underserved niche of regular, everyday individuals.

In starting my own practice, “technology consultant” was going to be way too broad. So I’m shooting for two angles to stand out:

* I make technology simple. Anyone can explain technology, but few can explain it in a way that the average Joe can understand. I maintain that you can set up and manage your mailing list even if you’ve never done it before. You can add new websites to your hosting package and install blogs on them, even if you’re not a techie. I can teach you to do it, step by step, in a way that you’ll actually be able to understand.

I figure that one’s pretty good. This second one may not count as a USP, but it’s kind of working for me so far, so I’m going to roll with it:

* I’m the funny, irreverent, personable guy. This is the whole “Brand You” concept. I wrote a guest post a while ago in which I talked about how infusing your personality into your product will make you stand out. In the comments, Michael Martine of Remarkablogger summed my point up nicely: “Out of all the people doing photoshop tutorials, the guy who does “you suck at photoshop” is one of the most well-known, because he’s hilarious. Not boring. He teaches the same crap as all the other photoshop tutorials everyone else does, but he stands out.”

2. Create social proof.
“Social proof” (a fancy way of saying that you’ve been “tried out” by society and have passed its tests) is why anyone who goes on Oprah’s show stands to make assloads of money — as in, they quite literally have huge quantities of money falling out of their rectums within fifteen minutes of leaving her studio. Social proof rides in the same car as “endorsement” and even “peer pressure.” Social proof is what says to your customer, “These people were pleased with this consultant’s work. Therefore, she’s good.”

We’re talking about testimonials. As in: Go get some.

A good way to do that is to consult for free, and ask for testimonials in lieu of payment. I took this approach when I offered free blog setups in April. People were jazzed that I was working gratis, so I asked them if they’d write a bit about how cool I was. This is a good way to get some social proof under your belt without spending anything more than your time.

3. Charge what you’re worth.
Most new consultants, used to a “working for da man” salary, can’t imagine being paid $100 or $200 or more for an hour of their time. They get tentative, maybe get a little embarrassed that they’re even considering such larcenous rates, and set their prices much lower than the competition. Instead of $125 per hour, which may be the going rate, they decide to try $50 per hour. Or maybe just $35 to start, to woo some clients. What the hell, they figure: better to have five clients at $35 per hour than to have none foolish enough to pay a newbie consultant $150 per hour.

And what happens? Forget about whether you could command $125. Cheaping out has virtually assured that you’ll get zero clients at $35 per hour. Why? Because despite your intentions, this big of a discount doesn’t look to potential clients like an incorrect price on a good service. Instead, it looks like a correct price on an incredibly shitty service.

Think about it from a client’s perspective. Let’s say you wanted a massage. Few masseuses charge under $50 per hour where I am. If you came across someone who charged $20, what would you think? The reality might be that the $20 person is just starting out and set rates low to create a rush of clients. But what’s the perception? If I went in there, I’d be expecting a jonesing crack whore doing massages of questionable legality, because good places charge $50 at the very least.

Or, what would you think if you saw a $2000 diamond ring on sale for $600? Would you think, “Spectacular deal”? Or would you think, “Must be fake,” “Must be flawed,” or “Must be stolen”? People really believe that there’s no free lunch, so when something seems too good to be true, they assume it is.

With this in mind, I’ve decided to charge $150 per hour for my consulting, with a discount if you buy multiple sessions. It wasn’t a terrible stretch because I already charge $100 per hour for custom web jobs, but it did give me pause considering that I’m still kind of new to teaching what I know. But shit, that’s what I’m worth. In fact, I’m worth more. If you’re a new consultant, just keep reminding yourself of that.

(Also, by request, I decided to offer group coaching for $50 per hour. You don’t get as much one-on-one attention, but it lets people with smaller budgets get on board. )

So that’s what I’ve learned, that’s what I’m doing, and that’s why Kermit is really pretty perverse. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going trolling for some hot furry action. Don’t judge me. I’m only human.