Moral of the Story: Cool Kids Edition
When I first started blogging — she says, like it was OH SO long ago — I encountered a young man in a niche similar to mine. He expressed an interest in networking with me but frankly, I had bigger fish to fry. I mean, the guy wasn’t even self-hosting, for God’s sake. (OK, let’s be honest. I was very busy trying to become Darren Rowse’s best friend. There. I said it. Can we move on?)
So I sent a cursory email back every time he shot one my way and left it at that. At some point, I ended up subscribed to his newsletter. When this happened, I thought he had put me on the list, although in hindsight I was drinking a lot back then and would’ve put myself on a Porno for Chemical Engineers mailing list and not remembered it in the morning.
I went to unsubscribe from the list and there was some kind of technical screw up. I figured I’d do the nice thing and email him to let him know. Because I’m nice like that. He writes me back in about four seconds saying something to the effect of, “Don’t you want to be on my list anymore, Naomi?” I felt so bad for this poor kid that I told him I was happy to remain on his list and made up some shitty excuse about clicking the wrong button.
Every week or so, I get an email. And every week or so I delete it, thinking I should stop being such a pussy and unsubscribe, for God’s sake. But I was terrified it would screw up again and necessitate another heart-and-dream-crushing email that I never bothered. The emails generally existed to notify his subscriber base that an article submission deadline for something or other was nearing.
Today I got another email. Once again I deleted it. Then I started getting more emails — lots of them — from complete strangers, all congratulating the original sender. (Somebody obviously clicked “reply all” and everybody afterwards followed suit.) When the count reached about ten, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Turns out, the sender of the email won an award I’d never heard of from a site I don’t visit.
Delete.
When the send count reached about 20, I figured there couldn’t be that many people in the world congratulating him over nothing, so I click on the link in the email.
At this point I’m frankly bored.
Blah blah blah. Scan scan scan. Until “…as the nice folks at Fast Company put it: “If you haven’t heard about … Schawbel, you will. Schawbel is a personal branding force of nature.”
To quote the great Jeff Foxworthy, in response to being told that one of his fans qualified for redneck status because he’d had his nipple bitten off by a beaver:
“You have my attention.”
Honey, when Fast Company is talking about you, you have my attention.
Moral of the Story: Watch Who You Snub.
I am about to write an email to Dan Schawbel to apologize for being an ass. He will probably forgive me because he knows the moral to this story already and doesn’t snub people for no good reason. I will ask if I can put an article in his magazine — oh yeah, apparently he has a magazine, another little tidbit I learned from the charming folks at FC — and hope that he’s OK with it.
While I’m crossing my fingers and getting drunk to soothe my shame, read the article and check out his personal branding blog. Maybe if I send him enough traffic it will help to assuage my guilt.
Like hearing how I’ve made an ass out of myself? Try these!
Moral of the Story: Topless Edition (with Photos!)
Moral of the Story: Violent Snuggling Edition
Moral of the Story: Marketing to Alcoholics Edition
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So true… so true. “Clicking the wrong button”… which button would that be, the [repy with remove me from your list] button? haha
Definitely have to watch out for the little guy, like it or not.
Porno for Chemical Engineers mailing list…
Hey, I’m a Chemical Engineer, how come I’ve never heard of this one?
Guess I must be squeaky clean or something. Anyway, thanks for the links to Dan’s site & the article, some neat stuff there. Good luck getting drunk…
On the same lines as this post, I’ll add a little bit more advice (not directed at you, of course):
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
‘Nuff said.
If you ever feed me, make no mistake I will bite your hand. Just so I can write a post about it.
I’ll take pictures and play up the sympathy card at my blog…
Naomi, I haven’t laughed so much in a long time, lol. I really love reading your blog, and everyone I’ve shown it to does too. Look forward to you next post! Actually, I think I’ll tweet this…
Well, my lovely husband is a venture capitalist, which means his entire workday revolves around networking and being nice to others, so that they might, some day, be there for him when he needs them. But even VCs, when they become successful enough, sometimes snub others.
One of the most important lessons that lovely husband taught me (yes, I listen to him, not just to you):
Be nice to people on your way up, because you will meet them on your way down.
It is a pretty well-chewed cliche, but it is true nonetheless.
We both try to live by that rule.
Thank you for your honesty. It is quite awesome.
Oh dear, this post made me laugh and cringe. I had a similar situation when I was just starting out freelancing. I had a very eager woman talking my ear off at a writers group meeting, and, when I didn’t offer my card right away, ask plantively, “well, can I get one of your cards?” After that night, I have seen her everywhere. She’s becoming a freelancing force in this big city, a person I see everywhere, and although she’s always nice to me, I always feel like an ass. Ah well. Great post, Naomi!
Naomi,
I feel for you. Ouch!
This is why I check all links and do a search for everybody that tries to connect with me. I either learn something about the person, something about the person’s friends/work/colleagues, or something about human nature. Yeah, it takes a bit of time, yeah, it’s not always a thrill what I learn, but most of the time if somebody has an interest in me something about them is going to pique my interest too. I have some really cool people pop by, and it’s worth it to me to keep up on that.
Of course I’m not at Itty Biz level, la-la, but I’d still do it if I were.
‘Cause I’m seriously nosy.
Regards,
Kelly
Naomi- you missed a perfect opportunity. Shoulda told him Jack did it. Then you could set up a play date. 20 and conquering the world????!!!! I just want to hug him and pet that dog.
This is just what happens when you give a bright child technology way too early, world domination. Either that or they chew on it.
:)
All best,
Jan
If I ask you to join my mailing list (again, but this time without F&C#ing it up), what will you do?
:)
@ Mark — You fucked it up? It came through just fine for me… Did it auto sign me or do I have to sign up? You know what… just send it again. After this palaver I’ll sign up for every damn thing anybody sends me.
Naomi,
Hahaha, then come contribute delightful insanity/devil’s advocacy regularly to MCE!
Dan must be good people, he’s from the town I was born in. Everybody in Waltham is good people. It’s the rule.
Later,
Kelly
Ayup.
That’s why I never snub anyone. ‘Cept Republicans and Bible Thumpers.. or maybe it’s just Republican Bible Thumpers.. I forget, cuz it’s been a long time since I have done any snubbing.. in fact, it’s more likely that people will snub me than I snub them.
@kelly
I was just in Waltham (really: sales pitch to a hope to be customer at 135 Beaver Street).
But Route 20 through Waltham drives me nuts – Left Lane Must Turn Left so you get over to the right and 200 feet later it’s Right Lane Must Turn Right so you move back to the left and they do it to you AGAIN and then the ones that really fool you are the big “ONLY” signs painted on the road you can see from three hundred feet back so you think it’s another Right or Left Turn Only but nooooo.. it’s an arrow pointing straight ahead but by the time you can see that you are already in the wrong lane..
A good friend who unfortunately died a few years back used to work at the old Tandy Leather/Radio Shack Store at Waltham – I stopped in there often.
Ed never would have snubbed anyone. Never. See http://aplawrence.com/Misc/ed_k.html to know why I remember him and Waltham so fondly.
Gosh, Tony, that was beautiful. True “Customer Relationship Management,” not the empty phrase that has become today. Actually, that link is pretty relevant to Naomi’s topic here, both early on (when he could have snubbed you) and later (when you remembered those days, though snubbing him might have been the easy way out).
Yes, I was born there, as was my Dad, and a lot of our very large extended family is still in the area today. We did quite a bit of moving, so I didn’t spend long living there, but we visited a least a couple of times a year all through my childhood, more when we also lived in MA. It used to be all Irish and Italians. It’s become quite the melting pot since I was a kid. Always, good people there.
Since you’re in Middleboro I have no doubt that you’ve noticed that most of eastern Massachusetts is full of roads designed for insiders-only. My Dad’s favorite is a stretch of Rte. 2 (I think) where you can be going both south and north at the same time as it merges with some other road for a few miles. Eeek!
Ahem! Thanks Naomi for the use of your comment section! Your casa is my casa still, right?
Later,
Kelly
Eastern MA:
We don’t like informative road signs. If you don’t know where you are now and how to get where you want to be later, well, we really don’t care. It’s not like we invited you here, right?
Come to Massachusetts because it can be beautiful, but bring a GPS or you may never get home.
It’s always “easy” to snub someone. But you sleep better when you don’t.
Tony,
Agreed, agreed, and definitely agreed.
Naomi,
Fabulous post with a good point to remember! Thank you.
To all the Eastern MA commenters:
You are not kidding! As a former resident of Marblehead, I have to agree!
Jen
[...] blow it off. Blowing off a presented opportunity is worse than having no opportunity at all. Naomi Dunford (in serious mea culpa mode but still as witty as ever) looks at this from the flip side after [...]
I just posted about being the snubbée as opposed to the snubber but the moral of the story is the same. Good post Naomi.
Oh, okay so my post just showed up before my comment did. I swear I’m not trying to monopolize the comments here it just happened by itself. Right, then. I’ll be going now. Really.
For everyone else try to just skip over this bit. I assure you the blog doesn’t need my rambling. It really is very good and I feel like I’m messing it up now. So, like I said if you all just skim over these past comments that would be best for everyone. Thanks.
And sorry Naomi. Okay, I’m really finished now. But I thought an apology would be nice. Even though it adds another comment. So sorry, again.
Hey Naomi – Kudos to you for having the courage and class to write about it!
Something that started nagging at me over night:
I think some folks could read this and think “The reason not to snub someone else is because someday they might be powerful and you’ll be their pal and you’ll benefit”.
No. That’s not the reason.
Tony,
Sincerity and authenticity, always.
I’d like to think it takes too much effort to game the system with faux caring; even if you try, you’re going to be sniffed out in a heartbeat. People’s b.s. detectors are sharper than ever in Life 2.0.
Later,
Kelly
Oh, it’s so TRUE. I had a woman at my last in-house copywriting gig who was a little creepy. Anorexic with this overlarge head, bitten-down fingernails, dyed red stringy hair. Looked like an old rag doll with half the stuffing out. And clingy as all hell. I made the mistake of passing the ten minutes before work with her once, and ever after she wanted to go out to lunch. But I didn’t like her. I found her weird and clingy. So I would avoid this lunch, and avoid it, until my job was actually finished, three months later.
Which is about when I found out that she’s some kind of networking QUEEN. Who knows everyone, and offered to help me find my next freelancing gig.
She’s still annoying and clingy. But now, it’s flavored with ‘awesomely helpful.’ I can go to a long lunch for that.
You can be forgiven: he *is* in his 20s after all. It’s hard to give those young ‘uns the benefit of the doubt, lol.
on another note:
…?um…, ?I got here through Google?….um, I was searching for this…ahem…..mailing list? ….I’m a chemical engineer? Am I in right place?
[...] remember the Cool Kids Edition? When I was a dick to Dan Schawbel and felt like shit afterwards because he was in Fast Company and [...]
[...] Do you remember when I was a bitch to Dan Schawbel and looked and felt horrible after? [...]