On SEO, Snake Oil, Ninjas, and How IttyBiz Came to Be
Somebody I don’t know was recently given the unfortunate and God-given responsibility to publicly inform me that I am a shitty copywriter. (Sadly, this means I will have to quit my life’s work and become a perpetually temporary switchboard operator, but there you are. C’est la vie.)
The reason that this is coming up today is that I have spent a great deal of time over the last couple of days thinking about the blog post I will write to introduce my ebook. When you write a landing page and promote it — and therefore your product — through Pay Per Click advertising, you have the luxury of anonymity. When you write a blog about marketing and advertising and copywriting and you’re trying to sell your shit to the readers of that blog, well, the pressure’s on, isn’t it?
Therefore, I have decided to write this blog post while high. I mean, I’m not high high. Just cold medication and sleeping pills. But I’m high enough that my inner short-copy-versus-long-copy, features-versus-benefits, which-of-the-four-key-personality-traits-is-my-target-customer dialog has been temporarily silenced and I’m just going to wing it. Wish me luck.
The book is about SEO for people who don’t know piss all about SEO. It’s for people who are like, “I have a website and I’d really like some traffic but fuck knows how I’m supposed to do THAT”. You can read more about it on the SEO School page.
A Brief History of IttyBiz
I am a home business marketing consultant. I charge people a relatively low sum of money to help them with their business plans and marketing because I believe that really fucking great businesses go under every single goddamn day because they can’t afford decent help. They’re trying to navigate this new world of online marketing and they don’t know anybody who’s done it before. They don’t know who to turn to because there are so few people who have succeeded in this arena. The bad guys win and the good guys lose, and I find this tragic.
When I was very small, my parents ran some businesses. Some were very successful. Some, not so much. I saw how hard they both worked — separately, of course, as they divorced before my first birthday — trying to make a go of working for themselves so they could have more time with their daughter. I heard my father typing late into the night, sometimes crying and raging and throwing things and crying some more. I saw my mother bringing work home and doing her design work long after the kids had gone to bed. There were no weekends in either of these houses.
One night when I was about four, I got up and asked my dad what was wrong.
My father, so big and strong in my mind, wiped his eyes and looked at me. “Just trying to make it work, Sunshine. Just trying to make it work.”
Because I was very small, I couldn’t do much to help. I tried to make him tea but I was afraid of the kettle and I usually fucked it up. I tried to stay out of his way when I could. I tried to make sure I wasn’t being too much trouble because I knew how hard he had it. I tried so hard to make it easier for him, but I was only one little girl and I could only do so much.
I knew he was sad because he had to go away on long business trips. I remember the days before I started school when we had a night-time nanny so that he could work all night and hang out with me all day. What little sleep he got was during my naps. When the time came for school, I know my father was devastated that he couldn’t homeschool me because he had to work.
Flash Forward 20 Years
When I grew up, I realized that the internet was making it easier for people like my parents to run businesses from their home. I realized that there were literally millions of people out there, desperate to go home and be with their families and make a decent living. They don’t want to be millionaires. They just want enough so that they don’t have to spend another Christmas hoping the babies aren’t disappointed by what they find under the tree. Enough to take the kids to see Mickey at Disney World and stay at the good hotel this time.
Finally, I could help. I couldn’t bring them tea and I couldn’t make their mortgage payment for them and I couldn’t find their kid the last Tickle Me Elmo in the store. But I had a pretty good knowledge of why people buy and I knew that marketing was the single most important factor in a small business’ success.
So I learned marketing. I learned everything I could. I had a baby too young, married the wrong man and promptly divorced him. I couldn’t go to school and be a decent parent at the same time so I learned at night. I read everything there was to read. I wanted to be the best fucking small business marketer on earth so I could make sure all those people who just wanted to be with their families could get what they needed to make their businesses work at an affordable price.
But it’s all a means to an end. When I have enough money, I’ll be doing this pro bono. I don’t have enough money yet, so I’m selling ebooks. I’ve started with SEO School.
It has recently come to my attention in the comments of my first SEO School post that SEO is snake oil. Thank you to that commentator, because you just gave me a new selling point. Those of you who know me know:
IttyBiz is all about the snake oil.
Hopefully I’ve created a resource that will help you. Hopefully you’ve gotten enough information out of this blog to know that somebody has finally written something about SEO that ISN’T snake oil. Hopefully I’ve made it a little clearer for you. Hopefully if you read the book you can do some stuff to get your business in a better spot and still look at yourself in the mirror with respect in the morning.
Since I didn’t want to create the world’s longest sales page, I held off on the who-needs-this-ebook for this post. Let’s face it, more of you are reading this anyway. Therefore:
* If you’re thinking about starting a website someday and have heard that Google favors older sites but you don’t know what to put up there
* If you’ve started a website and you feel like you’re drowning
* If you’re not really drowning but you hear that people are getting all this search engine traffic and you’re just, well, not
* If word of mouth referrals will not keep food on your table and you don’t know what else you’re going to do
* If you know you should be doing something about SEO but you don’t know who to trust
* If you think SEO is for people who “get” websites
* If you were thinking of hiring me but can’t afford it
* If you think you might need an SEO consultant one day but don’t want to pay $500 an hour to learn the basics. You’d rather learn the basics on your own and think about consultants later.
Then you might like my book.
If you think you might like my book, you might want to buy it soon. I’m moving in like, fourteen days and I could use the cash before I move more than I could use it after. Therefore, what’s normally $39 is now $30. It’s good till July 1st.
Use the coupon code “MovingDay”. Get it? Cause I’m moving?
If you want to read more about what’s actually in the book, here’s the SEO School main page. Read the P.S. — it’s about you.
I would really be honored if you’d buy my book. Thank you.
Nice job, Naomi. This is actually very good copywriting, but you know that already. I’ll be eager to hear how the book sale goes… as well as all of the future ebooks you guys will write.
Glad you addressed what seemed like a rude comment to your launch announcement — after I read it and felt disgusted that he said such a thing, I saw it was written from twitter and started to think:
“well maybe the term “snake oil” is the new “cool/hip/boss/neato/whatever” and I’m just so out of touch…?”
Because, Naomi, if anyone can make snake oil cool, it’s you and your learned, ribald, farty (funny+smart, sorry) POV. Good luck with the packing (unload as much as possible to charity before you must load your moving boxes!)
Ha! Thanks guys.
@ GirlPie — That’s just Picard. He stops by every now and again to let me know he doesn’t like me. It helps me know the world is as it should be. If he didn’t stop by, I’d be confused.
That was a very moving post, which you can’t ususally say about one that uses “fuck” that many times. Good luck to you on the sales.
Great sales pitch, and if I hadn’t already bought your book, it would have made me buy it.
Good luck with the move! : )
Bought your eBook to support you! I think your blog is great and want to make sure you keep on doing it!
Congrats on the ebook, Naomi!
The book is definitely worth getting, people. Buy it now!
*sigh* Thank you. Thank you because you’ve just made me want to go revamp all my website copy so that I can sound as down to earth and sweet as you do.
Unfortunately, our brand image is cool and casual. So I’ll just have to suffer and read this a few times.
And Naomi? Shit. I wish that I am never your parents and that my kids never look at me and say, “What’s wrong?” Or that they never grow up and go into psychotherapy to tell the person that my dedication to having a business so that they could have their life is the exact reason why they’re so screwed up now as adults.
I don’t see your ebook advertised anywhere on your blog! If you don’t have time to make a graphic yet you better stick a link in that left sidebar right this second-or the puppy gets it!
Did Selene design your website or was the link back to IttyBiz just an example of a custom website?
Anyhow, long time reader, first time poster. I was introduced to your website through a seemingly random Google Reader suggestion. I really had no idea how ubiquitous internet marketing and SEO was until I visited this site. I didn’t learn everything I know here, but it certainly opened my eyes to “the business.”
SEO is certainly not snake oil. It works. But, SEO has come full circle in the last 20 years. Gone are the days of spamming the search engines to float to the top of the results. Now you actually have to write good copy AND give the search engine what it wants. It’s harder than ever, and as a relative novice, I do hope to buy your book later in the month when I get my paycheck.
It’d be a bit easier to part people with their money if you did give something away for free. Maybe the first chapter, or the introduction, or a random excerpt of a few pages. At least for people who aren’t regular readers of this website.
Also, I know you mentioned that you didn’t waste any space inflating page count… But how many pages is it anyhow? :)
Sorry, too busy reading the ebook to comment on the ebook. Except to say—
@Nimic: 52 great pages. Greatness being defined as finishing page 2 and already she’s talked ninjas, Valium, staying out of the asylum and taking off our pants. That’s just page TWO. I may need a seatbelt and crash helmet for the other 50 pages.
Later!
@Naomi Blessings on the move!
>>I tried to stay out of his way when I could. I tried to make sure I wasn’t being too much trouble because I knew how hard he had it. I tried so hard to make it easier for him, but I was only one little girl and I could only do so much.<<
Yeah, you’re a shitty copywriter. :-)
My sarcasm tags didn’t come through on that last comment, so for those denser than a black hole, I’m saying Naomi *is* a good copywriter.
Tricky, I know.
Jezebel.
I would like to register a complaint. There is evidently so much awesome content in your ebook that it takes a whole fucking TWO MINUTES to download. I do not have two fucking minutes. I am a busy woman. I hate you.
Also, ninjas rule. The mission, it shall be completed. And soon, my friend. Oh so soon.
First off, thanks for everybody’s niceness. I’m very grateful. Since writing this thing just about fucking killed me, it’s nice to hear.
@ Nimic (and I’ll email you separately in case you don’t come back to the comments section) Thank you, and good point. If you want, you can check out marketing school to give you an idea:
http://ittybiz.com/marketing-school/
It’s free, and it gives you an indication. Thanks for coming!
Oh Naomi - Thank you.
I had the book paid for and downloaded before I realized it was for newbies. Glad it wasn’t all new so that I could read to find new tidbits to add to my learning. Not being a swearer myself and not even remotely close in age - in other words we have little in common, I eagerly await each post. Thanks for the opportunity to contribute in a small way to your success.
I had some things to say about “snake oil” in the post where that comment was made, but:
I hadn’t noticed the Picard before, not sure why he doesn’t like you, but can’t help but agree that there IS a lot of SEO snake oil being sold (and being given away, too). It annoys the hell out of me that innocents get bad advice from people who don’t know squat.
Somehow I can’t see Naomi doing that, at least not on purpose.
Obviously this is for newbies. Obviously it can’t be very techy in 52 pages. No doubt you can find every single piece of advice she has elsewhere for free. Heck, as I mentioned elsewhere, Google’s Webmaster Guideline pages cover absolutely everything any beginner needs to know about SEO.
But those pages weren’t written by Naomi, were they? In a way, I wish I needed this: I bet it’s a lot of fun.
@ Tony - It’s not supposed to be techy. People are shit tired of trying to figure out techy because most of them aren’t techy people. They just want a little bit of a better life and this is a chance.
It’s straightforward, it’s easy to understand, it’s funny, and it’s all in one place. That’s what I like about it.
Hey… I dare you to break your own “If I don’t need this, I won’t allow myself to buy it.” *grin* Come on… you know you wanna.
You are right, James, and if it were an actual book, I might buy it just for the fun. But I can’t stand eBooks and won’t even read the free ones.
I review a lot of tech books so publishers send me stuff for free. In recent years, they tried sending PDF’s - I won’t read ‘em, I won’t review ‘em and I think a lot of other reviewers are the same way.
But if you don’t have my PDF hating attitude, and you are a newbie, I’m more than reasonably sure that Naomi’s book IS a lot of fun and could give folks the jump start they need. Somehow I just can’t imagine her writing anything boring :-)
Tony,
as a eBook hater, let me tell you that I bought the book completly planning to sacrifice another tre to print it out and yet when I got to the first page and started reading I just never stopped. Sat right there and read the whole darn thing-on line and didn’t move, even when she told me to in the book.
I think she might surprise you.She is good. Engaging. Grabs you by your little toe and doesn’t let go.
Wendi:
I’m sure you are right. Naomi is fun to read.
But I still hate ebooks :-)
But that’s just me, and someday something like Kindle may completely change my mind. I don’t think most people are bothered as I am - maybe the young’uns actually LIKE ebooks.
I’m confident Naomi will sell enough of these without my purchase.
Naomi - if you get to like 9,999 (or 99,999 ) and the sales stop and you really, really want that nice round figure, I’ll pop for the book.
Though by that point I don’t think you’d care :-)
@ Tony — Thank you! That’s high praise coming from you. I might just put you in my testimonials page. :)
If I get to 99,999 you’re damn right I’m emailing you.
Naomi, great post! You brought tears to my eyes. Best of luck with the ebook :)
@Wendi—Now how funny was that. I was perfectly willing to sacrifice a tree for the purpose of having a hardcopy to highlight and take notes in, but never got to it!
I started reading and didn’t stop…except for that emergency run to Taco Bell. Finished it just before bed and had SEO dreams. Now that it’s simmered a bit, today is re-read and highlight/notes day. Huzzah!
@Tony—Absolutely right, it’s almost all in Google’s SEO docs, and I usually go to the source for this kind of thing. However, now that I’ve read both that and this, here’s what the ebook has that Google’s Webmaster document does not have:
1) RELEVANCE - Like many technical documents, Google’s docs are speaking to everyone, not just the really tiny businesses that are the focus here. There’s just the bits we need, and highlights why they matter.
2) SIMPLICITY - Google’s docs explain deeply at times, and it’s too much of a good thing. There are a number of places where the ebook reads “Just trust me on why this works/matters”, which is perfectly reasonable and will be a relief to many.
3) THINGS UNSAID - There are ideas, suggestions and warnings that Google cannot voice about spammers, consequences, tactics, and link juice that the ebook is free to say. And thankfully, it does.
4) REAL-WORLD RESULTS - The ebook has examples of simple tactics and their notable real-world results. Always a pleasure to read a book by someone who’s done it that we can trust, rather than just talks about doing it and/or that I don’t know if I can trust.
5) HUMOR/COMIC RELIEF - You’re totally right, it’s a fun read! I’ve never had a manual/guide tell me to take off my pants and get a drink as pre-steps to the discussion, or tell jokes, or say ‘fuck’. More should.
Shit. I may copy/paste all that and make it Thursday’s mini post. Huh.
Sorry for the long comment, Naomi. I got happy :D
Crystal,
Yes, I was going to say that it is the TRUST factor that makes it work. I trust her. If she says “Do this now” I am more inclined to do it rather than if some google bot tells me to. ( Well, I didn’t actually take off my pants, there were kids around, but still…) and part of the reason I am such a techie looser is because usually whenever someone starts to talk to me about anything that REMOTLY starts to sound like stats or numbers or a plug-in or a wire or a machine, my eyes roll up into the back of my head and I have convultions. That didn’t happen with her book. I was able to follow along and actually DO what she told me to do, and saw my ranking ( what do you know about that, I actually ranked on a few words, wasn’t THAT fun!) and learned a WHOLE heck of a lot, which wouldn’t of happened if some techie geek mumbo jumbo language would of been sounding like garble snot in my ears. It was worth every dime…and then some.
Still reading, but I can’t BELIEVE you really do rank #1 for “women painted as tigers”. The true question is how on earth did you figure that out!? LOL
Great read, so far! I especially liked this post introducing it and how IttyBiz came to be. Touching about your father.
I hope you’re making a lot of $$ with this, since it almost killed you. ;)
Hope the move went ok! I hate moving with a passion!
You guys are so awesome. Thank you.
Hey guys,
First of all, thanks so much for your support, and I’m glad this book seems to have been as useful for you as we hoped it would be.
We’re going to be doing a testimonials page and we’ll be using some of your comments. If there is anything you want to add, feel free to shoot us an e-mail. Make sure to include your URL so we can attribute your comment and perhaps direct a few people to your site. Also, that way it won’t look like we made you up :-)
I bought the book last night, and finished reading it this morning. I wish this book was released last month. I’ve spent the last 30 days researching SEO and frankly it made my head spin. I’m an engineer IRL, so it’s not that I can’t comprehend the technical information. The problem is that there is so much of it, and one half conflicts with the other half.
In the past 30 days I’ve read “white hat” tips that turned out to be black hat. Pushed at least one of my websites into the “sandbox” and made several crappy niche domain purchases. I’ve learned that anyone who is trying to help you, even on $100 membership forums, is trying to sell you something that doesn’t necessarily even work.
Is this book worth $39? Well, I’ll have to say I’m very happy I managed to get it at the discounted price. But, let’s say I didn’t. Let’s say I spent $39 dollars on a 52 page book. It would have saved me about $200 in stupid mistakes that got me nowhere.
There’s a rhyme and a reason to SEO. In my month of research, I discovered about 75% of the techniques in this book on my own, and tried them out. I also discovered about twice as many techniques that this book warns about or leaves out that don’t work. It’s also great to have a book as a reference instead of 100 badly organized links where the information I need is buried somewhere in a 10 page article.
I’d buy the book again, but I’d build a time machine take it back with me and save 30 days of frustration.
I don’t give a shit about SEO. I don’t care how it works or why it works. I don’t want to know and I hope I never know.
But I’m ordering your book. Good people deserve support.
Hey Naomi,
Congrats on the book!
I’ve been lurking for a little bit and trying to catch up on what I’ve missed. I haven’t ordered the book yet, but it’s on the list. Just commenting to let you know that you have “taken control of your financial destiny” (in case you didn’t already know). Yup, I just read an article on Success.com, so I’m able to inform you expertly. It said, “Writing a Book Gives You Total Control of Your Financial Destiny”. I included the link if you want to check it out and see how “Person B” you are.
So, Naomi Dunford, you’ve just taken control of your financial destiny; what are you going to do next (after you get the boxes unpacked)? :)
http://www.successmagazine.com/article?articleId=73&taxonomyId=15
@Tei - That was totally my fault. In our determination to upload the file and be done with it I forgot to zip it. Sue me. Or get a better internet connection.
Be a hater if you must, but at least hate the right person. :)
Hey Naomi,
I just sent you a rather long-ass comment form message about your eBook (I have some questions and I hope that’s okay and it doesn’t make you want to take more pills). But here, I just wanted to say thank you for your amazing writing, for all the work you’ve put into this book and blog, and for having what it takes to stand out from the rest. I’m super glad I’ve found you.
Read the first paragraph and became self-conscious.
Had to remove a sock and cover the webcam before I was able to continue reading this Saturday morning. I was still in my sleep shirt and… you guessed it… no pants!
Great tips and entertaining delivery!
Just a little update. After finishing reading the e-Book, I wrote 2-3 blog posts and used some of the tips and I have seen at LEAST twice as much traffic on my site from search engines! I’m expecting more as I continue writing. Great info for us newbies! Thanks, again!
how hard is SEO? if you game it, you lose. period! if you have good, interesting content people will link it. success doesn’t come easy. if you have crap, you will have crap rankings. it’s frickin common-sense. read it again folks, common sense. buy all the books you want, you’re wasting your time. come up with better content than anybody and you win.