Home Business Psychology: Conspiracy Theories
(This is Jack, expressing his serious reservations about a Jolly Jumper. He was right to be concerned — they were recalled about a week after this photograph was taken. See? Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.)
Moving on.
Working from home makes you crazy. If you have a blog with subscribers, you’ll know that this weekend, Feedburner messed up. It looks like they stopped aggregating Google feed readers, meaning that everyone’s subscriber count went down 30-70%. Darren at Problogger had a drop from 30,000 to 14,000. Crazy things, people.
Of course, much of the blogosphere was abuzz about this. (Hey! Spell check didn’t catch “abuzz”! Is that a real word?) Personally, my subscribers dropped 64%. What follows would make a good Moral Of The Story post, but I just did one. You should check it out. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. (Okay, you’ll laugh. I’ll cry.)
Anyway, back to Feedburner.
If you’ve been paying attention, which I don’t recommend, you’ll know that the Great Subscriber Crash of ’07 took place about eight hours after I first used the word “slut” on my blog. Imagine what went through my head. No, don’t bother. I’ll tell you.
“Do you think it’s because I said ‘slut’? Are people really that conservative? Maybe I should tone it down a bit. But if I tone it down a bit, I won’t be being myself. I don’t want subscribers who don’t like me for who I am. Then again, I want to write a book. I want people to buy it. I don’t care who they are. Am I pissing off the Bible belters? Should I blog about this? It would be a cool story. But do I really want people to know I lost all those subscribers? What if it’s like the Broken Window Syndrome? What if the rest of them find out the first crop left and then they leave too?”
Actually, to be honest, that didn’t go through my head. It went through my mouth, into my poor husband’s ears. And of course, today everything is fine.
Here’s my theory.
When you work in an office or a hospital or on a construction site, you are surrounded by other people who give you perspective. If you’re freaking out about something, chances are someone has been there, done that. There’s always going to be a full spectrum of people with various theories and points of view. You can hang out and gossip until you know the facts.
(This is a bonus, barely relevant picture of my oldest son, Michael. We don’t put a lot of pictures of him up because of the whole pedophile thing. Anyway, here he is pointing out the ass end of a hedgehog. You may want to rethink your big plan of homeschooling. That makes you crazy, too.)
When you have a home business, there’s no-one to gossip with. There’s no-one to bounce your ideas off. There’s no-one to calm you down. All you’ve got is you and your paranoid delusional stream of consciousness.
So what’s the solution, Miss Whiny Pants?
Get a life, even if it’s just a virtual one. Find people to hang out with, even if it’s just over email. Shane IMed me yesterday about the subscriber issue and I’d already heard about it. I told him what was going on and all was well. Shane is smarter than I am. He got off his ass instead of sitting around freaking like a spaz. I’m sure his wife, Julie, is happier with him than Jamie is with me right now.
Bonus Moral of the Story: It’s Not All About You. Or Me.
The whole internet isn’t going to crash just because I said “slut”. Oh, and by the way? Slut slut slut slut slut slut slut slut slut.
Slut.
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You said “slut” and “hedgehog’s ass” all in the same post! Man, you are really in for it now. What a gutter mouth - knew I liked you for a reason… ;)
Ha! I actually do it to see if my mother’s really reading. She says she is, but when I don’t get a worried phone call within 24 hours of one of these posts, I know the truth. I’m sneaky like that.
Haha :) That’s a great way to keep up the communication with your mom.
But seriously, your mom must by proud of you - once again you took a rather boring topic that had already been covered by ProBlogger and many others, and turned it into a gem.
Jarkko, you are too nice. If your wife ever leaves you for Dermot Mulroney, please let me know. And you’re quite right - it’s completely boring now. At the time, I was apoplectic.
Isn’t it amazing the things my daughter will do to get some attention? I don’t know where she gets it! Slut and hedgehog’s ass in one post… hmmph!
Remember the story about “Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus”?
Dearest daughter, of whom I am immensely proud… “Yes, your mom reads your stuff!”
Lotsa love from Mom xxx
Did you see that, people? I told you she’d come!
Your mom rocks. Like there’s any doubt with a kid like YOU.
You’ve become my virtual cubemate, in a manner of speaking. Who else is going to be there for the highs and lows of my day with a snarky comment ready to go in the arsenal for God’s sake?
Where’s my wine?
I took the whole Feedburner thing in stride, but that’s because there are five other blogs on our network; and I could see that everyone’s numbers dropped. At that point I just figured it was a Feedburner error.
The next time something like that happens, email me, and we’ll figure it out together!
I’m so glad you were there to hold my hand!
It’s why you will be a world class part time editor (hint hint nudge nudge).
Oh, and if there is one difference in the sexes, julie would never have been deluged with the rants and ramblings of an rss pauper. She would have had to pry it out of me with tongues and tickles (much better than tongs and torture).
@ Susan - My arsenal is always at your disposal. Freelancing’s crazy, dude. You need an army of supporters.
@ Lorna - That’s because YOU are relaxed and poised. I am… other things.
@ Shane - ShaneandPeter can survive another day, thank God. And did you just say “tongues and tickles” on my blog? Dude, my MOTHER reads this. (See above.) Potty mouth.
This is your official warning from the Blog Police.
If you keep using those naughty S and H. A. type words and making non caring statements about higher beings, you will be judged…
We have have large quantities of fire, brimstone and other really nasty stuff, just waiting for recalcitrants like you.
You are reminded that your freedom to blog will be allowed to continue only if you re-hash other peoples inane opinions.
You are, of course, allowed to add a few carefully constructed cliches, however, please keep your own creativity to an absolute minimum. After all, if every body starts thinking for themselves what will become of “Polite Society”
As for your commenting on other peoples blogs…
You would do well to keep to the broadly accepted norm of making only sycophantic comments, ones that gush on, and on, about how fabulously interesting you find their opinion on the inside leg measurement of African gnats.
Naomi, you really must learn to “play the game” the danger is: you will be noticed, stand out, be regarded as different, i’m only pointing this out for your own good girlie…
What would your mother in think?
Whoops! Sorry, I forgot the L.A.W. bit…
It just shows you how upset I really am about all this naughty talk.
@ Lindsay. Duly noted. I’m so sorry to have upset you so. :) Will brush up on all measurements of African gnats (and I do mean all, nudge nudge, wink wink.)
Oh, and by the way? You delight me to the ends of the earth. Thank you for the warning.
[...] “A rash of techneurotic behavior assaulted the blog community during the Great Subscriber Crash of 07” Filed under: S&P [...]
Wow… is it happening again, or did my subscribers really leave me today?
Have you noticed anything weird today?
Hey Jarkko - God, I hope so or my last post was REALLY offensive.
“Where, oh where, have my sub-scrib-ers gone. Where, oh where can they be?”
I’ve just put a much worse (compound) swear word on mine and had nothing but compliments (two).
Thanks Naomi - just discovered your site and I really like your writing. Keep it up!
Excellent post, as always … it is such a dark place, the freaking out alone cave. Thanks for inspiring us to climb towards the light of perspective sooner rather than later!
Please DO piss off the Bible Belt.
It might even be good for them. And if it’s not, and they keel over and die in an apoplectic fit, oh well.. no great loss..