Dec
24
The Healing Power of Redemption at Christmas, or The One Where We Catalog a Half Dozen Or So of My Screw Ups Hoping You Will Maybe Learn Something From Them or Perhaps Find Some Comfort
I’ve started this a dozen times, and each time, it came out wrong. Then, when I realized that if I wanted to run this piece in time for Christmas I would actually have to write it before Christmas, I figured I’d just start at the beginning and let it go from there.
Once upon a time, I encountered Chris Guillebeau. He was awesome, and I really liked what he was doing over at The Art of Non-Conformity. Also, he was awesome. And cool. And awesome. We sent each other emails and commented on each other’s blogs and the world was full of unicorns and daisies. Yay for new internet friends!
One day, when I was living in England, I got an urgent email from Chris. He wanted to know if I was doing anything the following Tuesday. He was flying from Qatar to Johannesburg and had a 7 hour layover at Heathrow. If I was around, he’d extend it to a 31 hour layover and come crash on the couch at IttyBiz HQ. EEK! Much excitement. Chris was coming to visit!!
He came. Battling jetlag of doubtless epic proportions, he was a heavenly guest. He brought booze for me and business class airplane swag bags for Jack. We went to Camden and ate vegan sandwiches. I ordered a green smoothie which he said would be gross and I insisted would be delicious and he was very right and I was very wrong.
We talked about God and church and Africa and online business and England and travelling the world and living your dreams no matter what anybody told you.
It was one of the loveliest days of my life.
A little while later, he came to SXSW and we were able to hang out for an evening before we flew to our separate corners of the world. We decided we had to work together. We didn’t know what we’d do, but we knew we’d have crazy fun doing it.
Time passed. We thought about doing our thing. He travelled. I dealt with being the mother of a two-year-old. Somewhere in there I made Marketing for Nice People and he wrote 279 Days To Overnight Success. We touched base when we could.
Then he emailed me with his idea for our thing and I fell off the earth.
I had personal stuff going on. I had commitment issues. I had (and still have) an occasionally crippling anxiety disorder. The idea he came up with while he had no internet access was really close to the recession product I’d just done with Havi. He couldn’t have known that since he was sleeping on a dirt floor somewhere, but I felt weird about it. I thought I couldn’t sell my people the same product so soon after the Havi one. I thought it would hijack sales for him and I’d look like an idiot and he’d be broke. So I said nothing.
Hearing nothing from me, he kept working. He got a designer and a domain and the beginnings of a website. He kept sending me updates, and with each new update, I felt guiltier and guiltier for not getting back to him. Finally I realized I’d have to say something, and I sent him a long (and fairly pathetic) email, explaining and apologizing profusely. I thought he’d think I was a horrible flake and never forgive me.
He forgave me. He was incredibly gracious and I was incredibly grateful. We figured we’d do something in the fall instead.
Then I sort of got deported and my world fell apart.
I screwed up the SpeakEasy almost beyond repair. I bailed on pretty much everything. Email got to the point where it was practically uncontrollable. I cried every day. I hired the wrong VA, but he was a family friend and I felt like I couldn’t let him go. I worked like a dog to make enough money to maintain two houses at once and pay a VA who wasn’t doing any work.
Something had to give and it was one of my inboxes. I had to walk away or be committed.
Then, the incomparable Megan Morris came onto the scene and waved her Magic Megan Wand and everything got better. It wasn’t instant or perfect, but it was better beyond measure.
Life moved on, and I forgot about the horrible summer.
In the meantime, Chris was getting famouser and famouser. He guest posted for Anderson Cooper’s blog. Seth Godin mentioned his manifesto. More New York Times mentions. A column on CNN.com. Chris done got himself biggified.
But we didn’t talk anymore and it made me sad. Every now and again he’d send me a DM or I’d try to call his cell phone, but DMs are short and impersonal and answering machines don’t quite cut it. We lost touch.
Day followed day and I figured he didn’t like me anymore.
Week followed week and I figured he was too famous for me now.
Month followed month and I was pretty sure he was an asshole.
Coming up on the New Year, I couldn’t believe I was ever friends with him.
That all brings us to this week. I was sending a birthday card to Tei, and in registering an account with the ecard company, it offered me the chance to schedule cards in advance. I found some for my friends and hooked them up. Then I found one that would be perfect for my step-brother, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember his email address. I searched my contacts and came up dry.
Aha! It must be in that old inbox!
You know where this is going.
I logged in and saw my inbox. You know when you read in a novel that someone feels the blood drain from their face and you think, yeah, bullshit? Sure enough, yeah. You really can feel the blood drain from your face.
Email after email from Chris.
From my aunt Nancy.
From Pace and Kyeli.
From Rebecca Leigh.
From Jonathan Fields.
From Jon Morrow.
From Pam Slim.
From GirlPie.
From CHRIS FUCKING BROGAN.
And more. People I respect. People I admire. People I couldn’t have made it without. All of them sitting there, languishing for months, while I talk shit about Chris Guillebeau behind his back.
Ouch.
But those people? Set them aside for a second, but not too far – we’re going to get back to them in just a minute. Right now, we need to talk about someone else. We need to talk about Sean Platt.
There was once a writer at Men with Pens who didn’t like me very much. When I took comments off of IttyBiz, he wrote a post that caused quite the sensation in our little D-List ce-web-rity circle. He took a lot of what I said out of context and ascribed incorrect motivations, but never mentioned me by name.
That was the first time I met Sean Platt.
When someone writes uncomplimentary things about you on the internet, it is an unbreakable rule that you keep your wits about you. You must be single-minded in your focus. You must click refresh on their blog post relentlessly, surveying your detractor’s allies and filing away their details for future reference. You must be like a buzzard stalking prey, waiting for people to accuse you or defend you. You must know who your friends are.
At this point, Sean didn’t look like much of a friend. (At the time, he was writing as Writer Dad.) Being a fan of Men with Pens, he took Harrison’s presentation of the situation as fact and expressed his equally unflattering (although mercifully shorter) opinion in the comments. He couldn’t fathom anyone doing something as disrespectful as what I had done. He would never do what I did. He answered every comment on his 10-week-old blog and, damn it, anyone who didn’t… well, you get the picture.
Sometime later, he came across IttyBiz. He reached out in friendship. He didn’t know that I was the one Harrison was talking about. He probably didn’t remember it at all. He wanted to be friends. I was mad as hell, and I did my best to ignore him in the rudest ways I could come up with. He wrote. I deleted him. He let me know about blog posts. I ignored them. He connected in social media. I stuck my fingers in my ears and shouted “LA LA LA”.
Eventually, his persistence wore me down and I was civil to him. Eventually, I read a bit of his story and figured a dude with kids that awesome couldn’t possibly be all bad. Eventually, I was nice enough.
But I wasn’t about to forgive him.
The thing about the internet…
Blogging is like no other business. You have all the responsibilities of a CEO, but you can’t shield yourself like a CEO. You can’t hide behind five layers of yes men and a marketing department and a public relations team.
Internet fame isn’t like real fame. You have all the responsibilities of a celebrity, but none of the budget. You can’t hide behind your publicist and your agent and the red velvet rope.
You can’t get an MBA in blogging. You can’t talk to the other guys in the locker room about what to do when you hurt the feelings of a big fan. You can’t ask the girls on the set what to do when you offended someone you didn’t mean to offend, and now so much time has passed that you feel it can’t be fixed.
We don’t have a clue what we’re doing.
No trail has been blazed. No rulebook has been written. You are going to fuck up and it’s going to be horrible. The things you think are no big deal are going to turn out to be irreparable and the things you think are unforgivable will be solved with an honest, heartfelt phone call. Maybe you’ll write a blog post like this one and send it to everyone you think you might have done wrong.
You will be convinced that you’re never, ever going to get it right.
And then one night you’ll be at a conference and you’ll run into him — that guy who commented innocently, just that once, and hurt your feelings without having any clue who you were or what had happened.
And at the conference, he’ll touch you lightly on the arm and ask you to step outside of the party.
And once you step outside with that person who you used to think you hated, he will cover his phone with his hand and say, softly, “My son is on the phone. He’s a really big fan. Do you think maybe you could wish him goodnight?”
And your heart will melt, and you’ll feel like a jackass. And you’ll write about it and hope that everyone understands. And you’ll realize that if you’re lucky, maybe everything will be okay anyway.
Wow. (Remaining white space intentional.)
Beautifully said. :)
Sometimes we can run around, trying really hard to keep it together, and doing our best, and everything still blows up in our face.
We will probably never know why, but I’m pretty sure gremlins have something to do with it. ]
I’m not one of the people you wrote this for, but I’d forgive you in an instant after this.
And I promise that I will always think you’re awesome.
Merry Christmas, and here’s to your new year being a helluva lot better than this one.
Sarah xoxo
Thanks for the honesty. You’re integrity goes unquestioned. XO, Happy Christmas.
Naomi, wow. What an amazing, incredible, gorgeously honest post. You touch my heart.
Love, Hiro
I love this post, Naomi.
While I can’t relate to the pitfalls of internet celebrity – because I don’t have internet celebrity – I can sure as f- identify with disappearing on someone because you don’t know how to answer their question or request in any comfortable way.
I’ve done that more times than I care to recall. An invitation as simple as “hey, want to go to the opera some time?” can send me underground for months. How do I admit I don’t like opera and would rather stay home watching “The Hills”? And when the invite is for “some time,” it doesn’t work to say “I”m not free that night.” So the answer is no answer. And then I’m so embarrassed that I never wrote or called back that I never write or call back, ever again. And the person thinks I hate them. And then I assume they hate me. Which they should, but usually they just wonder what happened to me.
Knowing you pull disappearing acts too, I feel like I’m in good company. Thanks for coming out.
“You know, I really don’t for opera at all, but I’d love to spend some time with you… how about drinks/dinner next Tuesday/Thursday?”
Be brave.
Yes, that would be the smart way to go. Working on the whole “being direct” thing.
Unconditional love is loving imperfect beings imperfectly, but loving them all the same. Merry Christmas, Naomi.
Wow, great story. I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed when you are doing so many different things. And, I agree about the trailblazer part. It’s fun and exciting, but also a bit unnerving!
Oh sweetie. OH MY GOD. How awful you must have felt, keeping this in and NOT telling anyone on the internets.
I’m so happy you’ve got it out now. And now we can see just how authentic you really are. Thanks for the awesome example. :D
This must have been challenge to post. Thanks for being transparent.
Naomi
I’m a really big fan.
You don’t need to call me and wish me good-night, but I do want to say thanks for your usual mix of verve, bravado and compassion you bring to all this stuff.
I can honestly say that this is the first thing I’ve read on a marketing blog that made my eyes well up with tears.
Many, many times in my life I have let friendships and partnerships dissolve because of something I thought I did wrong, or that they did wrong, or that nobody did wrong but everyone feels *really* uncomfortable about. Not answering the phone or texts or email for months on end. Feeling the guilt and scary pile up until there was no room for air.
But people are amazing. More often then not, they CAN and DO forgive you. There are people out there who suck A LOT and hold grudges until the day they die, unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do for those people. I don’t think any of the people you hurt are ‘those people.’
And an apology, a heartfelt apology (just like this one!) can be the only thing that opens up the doors again and we can *breathe.*
Here’s to hope and to love. May you hear or read those little words soon: “apology accepted, I forgive you.”
this post… this is why you are one of my all time favorite people! i have felt the blood drain from my face before. it’s not fun. it’s even harder to tell lots and lots of people about it. Thank you for being you and sharing what you learn the hardway :)
You’re so great, Naomi. Thanks for letting me be part of your world! I’m looking forward to my next transit in your direction, and I’ll try to think of a better biz partnership idea this time. :)
Love and best wishes,
cg
I, too, think that you are being too hard on yourself. Friendships can go in cycles and sometimes you are more into it than the other person and sometimes you’re not, due to life circumstances or whatever.
But, I’m confused. What’s the rest of the story? Did you ever reply to the people you listed in your inbox? And, did they forgive you? Friends forgive each other and give them their needed space. When you’re ready, true friends will still be there for you.
That part about the blood draining from your face? I so get it.
Your story reminds me of a time a man left me very badly, partly because he didn’t want to leave. He was unkind and argumentative the last precious days we had together, and I told him that I never wanted to hear from him again unless he understood that wasn’t acceptable. I mean, I got that he was doing it to protect himself, I just couldn’t handle being the victim ’cause he couldn’t decode his own stuff.
And I never heard from him again.
Except once, almost a year later, when I got an envelope from Canada Post, apologizing for losing the enclosed letter behind some machinery.
The letter contained a magnificent apology, and poetry, and drawings, and a promise to never bother me again unless I chose to reply…
The only way to stay authentic is to not close yourself off to others…you never know where your next partner or best friend might come from. This is why it’s hard for people to break into a group, so many are closed and as a blogger, I can never figure out why.
This post scares me a bit, because if we can’t be forgiven for being honest, than how can we ever be ourselves?
It also brings to light these things that I hoped didn’t happen in the background…but seem to.
Then again, it also explains why you never got my email :)
Thanks for Sharing,
Nathan
First of all, Naomi, wow…that’s all I can say.
And Nathan, you hit the nail on the head with “things that happen in the background”…to me it sometimes feels like the Internet is actually somewhat of a barrier to communication sometimes.
Wow, Naomi. WE ALL know a heart of gold comes with your swearing and marketing brilliance. This is so wide open and courageous. Thank you.
One of the things I’m continually re-discovering is it’s not so much what we do in terms of the mistakes we make (because we’re always going to make them somewhere), it’s what we say and do afterward.
Beautiful.
Your honesty = brave = Christmas gift = ripple effect of healing.
If only a clicker to count the hearts that open up with this read. Peace now, peace.
I’ve been away for a while, “it was me not you,” getting my act together and making the transition from salary guy to entrepreneur. Reading this was a great reminder. Your honesty about your messy life puts our messy lives in perspective and reminds us it’s the people we know that matter most. I won’t stay away any more.
Ahh, Naomi, thank you for the openness and the honesty and the love that went into this one.
Y’know, I was just listening to your call on the More Buyers Mastermind yesterday, on the coach (London to Oxford, visiting parents for Christmas) and I was thinking “Y’know, I should email Naomi and remind her how awesome she is.
I dunno why but I had a feeling you might need a reminder. And reading this post today makes me wish I hadn’t've gotton anxious about coming across all gloopily fan-girl and that I’d just sent that email.
Because you are awesome. Hell, for every little thing that goes wrong, for every silly screw up or moment of meh, you are doing such a hell of a lot RIGHT. Just listening to the SpeakEasy calls (I’m finally catching up with some) is getting me feeling like I CAN do the stuff I want to do and that I DO have enough time and that it’s all gonna be good.
You’re awesome, don’t forget it. That’s what I was gonna email you with yesterday, and I may as well say it late than never.
Have a lovely Christmas, and a blessed 2010.
xx
Naomi
Wow.
I stopped breathing reading this.
Brave and great and oh my god I bet you hovered over the Publish button for a while.
And (just so’s you know) by posting this, it helps me (us?) to not feel so alone.
You’re pretty internet-famous with me, and to hear your fuck-ups really helps me to make more peace with mine.
Especially mine on my, er, 8-week-old blog.
Okay, two points from me here:
1. It’s honestly like this that makes me love you. Who needs all of those publicists and agents, when you can write a post like this that’s so unabashedly human? People don’t love us because we are perfect. They love us because we are *imperfect*, and we’ve somehow managed to attain greatness anyway. It makes them believe that maybe they can do it too.
2. I think we as Internet denizens need to redefine e-mail neglect. Once upon a time, someone not responding to your e-mail may have meant that they were purposefully ignoring you, but not anymore. Now, it just means they’re busy injecting awesomeness into the world, and they’ll get back to you when they can.
If you reframe it that way, then you can stop being offended. Personally, I intentionally try to surround myself with people who occasionally ignore my e-mails. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but my thinking is that, if you have enough time to write a response to every e-mail I send you, then you’re obviously not working on anything important, and maybe I shouldn’t be friends with you. I want to be friends with people who have something better to do than yak with me all the time.
And you, dearest Naomi, are one of those people.
I came to this blog only a few weeks ago based on a Brogan tweet, or blog, or something. I’m grateful to him for doing that. I read this as a break from going through my Inbox, weeding out all the emails I lost track of, forgot about, and just plain didn’t answer.
Some are from friends I never thought I’d hear from again. Literally. One asked me last spring never to contact him again. Another, I went a little crazy on, because I didn’t have my act together with business, and I wanted answers from him that he didn’t have.
I forgave the first friend and welcomed him back with open arms when he was ready to talk again (4 months later). The second friend forgave me, in a somewhat more cautiously optimistic way, but he didn’t have to give me another chance at all.
Why does this matter? Because 2009 sucked. I failed in so many ways; nothing worked out the way it seemed it would this time last year. Including these two friendships, which matter more to me than I can even say. These friends’ patience and, yes, love are carrying me into 2010 with hope. Actual, real hope that I can pull this thing off. I think that is more important than whether I ever do, you know?
Well, that was quite the heart pounder, wasn’t it?
Like you said, Naomi, there are no rulebooks or guides for how to do this right.
All we can do is keep doing our best without hesitation. All we can do is keep fucking up and then fixing it.
Look at how many people showed up with support on this post.
Keep fucking up. And then keep fixing it. If there were no blunders, there would be no successes, either.
This kind of honesty gets swept under the rug far too often because it’s uncomfortable.
And this is why everyone loves you, Naomi. Thank you for being real.
I was arrogant and wrong to say what I said. I had to go look up my comment and indeed I was embarrassed. I didn’t know you or the situation and I’m sorry.
I was glad to meet you in Vegas. You were every bit as real as you come across online, and no less remarkable.
It takes courage to expose yourself as you do. The inbox can be evil, I know. Don’t beat yourself up. Get ready to crush 2010 instead.
Merry Christmas!
:) impressed by your authenticity yet again.
Ahhh… Naomi, Naomi. You’re so good at going straight to the heart of the matter. I love how you can make us all understand what it’s like. You’re so right, there’s no one to hide behind… no one to keep track of all these people and their true intentions. Really it’s just you and all the stuff in your head. Though I can’t relate to such a degree, I do spend far too much time online and I can see how these things come about.
Sending you lots of love, support, and understanding. You still rock no matter how many emails are unanswered in your inbox. :)
Did everyone’s 2009 turn out like this??
Seriously, I know the fear of the inbox filling up with unanswerable emails. And when I took an unscheduled and unwanted internet hiatus…well, everything went off the deep end! I’m rebuilding at the moment, but it’s an uphill battle.
I’m right there with you. Let’s put 2009 behind us, and get ready to kick ass in 2010!
~Kimberlee
Beautiful. Human. Innately Naomi in all the best ways. Deep appreciation for sharing this.
Okay,
First, I can’t believe Guillebeau beat me to the comment section! Yeah, yeah, half the post was about him, but the chance of him being near a working outlet these days, pretty damn slim.
And, then I see Platt beat me, too. And Morrow!
Not that it’s a contest or anything, but it’s hard, really really hard not to want to be the first one in line to say…
NAOMI, YOU ROCK, I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!
So I’ll add this post to the list of 314,819 reasons why I heart you.
We all fuck up. Most of us are afraid to admit it to ourselves. Much less to anyone else.
And not only do you admit it, but you do it with brilliance and humor and transparency. The real kind. Not the fake, buzzword-ey kind.
And that’s all kinds of awesome.
So thanks.
You rock. I adore you.
Aw, I’m sorry this summer was so crappy. I had a feeling…
It’s so easy to have misunderstandings. Especially over the internet when things come out the wrong way or whatever. I’ve felt myself getting upset more than once when I reach out to people and they don’t respond. I try to remember that people are busy, but still. It’s hard not to take it personally.
I was going to do some work a few months for a well-known blogger and he unfollowed me on Twitter and never wrote me back again. I never figured out why and I still feel a little hurt about it.
I had a really bad week this week, especially Monday. I went through all my emails I sent out that day and realized many of them sounded short and grumpy. I sent out several apologies the next day when I realized what I’d done. Everyone was super nice about it, but it was a good reminder that it’s sometimes good to take a step back when you are upset because sometimes you don’t get a second chance.
Anyway, I admire you for sharing this. I know it must have been super hard. I’m sure everyone forgave you long ago though. :)
you are IMMENSE. A Very Big and Spacious Person. … and I’m not talkin’ ’bout your ass.
xoxo
Well, this does explain why you never wrote me back about the Writer’s Retreat spot! I couldn’t figure out what happened. So good to know it wasn’t something I said. Glad you are giving yourself a compassionate break (you are giving yourself a break, right?)
Thank you for this. Just, thank you. And I hope you have a fabulous (and redemptive) Christmas. Merry merry!
Really wonderful… 2009 had so much suck for so many people, and all of it the bad kind, it’s good to see you creating some gold out of the dross.
And man, do I understand the avoidypants-and-hope-it-goes-away thing. I still have a few of those ancient emails lurking in an inbox or two, taunting me with my slack and inability to answer. But only a few!
Thanks for sharing this with us — and for the record, I think the SpeakEasy is full of value and totally not broken. I went to a client meeting yesterday and was amazed at all the smart, internet-savvy stuff that came out of my mouth, and I recognized a lot of it as coming from you (except for the lack of swearing, that is). So, thank you for that, too!
Wow – you really fucked some stuff up. ;)
Thanks for surviving it and letting us read about it so we don’t feel so bad about the stuff we’ve fucked up.
And yes, we will learn from it, too. Promise.
Sometimes the only person who can forgive us which matters is ourselves.
I hope we get artificial intelligence real soon, because the first best use to put it to is reminding me of shit I forgot and preventing emails from falling through the cracks, thus ensuring the smooth continuation of human relationships.
Merry Merry to you and yours.
continuing appreciation/admiration/adoration of the dunford brain-waves :)
Naomi, even when you fuck up, you’re teaching people something.
You could accidently drive a cruise ship into an iceberg, and while it’s sinking and people are drowning in arctic waters, they’re all thinking, “I hope Naomi blogs about this.”
Nice try, Lady. I still love you.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
It’s so hard not to spin off into our own version of events, which usually has nothing at all to do with the full picture of how it went down.
love you sweetpea!
Wow, what a great post. And a reminder we all need. I had one of those days yesterday, and I ended up coming back to your posts and reading them to feel better. None of us are perfect, and you teach that it’s okay to just be yourself. Running your own Ittybiz can be so hard emotionally, because everything bad that happens comes back to hit you so quickly. You make us feel like we’re not alone, and we all need that.
I hope you have a wonderful New Year, and as much success and happiness as humanly possible.
Another thought: how many of us would or could write a post that’s this vulnerable and raw? Not many of us, I suspect.
But… how many of us would buy anything Naomi sells without even bothering to read all the copy? How many of us would just head down to the bottom and gleefully click the buy button?
These two things are connected.
That’s food for thought.
I’m thinking the people who really grok you could never be hurt or offended by a missed email — maybe a tad worried, or mutually snowed, or wanting to send a cleaning lady or totally aware that you are, as we used to say as waiters,”in it.”
So lovely to see your honesty applauded, rewarded, admired… and hopefully, adopted. You walk the talk, lady, and it’s always a pleasure.
Wishing a “Very Blissmas and a Snappy You Cheer” to you, Jack’s Mom/Jamie’s Wife/IttyBiz Internet Icon/Killer Writer — my pal.
~GirlPie
I often end up with important email lost in the “mulch” at the bottom of my inbox just because something shiny caught my eye and four hours later fifty more messages have arrived. And I always think that I’ll figure out “just how to respond” to that mail if I let it sit for a day or two.
Could you support a “Three Try” policy for email communications, just to be sure that people hear us? (There’s a certain Sufi Master in Portland who once took more than a fortnight to respond to me, and we’ll still talking.) That way you wouldn’t have to feel so silly about re-sending the mail and saying “is there anybody out there?”
Like that application for the Federal Judgeship with the Obama Administration. I’m SURE that’s just fallen behind something there in the Oval Office…
Love the honesty. Especially the part that ‘We don’t have a clue what we’re doing.’ So fucking true.
Merry Christmas! :)
Wow. Thank you for the reminder that we all make mistakes. Because when we do, somehow it feels like we’re the only one who ever does. Lots of appreciation to you for sharing this.
@Michael Martine
I go automatically to the bottom to buy it before it goes off the market, and then scroll back up to read the copy anyway because, like my favorite novelists, I want to be able to say I’ve read everything Naomi Dunford has written.
Like, even the post it notes.
You think that’s creepy? I know someone who collects receipts signed by Michael Jackson. (Okay I don’t. I just made that up to seem less weird.)
Ah, my kind of Christmas story: raw honesty that feels shitty and hard, but in the end, lets you know that everything will be OK. Probably even better than OK.
Honest people are my favorite people. And they’re incredibly brave. Thank you, Naomi. You’re human, and you’re wonderful.
At least these are all good mistakes. Cringe-worthy mistakes. The kind that shape you, give you something to push against. Sort of like how there’s no gravity in the space shuttle crushing your muscles so they start growing weak and crooked. This is all just growing you straight.
(BTW when you don’t answer us, we know there’s a good reason. If I had been half as together at 27 as you are, then I would be… well, what, I don’t know, but it would be very COOL!)
Merry Christmas, Naomi! Big hugs to Jack, Jamie, and Michael. We love you and hope to see you soon.
I echo what Andy Hayes said.
I really needed that.
I recall NOT being able to leave a comment
now I know why.
It has been a real sucky year for me even though I hooked up with some of the Internet’s best in person,
finding out it don’t help unless you help yourself.
Thanks
Have a Happy New Year!
Wow, Naomi, I had an inkling there were some rough things going on in your life this summer, but even in the midst of that I never thought the Speakeasy was even close to broken. The chance to hang out with you on the weekly calls (snark and swearing very much included, yessir) is pretty near priceless.
I identified with a lot of things you said (I won’t disclose how many emails are languishing in MY inbox!), and like many other commenters, breathed a sigh of “oh my goodness, you mean I’m not the only one who feels this way, and even Internet famous folk go through this…I’m not alone!”
You’re not alone. Not by a long shot. I admire the hell out of you for having the guts to publish this, and I’m sending big Internet hugs and Merry Christmas wishes to you and your ittyfamily. The suckfest that is 2009 has only a few more days to live, and then it’s outta here, baby. May 2010 bring you joy and ease and bathtubs full of gold doubloons.
Wow. Just wow.
I totally admire and respect you for this….
Here’s to a fantabulous 2010 – and just being YOU!!!
Hugs,
Michele
Wow is right. One of my goals for this coming year is to be more transparent in my emotions and be more true to myself when posting on my blog. I realized that I’ve been painting things in the best possible light when I blog about them. To be more honest I’ll have to explain that things aren’t always so awesome in my life. I’m glad to see they aren’t always so awesome in others lives too!
Happy Holidays!
Hello Naomi,
I signed in just to make a comment on this post and I am thoroughly amazed a the number of others who have already left comments! That confirms what I already knew….you’re pretty awesome!!!
Your post and just all of your site is great and I am honored to read it.
~~Lyn
reading this….. albeit a little late for christmas, really helped me sink into that place where i finally just let it be ok that i am imperfect….. very. very. very…… sad lonely isolated plain slobby late…. its a little sad… for a second, and then its a damn relief!…. what a BIG relief….. and then there’s this little trap door into something else….. like a seed cracking open as it bulges with tension before it sprouts….. fresh green…. opening…. thanks naomi for being REAL refuge!
I read the above stuff and think, Yeah, That’s Me. How nice that I can learn from Naomi’s blood-and-guts cautionary tale.
And then I squint and think, Wait, I’ve learned this stuff before…haven’t I? I mean, I’ve got my own forehead-smackers from 2009 and they’re very different from yours, but it seems, at root, to be reiterating the basic principles of being open-minded and kind, both to yourself and others. Come 2010? I might have to learn this stuff again. Fall on my face, and be bewildered and humbled—again. Then, in 12 months, write a blog post just like this one.
So, what’s the deal? Are we just “always learning”, everything zen, for ever and ever amen? Cause that sounds like shite. Alt-rock cliches aside, what do we do to keep this crap from happening again?
Dang girl. that’s a list and a half for santa. Better out than in I say and what could be better than starting the new year with a clean slate. All the better to focus on some good stuff, products and projects. Pay attention people stick+rightend=rocking. Happy new year.
God, girl, you nailed it again. That’s EXACTLY how things go down on the internet. The feelings are so intense, so visceral, and often so without context, that it’s easy to nestle yourself into a big round of self-protective hating.
And you are dead-on, too, when you say things you think will be innocuous will cause the worst freakouts about your website. So true. I’ve had angry tweets, furious emails, and those cold-toned voicemails where you just know someone wants you dead – and all because of a post that I thought was doing that person a good thing.
But you work it out. And how do you do that? The same way you do everything on the net – by talking it out. By reaching out. By being honest about what went down and letting people know you are on their side.
Which, by the way, is exactly what you are so damn good at. :)
Love you, Naomi!
Hey sweets,
For the tiny part in this post that had to do with me, I just wanted to say, it’s totally cool and no apologies necessary.
Because seriously, inboxes get crazy, business gets crazy, life gets crazy.
There was a time I would freak out if someone didn’t reply to an email within a certain time, then I realised I was creating the drama for no good reason. Is an email ever life or death urgent?
And there’s the old saying that no-one thinks about you as much as you think, they’re all too busy thinking about themselves. So we create a big drama in our own minds around a situation only to find out the other person wasn’t even aware there was a drama in the first place.
Hmmm… I think I’ve wandered off point. I’m not sure what the point was… maybe it is that, online and in real life too, I find the easiest thing is to assume that people are doing their best and shit happens, until they do something definitive to prove otherwise.
Give others the benefit of the doubt you’d want them to give you and all that.
Love you as always.
XB
Like so many others have said, this is why you rock. You show people that behind your celebrity status, you’re a real, living human being with honest to goodness real feelings and problems. How refreshing! Thank you!
Also, I think it highlights how online communication in bits, pieces, and assorted snippets doesn’t always reveal the emotion, tone and intention of the person behind it. And how each of us needs to remember that.
Who couldn’t respect you for being so real? Who, as Michael Martine said, wouldn’t want to just buy everything you create because it’s so real?
1. Thank you for not pretending you’re perfect.
2. Thank you for admitting things are HARD.
3. Thanks for being so goddamn awesome.
4. “Nice try, Lady. I still love you.” (Mr. Billings)
Thank you for dripping with awesomeness and for being real :)
You Rock! You are such a wonderful example of someone living in integrity and showing us all how to do it to. I am such a big fan!!
OMG! you had vegan sandwiches with Chris Guillebeau? (LOL! no, that is not ALL i gleaned from this post – as if you’re READING it anyway! – again: kidding!)
If it makes you feel any better, I have absolutely no idea who you are or why you are a “D” list ce-web-rity. What I do know is that your honesty and candor has just touched the heart of another “fan.” I wish you the very best and can’t wait to keep reading.
Thanks for this -
Tiffany
You truly rock! I have to be your fan.