Money Class! Or, What Kind Of A Moron Pees On Their Own Boot?*
SOLD OUT! Sorry, dude. For reals. But if you want to know the next time we offer a class, product, discount or whatnot, you can sign up for our advance list by clicking this link right here.
(Word of warning: this is a semi-busy list. When we started it, we’d send out one email every time we came out with something new or a sale or whatever. Every time, people emailed us to yell that they didn’t get it or they didn’t read it or they were kayaking in the Himalayas or something. Now we send several and nobody yells at us anymore. If that freaks you out, you might not want to get on the list. If you’re like, “dude, whatever, I’m saving 50%”, then dive right in.)
Once upon a time, I got an email from a very nice woman named Sinclair. She was a competent and accomplished coach – combining coaching with neuroscience always gets a “competent and accomplished” from me – but had a run of Very Bad Shit happen requiring Lots And Lots Of Money Urgently or the roof would cave in.
Except the roof wouldn’t cave in because it had already caved in. (Yes, literally. Don’t you know me at all by now?) And there were some medical bills. And I’m pretty sure the roof led to walls and the surgery led to physio.
Anyway, long story short, Sinclair comes to me out of the blue all, “Hey, I’m Sinclair, I need 17 grand in five weeks and I have no list. Can you help?”
Can I help? Can I help? Please. This is what I was born to do. My favoritest mostest bestest awesomest funnest thing to do in the world is help people who are completely beyond help. People who have no hope in any reasonable universe of succeeding. People whose goals would have landed them in an institution if our institutions weren’t already full of axe-murderers and people who wash their hands too many times in a row. Of course I can help.
Long story short, we did it. I gave ideas, she executed ideas, and the money was made. Hurray for $17,000 out of the ether.
One of the things that really impressed me about this experience was how incredibly reasonable she was being. I mean, Surgery! Roof! Physio! Walls! Need to make too much money in too little time! Most people would either not try, or they’d spend all their time doing stupid tactical shit, or they would’ve gone into this crazy “I need to SAVE money, not spend $500 on a marketing consultant! Jesus!” place. But she didn’t. She just did it. High five.
So I’m talking to her the other day on a completely unrelated topic, and while we’re chatting, I head over to her shiny new blog. (She’s been an In Real Life coach for evah, so the blog is a fairly new incarnation.) And I see she’s giving a course about money. And I thought to myself, holy fuck, this girl was BORN to give this course.
I think about it for a while, and in the meantime, I’m reading all the comments on the money post and I’m reading all the emails from people saying, “Oh my God, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do a call on money, PLEASE” and I’m thinking, I’m not going to do a money class until I can do it as well as Sinclair can.
Because I REALLY want to help. I REALLY want to help you get that while, yes, the Law of Attraction is total bunk, there are parts of it that are SO NOT BUNK.
(Bunk: starving children in Southeast Asia are just not visualizing hard enough. Not Bunk: You’re being an asshole to money, so OF COURSE it’s not stopping by for a quick cup of tea and a biscuit. Doofus.)
I have been doing this long enough now to know that the people who are succeeding – really succeeding, by their own standards and not the Sales Page With Pictures Of Yachts And Ferraris standards – are the ones who don’t have Big Fat Money Drama.
Then, because I am one of the brightest minds in my generation, it occurred to me that it would be more efficient for me to piggyback on (read: weasel my way into) Sinclair’s class than to create my own.
Therefore…
We’re Doing A Class! On Money! Really Really Soon!
Starting THIS THURSDAY, we’re doing a class on money. She is talking about the big kid stuff and acting like the professional she is. I am doing the stuff I normally do and acting like the uneducated pottymouth I am. (There is balance and integration in the world, y’all. Next step: world peace.)
Details:
The class is a two parter – one on Thursday, April 8th, and the next on Thursday, April 22nd.
Recordings, workbooks, and so on are available so you don’t have to take so many notes.
It’s $47. This pricing is deliberate because we are really not the kind of people who want to charge a lot of money for a class about money.
There are 200 seats in the teleconference, so that’s how many spots we’re selling. (EDIT: We opened up 24 more slots as of 4:30 pm.) I know not everybody who buys will attend live, but I’m not going to oversell the seats and run the risk of seriously disappointing anybody. We are not yet in the commercial airline business.
If you’ve been hanging around here any length of time, I won’t have to tell you that this is going to sell out. Probably by tomorrow. (If this doesn’t sell out, I am quitting IttyBiz because clearly I’m in the wrong fucking business.) So if it’s important to you that you’re in this class, PLEASE REGISTER NOW. I don’t want to disappoint you, nor do I want to pay someone $60 an hour to reply to your pleading emails.
What you need to do next:
If you want to read through our lovingly crafted bullet points, scroll down.
If you hate bullet points and just want to register, scroll all the way down to register now. We’ll send you call in details and confirmations and stuff via email.
What You’re Actually Going To Learn
If you have Money Drama, the wrong parts of your brain are gonna be running your life. These are (get out your notebooks, kids) your reptilian brain, which is all about survival, and therefore a totally unreasonable section, and your amygdala, which is all about deep-seated emotion, and therefore an equally unreasonable section. Blech.
What you need is your frontal cortex to be in charge – that’s the part that does problem solving, can get creative, get ideas, and can actually look at the data in front of you. The back part of your brain can’t do this because the back part of your brain only wants to make sure you don’t get eaten and that you occasionally get laid.
But that front of your brain – the one in charge of stuff other than getting laid and not getting eaten – can’t do its job unless you make it YOUR job to feel good, stay resourceful, be your Full Grownup Self on this subject.
Otherwise, it’s the back of your brain, not the front, that’s gonna be writing the checks and making the decisions. Nice, huh? (Hint: NO.)
According to the experts, we’re teaching this course backwards. They say to take action, then you’ll feel better. But you and I both know that that action is willy-nilly and not well thought out if you do it before you’re actually grounded and acting like an adult. (This is not unlike signing up for a dating service while you’re still in your dirty pajamas, eating ice cream and pining after your ex. Good luck with that.)
So – feel good first, then take the action. Clever, huh?
You can create a money story that fits in with the rest of your life seamlessly. In fact, you can do it all over the next couple of weeks. You’re going to do it in seven steps, which is not a very scary number of steps at all, when you think about it.
The 7 Steps
The first 3 parts are about not freaking out and being dumb anymore. The last 4 parts are about make good stuff happen with your money. (The eighth step is drinking Bellinis on a beach, surrounded by attractive hangers-on, but we thought you could probably figure that one out on your own and have thus not included it in this course.)
1. How old are you around money? (Like, there’s an actual way to figure it out. With a number and stuff. And it matters.)
BONUS: 3 freakout zapping techniques, so you can actually listen and participate in the rest of the course without breathing into a paper bag.
2. Competing Intentions. Like, I want a pink jet with my half-naked girl logo on it and I want to save the world’s children from hunger and boredom. But I also want to play it safe and I definitely don’t want to piss anybody off by being big, or looking smart, or having more than them. Oh, and retirement! And taxes! And retirement! (How much is that again? And can I buy it at Target?)
BONUS: An exercise to identify your own custom-designed competing intentions, sort ‘em out and reach an agreement.
3. The turnaround part. You are not, in fact, horribly broken. You have not done it wrong. Because for it to have been done wrong, it would have to have been done. Like, past tense. And it’s not past tense, which means you can turn it around, baby.
BONUS: Naomi teaches you the sneaky psychological trick she stole from her big brother that got her paying all her bills on time. And putting money into savings every month. This is revolutionary stuff, I tell you.
4. Forming Your NEW Money Outcome, Part One. This is the bit where you learn how to be a grownup about money without turning into That Person. You know That Person, right? That very boring person who refuses to buy a coat because the old one is still perfectly serviceable?
BONUS: We’re also going to teach you how to avoid becoming That Other Person, the one who categorically avoids paying their gas bill because nobody could ever refer to utilities as retail therapy. Balance, y’all.
5. Forming Your NEW Money Outcome, Part Two. This is the part where we figure out the steps. Like, the next ones. And a few more after that. So you can feel like you’re DOING stuff. (Hint: It will feel like you are doing stuff because you will be doing stuff.) Checklist lovers, this one’s for you.
BONUS: We’re going to guide you through the process of making it feel totally real. (This is to contrast from all those other courses you’ve taken that sound REALLY good while you’re listening but you know damn well don’t have a hope of applying to your life.)
6. Brand New Patent Pending Money Behavior Generator! (OK, there’s no patent pending. But how cool does THAT sound?) This is the part Sinclair designed for JPL and has used with Verizon, Bitch magazine, and sundried other big kid organizations. This is where we take what pro athletes do to improve their performance and adapt it to… money!
BONUS: We’re gonna teach you how to make shortcuts in your brain. This leads to making more and having more and generally feeling awesomer. Come to think of it, maybe we should look into that patent.
7. Summarizing and Cementing. This is where we make it real. We’re going to help you create a mental diving line between “before this course” and “after this course” so that you don’t just slump back to the way you were before.
BONUS: Easy, fast ways to use the stuff we did in the course when you’re not on the phone with us. Because we might not be on the phone all the time. Maybe we’ll be on our pink jets.
Interspersed between these delightful steps will be personal stories, what’s worked for us, and general pottymouthery. Because, well, of course.
But the real question is… what other yummies do you get?
At this point, you’ve got two options.
Option one is The Money Calls exactly as we’ve described them. All the yummies we just talked about for the low, low price of $47.
Option two is The Money Calls with the booster pack. (Note: booster packs are not to be confused with jet packs.) If you want some more stuff to go with your yummies, you can get the following extra yummies.
The bonus yummies are only $17 more, so they’re a pretty good deal if you think they’ll help make the transition easier for you. We’re all about making the transition easier. If we could give you a nice bottle of Champagne to download, we would totally do that too.
* (Because I know you are wondering, the title for this post came from this exchange in the comments of the original money post, in reference to an at-that-time theoretical class, jokingly referred to as Pottymouth Law Of Attraction:
Taylor said: “Your potty mouth, while legendary and deservedly, could not possibly make me believe in the Law of Attraction. However, if your potty mouth wants to hate on the Law of Attraction and explain why you have a better thing called the Law of Making Fucking Money, Bitches, then I am all for it.”
To which I replied: “I’m thinking something catchy like The Law Of Unrepulsion. Like, you don’t need to attract it, per se. You just need to stop kicking it in the face with your boot and then peeing on it. Its face, not your boot. What kind of moron pees on their own boot?”
Isn’t your day better having read that? Mine, too.)
