Jun
18
The IttyBiz Summer Collection, or Jamie’s Deportation Collection
I am writing this for you today because my husband Jamie, the best husband in the history of marriage, has taken Jack away. I don’t know where he’s taken him and I don’t care. All I care about is that he’s gone.
Because Jack has become three. He’s not actually three until September but in his head, he’s totally three. If you are a parent, you understand that THREE IS ALWAYS WORSE THAN TWO.
Why? Because nobody fucking WARNS you about three. Three is “why?” Three is “whasSAT for?” Three is “whassat MEAN?” Three is “what does G mean?” Three is “what time is it?” Three is “what time is it?” Three is “what does time mean?” Three is “what does nine cocks mean?”
Three is different from 28. Because 28 is, “If you ask me what time it is one more fucking time I swear on all that is good and holy I will beat you with your father’s Rolex. And NO COURT IN THE COUNTRY WILL CONVICT ME. Do you know why? Because a jury of my peers is made up of other people with three-year-olds. And I will be their idol.”
Anyway, because Jamie has taken that child away, I can write you a little blog post.
Introducing The IttyBiz Summer Collection
For reasons that will soon become clear, I am announcing the whole IttyBiz summer line-up right now. Because we’re going back to Canada. And because Jamie’s kind of getting deported. And we’re going to be bouncing from time zone to time zone and will be spending the next few weeks jetlagged and without child care. And because the haters are always telling me I never give y’all enough warning. So HA!
IttyBiz Live: For UK peeps
First up, IttyBiz Live. We’re doing a seminar in Berkhamsted on Tuesday. Like, THIS Tuesday. There are five slots left. If this sounds remotely cool to you, go here for details. (Also, if you live in Canada or the northeastern United States and you want to get yourself all excited about the one we’ll do in Canada, you can go read about it. It’s like business porn.)
32 Days Till IttyBiz Summer Camp!!!
My normally cool stance of cynical reserve has gone to the wayside for Summer Camp. It’s so exciting, I might pee my pants again. (Don’t ask about the first time. It’s still a little too fresh in my mind.) If you don’t have a business yet or are still in the start-up-dreaming-thinking-phases, THIS IS FOR YOU.
If you want to read the full gory story on why I’m going back to Canada, that’s the only place you’re going to get it, too. Read about Summer Camp and why it is awesome here. You’ll also learn about The Brad Rule of Marketing, one of the most valuable pieces of marketing advice there is. Made up by a real guy, named Brad.
(Also, if you were ever thinking of getting Online Business School but didn’t want to pay $400, you might want to head over there as well. It’ll make sense when you get there.)
2 for 1 Consulting, Get It While It’s Steamy
Because we’re going to be in a time zone conducive to talking to people in North America, we’ve opened up a new consulting thingamajig. What it boils down to is a 2 for 1 deal in a time slot that doesn’t have you waking up at four in the damn morning to talk to me. Check it out on the Hire IttyBiz page. There were 15 slots and 6 are taken, so if you want it, go get it. We even made, like, a package. You’d think I was a professional marketing consultant or something.
Other Generalized Coolness
We’re starting a new series called Diamond in the Rough on Tuesday. And Marketing School will finally be ready. And I’m hooking up for dirt cheap seminars with Michael Bungay Stanier in July and Chris Guillebeau in August.
If I have anything to do with it, y’all are gonna be rich as Midas before the back to school sales. So HA! (Again.)
Ha Ha, I feel your 3 year old pain. one month ahead of you and already daughter is the BIG 3. Am feeling some strange pareto-related vortex of whyness is already in effect in my house. i.e. 80% “why” 5% “but why” 0% sense. zoikes, what time left for bizzy marketing eh
Three is singing the ABC song fifty times a day until Mama is ready to lose her damn mind. I feel your pain.
hi, I am new here :) enjoying your blog ….
Hehehe, Naomi, I totally feel for you.
You hear about the Terrible Twos but no one talks about Three. Three is the year that Shall Not Be Named.
It’s so bad that no one can speak of it. Mine are in their teens now. And thinking back to Three still shakes me up.
Hi Naomi
Just read your post on copyblogger and landed here. Againa post with cool attitude :) Liked the way you mixed up 2 different talks yet delivered what you wanted to… Keep going n lemme follow u for some time ;)
That had to be the most hilarious and God’s honest truth! “Three is “what time is it?” Three is “what time is it?”” Freakin hilarious! I will be laughing to myself for days!
You go girl!! I was a house-husband for awhile with a 3 year old, 2 year old and an infant of ours…not to mention frequently babysitting two other 2 year olds. Now THAT was suffering!!LOL
Okay, you’ve managed to get me out of lurker status; you’ve hit a nerve. Three SUCKS. Our pediatrician thought our kid was having “problems” because he wasn’t talking when he turned two. Now we can’t get him to shut up. Especially with the “No! I won’t!” I swear if he says, “No I won’t!” with the foot stamp (who TAUGHT him that???) one more time, I’m deporting myself. To Antarctica.
Feeling your pain (simultaneously),
ina
Hi Naomi,
Gawd, I hate to break this to you, but…4 IS WORSE. Yes, it is.
I’ve got 3 teens of my own, and we all survived. But it was always the “fucking fours”! So cute, and so painful at the same time.
And yet, you’ll forget about it later, by the time your child leaves a scathing letter to the tooth fairy for NOT FOLLOWING THE TOOTH FAIRY RULES!
Yes. The tooth fairy has rules. But you will not know what they are UNTIL AFTER YOU BREAK THEM! :-o
Enjoy!
I am a single father of a 3 year old little girl. Even though she is the light of my life, she tends the be the pain in my ass as most kids can be. She thinks it is funny to say I’m not saying this number or that letter and drives me up the wall. How can you say NO to including the number 7. lol! All I can say is come September Pre-School will see the wrath that she has to give. (over all she is still good )
Just found your site through twitter.
Good stuff. Am looking forward to learning more.
Also, it is so great to hear of other entrepreneurs with kiddos. I have a 3 and a 1 and it is a little CRAZY. Kind of like fun house with the twisted windows etc.
Keep on truckin’
Katie
btw at 3.5 magic happens and they turn into angels…I dunno but I am loving it!
Okay – quitcha (is that one word or two) bitchin’. I have twin 3-year-old grandsons. They have different personalities so there we are in the “I’m gonna kick your butt because I what that” phase.
It is a love/hate relationship but they do eventually sleep.
A) I love the summer camp thing. Love, love, love.
B) Three is the 9th circle of hell.
@ Will — Oh my God! Jack does that too! He knows what all the letters sound like and we’ll be doing a word like, say, “PET”.
Me: What does that say?
Jack: P.
Me: And what does “P” sound like?
Jack: Puh.
Me: Very good! And what’s this letter?
Jack: E. Like the E in Ed!
Me: That’s right! Now what’s this letter?
Jack: I know.
Me: Good! What is it?
Jack: Mummy knows, too.
Me: I do know. So what does it say?
Jack: I’m thinking.
Me: You know it!
Jack: No. I don’t know what T says.
Me: You just said it!
Jack: No, I didn’t.
Me: Sweetie, can you hand me that box of wine over there?
@naomi – I definitely know the feeling! My child also tells me that “Start your engines” is a bad word. Where she got it i’ll probably have one good guess (her mother). But if I correct her and say its not a bad word she gets mad and doesn’t believe me. I feel your pain
Good Luck and pass the wine :)
@Will – I also feel your pain. Jack has taken to asking me questions which he demands I answer, but when I do he gives me a very untrusting side-long glance and says “I go ask Mummy.”.
@Ina – People who teach other people’s children to do things like stomp their feet should be put up against a wall and shot. Well, maybe not shot, but something like that.