A Marketing School note from Johnny B. Truant

I like Naomi Dunford.

Part of the reason I like her is because she asked me to write this introduction. Part of it has to do with the fact that she swears a lot. Part of it is the fact that she talks about ninjas, and even has little illustrations of ninjas in some of her books. I don't know if there will be ninjas in this book, but I'm damn sure that a few will read it and you can bet your ass that right now, there are at least two ninjas reading over your shoulder and you don't even know it. Because ninjas really like marketing, and they really hate to pay for e-books.

But mainly, the reason I like Naomi is because she tells it like it is.

If your marketing sucks, she'll tell you it sucks. And if it's good, she'll tell you it's good — and you can believe that it actually is good, because last time she told you it sucked and then chased you with a rake.

Now, scientists predict that if you combine "telling it like it is" and "marketing," the universe will collapse so far in upon itself that Microsoft will be able to put it on the head of a pin in an upcoming commercial. Yet that's exactly why I read IttyBiz. Naomi shows you how to shoot straight while still managing to look like a rockstar.

Here's an example of the kind of synergy I'm talking about:

New Coke:

Sure, it tastes like urine. But what are you going to drink? Fucking Pepsi? I mean, Jesus.

Travel back in time and hand that one to Coke and we've got a whole different ballgame.

I read IttyBiz because it's a no-crap zone. You learn lessons straight from the hip, usable today, in language that actually makes sense. No jargon. No corporate-speak. I'm not going to spoil the IttyBiz definition of marketing here, but suffice to say it's better than Wikipedia's definition, which seems to have been blanked today by a vandal and replaced with the single word "fart."

Here's what I'm talking about. Straight talk. I took a quick gander at IttyBiz just now, and found the following posts:

• How to Give the Finger to Your Worst Customers

• All Customers Are Liars

• How to Make Customers Cry Like Little Girls

• Your Customers are Fat and Ugly, So Make a Photo Collage to Prove it to Them

• Why Chewbacca was a Total Douchebag

• Why Customers are like Chewbacca

I mean, you can totally tell where she's coming from. Will she tell you how to play fake to keep a bad customer? No. Does she tolerate it when customers do things to make themselves look better but then say that marketing is "dirty"? No.

Is she going to teach you the fine art of "bullshit marketing"? You bet your ass she won't.

Proper, honest marketing is about showing off the best features of a product or service while minimizing its flaws. You combine this art of "making it look good" with honesty and you've got an interesting mix. An effective mix. Yes, you can promote without lying or stretching the crap out of the truth.

This book will teach you how to present the best of what you have, in the best way possible. It will teach you how to tell it like it is about your product, but in an awesome way and through awesome enough channels that people will want to buy it. In droves.

What’s In The Book

Marketing Concepts

• Definition of Marketing
• Why People Buy Stuff
• Figuring Out the Goal of Your Marketing
• What to Do With Your Conversion Goals
• Figuring Out What Rocks and What Sucks
• Unique Selling Proposition
• Identifying Your Target Market
• Branding

Marketing Strategies

• Advertising
• Emails, E-Newsletters, Newsletters
• PR
• Sponsorship
• Word of Mouth
• Social Media
• Blogging

Including

• 7 worksheets
• The expected IttyBiz dosage of curse words
• and 100 Ways To Get People To Buy YOUR Shit Instead of Someone Else’s Shit.

Then, when you start making phat cash, you'll email Naomi and say thanks. Thanks for presenting it in a way I could understand. Thanks for giving me simple action steps. Thanks for teaching me how to market without making me feel like a sleazebag.

And after you're done sending that email, I think it's a given that ninjas will silently swarm on your computer and try to post their own comments on Naomi's blog using your account. Because ninjas really like marketing, but really hate registering for new email addresses. Which is why comments used to be turned off on IttyBiz — there was just too much ninja spam.

Naomi’s note-in-a-box:

Like with all our stuff, there’s a full guarantee. If you think it sucks we’ll give you your money back. No big deal. We’re not dicks.

Now go make that phat cash. And watch out for those Chinese throwing stars.