Once again, the handsome and virile Brian Clark from Copyblogger has convinced me not to sell IttyBiz to pursue a career in professional darts.

Anyway, we made a baby. Or maybe a mutant? A bastard love-child, perhaps? We’ll leave that to you, dear reader, to decide. But if you get off your ass soon (and if I may be so bold, you have a very nice ass) you can get in on the love-child action.

Witty, Naomi. But what the fuck are you talking about?

If you’re new, I’ll get you up to speed. Once upon a time, Mr. Clark and the equally charming Chris Pearson created a WordPress theme called Thesis. Thesis is kind of like other WordPress themes except, well, it’s not like other WordPress themes at all. Other WordPress themes take your incoherent ramblings and put them on the internet. Thesis does a whole bunch of stuff THAT NEITHER YOU NOR I EVEN UNDERSTAND and makes your blog hot like Jon Stewart.

Darren Rowse used Thesis for his new blog, TwiTip. Chris Brogan uses it. Copyblogger uses it. And, oh yeah, Matt Cutts. (We’ll get to that in a minute.)

What this has to do with you

While it’s lovely that Thesis makes the hottest themes since, well, ever, today we don’t care about that. What we care about is SEO. When you use Thesis, you authorize it to wave a little magic wand, and that magic wand makes Google users show up at your blog’s door. (They sometimes even bring pie.) No other theme does this. Nary a one.

But as Bri and I were sipping pina coladas in my hot tub, it occurred to us that, while Thesis is sexy like Brangelina, it doesn’t actually teach anybody anything. It’s not supposed to. You pay your money, you wave the wand, you go to sleep, you wake up to free pie. Cool, huh?

This contrasts with SEO School, which teaches you all the fundamentally vital shit you need to know, but doesn’t actually do anything. Until now, you had to do it yourself. Wand sold separately, and all that.

Except not anymore.

For a limited time, if you buy Thesis, you get SEO School for free. You get the wand AND the knowledge of how to use it. The brains and the brawn, or something like that.

Oh, and remember the thing we said we’d get back to? About Matt Cutts?

Matt Cutts is Google.

The dude who knows more about SEO than anybody else in the world and could have any theme he wanted? Yeah, he chose Thesis, and you should too.

Let’s do this thing.

If you’re only going to have one blog ever, buy the Personal Option for $87. If you’re going to have more than one (niche site people, I’m talking to you) buy the Developer Option for $164.

Click here to buy Thesis today. Seriously, today.

Then forward your receipt to naomi@ittybiz.com and I’ll send you your free book. Easy as pie.

But what if you already have SEO School?

You can do pretty much whatever you want with your new, sexy copy. Give it to your mom. Or the new baby blogger you met on Twitter. Or the friendly convict next door. Whatevah. (Although giving it away on your blog wouldn’t be the worst idea you’d ever had. Might be nice for a few inbound links. And those are pretty nice for SEO. See? You’re learning stuff already.)

Buy Thesis here. (Not somewhere else. HERE. Otherwise you don’t get a free book.)