Apr
08
Ask IttyBiz: What Do I Do With My Life?
One of the members of the IttyBiz SpeakEasy got in touch with a really heartfelt email on a topic that pretty much all of us deal with at one time or another. Or, you know, all the time.
What do I do with my life?
She didn’t phrase it like that, sure. It was a lot more painful than that. But it all really boils down to the same thing:
My time on Earth is short. What the fuck should I be doing with it and how will I know I’ve made the right choice?
Yeah, you get unlimited emails with me with your SpeakEasy membership, but you don’t get unlimited emails to GOD. I don’t think I have the best answer to this question, but I can give you what worked for me and has worked for a few of the people I’ve worked with. Hopefully some of my very clever readers will chime in with their advice in the comments.
Tell me what the perfect world looks like.
Note, I am not talking about YOUR perfect world. (I wake up at 9 am beside Bradley Whitmore and eat a breakfast of guacamole omelettes.) I mean THE perfect world. What would be better? What would never happen? What would you like to have improved by being here?
Think high concept. Think big. Think epic shit.
As an example, in my perfect world, nobody who hates corporate would have to work for corporate. We would all have the time and money to educate our children as we chose. We would all have the time and money to choose what we ate based on our morals and our bodies, not our pocketbooks. We would all have the time to sit and think about where we want to give our extra money instead of just sending it to the Red Cross because that’s easier. We would have the money that we could give our families enriching experiences.
If you haven’t read Things, Chains and Changing the Fucking World, that’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about.
That’s the sort of thing I find awesome. Based on that, I can really limit the what the hell should I do with my life factor. It should probably have to do with home business, homeschooling, ethical eating, charitable giving, or maybe travel. That sure as hell narrows it down.
You don’t have to do all the stuff you come up with — you couldn’t even if you wanted to. But it gets you thinking about what to do with your life in terms beyond “Should I be a web designer or a freelance writer?
What’s your advice to her? What’s your experience with this totally all consuming question?
Good question.
I see a lot of people in my life worrying about time and how it tends to run out. I have my own moments of standing on my porch staring up at the stars wondering, “What the fuck am I doing? Is this what it’s all about?”
But I think the best advice I could give is… not to think about it. Think about what you want from life, not whether you made the right choice. Think about what would make you feel right and comfortable in a crazy world, and follow that.
See yourself at the end of your life, as you want to end it. Personally, I have a rocking chair on a porch of a big old folks’ home, and it overlooks a lake and some green grass. I’m sitting there rocking away and enjoying the sun, and next to me I have another rocking chair. I don’t know who will fill that chair yet, but I know someone will.
And my life will be complete. Perfect. I’ll look back on every good moment and every fuckup I made and I’ll say to myself, “Here I am. This is it. I’m happy now, because I made it.”
Every choice I’ll have made along the way will be the right one (even if it felt wrong at the time), because I’ll be exactly where I want to be.
There are no wrong choices, only wrong dreams. And what you should be doing is figuring out what your dream is, and doing anything you can think of to make it happen.
I look back on all the things I’ve done and I don’t see any mistakes. Sure I went down some roads that I decided weren’t for me, but then I took a turn onto a different road. And I don’t regret any of those roads. (Not even 2 years of a chemistry degree; what was I thinking?)
So, on the one hand it is overwhelming and your advice to narrow it down to a shorter list. But on the other, it is just not the right question. The question is “What can I do next?”
Although it is about art, this post about there being no mistakes is potentially inspiring of ways to reframe the question so it is less overwhelming: http://creativejuicesarts.blogs.com/creativejuicesarts/2009/04/the-wisdom-of-no-mistakes-drips-can-be-fun-or-at-least-not-total-torture.html (Gah, that URL is long. Sorry I don’t have the skills to make it short.)
I’m with James on this, though I’ve got a couple things to say of my own.
Something I wrote in one of my books a while back said just this:
“You know where most ideas die? Right behind the forehead.”
Don’t let that be you. You can over-think, over-analyze any idea and kill it dead. There’s something about us humans that wants to minimize everything we come in contact with. Instead of just looking at the beautiful sunset, we need to know why it’s the color it is, how the sun got there, where am I from and who the fuck am I anyway? Fun as an exercise, maybe, but it’s an ambition killer.
Second point – what have you done in life so far that you enjoyed and felt rewarded by in some way? Do that some more. What have you done that you regret? Don’t that again. What do you do in your free time? What do you miss most when you’re on vacation and not around your usual doo-dads? That stuff is you.
And don’t worry about finding THE right answer. Life isn’t a math problem. It’s a canvas and experience. Go get yours.
I want to steal Charlie’s comment. Where’s management? Just change that name field would you?
This YouTube video by Stefan Molyneux sums it up quite well:
Live Like You’re Dying
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB_vo62t3Ow
I’m tearing up just watching it :)
How about this: what would you do if you didn’t need to work for a living? Make a list of all the things you’d do with all that free time. All the things you wish you had time to do. Those important meaningful little things you manage to squeeze in now and then. Those things that, when you see a magazine article about them, you HAVE to read the article.
Then look at that list and figure out (1) what can be monetized and (2) what won’t kill you to do all day every day for years and years.
For me, if money were no object I’d read a LOT more than I do now. I’d travel more. I’d make art. I’d garden, and take horseback riding lessons, and volunteer to help the homeless. I’d have a huge number of pets. I’d eat out a lot.
No one is going to pay me to read or eat out or have pets, so those go off the list. I’m not willing to garden all day every day, so that’s out. I AM willing to paint a lot. I’m willing to put in the hours to study art. I’ve spent years studying the business of art and painting techniques and art theory. People do pay me for my paintings. So I make art. (I also do other things, but the art is my main thing.)
As Curly said in City Slickers, the secret of life is one thing. Just one thing. “Stick to that and the everything else don’t mean shit.”
When Billy Crystal asks what the one thing is, Curly answers helpfully, “That’s what you’ve got to figure out.”
I think James has nailed that “one thing” incredibly eloquently. That one thing is simply being willing to make decisions, let those decisions loose and having that be more than just okay – having that be where the simplicity, grace and enjoyment of your life comes from.
Another quote, this time from Ally McBeal. “If you can look back on a year and say that you’ve laughed and cried, you know it’s a year well spent.”
I agree with Charlie. So much thought goes into how and the why, the half full or the half empty – that people completely lose interest in one key fact. That the glass isn’t only half full or half empty – the glass is there. Grab hold of it. Drink when you’re thirsty. Refill it when its gone. Smash it against the wall when you feel fucked up and shitty. Whether in pieces or overflowing – its there.
What’s the point in worrying about wasting time or being more productive with time if you don’t even value the actual time? Do any of the Haddaway-style “What is love?” questions further you at all? Absolutely not.
Do whatever it is that you feel most drawn to, that would make you the most happy. When you make the move, be smart, but not a genius. Be efficient, but make time for you. Most of all, don’t waste another minute wondering whether or not you’re wasting that particular minute figuring out what you’re supposed to be doing.
Unfortunately my… really weird, far-out, hippie rant won’t get you any closer to what your next step is. The answer is behind the forehead – as Charlie said. Pry open that third eye and find out what would make you happy – not what you SHOULD be happy about doing. Never be afraid to look at yourself.
This may or may not have been of any use, but I sincerely hope you learn a little more about yourself and that you figure out what it really is you want. Nevermind how soon or late, so long as it *is*.
Wishing you the best,
Jim
Such beautiful responses. I think you may know already. Isn’t there something you absolutely adored doing as a child? Something that everyone knew about you because you were always wanting to do it?
Put that on your list too.
Brainstorm those big concept things Naomi like suggested.
Then see where they intersect with something that would seem like play to you. Something that even when it is tough, it is still good for you. Something you can’t not do.
I hope that helps a bit.
Oh man am I all over that question!
Let’s see 18 months on and I finally realised that I had the answer all along I just wasn’t ok with it. Yeah, exactly.
It’s a great question, it’s the question that got me to really start thinking about my life, but it isn’t a question you are ever going to answer with a sentence. It’s a question that will lead you to other questions.
Like: How do I know when I want something rather than I think I want it or I think I should want it or I think others want it for me? What makes me happy? What do I want? How am I of value to others? What are my values? What intrigues me? When do I flourish? and so on.
When I first started I wasn’t ready to hear a lot of the answers I now know, it’s a process of understanding that you have to go through, but what I would say from where I am now is that you don’t answer the question, you use the question to help you find something you want to do right now.
The only moment you have any power over is the moment right now, the past is done with and the future is just imagined.
If that’s too out there, and you want a solid answer then I suggest this:
1) Learn how to read and trust your inner compass
2) Learn how to trust your judgement over other people’s
3) Go wherever the compass points
There’s so much loaded into this kind of question – notice the theme of trust above, and I empathise with it massively. I’ve written some of my journey on my blog and if they want someone to sound off with I’d love to chat. Having just started to piece it all together (finally) it’s very much still fresh in my heart.
Hey possums!
Such a good question… I’d take a tiered approach, because that reminds me of cake and I like cake.
1.} If you’re not sure right now what you’re really called to do, keep exploring. Playing. Trying out new things. Take a bucketload of short courses. Find the thing that really, really sings to you. As an example, I went to university and studied 12 different courses in completely unrelated fields. The three things I liked the most were social policy, art history & psychology.
They weren’t the answer, but they were the *clue*.
I ended up quitting uni when I found that *shock horror* – the thing I really wanted to do was the thing I wanted to do when I was a kid – make art, touch people, change the world.
It was a journey and an evolution to getting there though – taking all of my possible interests, soaking them up and working out how I wanted to work with them.
I like art, but I’m not going to be a high school art teacher, or an art historian, or a minimalist exhibitionist. What’s true for me is to paint wild, fun, garish, yummy pictures of women as goddesses. For all of our interests, they can be drilled down to to find the real essence of what makes us sing.
2. When I was 11, my teacher said to my mum: “Maybe Leonie will be Prime Minister of Australia.” My mum said “She might be if she wants to be. But I think her job hasn’t even been invented yet.”
And she was right.
Being a Goddess Guide {life coach artist retreat creator ecourse teacher of sacred & creative living} was definitely not in the jobs book. Coz it needed to be created. By me.
What would your crazy awesome job description be if there were no need for logic?
3. What do you already do to people coz it’s fun?
Do you give advice? Do you know what clothes look good when matched together? Do you really like feeding people? Do you like hooking people up? Do you like making big linked spreadsheets? Do you like having a really clear space around you?
All of these are clues to your gifts, your wisdom and your work.
4. I just want to say that you ROCK, and it will come to you. Just trust that there’s so much beauty & truth inside you already, and it will flower out when the time is right.
I totally sympathize with your writer-in person. As Naomi knows, having gotten the wailing, panicky email, I went through this just last week.
What helped me a lot was just calming the hell down, for which I can thank Havi’s free sampler of her Emergency Calming Techniques. After that, I took the time to look at all the options in front of me, all the rabbits I was chasing (as in, if you chase two rabbits, you catch none), and figure out which ones I was afraid to catch and why, which ones I really didn’t want to catch but was afraid of not catching, and how I could live with myself by letting some of them go.
Then, once I looked again, I had just a few little bunnies nibbling at the grass at my toes, waiting for me to grow them into a life’s worth of work. Then I got Naomi to be smart with me (yay SpeakEasy!) and I figured out what I really wanted to do with one of those bunnies — so I was not just continuing along as yet another graphic designer, but helping newborn ittybizes get on their feet by providing them with all the design basics a baby ittybiz needs in one package. Which apparently I was doing anyway, and had never thought of as a niche until Naomi pointed it out. Which is why she gets the big bucks.
(as a note, since I only did the niche part of this yesterday, none of it’s up on my site yet)
And the really hardest part was to let myself believe that I could nurture the other bunnies into full-grown work, too — that even though my art commission queue is half full now, without really advertising, if I did advertise I could fill the queue and give people art they really want. And that I can edit one of my three languishing novels (seriously, who does that? I know every writer has one, but three?) and get it off to an epub, though Naomi doesn’t know about that one. Ssh, don’t tell her. ;)
Personally, I had to look at the scariest thing on my list, the one that terrifies me completely, and see if I can do that for a living. Because for me, at least, the scariest thing was also the thing I most want to do — but have trouble believing I can.
I suggest reading these 3 books:
Awakening to your life’s purpose by Eckhart Tolle (will help you stop worrying about time).
The Renaissance Soul – by Margaret Lobenstine (when you have 8 million interests and you don’t know which one should be a hobby, or which one you should go homeless for to pursue).
What should I do with my life? by Po Bronson (helpful to read how other people made changes. My fav is the guy who quit prestigious law school to start a cake-baking company).
Oh, and perhaps one more: In Praise of Slow, by Carl Honore. Because it’s good and will also address the time thing.
I was able to figure out some things by thinking about what I didn’t want to do – ie. I knew I didn’t want to be in a 9-5 office cubicle job, staring at a computer, watching the clock (did that, and it sucked out my soul). I’ve gone from there. I figure I’ll have a number of ways I earn money over my lifetime. It’s how you spend the rest of your time that matters. I also stopped searching job listings for a job that “spoke” to me – because it doesn’t exist. Read the books, narrow down your interests somewhat, then find people who are doing something that you’re interested and shadow them or something.
I wrote a 4 part series on this question starting October of last year – good timing, I think.
Here’s the link to the first article; the rest are linked on each article.
http://www.phoenixcentre.com/blog/2008/10/27/the-shift/
As a psychotherapist, I think this is actually the question people are “really asking.” It gets played out in rocky relationships, problems with kids, jobs, romance / sex, but boils down to the underlying angst of not knowing who one is – without doing this personal, depth work, it is difficult to decide what to do with one’s life.
yet, in our culture, this seems to be the norm – if I do the right thing, I’ll figure myself out.
I think that’s backward.
I think it’s a mistake to believe that there is just One Thing Out There For You.
Most of the people who are killin’ it seem to be doing something they really enjoy, so that’s a start.
I’m in my third “retirement” right now, and still haven’t really decided what I want to be. I didn’t enroll in college until I was 39. I didn’t get married until I was in my 40′s. I’ve been fired numerous times, had businesses fail, gotten things thrown at my head by amazing women, and lost thousands of dollars on deals any idiot should have known were bad ideas.
Hmmmmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.
Never mind.
I’ll second Michael Martine. I don’t believe there is that ONE THING. I believe there is that one thing FOR THE MOMENT.
We grow. We change. We experience life and events. We become different people as we move through the years, and with those passing years, we try on, fall in love with and shed various passions. They’re like seasons, enjoyable when they are discovered and sadly parted with, but we look forward to the next season, don’t we?
Take me. I’ve been through a thousand phases. I did the power job in a corporation and loved it. Then I changed and moved on. I worked with horses for several years. And changed and moved on. I don’t regret either phase of my life and I liked them when I was in them because that was what I wanted to do AT THAT MOMENT.
Now, I think of horses and wonder if I’ll go back to that, knowing I won’t. Right now, my passion is writing and building businesses. And while I’m here, I will love what I’m doing, with passion.
In five years, in ten, I’ll move on because I and my needs will have changed. I’m frankly glad that I don’t have to commit to one thing for the rest of my life – how caged and sad that would be, to choose now for the rest of your life.
There is no ONE THING. There is only one thing for now. And we all have that in us.
I had to decide on this before I had my consultation with you! Actually your “chains” post really cleared things up for me, too. I’m so glad everyone has the opportunity to read these types of life changing posts!
Personally, I just mind mapped everything I had ever done, what interests me, and things that I want to change in the world. Then I picked two that I wanted to focus on! Might seem kind of simplistic, but it’s working so far. :)
I’m so there with James and Michael (and a lot of other people).
When I was a kid, I went to college on a music scholarship. I thought I’d die if I didn’t grow up to be a musician. (I didn’t. And I didn’t die.)
Once, I took a side-tour in my career into marketing. I wanted to learn about marketing so I could go into politics and run campaigns — because I thought *that* would make a real difference. (And boy. Is this ever an example on how your perspective changes as you get older! Whew!)
I worked in corporate life and hated it. With a passion. (Mostly, because of the places I worked.) But I like business and there are things about corporations that inspire me. So, now I get to work WITH them — with the ones who really want to get better at what they do and change.
But when I first left corporate life, I thought that meant I never wanted to darken a door of a large organization again. I was wrong. I just needed to shift how I was working with it and engaging it.
Final example — if you’d told me that I would one day pick up a camera and become completely enamored and passionate about photography — I’d have thought you were nuts. (I have a photography biz too, by the way.)
But mostly, although those all shifted and changed, that only answers “what do I do” — what do I want to do WITH MY LIFE? That’s a much bigger question, now, isn’t it. Because, for me, that has more to do with loving people and being loved — and connection — and supporting and encouraging others. It’s about being creative in my work (yes, there is room for creativity in corporate stuff — I promise — ha). It also has to do with making a difference in ways that have nothing to do with my ‘work life’…..and yet they all intersect.
Anyway…..that probably doesn’t make any sense. But I’m going to make a couple of recommendations:
1) Havi’s stuff. Really. All of it. Any of it. She’s got the goods when it comes to this stuff.
2) Along the lines of what James mentioned. It’s soooooo very old school and corporate, so forgive me. But it’s good. There’s a book that came out eons ago called “the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey” (or is it Steven? I forget.) Anyway, one of the concepts was “Begin with the End in Mind”. And while this sounds like a morbid exercise, it really does work. (And it’s like what James describes.) He asks you to envision your funeral — in detail. And ask yourself questions like — who do you want to be there? What do you want them to say about you? (It goes more in-depth. I’m sure if you google for it, it’s out there on the web somewhere. Or worst case, it’s in the book which is so old it probably sells for like $9 now.)
It’s really a powerful exercise. Because then you can begin to see what things you’re doing TODAY that are heading in that direction — and which ones aren’t.
3) A book by Martha Beck called “Steering by Starlight” — she has exercises in the book that get you to:
-relax and calm down all the voices
-pay attention to things in your life and where they’re showing you to go and finally:
-actually figure out what it is you really want and what ‘connects’ for you (it’s pretty awesome stuff)
It’s an awesome thing to even write and admit feeling these things and questioning this way. It’s awesome because it’s scary. But it’s cool because then you find out everyone deals with this at one time or another. Don’t be afraid to keep seeking and looking for answers.
Hope this is at ALL helpful!
All the best!
deb
I do agree with many of the previous comments, especially not thinking there’s one right answer, and that you have to decide on one thing for the rest of your life.
If I had to sum it up: you choose, follow passion, don’t wait.
I’ll second James Chartrand, as well as his seconding of Michael Martine.
I think it’s all about the evolution. Evolving and learning constantly, whether that means going deeper into one path, or beginning on a new one. Don’t worry whether you’ll love what you’re doing now 10 years down the line — worry about whether you love it now.
As long as you’re creating and diving into opportunities, you’re set.
Oh man, this question and I have been through some tough times together. Mostly with me screaming at the universe something along the lines of “Why? What is my purpose?” and not getting any response. I think Naomi puts it brilliantly, and I’d add something I’ve heard (probably from Steve Pavlina) that when you do what I did, you don’t get any response, because really it’s the universe asking YOU the question. And I think that asking what YOU think the perfect world would be like is a great way to start to get at that.
About this ‘one thing’ thing.
I certainly don’t believe that if you decide to be cake shop owner today that you have to be a cake shop owner forever (although I certainly like cakes). People evolve, and what’s important today might not be tomorrow, next week or next year.
When I talked about doing ‘one thing’, that one thing is to remember to engage with what matters to you right now, the things that have the most relevance and really mean something to you. It’s not to engage with the things that you think you ought to be engaging with, like keeping that damn cake shop open because of you decided to open it 2 years ago.
To be able to do that, you need to embrace decision making in all it’s glory. It’s that ability to make choices based on what matters – not on the outcome – that allows you to evolve fully into your life – and that’s the ‘one thing’.
Oh, I love all of the responses here! And the question reminded me of the “goal” I set for myself back in college:
to be the happiest little old lady in the world.
‘Cause I really don’t want to be that bitter and jaded elderly person who complains about everything.
I recently escaped from a “wonderful career” because it was making me a bitter and jaded young lady (and depressed and sleep-deprived and malnourished…). Everyone who had made a career out of this field was bitter and jaded (with serious heart and blood pressure issues), and it was already happening to me. It was time to get back on the Happy Old Lady Path.
What if there isn’t a thing you love to do – a life’s passion?
What if, like me, you’re simply treading water – doing the things you need to get done to live but without a true purpose?
I’ve lived my 40+ years on a “take it or leave it” basis.
I’m not passionate about anything.
I love my kids and my family and I feel a deep duty and desire to nurture and protect them, but this whole “meaning of life” thing has completely passed me by – I don’t understand why so many people get so hung up about it.
If you believe you’re here for a reason, that’s great – get at it!
If not, just be.
When I went through this continual process of what do I want to be when I grow up (I am 58 and still having a blast growing up), my list was: I want to dress casual, very casual; wear comfortable shoes or no shoes, not have regular hours, and bring my dog to work. That too, narrowed it down.
For years and years – almost 30 of them, this has worked, from being a solo practice atty, to a rabbi, to a nature rabbi and teacher.
The downside for me is facing old age (let’s just say it) without benefits and the cost of medical/retirement rising beyond what is comfortable to pay………..I took a pt job at a hospital as a chaplain (still no bennies) but as I watched the benefit coordinator tell the FT folks all of their perks and bennies — I wondered about my trade-off.
I guess I will just stay casual, free, and with dogs at work and wait until I am 65 and get bennies then.
life is about trade offs — but trade with what you can live with.
The biggest need we have as humans is being a contribution.
Step 1
Where do you want to contribute to the world (the answer to this probably is already known and scares the shit out of you.)
Step 2
Build a team of compassionate people who will love you and kick your ass out of your comfort zone.
Step 3
Go for it. Instead of all this I’m a human being not a human doing talk. Get out of your head and into your heart and take some action.
I’ve been at this one for most of my life and although I could always taste the feeling of what it was from a really early age on, I could never catch the form of what the expression would become. Until recently.
As far as I can tell it has all been leading up to this point, a sort of ripening you could say. Not that it ends here, it will continue to evolve, but I can honestly say that all the inner work I’ve done to get here has paid off.
I’m now 38 and have made probably all of my major decisions on that heart feeling and I’ll tell you, those choices have been unconventional and hard at times.
The path that appeared because of that has definitely been the less traveled one, but, as Robert Frost wrote, it has made all the difference.
So what I share with people over and over again is that you may not know what it will look like, you may not know the form or the how, the when and where, BUT when you choose to follow that heart feeling, your journey will be the most fulfilling and blissful journey you could ever imagine. THAT is worth all the hardship… it really is.
Whether you love to parent, create art, sell electronic equipment, work in a nursing home, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. As long as love is there everybody wins!
These types of discussions always get my juices flowing! I love words, ideas, hearing other people’s thoughts. I agree wholeheartedly with the folks who said there’s no perfect “one thing”. I have a website for moms in my little neck of the woods and what I love is that I’m helping them form a connection with other mothers, giving them Great Dates and smile makeovers and washers and dryers in this sucky economy. And my biz partner and I are making them laugh. Mamas are often last on their to-do list and Motherlode helps take them to the top — at least for the 15 minutes a day they have to cruise the site.
The thing is: I feel like all my former experiences in life, including a divorce, newspaper reporting, failed music career (I couldn’t even make it through the first year of college with that one) have led to this job I created for myself and adore.
So, I guess, bottom line is keep reaching but keep living while you do it. Enjoy the highs, trudge through the lows, and remember that these experiences are what make you like everyone else on the planet, yet completely unique.
Such great responses! Others have said the same but I’ll try to keep it simple. Do what you love. Do what you love so much it comes naturally; do what you couldn’t stop yourself from doing if you tried. Do what you love so much you would do it for free. Then find a way to make a living at it.
Why do what you love? Because passion for something is the sign of your unique gift to the world, the thing you’re *supposed* to do and are here to share with the world.
Yes the “making a living at it” part is where people get frustrated or stuck, but I’ve found in my own experience (after many years of “doing” something for the money vs. the love of it) that an amazing thing happens when you take steps toward your passions – the universe conspires in your favor.
Even if you *think* you can’t make money doing what you love, take small steps toward doing it anyway. You’ll be pleasantly surprised when you see what happens, and once you achieve traction it will inspire you to keep going. Then all of a sudden one day, you’ll find you’re not thinking about living your dream – you’re living it!
If you don’t know *what* you naturally and effortlessly love (I find it hard to believe there isn’t something that immediately pops) then follow the other advice here – experiment, reflect on your childhood talents, hopes and dreams, or use a process of elimination.
And if in your process you find yourself feeling small, or failing, or doubting that you’ll ever be as big as Oprah or Ghandi or whomever, or do anything that “matters”, heed this advice from Helen Keller (it always lifts me up): “I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” Or as often paraphrased, “Instead of striving to do great things, aspire to do small things with great love.” All the best to you.
Classic Jewish Saying
(which, not surprisingly also doubles as a joke)
Q: How do you make g-d laugh?
A: Make plans.
And no…that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make plans. Plans are great. Just accept that there are things you can’t imagine that will alter those plans.
I highly recommend an episode of This American Life called <a href=”http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1063″Plan B – a click will take you to the description page. You can stream it for free or purchase a copy. Fun stuff.
D’oh! Embedded link FAIL!
Here’s the Plan B episode of TAL:
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1063
You are who you are. You are where you are. You got there by doing what you do.
If you don’t like where you are, do something else. I’m not sure it even matters what. Sometimes, you do what you can.
As far as a perfect world, I see one where people accept others for who they are and don’t pigeonhole them where they don’t belong.
Wow, after all that advice, I feel kinda silly adding my tarnished tuppence, but what the hell.
I’m torn between two responses. One is: pay attention to the times when you do without being aware of yourself. When you’re so caught up in something that it steals breath from Doubt’s lungs. When I write, *really* write, all else is silent. That is the place I want to be. All else fllows from that.
The second response is: Why are you worried about this? Try something, if it works, great, if it doesn’t, move on. I used to teach teenagers who were pressured into thinking they had to make Very Important Decisions About the Rest of Their Life. I loved pointing out that it was ridiculous to do that. They relaxed, and made better decisions for it.
We are fluid. Life changes, what we want now, what is perfect *now* may be utterly wrong a year later – a month later. It doesn’t matter, if you can stay flexible enough to be able to fall back on other things if one doesn’t work out.
I can’t believe I just offered advice – who the hell am I to do that? Don’t listen to me. Damn. I did it again. I am out of here!
It doesn’t matter one bit in the grand scheme of things what you do with your life, so why not avoid the miserable shit and do what you want?
My Mom was in a cult for a short time while I was growing up..she was trying to find her purpose in life…then she did EST (they don’t let you pee for like 2 days), therapy, psycho-tropic drugs, regular drugs, alcohol, therapy, meditation, and then took up man collecting…5 divorces and 66 years later she’s still trying to find her purpose only now she’s a lesbian!
Here’s the thing…I think for most of us “mortals” God didn’t reach down from the ethers and hand us our soul purpose. Everytime I hear a celebrity/sport figure talk about getting their chops from the time they were a zygote it makes me fucking crazy!
That may very well have happened but most of us -not so much- and you can literally spend the “bank account” that is your life wondering what “YOUR PURPOSE” is. If you don’t believe me re-read the 1st paragraph – sorry Ma!
By getting out of our head and not thinking so much about this topic which I think we place WAY too much importance on we can actually start living. One of the ways that helped me focus was by writing down exactly what I didn’t want.
Am I living my purpose now? Well I love what I do but it didn’t come to me engraved on tablets from the mountain high. I gave myself permission to start living whereas before I would fall to my knees cursing heavenward and asking “why won’t you tell me the reason that I’m here.”
I can tell you that what I thought my purpose was when I was younger and what it is now are completely different. I mean I liked the movie “Porky’s” back then too but things change and you have to give yourself permission to change also.
Unless you’re Celine Dion or Michael Jordan your path may not be as clear cut as you’d like it to be but life is an adventure & going with the flow is a hell of a lot easier than fighting and railing against it.
I hope I’m making sense because my psycho-tropic drugs just kicked in, my cult leader is telling me it’s time for my 7th marriage ceremony and I’m meditating on becoming a lesbian cause all my cool friends are.
This is a fantastic post and discussion. I’d like to add my voice to the chorus of “do something you love” because when you love what you’re doing, you put a lot more care, energy and joy into it, and that tends to have really positive results.
I’d also like to join the “there’s not necessarily one thing” choir. I think the pressure of figuring out what your “one thing” is can make things worse, not better. Pressure doesn’t usually help situations.
Such a cool topic, though!
Jumping in late to this discussion…
There’s one way to figure it out that no one’s mentioned yet and yet the seeds of it were in the woman’s email to Naomi: Complain.
Write down everything you hate about your life – the things that totally suck to the minorly annoying.
Then, beside each complaint write the words “I want” and finish the sentence. Group the “I wants” together and you should have a pretty good idea of what passions drive you, then go pursue the hell out of it.
In my life, i have hear people say that life is what you make it and i ask what of those people who have tried their best but no success. For instance, somebody have gotten university certificate, no job yet and bought into work at home packages via internet marketing have sent over $5,000 acquiring one ebook or the other and also training. For over 1year on the internet but has not made a cent. Maybe is it because of the country the person came from (Nigeria). I am really sick of all these internet stuff of a thing. Funning part of it is that i still have people claiming making good money. I need someone who can help me. I am in heavy debt now and don’t know what to do.
I really like the work you’ve put into this page. Really good, I’d also like to quote a few lines on my blog. Again really good post. – Jess