When You Feel Like A Raging Failure
You’re not alone.
I’m typing this in bed, on the new laptop my IttyBiz readers bought me. (By the way? Thanks for that.) To my right, on the floor, on Jamie’s side of the bed, sit two Macintosh computers. They belong to my mother. For those of you who are new, I’ll take this opportunity to mention that my mother moved to Europe in 2005. I have yet to get off my ass to put them in storage. To my left is a floor full of books. They used to live in my busted chipboard bookshelf, but Jack likes to play with them, taking them down and putting them back in an order he feels is more appropriate. The last time he played this game was about 10 days ago. The books are still on the floor. Neither of us can get into bed from the sides, so we come up from the foot.
Jack is covered in a rash from ankle to neck and scratches himself every hour of the day and night. My bathtub is full of baby sleepers and cold water where I tried, and failed, to get the blood out of his clothes. He is crying in his room and Jamie is trying to comfort him — nothing I was doing was helping and I am now under my covers sporting silent headphones, trying to drown out the noise so I can cry and type in peace. I fear he either has or will shortly get an infection from the cuts that don’t heal, and all the doctor does is tell us to try Aveeno. Because I guess we never thought of that.
I missed a client call. I want to reschedule but everything is so up in the air, I don’t even know when to tell them. I feel horrible, guilt-ridden and sick. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like my home business, doing what I love, is a fabulous sparkly present and I’m stomping on it daily. I feel like every time I fuck something up, little bits of sparkle wash down the drain and soon I will be left with nothing. I don’t know how in the hell I’m ever going to deliver on all of the promises I’ve made — promises I want to keep, promises I had every intention of keeping, promises that I didn’t think would be a problem.
There is no how-to in this post. I do not know how to dig my way out of this. Sometimes when something is wrong, it’s helpful to pretend that the problem belongs to someone else and you can think of the advice you’d give them. Unfortunately, under these circumstances, my advice would be trite and ridiculous. I would tell people to plug away, item by item, list by list, until they had fought their way out. I think we all know that’s delightful advice in a vacuum, but it doesn’t account for emotional states that include bursting into tears watching Ellen give away $100 gift cards to Trader Joe’s. Overwhelm does not occur in a vacuum and vacuum advice doesn’t help worth a damn.
The only thing I really hope to accomplish with this post is this: If you feel shitty, you’re not alone. If you feel like, now that you’ve got your itty bitty business off the ground, you’re furious with yourself for not skipping with glee every moment, it’s not just you. If you feel like nobody on the goddamn planet understands what you’re going through, at least I do. If you feel like, now that you’re at home full time, you should provide your children with home-cooked meals and wash the sheets every other day and only show quality, commercial-free programming on your television and have sex with your husband six nights a week and have a floor that’s more carpet than ground-up-Cheerio, you’re not the only one.
***
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First off, I hear your screams, sister. Second off, oxyclean (or the generic version) gets blood out of clothes. Third off, ummm, there is third off. I have nothing useful to say. But I’ve been there (will be there again) and generally the next day is better. Or at least not as bad.
Ok, this reminds me of one of those moments where my wife is telling me about the bad things going on in her day (usually work related) and I mistake her venting as a call for help. Then I dispense with my always timeless advice until she gets upset with me and says something like, “I don’t want you to tell me how to fix it. I just want you to listen.”
I’ve learned to leave things alone unless she openly asks me for my opinion. So since you didn’t openly ask for input on this, I’ll just sit here and listen.
Regarding the idea that others may feel like crap too, if you don’t read Heather’s blog, you should.
Oh, I almost forgot. You could always tape mittens to Jack’s hands. Just a thought.
I feel ya.
You know we love you! *virtual hugs* :)
From Macbeth:
“Come what come may
Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.”
Yes, I’ve had days (weeks? it’s all a blur…) like this, when my triplets were only months old, and all three had stomach flu, and my 4-year old had stomach flu, and my wife had it too, and I was coming down with it - with no sleep - and some little firecracker engineer half my age, with no real-world experience, was asking me where some stupid memo was, as if the end of the world was nigh…
And all I could say was, “you don’t know where I’ve been.”
(Thank you, Fight Club, for many wonderful quotes.)
My itty bitty biz isn’t off the ground - yet - but believe me, I know how you feel. Hang in there. You’ll figure this out.
@ Dawn - Thanks, dude. Never thought of OxyClean. Funny, because it’s in my damn laundry closet.
@ Dave - Heather’s blog is awesome and was the only good reason to get out of bed throughout my entire pregnancy. (Now I have a laptop, I don’t need to get out of bed. Hmmm…) The mittens idea is a good one, but unfortunately, due to the blindness issue, he’s compensated by being remarkably dexterous and frankly, he has a better pincer grip than I do. Maybe medical tape?
@ Eric - Thank you. I will virtually hug back and you can change your virtual shirt from all the soggy virtual senseless tears on your shoulder. Maybe I am pregnant with quadruplets.
@ Dave - First of all, thank you. Second of all, YOU HAVE FUCKING TRIPLETS? Oh my God, dude!
And this freelance/work-at-home caper is meant to be about getting the right work-life balance … :-/
This post reminds me of all sorts of stuff that I’ve experienced, but I’ll spare you the details except to say I went through months last year of having to shelve jobs because it was too hard to juggle work and family while my husband was seriously ill (all better now). You’re not alone either. I hope you feel better for writing this. Thanks for sharing.
I just got off a three-hour call trying to help out a customer (unfortunately for the bigbiz I work for that actually pays bills and not the ittybiz that right now just eats free time) where we accomplished absolutely nothing at all. By the end of it, we were both bored to tears, had wasted a ton of time where we both had better things to do, and look forward to the same thing tomorrow. I’m not sure I could escalate it into “raging failure” status, but it was just a drawn-out version of the rest of the day - everyone canceling on me, not being at their desks to get in touch, pushing out their projects by another month, and all that other good stuff that really isn’t supposed to happen on it’s-the-last-of-the-month-so-close-your-open-deals day.
Wait, are there supposed to be days I DON’T feel like a raging failure? (Okay, okay, there are days. Whatever.)
Oxyclean, yes, and if that doesn’t work, hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, too. And for itchy rash, maybe try Miracle Salve Plus (online, from Kerry’s Herbals)? That’s my go-to salve for anything itching/burned/infected/etc. Is it weird that I HAVE a go-to salve? Let’s pretend like it’s not.
Good luck. Staying in bed with the laptop sounds like a good idea to me.
@Dave - did she mean you, or me? If you, congrats on having triplets too :)
@Naomi - if you are pregnant with quads, do I have some deals for you! (since I have four kids total, well, I have four of everything, including a kick-ass triplet stroller that looks like a cruise missile on wheels)
If you don’t mind virtual hugs from strangers, here’s one from a newbie to your blog.
I never have the right thing to say on the tip of my tongue. Usually my brilliant quotes come three days after the fact so instead I’ll pass along something I heard in a movie once. The bad days exist to make the good ones look that much brighter.
And if you are able to find comfort in those words then you are a better woman than I. Because whenever I think of those words on the days when hell decides to come for a visit I always think, “What a bunch of bulls***”.
:)
@Brett - I don’t know. I was a bit confused by this. I’m thinking Naomi meant you, but I’ll go home now and check just to make sure.
@Dave - I’m pretty sure she meant me, although, at times with this many kids, when the hallucinations start… you’d swear it wasn’t real… ;)
So yes, you’d better go home and check…
In all seriousness, they are wonderful children - they keep me honest and make me value any spare time I get. Besides, having four kids is sort of like having two - either they start to look after each other, or you stop caring and get drunk.
Or a little of both.
FIRST OF ALL, ANYONE THAT CAN GIVE A BOOK REPORT WITHOUT READING THE BOOK AND GET AN “A”, CAN DO ANYTHING SHE PUTS HER MIND TO!!!!!
As for poor Jack”s itching. Try a children’s antihistamine, should help with letting him sleep as well. I would also ask your Doctor to send you to a Pediatrician, one that specialized perhaps in skin issues, or allergies.
SO, REMEMBER YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!!!!!!!!!
hey naomi,
first off i hope jack gets well soon, i have two little ones that have been sick for the past month and i know how hard it is. i was upset that i couldn’t do anything to make them feel better, i was pissed at them because i couldn’t get any fucking sleep, and then i was pissed with myself for being such a douche.
you are definately not alone, i’m right here with you. dirty house, sick kids, unpaid bills, deadlines, and sex, whats that (all my fault). i don’t think i’m in a position to give advice, but bobby tells me to just say fuck it. take care of you and your fam then worry about the other shit. so what if you loss a client or two you’re talented enough that you can make that shit up.
@ Brett and Dave - Yeah, I meant Brett. Oops. Although, yes, Dave, it’s probably a good idea to check. Always good to keep abreast of new developments.
@ Tracey - Thank you for coming and commenting and being generally nice. I was checking out your site, too. Awesome, dude.
@ Eric - Thank you. And your blog has the Best. Tagline. Ever.
@ Melissa - Yes, it’s a little weird, but we won’t talk about it. With a family full of eczemics (is that a word?) I should probably have a go-to salve, too. Will definitely investigate.
@ Arwen - Thank you for adding that last bit at the end. I was worried I was going to have to fake feeling better and frankly, I suck at that. It’s nice to meet you!
@ Melanie - That’s why you’re my best friend, dude.
@ Michael - You fucking rule.
Hi Naomi,
I’ve been reading your blog for ages but haven’t commented before… but felt I wanted to this time. I’ve had so many days where I just wanted to go to bed for the rest of eternity and cry until doomsday.
I like remembering the words - “This too shall pass”. I believe it will. And if that phrase doesn’t work (and some days, it just DOESN’T), then I think “f**k this, I’m having a big bunch of comfort food and going to bed”.
If you’ll excuse a total n00b like me, I’d like to send my virtual hugs as well..
Halfway through the post, I wanted to say the words that always, somehow, make me hang on until tomorrow. Unfortunately, Jimmy was faster and beat me to it.
But I can second his words: It’ll pass, hon. And if it doesn’t, I’ll come bring you Quebec liquor. And help you drink it.
If it was summer, I’d recommend jewel weed. Works like magic for poison ivy.
You’re human Naomi, and you’re lovely. Sometimes life sucks and all you can do is just take that next step. My best wishes to you and your family.
@Naomi - :) I couldn’t resist pulling Dave’s chain. On a serious note, I hope that Jack is better soon. He is such a cute little guy.
((((((((((((Naomi)))))))))))))))
@ Jimmy - Well I’m glad you decided to comment. It’s amazing how much easier the world is to deal with when you have comfort foods. Jamie just came back from the store with those cookies with macadamia nuts and white chocolate. Seems easier now. Thanks.
@ James - I’ll take the booze. Is the jewel weed legal?
@ Alvin - I just went over to your site and discovered like, THREE YEARS worth of archives. This is fantastic! I love it when I look at a blog for the first real time and discover that I won’t be done reading in half an hour.
@ Brett - Thanks. Since he’s the one we’re keeping for his looks, we can’t have him sporting a full body rash.
@ Naomi - Yes. It grows in most people’s backyards in shaded areas profusely during summer months. Then again, so does pot, only they call that skunk weed, not jewel weed.
You can harvest in summer and save it for winter. Jewel weed, that is. Not pot. I’ll try to find the scientific name.
That was a very personal and powerful post. Whatever else, at least you got guts, girl, for hitting publish on that. I read it earlier in the day and it was so raw and strong that felt like I would have been intruding to leave a comment then.
The other reaction I had was a typical man-thing. I was like: WE HAVE TO RALLY UP AN INTERWEBS POSSE AND HELP NAOMI. And then I was like, help her do what, exactly? I have no good advice, but I feel for you and hope the little guy (and you) feel better soon.
(((((HUGS))))) Naomi!
I’m so sorry that you are having such a rough time! I wish I could offer some advice, but of course I don’t have any…
I greatly admire you for putting this all out in the open, though.
I hope that Jack gets better very soon (you too)!!!
(((((HUGS)))))
Personally, I wouldn’t want to do business with someone who took a client call in that situation. Hugs to you, Naomi. And Jack. And Jamie.
I only discovered your site this week and love what I found. I’m new to this whole blog/comment thing (and a fellow Canadian:)) and I just wanted to say thanks.
Thanks for being so honest and putting your ’shit’ out there for anyone to read. That takes guts. And anyone with that much guts will always be OK. Just to what you gotta do (like eat the cookies) and I hope it gets better tomorrow.
Just xo from me.
And also thanks, because I am a gigantic flake and am making the slowest progress imaginable and work all the time and am so freaking tired but am still broke. So yay, we’re both disasters.
*hugs*. Lots of *hugs*.
We still adore you. We get it if you can’t get your tush out of bed and just want to curl up and eat chocolate and ice cream and all sorts of junk.
We understand. Even those of us who have no kids and couldn’t possibly understand, we will someday. And we’ll think back and remember that you got through it, some somehow we will too.
If I were in Canada, I would totally volunteer to bring over dinner for your family. I have recently experienced first-hand how INCREDIBLY helpful that can be in times of need! :)
And this might be weird, but that really helped me right now to see that everything that I’m freaking out about right now is really NOTHING. Putting things in perspective… thanks. :)
Really though, I hope you and Jake and everyone feel much better soon!
@Karen - you’ll find that naomi has no trouble being completely honest. That’s largely why this post is blowing up with well wishes. We dig authentic!
Even though I’ve been lurking at your site like Pee Wee Herman in an adult movie theatre I felt compelled to comment for the first time.
First off, I hope Jack gets better. Both my son and daughter have eczema, I went to the drug store and bought eczema shampoo, body soap and creme so you may want to check out what is available at your local drugstore. The Dr. also told me to put “nipple” creme - on my son’s butt which is where he gets it the worst. It makes him look like he’s wearing lip gloss on his rear but seems to help.
Your post really resonated with me because although I know their are other Mom’s and Dad’s out there that feel this way not a lot of people write about it. There are so many days that I feel like hiding under the sheets and I would, except my son threw up on them two weeks ago when he had the flu and I haven’t changed them yet, I also haven’t posted in my blog for 4 months, haven’t vacuumed the upstairs in a year and sit both my children in front of the tv on a daily basis to watch video’s (while Mommy works on her website-”sit their and be quiet dammit”). I don’t think I’ll win Mother of the Year anytime too soon. But I do know that crises pass, it hasn’t happened to me yet but their are rumors that it could. Hang in there, I feel your pain.
Naomi,
Lots of (((HUGS)))! I hope your little guy feels better ASAP. There is nothing worse then feeling helpless with a sick baby.
Your post really resonated with my since my house is currently trashed, we’ve been eating take out for a week and I’m so behind on my business. 1st trimester pregnancy is seriously kicking my but. I tried putting my daughter down for a nap so I could work and ended up falling asleep next to her until she woke me up! So you very much are not alone.
For the practical stuff. My great grandmother swore that the trick to getting blood out is soap and super hot, almost can’t touch water. Goes against everything I read about stains but I’ve used it a time or two when nothing else worked. (Try it on a small spot first please.)
Do you know what’s causing the itching? If not have you considered an allergy? I went through nightmares with my daughter until we figured out her allergy. You might try rewashing everything he touches in a free and clear detergent. I currently use tide free and clear since it’s corn free. (allergy) My daughter never had itchy rash but if I use almost anything else she’s covered in small red bumps that thankfully don’t bother her. Also look for a free and clear shampoo and soap. And start writing down everything he eats and symptoms so you can see if there is anything that causes it to get worse. If you think it might be an allergy drop me an email and I can give you the entire run down. They are hell but once you know what totally controllable.
(((HUGS)))
Glad I’m not alone. Life is so complicated and painful sometimes and finding a way out seems impossible. I very much want to provide that perfect life for my family, but instead I’m left with dirty laundry everywhere, fast food and my kids in front of the TV.
Anyhow…hope things look up for you in the morning.
How did I know that you’ll get an avalanche of responses on this one? I just got me some wine after a very shitty coaching session I had to do in my tele-class (the last one before certification, I must say). I thought I’d go on line and check my emails and what do I see? The “raging failure” post! How appropriate and timely to make me forget my stupid little problem (this one at list).
Shit happens, but nothing can compare with the shit that happens to our children. If we have any common sense or logic, it usually goes out the window. My kids are much older than yours (yeah, much older), but as you probably know, problems grow along with them. My younger daughter has had very sensitive skin when she was a baby up until she was 6 or 7 (perhaps drawing with a ball-point pen from toes to face on herself contributed to it somehow) I tried different stuff but it did nothing (Aveeno actually worked but in the later stages). She would get things that made her looked diseased. She would take her taped sucks off her hands and scratch herself till she bled. Her skin is perfectly fine now, she is turning 13 tomorrow and is planning to pierce her lip sometime (over my dead body,…. just kidding, I think?) and dye her hair blue and black, and she wants to be friends with this weird girl that ran away for two days last year and….sometimes I just want her to be two years old again. May be I haven’t done everything right or may be it’s the opposite (at list both of my daughters tell me everything (or so I think). But the idea of staying home was the smartest decision I’ve ever made (except the one to emigrate from Russia to US, but staying home to be with kids wins with it’s hand down) oops, just spilled my wine all over my keyboard.
Thanks for the encouragement on not being alone feeling shitty.
Lower the water temp for his bath and in the house as well if you haven’t done it yet. Hang in there. You know it has no choice, but to get beter.
Naomi,
They call it jewel weed because when you hold a leaf under water, it looks like liquid silver. Very useful stuff, and being highly allergic to poison ivy myself, I know it works.
Sorry to hear things are so rough, but for every low point there’s a high point around the corner. Hang in there.
What to say when everything has already been said - that’s the problem with all these time zones (i’m asleep when the rest of you are showing your support to Naomi). But that’s life :)
This morning when I was taking the bus to work, I was thinking about how my plans to work on my business this morning all evaporated when I didn’t wake up early enough and felt like a failure. I guess it’s something you feel often when you try to achieve something bigger than just the basic 9-5 office job…
It’s not easy - but worth it. And sharing it with friends, like you did in this post, makes it a bit less hard…
So, hang in there!
You are so not a raging failure!
Your fabulous sparkly present will still be there when this has passed - and we’ll all still be there rooting for you.
Courage …
There’s nothing quite like over 40 comments from adoring friends, fans and oddballs like me to act as life’s trampoline.
Keep on bouncing — those springs are stronger than you think.
[...] Naomi Dunford There seems to be a very passive attitude by the crowd that mentions SEO. They are the same people that say they tried an ebay script or made a blog and nobody showed up at their site. [...]
@ Harry - I did not know that. The silver stuff. Damn. And I thought I knew everything about that plant. It’s been a lifesaver for me.
@ Naomi - Please don’t give Jack baths. My teen has severe eczema (and we’re off to yet another trip to the dermatologist on Monday) and water is the worst thing for eczema.
She’s been advised to keep showers limited to two minutes or less of water contact, not to use soap at all (yes, it’s that bad) and to apply thick coats of Vaseline to the skin and cover with rubber gloves to stop the mess and the potential for scratching. (Two doctors have said that so far.)
There’s an over-the-counter cortisone cream you can get that is ineffective for most severe eczema sufferers but better than nothing until you get a referral to a dermatologist.
Dry air and water makes eczema worse, exposure to sunlight helps. Keep me posted on Jack.
That sounds awful. I’ll be thinking of you (only nice things too).
Hey Naomi,
I’m so sorry to hear that life is being so hard on you… it’s been a rough time, first Zack, and now Jack :( Poor kids, poor you.
I’m not saying this to rub it in, but sometimes, most of the time, I find that admitting you have reasons to feel down and shitty helps. A lot. Even when those reasons don’t mean anything to the rest of the world. You’re not a failure, you’re human, you’re made of flesh, bones, and feelings. Nobody but yourself expects you to always cope with everything with a smile. It’s normal and good to let it go from time to time.
So, as many others rightly said, take care of yourself as much as you can, comfort food, loads of blankets, soothing music, a bath if you can handle emptying the bathtub… whatever it takes to make you feel better. And most of all : don’t feel bad about it. You deserve it. You can’t help Jack (nor Jamie for that matter) if you don’t feel a little better first. You can even explain to Jack that you’re exhausted and need a few minutes / hours to rest, because you can’t support him otherwise, and I’m sure he’ll understand. Children are so much cleverer than we think they are.
Anyway, loads of love go towards you, Jack and Jamie, I hope the package I sent you gets to you soon, it’s not much, but a surprise from overseas is always nice isn’t it ? It was basically for Zack, but you’re aloud to selfishly keep it for yourself if you feel like it ;)
Take care,
Julia
I’ve been a work-at-home micropreneur for 20 years. Mom for almost 16. Here’s the deal:
Take care of your kids.
Tell your clients you’re taking the day to take care of your kids. (Most have kids and will cut you some slack.)
Take care of yourself.
And simply close the mental door on any housework or laundry. Trust me, it’s always there waiting for someone. Doesn’t have to be you, at least not today.
And never, EVER, feel guilty for reaching out.
Naomi,
I understand… because my mother was a single mom of five who worked three jobs as a waitress while we were growing up. I saw her several times when she experienced a “dark night of the soul.”
But because she loved us and we loved her… and kept encouraging her… she persevered.
Throughout history every pioneer; every entrepreneur has “hit” the wall a time or two. Edison felt like he failed a thousand times before he broke through. Einstein failed fourth grade math. Columbus, Louis and Clark, Abraham Lincoln and a cast of many others faced hardships and adversity while trying to follow their destiny.
In a thousand years from now no one will care if there are ground-up-Cheerio’s on the floor or that some books never quite made it to the book shelf.
But they will remember the people you loved and the ones who loved you back. The lives you touched and the courage you displayed in the midst of adversity. The will remember and admire the intestinal fortitude that it took for you to overcome in the midst of your pain.
So, I pray that you would be encouraged today because it’s in the context of encouragement… that “courage” will spring forth.
We love you and we understand. God’s grace is sufficient for you.
Just sort of stumbled on this post. I went through the same kind of thing. Feeling down while freelancing, then beating myself up for not enjoying the dream work position I had managed to put myself in.
I’m not proud, but I gave up. I took an in-house position doing what I do. I negotiated a flexible schedule and still work from home a few days a week if I feel like it. But when things get tough between my ears, I have 2 things:
1. an office full of people to work around who I don’t want have see me moping around, so I stop moping, then I feel better.
2. the ability to believe (even if wrongly) that my work problems are not in fact my problems, but the company’s. This of course is false, because I still take my client’s work very personally. But every once in a while indulging in this kind of thought gets me through the day.
Despite the fact that the move in-house has solved a lot of my problems, since taking it on I find myself voraciously lobbying other freelancers not to give up.
No answers here either. Just echoing the sentiment that you are not alone.
Sometimes life gets overwhelming.
I wrote this some time ago, and it’s not exactly what you are experiencing right now, but maybe it can still help: http://aplawrence.com/foo-self-employed/one-foot.html
@ Everyone- I came to check out the comments becasue I couldn’t figure out why Naomi kept bursting into tears. Now I understand. You all have no idea what kind of an impact this show of support has had on her, so from the bottom of my heart (and Jack’s too, if he could type) THANK YOU ALL!!!
Naomi gets me to watch Extreme Home Makeover, and watching that show always has one very dstrong effect on me. No matter what problems we have, people have faced worse and survived. Thanks for sharing with us and helping me to see that we will get through this and things will get better.
Cheers!
Jamie
Hey Naomi, hang in there!
I can totally sympathize with you. When our kids are hurting, we hurt as well. And when we can’t make them feel better, it’s like salt in the wounds.
I love reading your blog. You’re damn funny and your wit brightens my day. I’m like Arwen in the fact that I usually think of the perfect thing to say several days later…oh well. I just wish there was something I could do or say that could brighten your day right now or at least help you get through.
I hope it helps to know that there are so many people who know what you’re going through and who are sending love and support your way.
If that doesn’t help, get more cookies and make some hot cocoa. :)
Kim
wow. 2 things right off the bat: 1. so…you ARE human. i was beginning to wonder. you’re pretty incredible so i was beginning to wonder.
2. selfishly, thank god sometimes you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. i feel like that every day and i feel like durtbagz isn’t growing fast enough and i feel like i’m not doing all of the right things. and then i realize i don’t know all of the right things to do…and neither does anyone else.
we only mostly know what we’re doing and i don’t care what anyone says…that is a true statement. all humans only mostly know what they are doing. at best.
picture it this way: there are people WAY dumber than us who have been successful at parenting, at business, at life, at painting a house, at whatever. and i’m talking WAY dumber than us.
not everyday is the best day ever. sometimes, there are weeks that aren’t the best weeks ever. they suck. but then they’re gone and sometimes it’s because of things we did to get rid of them and sometimes we have nothing to do with it; they just move on.
you’re a human being. welcome to my life, minus the kids.
i wish i could help on that end, but really i’d just dunk them in a bath of baking soda and call it a day. what? it works when the dog gets into something.
[...] highly had a bad day this week and wrote about it on her blog (warning: language alert in link). IttyBiz - When You Feel Like A Raging Failure. As of the writing of this post, there were over 50 comments from readers offering support and [...]
I too have been a super lurker on your site. Have never commented before.
My day usually goes like this:
Get to work and log on to ittybiz
Damn! No new post yet..arghhhhhhh
Do some work (read surf the net)
Check back on ittybiz….woohoooooo finally. New post!
Just know, I love your site and wish you the best with all you’re going through. That is all.
Hi Raging Inspiration ;)
Failure? The number of comments might tell otherwise….
Even your “off” posts are a joy to read!
Regarding eczema: James is right, keep the water to a minimum and plenty of sunlight. What cured my 30 years of suffering was Sandalwood essential oil. Its expensive and *not suited for everybody* (some people tend to have an allergic reaction) so be careful, but I used it for a few weeks and have been free of it ever since (13 years and counting)! You might want to investigate it.
Keep it up!
First off, sorry everything is going so wrong. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make it better, but if I could I would. So I will send some positive vibes your way.
Second, thanks for this post. At the moment life sucks. Nothing is working right, one kid is sick, problems at work, problems with car, etc… Nobody wants to hear me whine. But it is nice to know that I am not the only one. And if the famous Naomi can have a bad time, well maybe I can too.
Now if you will pardon me, I am going to go beat my head against a wall.
Wow. I stop back by after some time and I see that you definitely need a great big (((Naomi)))! So sorry to hear about the craziness and Jack being sick…as the saying goes when it Rains it Pours.
If you think he has eczema, I’ve heard of people putting an ointment called Elidel (sp?) but I’m sure your doctor told you. I’m assuming you ruled out allergies. You could consider moving to Austin…we have warmer temps here which might help. :-)
Think positive and soon you will be writing a baby tip on what to do when your kid has eczema (a.k.a rash from head to toe ..oh I mean ankle to neck). :-)
Sholom Aleichem, Naomi.
thanks for sharing your human side. even though you didnt mean to, you did share a successful strategy!
“be honest and let others (customers/friends/family) know when life is temporarily a hurricane so they can prepare/offersupport/takeover when needed!”
though now you have us all hanging off the edge of our seats to know how everything turns out… and i wish there were something i could do to help! it WILL get better… thank the internets that change is inevitable…
I’m glad I’m not alone on feeling this way. No one ever talks about the details of the downsides of running your own business. But behind all businesses, there’s humans with lives and it’s nice to glance into yours. You have so many readers and supporters. You write about things that matter and that help others and everyone appreciates you for it.
I feel like a shitty failure because instead of looking for a new job and quitting my current not-enough-hours-even-though-i’m-secretly-starting-to-hate job, I’m making little books, cards and drawings at home. Like people really need more junk made out of paper lying around the house. Will somebody save the damn trees? And my husband is getting fed up with his job, too. But there is no way in hell I’m going back to food service.
Oops, this comment was supposed to be about you. Comment failure :)
Anyway, I’m sorry about all the crap and I hope that Jack is feeling better by now.
I know there’s a reason why I feel a kinship with you… and I think we go through very similar things.
I also hope it wasn’t my phone call you’re worried about. If it is, forgetaboudit. SERIOUSLY.
I have suffered through severe eczema with my 6 year old daughter, and it is heartbreaking — having tried everything and still not getting much resolution from it.
I too, have days where it seems quite rational to just get in the car, leave, and buy a one-way ticket to anywhere that doesnt have kids, computers, phones, other people, or dramas… I remember, about 3 weeks ago, quite literally tanding in the shower sobbing, because noone felt the need to pay me, my account was overdrawn, my kids were going crazy, and I just couldnt cope. It was also a time where a client didnt like my work, people were n my case all day, and I wasnt able to get a 5 minute stretch of not being interrupted…and I had a breakdown that day.
So I feel your pain, I truly do.
I find that the way I manage to seize control of the situation is to make lists. It seems so stupid, but when I get it out and down on paper, it really makes me feel better.
But anyway, feel the love, look after yourself, and drink a box of wine ;)
As for the eczema, shit, there are so many remedies and its hard to say which one works, because every kid is different. But knowing that its a path that loads of us have walked on, and that we are here and UNDERSTAND how it feels… well thats all I can offer.
:)
[...] this advice from Naomi today, but I’ve needed it before and I know I’ll need it again when I feel like a raging failure. CATEGORY: [...]
Woah… we may live in parallel universes… I haven’t been to your blog in days because I’ve been wrapping up work on tons of obligations that I made but didn’t entirely have the time or want to fulfill. I just wrote on my blog today about what I did to get out of this same situation… then I came here and found your post…
Thank you for writing about this very real crap that everyone is feeling, but no one is talking about.
~ Christine
…And by the way Téa - thanks so much for sharing your story. I checked out your site.. and I think your work is beautiful.
Christine ~
[...] of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who responded so kindly to my emotional outburst. That was so lovely and so appreciated — I wish I had the time to respond to each and every [...]
Oh thanks Christine :) Thats very nice of you to say, especially when I was so close to quitting last week and just going back to my cushy government job…
thank you for the post. it came at the right time. not sure what it is about humans that makes us feel better when we know that other people are feeling just as overwhelmed as we are, but somehow that always works. gives us hope. today i needed some. i seem to be sliding towards a permanent covers covered state of hiding. i have yet to leap to self-employed and am still working in an office … and like many offices, the more helpful and nice you are the more shit upon you become. my boss takes me for granted and the other women in the office target me for petty, stupid, time wasting, bs games. and the worst part is … this happened again, at this job, and keeps happening. i used to think if you work hard and do the right thing good things will come to you, but over and over again i have to be very painfully reminded that if you work hard and do the right thing you are simply providing other people stepping stones for their bad behavior. i seem to think i make it through one situation well only to find another even worse one waiting for me.
The fact that you managed to write such an articulate piece shows two things… 1) you really are just as brilliant as everyone suspected, 2) you’re not quite under the floorboards yet. (also 3) Jamie rocks la maison). Well done you for hanging in.
Lotsa love to you all…
[...] far. I ran a piece recently wherein I lamented my lack of capacity to be Superwoman — and I half-jokingly included the feeling I should be having sex with my husband 6 times a week. He’s like, “They know that it’s you that thinks you should be doing that, right? [...]
[...] Some more red-flag warnings are symptoms that your work/life balance aren’t equal. We all know what those signals are – burnout, constant fatigue, discouragement, kids crying for attention, a partner complaining about lack of affection, and feeling like a raging failure. [...]
[...] as “some other Naomi” which I think is terribly funny. Humor aside, she talked me through the failure days and the days I feared my son would drop dead at any moment. I can’t thank her [...]
Great post. Human, transparent, authentic, and exactly how I feel RIGHT NOW.
[...] Yahoo, I entered “What to do when you feel like a failure” and found your post “What to do when you feel like a raging failure.” I can hardly believe it, but I found some energy to keep [...]
Naomi,
I’ve failed to keep up with you and your site here since the ProBlogger bash, and for that I’m very sorry.
That being said, if there’s ANYTHING I can do to help… taking up some slack for you or even lending an ear when you’re in panic mode, let me know. My number’s always open to you, chica!
[...] When You Feel Like a Raging Failure [...]
Oh yea. Failure is universal, and for entrepreneurs comes more frequently than for employees.
Try being a life coach! The pressure to have your shit together increases exponentially…until you stop coaching people with an eye for instant success that is and start emphasizing long, slow, and sometimes painful growth. :)
[...] irreverence, and knowledgeable advice that is refreshing and unique to our slime-ridden niche. Take a sip: The only thing I really hope to accomplish with this post is this: If you feel shitty, you’re [...]
WOW Naomi,
Your genuine sincerity is a shining beacon of hope! Like Tammy, “I’ve been lurking at your site like Pee Wee Herman in an adult movie theatre” LMAO and, “I felt compelled to comment for the first time.” I laughed and cried (something that’s hard to do these days) reading this thread. I mostly cried though, realizing there ARE some compassionate caring people in this fucked up world. I am so goddamn cynical these days. But isn’t a cynic just a frustrated idealist? When I’m up, I can’t remember what down looks like and when I’m down, I can’t remember what up looks like. And, unfortunately, I’ve been down a very long time. Try monumental consistent “raging failure.”
Following another 14-15 hour wasted day trying to find meaningful, honest work online and studying internet marketing, my eyeballs are dangling on my cheeks and my brain is dribbling from my ears like a water-logged sponge after an F6 tornado of information overload. Hell, if I made minimum wage for all the time I’ve spent just researching hundreds of scams online over the last 13 years, I’d probably have a couple of hundred grand! Of course I’m too “scared shitless” to actually take action. Though I did come up with this little ditty after tonight’s session of excremental meditation:
Upsell , downsell , anyway ya’ can sell;
PPC, SEO, HTML is hell;
AdWords, AdSense, adCenter? on the fence;
ROI, pie in sky, where the hell’s your common sense;
Bonus here, bonus there, now I’m pulling out my hair;
I’m so mad, ain’t it sad, honest folks are oh so rare.
Wadda ya’ think? (I just know you love the semicolons, Naomi.)
I’ve got sooo much bottled up and I’m hoping your can tolerate my pitiful diatribe.
I have a problem reaching out lately and have been fiercely independent most of my life although I do very well when I’m accountable to others. I am an extremely creative artist, inventor, futurist, composer, musician and “out of the box” brainstormer but lack the ability to structure, organize and plan. I pay “grate atenshun two detale an dont got no misteaks”, LOL! I’m looking for an employer, partner, mentor, collaborator and/or investor with complementary skills to reach the edge of chaos (The phrase “edge of chaos” was coined by computer scientist Christopher Langton in 1990. In the sciences in general, the phrase has come to refer to a metaphor that some physical, biological, economic and social systems operate in a region between order and complete randomness or chaos. - wikipedia.org).
Here’s a little bit of my background. I’ve only worked for others a total of maybe 6 years in my life doing various types of work such as managing small electronics sales/service shops (I began my electronics career at about 8, breaking vacuum tubes in the basement) construction and investor relations. I don’t necessarily like working FOR others, but I can’t and haven’t been able to plan, organize and structure by and for myself enough to maintain a lucrative business although I’ve eked out a meager living with several small businesses. Everything I have is for sale except my girlfriend, but she’s for rent. Just kidding… well maybe. ;~P
Mostly I have worked as a professional musician living the party boy, pipe dreamer’s dream and playing almost every venue in the Daytona Beach area. I gave up performing a few years ago when I realized I was much too old (58), ugly and talented to be an “American Idol” and the only way I could tolerate drunks in the bars was to be one of them. Now our little duo (Justus2) only plays once a month for an hour at an assisted living facility. When she’s really on, Lanie, my wonderful loving girlfriend/music and life partner, has one of best voices I’ve ever heard! Sometimes when we perform, I get teary eyed, choke up and can’t sing harmony – so proud of her and overcome with the joy of making beautiful music together. In 2001, I decided to get into real estate and stocks and in 2005 my ship finally came in – it was a dinghy named the Titanic!
At this point in my life, I need structure, guidance and accountability until I can rebuild my shattered self confidence. If you can’t put me to work or help me, please refer me to someone who can. I would much rather have meaningful honest WORK than BEG, but finding an honest and fair employer, partner, mentor, collaborator and/or investor, in a country where “The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away” (Tom Waits), seems next to impossible.
Here’s an example of Scamerican business (sometimes called “turn and burn”). I worked for a Dish Network dealer in a phone room for about 3 weeks recently and it was HORRIBLE. The ad I responded to said inbound calls only and at the orientation they showed us a chart and told us we could make $800-$1800/wk in commissions and bonuses. After 3 days of training I happened to overhear someone saying they take 30% off for non-installs and when I got on the phones I soon realized maybe 3% were inbound calls (mostly complaining about how they’d been lied to) and automatically dialed calls were about 70% answering machines and hang-ups! Then I found out if you don’t sell at least 20% cable and 20% credit monitoring you don’t get any bonuses which is 1/2 your pay! They also issue fines from $50-$250 for saying or not saying certain things. None of this was in any of the paperwork they gave me! Hardly anyone there makes more than minimum wage. I worked 67 hrs. (yes, I am willing to work that hard or harder) my last week there and only got paid minimum wage for 46 hrs! Ya’ can’t say I didn’t try hard enough.
Frankly, right now I’m desperate, despondent (almost suicidal) and destitute (net worth approximately -$100k) and need to generate an income from home immediately. My asshole feels like the Grand Canyon after taking many screwings trying to “do the right thing” being open, (perhaps a little TOO open, OK, WAAAY too open) honest and compassionate. I have very little, if any, fight left in me. I guess it’s true that, “No good deed goes unpunished.”
And you thought YOUR life sucked. I really am for grateful for what I DO have– wonderful friends, a loving partner and good health.
Peace and Love, planet earth,
Robert