(Originally published in 2008)

You’re not alone.

I’m typing this in bed, on the new laptop my IttyBiz readers bought me. (By the way? Thanks for that.) To my right, on the floor, on Jamie’s side of the bed, sit two Macintosh computers. They belong to my mother. For those of you who are new, I’ll take this opportunity to mention that my mother moved to Europe in 2005. I have yet to get off my ass to put them in storage.

To my left is a floor full of books. They used to live in my busted chipboard bookshelf, but Jack likes to play with them, taking them down and putting them back in an order he feels is more appropriate. The last time he played this game was about 10 days ago. The books are still on the floor. Neither of us can get into bed from the sides, so we come up from the foot.

Jack is covered in a rash from ankle to neck and scratches himself every hour of the day and night. My bathtub is full of baby sleepers and cold water where I tried, and failed, to get the blood out of his clothes. He is crying in his room and Jamie is trying to comfort him — nothing I was doing was helping and I am now under my covers sporting silent headphones, trying to drown out the noise so I can cry and type in peace.

I fear he either has or will shortly get an infection from the cuts that don’t heal, and all the doctor does is tell us to try Aveeno. Because I guess we never thought of that.

I missed a client call. I want to reschedule but everything is so up in the air, I don’t even know when to tell them. I feel horrible, guilt-ridden and sick. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like my home business, doing what I love, is a fabulous sparkly present and I’m stomping on it daily.

I feel like every time I screw something up, little bits of sparkle wash down the drain and soon I will be left with nothing. I don’t know how in the hell I’m ever going to deliver on all of the promises I’ve made — promises I want to keep, promises I had every intention of keeping, promises that I didn’t think would be a problem.

There is no how-to in this post. I do not know how to dig my way out of this. Sometimes when something is wrong, it’s helpful to pretend that the problem belongs to someone else and you can think of the advice you’d give them. Unfortunately, under these circumstances, my advice would be trite and ridiculous. I would tell people to plug away, item by item, list by list, until they had fought their way out.

I think we all know that’s delightful advice in a vacuum, but it doesn’t account for emotional states that include bursting into tears watching Ellen give away $100 gift cards to Trader Joes. Overwhelm does not occur in a vacuum and vacuum advice doesn’t help worth a damn.

The only thing I really hope to accomplish with this post is this: If you feel terrible, you’re not alone. If you feel like, now that you’ve got your itty bitty business off the ground, you’re furious with yourself for not skipping with glee every moment, it’s not just you.

If you feel like nobody on the damn planet understands what you’re going through, at least I do. If you feel like, now that you’re at home full time, you should provide your children with home-cooked meals and wash the sheets every other day and only show quality, commercial-free programming on your television and have sex with your husband six nights a week and have a floor that’s more carpet than ground-up-Cheerio, you’re not the only one.

135 Comments on When You Feel Like A Raging Failure

  1. dawn
    January 31, 2008 at 5:46 pm (9 years ago)

    First off, I hear your screams, sister. Second off, oxyclean (or the generic version) gets blood out of clothes. Third off, ummm, there is third off. I have nothing useful to say. But I’ve been there (will be there again) and generally the next day is better. Or at least not as bad.

    • Jackie
      October 19, 2009 at 10:52 pm (7 years ago)

      I would just like to say thank you. I went to ask.com and typed in you’re not alone and your headline was exactly what i was looking for. My situation is different. I am a procrastinator to the max, in the past i’ve still been able to meet my deadlines, but recently i’ve procrastinated to the point of no return, and i’m screwing my life up. I work two jobs sure, but all i want to do when i get home is relax and sleep. Either way lately i’ve been feeling like a failure and i knew advice wouldn’t necessarily help. I just wanted to know that i was not alone as far as the feeling shitty part is. It f***in sucks. Thanks for your post. Somehow it made me feel a little better.

      • Chris
        June 29, 2011 at 7:07 pm (5 years ago)

        I am a chronic procrastinator. I screwed up my college, my career and my life. The fact that I’m replying to your post is proof enough that I have nothing better to do. But well, what the hell, I’m not alone.

    • pasha
      February 11, 2010 at 1:27 pm (7 years ago)

      Hey- Feeling bad? First, my Mom used to put a baking soda and water mix on me when I was a kid- it’s handy and it worked 4 me. Second- Feel like a raging failure: this should help- I sold my house on the west coast and moved into 1980’s land, full of snow, no infrastructure, etc. because I couldn’t stand running a service industry biz (bought my daughter a horse and lessons and my house tho), to discover the artist in me. All I wanted was a small piece of land, a small house, some chickens and bees, and maybe one day a cow. However, my man of 11 years wanted to work in a new field, so I ended up here, in Hell, and now he has gone back to the coast, for good, after I found him surfing porn repeatedly oever a 3 year period. So here I sit, a stranger in a strange land, with a house to renovate, a biz to start, and no friends or family. As Dennid Leary says, ‘Life sucks, get a helmet”

      • Karen
        August 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm (5 years ago)

        Wow this article is three years old and apparently still relevent, to me anyway. I can identify with all the frustrating feelings . I hope and pray that life is better for you and your child. Is that rash a bad memory for you all these days? All the comments were a good read too. Hey I guess I am not alone and that helps in a strage way. Thanks for the article and I am happy I found it.

    • Dawn Brite
      May 27, 2010 at 6:28 pm (6 years ago)

      Risks
      To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
      To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
      To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
      To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
      …To place your ideas , your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
      To love is to risk not being loved in returned.
      To live is to risk dying.
      To hope is to risk despair.
      To try is to risk failure.
      But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk hazard in life is to risk nothing.
      The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
      They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
      Chained by their certitude’s they are a slave, they have forfeited their freedom.
      Only a Person who risks is free.
      -Author Unknown

    • elenad
      February 4, 2011 at 2:36 pm (6 years ago)

      Bonjour and hello, I went and I read your article today to wish you all a pleasant day

  2. Dave Conrey
    January 31, 2008 at 5:52 pm (9 years ago)

    Ok, this reminds me of one of those moments where my wife is telling me about the bad things going on in her day (usually work related) and I mistake her venting as a call for help. Then I dispense with my always timeless advice until she gets upset with me and says something like, “I don’t want you to tell me how to fix it. I just want you to listen.”

    I’ve learned to leave things alone unless she openly asks me for my opinion. So since you didn’t openly ask for input on this, I’ll just sit here and listen.

    Regarding the idea that others may feel like crap too, if you don’t read Heather’s blog, you should.

  3. Dave Conrey
    January 31, 2008 at 5:55 pm (9 years ago)

    Oh, I almost forgot. You could always tape mittens to Jack’s hands. Just a thought.

  4. Eric
    January 31, 2008 at 6:06 pm (9 years ago)

    I feel ya.

    You know we love you! *virtual hugs* :)

  5. Brett Legree
    January 31, 2008 at 6:08 pm (9 years ago)

    From Macbeth:
    “Come what come may
    Time and the hour runs through the roughest day.”

    Yes, I’ve had days (weeks? it’s all a blur…) like this, when my triplets were only months old, and all three had stomach flu, and my 4-year old had stomach flu, and my wife had it too, and I was coming down with it – with no sleep – and some little firecracker engineer half my age, with no real-world experience, was asking me where some stupid memo was, as if the end of the world was nigh…

    And all I could say was, “you don’t know where I’ve been.”

    (Thank you, Fight Club, for many wonderful quotes.)

    My itty bitty biz isn’t off the ground – yet – but believe me, I know how you feel. Hang in there. You’ll figure this out.

  6. Naomi Dunford
    January 31, 2008 at 6:13 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Dawn – Thanks, dude. Never thought of OxyClean. Funny, because it’s in my damn laundry closet.

    @ Dave – Heather’s blog is awesome and was the only good reason to get out of bed throughout my entire pregnancy. (Now I have a laptop, I don’t need to get out of bed. Hmmm…) The mittens idea is a good one, but unfortunately, due to the blindness issue, he’s compensated by being remarkably dexterous and frankly, he has a better pincer grip than I do. Maybe medical tape?

    @ Eric – Thank you. I will virtually hug back and you can change your virtual shirt from all the soggy virtual senseless tears on your shoulder. Maybe I am pregnant with quadruplets.

  7. Naomi Dunford
    January 31, 2008 at 6:15 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Dave – First of all, thank you. Second of all, YOU HAVE FUCKING TRIPLETS? Oh my God, dude!

  8. Tracey Grady
    January 31, 2008 at 6:18 pm (9 years ago)

    And this freelance/work-at-home caper is meant to be about getting the right work-life balance … :-/

    This post reminds me of all sorts of stuff that I’ve experienced, but I’ll spare you the details except to say I went through months last year of having to shelve jobs because it was too hard to juggle work and family while my husband was seriously ill (all better now). You’re not alone either. I hope you feel better for writing this. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Eric Stern
    January 31, 2008 at 6:28 pm (9 years ago)

    I just got off a three-hour call trying to help out a customer (unfortunately for the bigbiz I work for that actually pays bills and not the ittybiz that right now just eats free time) where we accomplished absolutely nothing at all. By the end of it, we were both bored to tears, had wasted a ton of time where we both had better things to do, and look forward to the same thing tomorrow. I’m not sure I could escalate it into “raging failure” status, but it was just a drawn-out version of the rest of the day – everyone canceling on me, not being at their desks to get in touch, pushing out their projects by another month, and all that other good stuff that really isn’t supposed to happen on it’s-the-last-of-the-month-so-close-your-open-deals day.

  10. Melissa
    January 31, 2008 at 7:03 pm (9 years ago)

    Wait, are there supposed to be days I DON’T feel like a raging failure? (Okay, okay, there are days. Whatever.)

    Oxyclean, yes, and if that doesn’t work, hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, too. And for itchy rash, maybe try Miracle Salve Plus (online, from Kerry’s Herbals)? That’s my go-to salve for anything itching/burned/infected/etc. Is it weird that I HAVE a go-to salve? Let’s pretend like it’s not.

    Good luck. Staying in bed with the laptop sounds like a good idea to me.

  11. Brett Legree
    January 31, 2008 at 7:04 pm (9 years ago)

    @Dave – did she mean you, or me? If you, congrats on having triplets too :)

    @Naomi – if you are pregnant with quads, do I have some deals for you! (since I have four kids total, well, I have four of everything, including a kick-ass triplet stroller that looks like a cruise missile on wheels)

  12. Arwen Taylor
    January 31, 2008 at 7:33 pm (9 years ago)

    If you don’t mind virtual hugs from strangers, here’s one from a newbie to your blog.

    I never have the right thing to say on the tip of my tongue. Usually my brilliant quotes come three days after the fact so instead I’ll pass along something I heard in a movie once. The bad days exist to make the good ones look that much brighter.

    And if you are able to find comfort in those words then you are a better woman than I. Because whenever I think of those words on the days when hell decides to come for a visit I always think, “What a bunch of bulls***”.

    :)

  13. Dave Conrey
    January 31, 2008 at 7:48 pm (9 years ago)

    @Brett – I don’t know. I was a bit confused by this. I’m thinking Naomi meant you, but I’ll go home now and check just to make sure.

  14. Brett Legree
    January 31, 2008 at 8:06 pm (9 years ago)

    @Dave – I’m pretty sure she meant me, although, at times with this many kids, when the hallucinations start… you’d swear it wasn’t real… ;)

    So yes, you’d better go home and check…

    In all seriousness, they are wonderful children – they keep me honest and make me value any spare time I get. Besides, having four kids is sort of like having two – either they start to look after each other, or you stop caring and get drunk.

    Or a little of both.

  15. melanie
    January 31, 2008 at 8:30 pm (9 years ago)

    FIRST OF ALL, ANYONE THAT CAN GIVE A BOOK REPORT WITHOUT READING THE BOOK AND GET AN “A”, CAN DO ANYTHING SHE PUTS HER MIND TO!!!!!
    As for poor Jack”s itching. Try a children’s antihistamine, should help with letting him sleep as well. I would also ask your Doctor to send you to a Pediatrician, one that specialized perhaps in skin issues, or allergies.
    SO, REMEMBER YOU’RE NOT ALONE, AND PEOPLE DON’T EXPECT ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!!!!!!!!!

  16. michael brito
    January 31, 2008 at 9:05 pm (9 years ago)

    hey naomi,

    first off i hope jack gets well soon, i have two little ones that have been sick for the past month and i know how hard it is. i was upset that i couldn’t do anything to make them feel better, i was pissed at them because i couldn’t get any fucking sleep, and then i was pissed with myself for being such a douche.

    you are definately not alone, i’m right here with you. dirty house, sick kids, unpaid bills, deadlines, and sex, whats that (all my fault). i don’t think i’m in a position to give advice, but bobby tells me to just say fuck it. take care of you and your fam then worry about the other shit. so what if you loss a client or two you’re talented enough that you can make that shit up.

  17. Naomi Dunford
    January 31, 2008 at 9:20 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Brett and Dave – Yeah, I meant Brett. Oops. Although, yes, Dave, it’s probably a good idea to check. Always good to keep abreast of new developments.

    @ Tracey – Thank you for coming and commenting and being generally nice. I was checking out your site, too. Awesome, dude.

    @ Eric – Thank you. And your blog has the Best. Tagline. Ever.

    @ Melissa – Yes, it’s a little weird, but we won’t talk about it. With a family full of eczemics (is that a word?) I should probably have a go-to salve, too. Will definitely investigate.

    • Dixie Redmond
      January 8, 2011 at 7:03 am (6 years ago)

      First of all, in order to comment here I have to admit that I was feeling low enough to read this post. ;-)

      Second, my son had excema, and he was allergic to lots of things (milk, eggs, etc.) He’s not now (later in life).

      Here’s the only thing that helped…

      We tried so many salves, shortening, WD-30 (not really, but would have)etc and here is what worked. Bath him in tepid water 3 times a day and afterward grease him like a piglet with vaseline. Dr. approved, by a pediatrician whose specialty was dermatology.

      Dixie

  18. Naomi Dunford
    January 31, 2008 at 9:22 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Arwen – Thank you for adding that last bit at the end. I was worried I was going to have to fake feeling better and frankly, I suck at that. It’s nice to meet you!

    @ Melanie – That’s why you’re my best friend, dude.

    @ Michael – You fucking rule.

  19. Jimmy
    January 31, 2008 at 9:34 pm (9 years ago)

    Hi Naomi,

    I’ve been reading your blog for ages but haven’t commented before… but felt I wanted to this time. I’ve had so many days where I just wanted to go to bed for the rest of eternity and cry until doomsday.

    I like remembering the words – “This too shall pass”. I believe it will. And if that phrase doesn’t work (and some days, it just DOESN’T), then I think “f**k this, I’m having a big bunch of comfort food and going to bed”.

    If you’ll excuse a total n00b like me, I’d like to send my virtual hugs as well..

  20. James Chartrand - Web Content Writer Tips
    January 31, 2008 at 9:58 pm (9 years ago)

    Halfway through the post, I wanted to say the words that always, somehow, make me hang on until tomorrow. Unfortunately, Jimmy was faster and beat me to it.

    But I can second his words: It’ll pass, hon. And if it doesn’t, I’ll come bring you Quebec liquor. And help you drink it.

    If it was summer, I’d recommend jewel weed. Works like magic for poison ivy.

  21. Alvin
    January 31, 2008 at 10:00 pm (9 years ago)

    You’re human Naomi, and you’re lovely. Sometimes life sucks and all you can do is just take that next step. My best wishes to you and your family.

  22. Brett Legree
    January 31, 2008 at 10:05 pm (9 years ago)

    @Naomi – :) I couldn’t resist pulling Dave’s chain. On a serious note, I hope that Jack is better soon. He is such a cute little guy.

  23. AmyL
    January 31, 2008 at 10:22 pm (9 years ago)

    ((((((((((((Naomi)))))))))))))))

  24. Naomi Dunford
    January 31, 2008 at 10:24 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Jimmy – Well I’m glad you decided to comment. It’s amazing how much easier the world is to deal with when you have comfort foods. Jamie just came back from the store with those cookies with macadamia nuts and white chocolate. Seems easier now. Thanks.

    @ James – I’ll take the booze. Is the jewel weed legal?

    @ Alvin – I just went over to your site and discovered like, THREE YEARS worth of archives. This is fantastic! I love it when I look at a blog for the first real time and discover that I won’t be done reading in half an hour.

    @ Brett – Thanks. Since he’s the one we’re keeping for his looks, we can’t have him sporting a full body rash.

  25. James Chartrand - Web Content Writer Tips
    January 31, 2008 at 10:34 pm (9 years ago)

    @ Naomi – Yes. It grows in most people’s backyards in shaded areas profusely during summer months. Then again, so does pot, only they call that skunk weed, not jewel weed.

    You can harvest in summer and save it for winter. Jewel weed, that is. Not pot. I’ll try to find the scientific name.

  26. Michael Martine
    January 31, 2008 at 10:46 pm (9 years ago)

    That was a very personal and powerful post. Whatever else, at least you got guts, girl, for hitting publish on that. I read it earlier in the day and it was so raw and strong that felt like I would have been intruding to leave a comment then.

    The other reaction I had was a typical man-thing. I was like: WE HAVE TO RALLY UP AN INTERWEBS POSSE AND HELP NAOMI. And then I was like, help her do what, exactly? I have no good advice, but I feel for you and hope the little guy (and you) feel better soon.

  27. WAH(web)Mommy
    January 31, 2008 at 11:22 pm (9 years ago)

    (((((HUGS))))) Naomi!

    I’m so sorry that you are having such a rough time! I wish I could offer some advice, but of course I don’t have any…

    I greatly admire you for putting this all out in the open, though.

    I hope that Jack gets better very soon (you too)!!!

    (((((HUGS)))))

  28. Sally J. (Practical Archivist)
    January 31, 2008 at 11:28 pm (9 years ago)

    Personally, I wouldn’t want to do business with someone who took a client call in that situation. Hugs to you, Naomi. And Jack. And Jamie.

  29. Karen JL
    January 31, 2008 at 11:36 pm (9 years ago)

    I only discovered your site this week and love what I found. I’m new to this whole blog/comment thing (and a fellow Canadian:)) and I just wanted to say thanks.

    Thanks for being so honest and putting your ‘shit’ out there for anyone to read. That takes guts. And anyone with that much guts will always be OK. Just to what you gotta do (like eat the cookies) and I hope it gets better tomorrow.

  30. Sonia Simone
    January 31, 2008 at 11:47 pm (9 years ago)

    Just xo from me.

    And also thanks, because I am a gigantic flake and am making the slowest progress imaginable and work all the time and am so freaking tired but am still broke. So yay, we’re both disasters.

  31. Allison
    January 31, 2008 at 11:51 pm (9 years ago)

    *hugs*. Lots of *hugs*.
    We still adore you. We get it if you can’t get your tush out of bed and just want to curl up and eat chocolate and ice cream and all sorts of junk.
    We understand. Even those of us who have no kids and couldn’t possibly understand, we will someday. And we’ll think back and remember that you got through it, some somehow we will too.
    If I were in Canada, I would totally volunteer to bring over dinner for your family. I have recently experienced first-hand how INCREDIBLY helpful that can be in times of need! :)
    And this might be weird, but that really helped me right now to see that everything that I’m freaking out about right now is really NOTHING. Putting things in perspective… thanks. :)
    Really though, I hope you and Jake and everyone feel much better soon!

  32. dave conrey
    January 31, 2008 at 11:59 pm (9 years ago)

    @Karen – you’ll find that naomi has no trouble being completely honest. That’s largely why this post is blowing up with well wishes. We dig authentic!

  33. Tammy
    February 1, 2008 at 12:20 am (9 years ago)

    Even though I’ve been lurking at your site like Pee Wee Herman in an adult movie theatre I felt compelled to comment for the first time.
    First off, I hope Jack gets better. Both my son and daughter have eczema, I went to the drug store and bought eczema shampoo, body soap and creme so you may want to check out what is available at your local drugstore. The Dr. also told me to put “nipple” creme – on my son’s butt which is where he gets it the worst. It makes him look like he’s wearing lip gloss on his rear but seems to help.
    Your post really resonated with me because although I know their are other Mom’s and Dad’s out there that feel this way not a lot of people write about it. There are so many days that I feel like hiding under the sheets and I would, except my son threw up on them two weeks ago when he had the flu and I haven’t changed them yet, I also haven’t posted in my blog for 4 months, haven’t vacuumed the upstairs in a year and sit both my children in front of the tv on a daily basis to watch video’s (while Mommy works on her website-“sit their and be quiet dammit”). I don’t think I’ll win Mother of the Year anytime too soon. But I do know that crises pass, it hasn’t happened to me yet but their are rumors that it could. Hang in there, I feel your pain.

  34. Rose
    February 1, 2008 at 12:20 am (9 years ago)

    Naomi,

    Lots of (((HUGS)))! I hope your little guy feels better ASAP. There is nothing worse then feeling helpless with a sick baby.

    Your post really resonated with my since my house is currently trashed, we’ve been eating take out for a week and I’m so behind on my business. 1st trimester pregnancy is seriously kicking my but. I tried putting my daughter down for a nap so I could work and ended up falling asleep next to her until she woke me up! So you very much are not alone.

    For the practical stuff. My great grandmother swore that the trick to getting blood out is soap and super hot, almost can’t touch water. Goes against everything I read about stains but I’ve used it a time or two when nothing else worked. (Try it on a small spot first please.)

    Do you know what’s causing the itching? If not have you considered an allergy? I went through nightmares with my daughter until we figured out her allergy. You might try rewashing everything he touches in a free and clear detergent. I currently use tide free and clear since it’s corn free. (allergy) My daughter never had itchy rash but if I use almost anything else she’s covered in small red bumps that thankfully don’t bother her. Also look for a free and clear shampoo and soap. And start writing down everything he eats and symptoms so you can see if there is anything that causes it to get worse. If you think it might be an allergy drop me an email and I can give you the entire run down. They are hell but once you know what totally controllable.

    (((HUGS)))

  35. Lisa
    February 1, 2008 at 12:33 am (9 years ago)

    Glad I’m not alone. Life is so complicated and painful sometimes and finding a way out seems impossible. I very much want to provide that perfect life for my family, but instead I’m left with dirty laundry everywhere, fast food and my kids in front of the TV.

    Anyhow…hope things look up for you in the morning.

  36. Erika
    February 1, 2008 at 1:46 am (9 years ago)

    How did I know that you’ll get an avalanche of responses on this one? I just got me some wine after a very shitty coaching session I had to do in my tele-class (the last one before certification, I must say). I thought I’d go on line and check my emails and what do I see? The “raging failure” post! How appropriate and timely to make me forget my stupid little problem (this one at list).
    Shit happens, but nothing can compare with the shit that happens to our children. If we have any common sense or logic, it usually goes out the window. My kids are much older than yours (yeah, much older), but as you probably know, problems grow along with them. My younger daughter has had very sensitive skin when she was a baby up until she was 6 or 7 (perhaps drawing with a ball-point pen from toes to face on herself contributed to it somehow) I tried different stuff but it did nothing (Aveeno actually worked but in the later stages). She would get things that made her looked diseased. She would take her taped sucks off her hands and scratch herself till she bled. Her skin is perfectly fine now, she is turning 13 tomorrow and is planning to pierce her lip sometime (over my dead body,…. just kidding, I think?) and dye her hair blue and black, and she wants to be friends with this weird girl that ran away for two days last year and….sometimes I just want her to be two years old again. May be I haven’t done everything right or may be it’s the opposite (at list both of my daughters tell me everything (or so I think). But the idea of staying home was the smartest decision I’ve ever made (except the one to emigrate from Russia to US, but staying home to be with kids wins with it’s hand down) oops, just spilled my wine all over my keyboard.
    Thanks for the encouragement on not being alone feeling shitty.
    Lower the water temp for his bath and in the house as well if you haven’t done it yet. Hang in there. You know it has no choice, but to get beter.

  37. Harrison McLeod - JCM Enterprises
    February 1, 2008 at 2:17 am (9 years ago)

    Naomi,

    They call it jewel weed because when you hold a leaf under water, it looks like liquid silver. Very useful stuff, and being highly allergic to poison ivy myself, I know it works.

    Sorry to hear things are so rough, but for every low point there’s a high point around the corner. Hang in there.

  38. Jarkko Laine
    February 1, 2008 at 4:33 am (9 years ago)

    What to say when everything has already been said – that’s the problem with all these time zones (i’m asleep when the rest of you are showing your support to Naomi). But that’s life :)

    This morning when I was taking the bus to work, I was thinking about how my plans to work on my business this morning all evaporated when I didn’t wake up early enough and felt like a failure. I guess it’s something you feel often when you try to achieve something bigger than just the basic 9-5 office job…

    It’s not easy – but worth it. And sharing it with friends, like you did in this post, makes it a bit less hard…

    So, hang in there!

  39. Lucy
    February 1, 2008 at 5:28 am (9 years ago)

    You are so not a raging failure!

    Your fabulous sparkly present will still be there when this has passed – and we’ll all still be there rooting for you.

    Courage …

  40. Nick | PTO
    February 1, 2008 at 6:25 am (9 years ago)

    There’s nothing quite like over 40 comments from adoring friends, fans and oddballs like me to act as life’s trampoline.

    Keep on bouncing — those springs are stronger than you think.

  41. James Chartrand - Web Content Writer Tips
    February 1, 2008 at 7:51 am (9 years ago)

    @ Harry – I did not know that. The silver stuff. Damn. And I thought I knew everything about that plant. It’s been a lifesaver for me.

    @ Naomi – Please don’t give Jack baths. My teen has severe eczema (and we’re off to yet another trip to the dermatologist on Monday) and water is the worst thing for eczema.

    She’s been advised to keep showers limited to two minutes or less of water contact, not to use soap at all (yes, it’s that bad) and to apply thick coats of Vaseline to the skin and cover with rubber gloves to stop the mess and the potential for scratching. (Two doctors have said that so far.)

    There’s an over-the-counter cortisone cream you can get that is ineffective for most severe eczema sufferers but better than nothing until you get a referral to a dermatologist.

    Dry air and water makes eczema worse, exposure to sunlight helps. Keep me posted on Jack.

  42. Baz
    February 1, 2008 at 8:01 am (9 years ago)

    That sounds awful. I’ll be thinking of you (only nice things too).

  43. Joohliah
    February 1, 2008 at 8:48 am (9 years ago)

    Hey Naomi,

    I’m so sorry to hear that life is being so hard on you… it’s been a rough time, first Zack, and now Jack :( Poor kids, poor you.

    I’m not saying this to rub it in, but sometimes, most of the time, I find that admitting you have reasons to feel down and shitty helps. A lot. Even when those reasons don’t mean anything to the rest of the world. You’re not a failure, you’re human, you’re made of flesh, bones, and feelings. Nobody but yourself expects you to always cope with everything with a smile. It’s normal and good to let it go from time to time.

    So, as many others rightly said, take care of yourself as much as you can, comfort food, loads of blankets, soothing music, a bath if you can handle emptying the bathtub… whatever it takes to make you feel better. And most of all : don’t feel bad about it. You deserve it. You can’t help Jack (nor Jamie for that matter) if you don’t feel a little better first. You can even explain to Jack that you’re exhausted and need a few minutes / hours to rest, because you can’t support him otherwise, and I’m sure he’ll understand. Children are so much cleverer than we think they are.

    Anyway, loads of love go towards you, Jack and Jamie, I hope the package I sent you gets to you soon, it’s not much, but a surprise from overseas is always nice isn’t it ? It was basically for Zack, but you’re aloud to selfishly keep it for yourself if you feel like it ;)

    Take care,

    Julia

  44. Roberta Rosenberg
    February 1, 2008 at 10:39 am (9 years ago)

    I’ve been a work-at-home micropreneur for 20 years. Mom for almost 16. Here’s the deal:

    Take care of your kids.
    Tell your clients you’re taking the day to take care of your kids. (Most have kids and will cut you some slack.)
    Take care of yourself.

    And simply close the mental door on any housework or laundry. Trust me, it’s always there waiting for someone. Doesn’t have to be you, at least not today.

    And never, EVER, feel guilty for reaching out.

  45. Charlie Hamilton
    February 1, 2008 at 10:53 am (9 years ago)

    Naomi,

    I understand… because my mother was a single mom of five who worked three jobs as a waitress while we were growing up. I saw her several times when she experienced a “dark night of the soul.”

    But because she loved us and we loved her… and kept encouraging her… she persevered.

    Throughout history every pioneer; every entrepreneur has “hit” the wall a time or two. Edison felt like he failed a thousand times before he broke through. Einstein failed fourth grade math. Columbus, Louis and Clark, Abraham Lincoln and a cast of many others faced hardships and adversity while trying to follow their destiny.

    In a thousand years from now no one will care if there are ground-up-Cheerio’s on the floor or that some books never quite made it to the book shelf.

    But they will remember the people you loved and the ones who loved you back. The lives you touched and the courage you displayed in the midst of adversity. The will remember and admire the intestinal fortitude that it took for you to overcome in the midst of your pain.

    So, I pray that you would be encouraged today because it’s in the context of encouragement… that “courage” will spring forth.

    We love you and we understand. God’s grace is sufficient for you.

  46. Jeff
    February 1, 2008 at 11:16 am (9 years ago)

    Just sort of stumbled on this post. I went through the same kind of thing. Feeling down while freelancing, then beating myself up for not enjoying the dream work position I had managed to put myself in.

    I’m not proud, but I gave up. I took an in-house position doing what I do. I negotiated a flexible schedule and still work from home a few days a week if I feel like it. But when things get tough between my ears, I have 2 things:

    1. an office full of people to work around who I don’t want have see me moping around, so I stop moping, then I feel better.

    2. the ability to believe (even if wrongly) that my work problems are not in fact my problems, but the company’s. This of course is false, because I still take my client’s work very personally. But every once in a while indulging in this kind of thought gets me through the day.

    Despite the fact that the move in-house has solved a lot of my problems, since taking it on I find myself voraciously lobbying other freelancers not to give up.

    No answers here either. Just echoing the sentiment that you are not alone.

  47. Jamie
    February 1, 2008 at 11:40 am (9 years ago)

    @ Everyone- I came to check out the comments becasue I couldn’t figure out why Naomi kept bursting into tears. Now I understand. You all have no idea what kind of an impact this show of support has had on her, so from the bottom of my heart (and Jack’s too, if he could type) THANK YOU ALL!!!

    Naomi gets me to watch Extreme Home Makeover, and watching that show always has one very dstrong effect on me. No matter what problems we have, people have faced worse and survived. Thanks for sharing with us and helping me to see that we will get through this and things will get better.

    Cheers!
    Jamie

  48. Kim H
    February 1, 2008 at 11:57 am (9 years ago)

    Hey Naomi, hang in there!

    I can totally sympathize with you. When our kids are hurting, we hurt as well. And when we can’t make them feel better, it’s like salt in the wounds.

    I love reading your blog. You’re damn funny and your wit brightens my day. I’m like Arwen in the fact that I usually think of the perfect thing to say several days later…oh well. I just wish there was something I could do or say that could brighten your day right now or at least help you get through.

    I hope it helps to know that there are so many people who know what you’re going through and who are sending love and support your way.

    If that doesn’t help, get more cookies and make some hot cocoa. :)

    Kim

  49. erin
    February 1, 2008 at 1:43 pm (9 years ago)

    wow. 2 things right off the bat: 1. so…you ARE human. i was beginning to wonder. you’re pretty incredible so i was beginning to wonder.
    2. selfishly, thank god sometimes you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. i feel like that every day and i feel like durtbagz isn’t growing fast enough and i feel like i’m not doing all of the right things. and then i realize i don’t know all of the right things to do…and neither does anyone else.
    we only mostly know what we’re doing and i don’t care what anyone says…that is a true statement. all humans only mostly know what they are doing. at best.
    picture it this way: there are people WAY dumber than us who have been successful at parenting, at business, at life, at painting a house, at whatever. and i’m talking WAY dumber than us.
    not everyday is the best day ever. sometimes, there are weeks that aren’t the best weeks ever. they suck. but then they’re gone and sometimes it’s because of things we did to get rid of them and sometimes we have nothing to do with it; they just move on.
    you’re a human being. welcome to my life, minus the kids.
    i wish i could help on that end, but really i’d just dunk them in a bath of baking soda and call it a day. what? it works when the dog gets into something.

  50. rohan
    February 1, 2008 at 5:10 pm (9 years ago)

    I too have been a super lurker on your site. Have never commented before.

    My day usually goes like this:

    Get to work and log on to ittybiz

    Damn! No new post yet..arghhhhhhh

    Do some work (read surf the net)

    Check back on ittybiz….woohoooooo finally. New post!

    Just know, I love your site and wish you the best with all you’re going through. That is all.

  51. RayD
    February 1, 2008 at 7:17 pm (9 years ago)

    Hi Raging Inspiration ;)

    Failure? The number of comments might tell otherwise….
    Even your “off” posts are a joy to read!

    Regarding eczema: James is right, keep the water to a minimum and plenty of sunlight. What cured my 30 years of suffering was Sandalwood essential oil. Its expensive and *not suited for everybody* (some people tend to have an allergic reaction) so be careful, but I used it for a few weeks and have been free of it ever since (13 years and counting)! You might want to investigate it.

    Keep it up!

  52. Michael
    February 1, 2008 at 10:21 pm (9 years ago)

    First off, sorry everything is going so wrong. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make it better, but if I could I would. So I will send some positive vibes your way.

    Second, thanks for this post. At the moment life sucks. Nothing is working right, one kid is sick, problems at work, problems with car, etc… Nobody wants to hear me whine. But it is nice to know that I am not the only one. And if the famous Naomi can have a bad time, well maybe I can too.

    Now if you will pardon me, I am going to go beat my head against a wall.

  53. Aruni
    February 1, 2008 at 10:36 pm (9 years ago)

    Wow. I stop back by after some time and I see that you definitely need a great big (((Naomi)))! So sorry to hear about the craziness and Jack being sick…as the saying goes when it Rains it Pours.

    If you think he has eczema, I’ve heard of people putting an ointment called Elidel (sp?) but I’m sure your doctor told you. I’m assuming you ruled out allergies. You could consider moving to Austin…we have warmer temps here which might help. :-)

    Think positive and soon you will be writing a baby tip on what to do when your kid has eczema (a.k.a rash from head to toe ..oh I mean ankle to neck). :-)

  54. Matt
    February 1, 2008 at 11:22 pm (9 years ago)

    Sholom Aleichem, Naomi.

  55. kate
    February 1, 2008 at 11:24 pm (9 years ago)

    thanks for sharing your human side. even though you didnt mean to, you did share a successful strategy!
    “be honest and let others (customers/friends/family) know when life is temporarily a hurricane so they can prepare/offersupport/takeover when needed!”

    though now you have us all hanging off the edge of our seats to know how everything turns out… and i wish there were something i could do to help! it WILL get better… thank the internets that change is inevitable…

  56. Tanya
    February 2, 2008 at 1:42 am (9 years ago)

    I’m glad I’m not alone on feeling this way. No one ever talks about the details of the downsides of running your own business. But behind all businesses, there’s humans with lives and it’s nice to glance into yours. You have so many readers and supporters. You write about things that matter and that help others and everyone appreciates you for it.

    I feel like a shitty failure because instead of looking for a new job and quitting my current not-enough-hours-even-though-i’m-secretly-starting-to-hate job, I’m making little books, cards and drawings at home. Like people really need more junk made out of paper lying around the house. Will somebody save the damn trees? And my husband is getting fed up with his job, too. But there is no way in hell I’m going back to food service.

    Oops, this comment was supposed to be about you. Comment failure :)

    Anyway, I’m sorry about all the crap and I hope that Jack is feeling better by now.

  57. Téa Brennan
    February 2, 2008 at 12:15 pm (9 years ago)

    I know there’s a reason why I feel a kinship with you… and I think we go through very similar things.

    I also hope it wasn’t my phone call you’re worried about. If it is, forgetaboudit. SERIOUSLY.

    I have suffered through severe eczema with my 6 year old daughter, and it is heartbreaking — having tried everything and still not getting much resolution from it.

    I too, have days where it seems quite rational to just get in the car, leave, and buy a one-way ticket to anywhere that doesnt have kids, computers, phones, other people, or dramas… I remember, about 3 weeks ago, quite literally tanding in the shower sobbing, because noone felt the need to pay me, my account was overdrawn, my kids were going crazy, and I just couldnt cope. It was also a time where a client didnt like my work, people were n my case all day, and I wasnt able to get a 5 minute stretch of not being interrupted…and I had a breakdown that day.

    So I feel your pain, I truly do.

    I find that the way I manage to seize control of the situation is to make lists. It seems so stupid, but when I get it out and down on paper, it really makes me feel better.

    But anyway, feel the love, look after yourself, and drink a box of wine ;)

    As for the eczema, shit, there are so many remedies and its hard to say which one works, because every kid is different. But knowing that its a path that loads of us have walked on, and that we are here and UNDERSTAND how it feels… well thats all I can offer.

    :)

  58. Christine O'Kelly
    February 4, 2008 at 2:22 am (9 years ago)

    Woah… we may live in parallel universes… I haven’t been to your blog in days because I’ve been wrapping up work on tons of obligations that I made but didn’t entirely have the time or want to fulfill. I just wrote on my blog today about what I did to get out of this same situation… then I came here and found your post…

    Thank you for writing about this very real crap that everyone is feeling, but no one is talking about.

    ~ Christine

  59. Christine O'Kelly
    February 4, 2008 at 2:27 am (9 years ago)

    …And by the way Téa – thanks so much for sharing your story. I checked out your site.. and I think your work is beautiful.

    Christine ~

  60. Téa Brennan
    February 5, 2008 at 9:02 pm (9 years ago)

    Oh thanks Christine :) Thats very nice of you to say, especially when I was so close to quitting last week and just going back to my cushy government job…

  61. blech
    February 6, 2008 at 1:20 pm (9 years ago)

    thank you for the post. it came at the right time. not sure what it is about humans that makes us feel better when we know that other people are feeling just as overwhelmed as we are, but somehow that always works. gives us hope. today i needed some. i seem to be sliding towards a permanent covers covered state of hiding. i have yet to leap to self-employed and am still working in an office … and like many offices, the more helpful and nice you are the more shit upon you become. my boss takes me for granted and the other women in the office target me for petty, stupid, time wasting, bs games. and the worst part is … this happened again, at this job, and keeps happening. i used to think if you work hard and do the right thing good things will come to you, but over and over again i have to be very painfully reminded that if you work hard and do the right thing you are simply providing other people stepping stones for their bad behavior. i seem to think i make it through one situation well only to find another even worse one waiting for me.

  62. Katy LaRousse
    February 7, 2008 at 10:44 am (9 years ago)

    The fact that you managed to write such an articulate piece shows two things… 1) you really are just as brilliant as everyone suspected, 2) you’re not quite under the floorboards yet. (also 3) Jamie rocks la maison). Well done you for hanging in.

    Lotsa love to you all…

  63. Todd
    February 24, 2008 at 9:45 pm (9 years ago)

    Great post. Human, transparent, authentic, and exactly how I feel RIGHT NOW.

  64. Lara
    March 14, 2008 at 12:21 pm (9 years ago)

    Naomi,

    I’ve failed to keep up with you and your site here since the ProBlogger bash, and for that I’m very sorry.

    That being said, if there’s ANYTHING I can do to help… taking up some slack for you or even lending an ear when you’re in panic mode, let me know. My number’s always open to you, chica!

  65. Duff
    May 19, 2008 at 6:15 pm (8 years ago)

    Oh yea. Failure is universal, and for entrepreneurs comes more frequently than for employees.

    Try being a life coach! The pressure to have your shit together increases exponentially…until you stop coaching people with an eye for instant success that is and start emphasizing long, slow, and sometimes painful growth. :)

  66. Robert Edwards
    July 15, 2008 at 5:29 am (8 years ago)

    WOW Naomi,

    Your genuine sincerity is a shining beacon of hope! Like Tammy, “I’ve been lurking at your site like Pee Wee Herman in an adult movie theatre” LMAO and, “I felt compelled to comment for the first time.” I laughed and cried (something that’s hard to do these days) reading this thread. I mostly cried though, realizing there ARE some compassionate caring people in this fucked up world. I am so goddamn cynical these days. But isn’t a cynic just a frustrated idealist? When I’m up, I can’t remember what down looks like and when I’m down, I can’t remember what up looks like. And, unfortunately, I’ve been down a very long time. Try monumental consistent “raging failure.”

    Following another 14-15 hour wasted day trying to find meaningful, honest work online and studying internet marketing, my eyeballs are dangling on my cheeks and my brain is dribbling from my ears like a water-logged sponge after an F6 tornado of information overload. Hell, if I made minimum wage for all the time I’ve spent just researching hundreds of scams online over the last 13 years, I’d probably have a couple of hundred grand! Of course I’m too “scared shitless” to actually take action. Though I did come up with this little ditty after tonight’s session of excremental meditation:

    Upsell , downsell , anyway ya’ can sell;
    PPC, SEO, HTML is hell;
    AdWords, AdSense, adCenter? on the fence;
    ROI, pie in sky, where the hell’s your common sense;
    Bonus here, bonus there, now I’m pulling out my hair;
    I’m so mad, ain’t it sad, honest folks are oh so rare.

    Wadda ya’ think? (I just know you love the semicolons, Naomi.)

    I’ve got sooo much bottled up and I’m hoping your can tolerate my pitiful diatribe.

    I have a problem reaching out lately and have been fiercely independent most of my life although I do very well when I’m accountable to others. I am an extremely creative artist, inventor, futurist, composer, musician and “out of the box” brainstormer but lack the ability to structure, organize and plan. I pay “grate atenshun two detale an dont got no misteaks”, LOL! I’m looking for an employer, partner, mentor, collaborator and/or investor with complementary skills to reach the edge of chaos (The phrase “edge of chaos” was coined by computer scientist Christopher Langton in 1990. In the sciences in general, the phrase has come to refer to a metaphor that some physical, biological, economic and social systems operate in a region between order and complete randomness or chaos. – wikipedia.org).

    Here’s a little bit of my background. I’ve only worked for others a total of maybe 6 years in my life doing various types of work such as managing small electronics sales/service shops (I began my electronics career at about 8, breaking vacuum tubes in the basement) construction and investor relations. I don’t necessarily like working FOR others, but I can’t and haven’t been able to plan, organize and structure by and for myself enough to maintain a lucrative business although I’ve eked out a meager living with several small businesses. Everything I have is for sale except my girlfriend, but she’s for rent. Just kidding… well maybe. ;~P
    Mostly I have worked as a professional musician living the party boy, pipe dreamer’s dream and playing almost every venue in the Daytona Beach area. I gave up performing a few years ago when I realized I was much too old (58), ugly and talented to be an “American Idol” and the only way I could tolerate drunks in the bars was to be one of them. Now our little duo (Justus2) only plays once a month for an hour at an assisted living facility. When she’s really on, Lanie, my wonderful loving girlfriend/music and life partner, has one of best voices I’ve ever heard! Sometimes when we perform, I get teary eyed, choke up and can’t sing harmony – so proud of her and overcome with the joy of making beautiful music together. In 2001, I decided to get into real estate and stocks and in 2005 my ship finally came in – it was a dinghy named the Titanic!

    At this point in my life, I need structure, guidance and accountability until I can rebuild my shattered self confidence. If you can’t put me to work or help me, please refer me to someone who can. I would much rather have meaningful honest WORK than BEG, but finding an honest and fair employer, partner, mentor, collaborator and/or investor, in a country where “The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away” (Tom Waits), seems next to impossible.

    Here’s an example of Scamerican business (sometimes called “turn and burn”). I worked for a Dish Network dealer in a phone room for about 3 weeks recently and it was HORRIBLE. The ad I responded to said inbound calls only and at the orientation they showed us a chart and told us we could make $800-$1800/wk in commissions and bonuses. After 3 days of training I happened to overhear someone saying they take 30% off for non-installs and when I got on the phones I soon realized maybe 3% were inbound calls (mostly complaining about how they’d been lied to) and automatically dialed calls were about 70% answering machines and hang-ups! Then I found out if you don’t sell at least 20% cable and 20% credit monitoring you don’t get any bonuses which is 1/2 your pay! They also issue fines from $50-$250 for saying or not saying certain things. None of this was in any of the paperwork they gave me! Hardly anyone there makes more than minimum wage. I worked 67 hrs. (yes, I am willing to work that hard or harder) my last week there and only got paid minimum wage for 46 hrs! Ya’ can’t say I didn’t try hard enough.

    Frankly, right now I’m desperate, despondent (almost suicidal) and destitute (net worth approximately -$100k) and need to generate an income from home immediately. My asshole feels like the Grand Canyon after taking many screwings trying to “do the right thing” being open, (perhaps a little TOO open, OK, WAAAY too open) honest and compassionate. I have very little, if any, fight left in me. I guess it’s true that, “No good deed goes unpunished.”

    And you thought YOUR life sucked. I really am for grateful for what I DO have– wonderful friends, a loving partner and good health.

    Peace and Love, planet earth,

    Robert

  67. Robert Edwards
    July 20, 2008 at 10:39 pm (8 years ago)

    Sorry for the wordiness and at least 3 typos. Can you find them? Where’s Waldo? Who is Waldo? Where is Waldo from and why do we need to know where he is?

    Seriously, I’ve bared my soul here and haven’t even had the slightest murmur of response!

    Guess I’m just too weird for y’all…will someone please help!!

    Give me an honest opinion – the good, the bad and the ugly – anything, please!

  68. Jason Sieckmann
    November 3, 2008 at 11:22 am (8 years ago)

    I can honestly say, you are the only person that actually relates to me in this moment. I can’t find anyone that understands what I’m doing or why. Everyone is just caught in their own asses.

    You aren’t alone either.

  69. Sarah
    November 7, 2008 at 7:16 pm (8 years ago)

    I realize you posted this in January and hopefully Jack’s rash is gone, but if isn’t, it probably food related. Get allergy testing and try a gluten free, dairy free diet and corn free diet to see if that works..also eggs are a common allergy, too. I know more than one person that has had the exact same problem, including myself.

  70. Terrie
    November 8, 2008 at 7:08 pm (8 years ago)

    I didn’t read everything everyone else said since last January so forgive me if this is a repeat. I’m just coming out of one of those holes you described back then… I think of them as holes. I fall in them and can’t seem to get out as fast as I’d like. Everything I promised everybody I’d do falls into the hole too, and my sense of self worth and integrity also falls in and the overall anxiousness that I feel is – like – if I could harness that anxious energy, I probably wouldn’t ever have to pay the electric company again.
    And then I begin to realize what The Gift is in the mess – everything bears a Gift. For me, this time, the Gift has been.. well, it doesn’t matter what it has been. What matters is that I found it, and embraced it, and once I found/embraced it, the hole began to dissolve away and I’m almost on Terra Firma again.
    Things happen sometimes to help us expand into the next version of ourselves. Out of the ashes rises the phoenix. Onward and upward. And once out of the hole, I never fall into that one again. I do continue to fall into holes, but always new and different ones, offering new/different Gifts, unless I didn’t get the Gift in the first place, in which case I find myself back in the same hole again at some point.
    Hope this is helpful.
    PS: I forgot to mention – when all else fails, the Abraham-Hicks stuff always shows me the way out. Sometimes remembering that is the whole Gift right there.
    Rock on, Naomi and all. Underneath it all, life is a wonderous wonder!

  71. Karen Talavera
    November 10, 2008 at 7:30 pm (8 years ago)

    Just cruising through your site here, reading your recommended posts and loving this one. Thanks for your brutal honestly, thanks for telling it like it is. Thanks for bursting the bubble, one of so many that need to be burst in our country/society/world.

    This is what I love about blogs, about Social Media, about Web 2.0 -*authenticity* and *transparency*. The traditional media goes on, but the gatekeepers aren’t in total control anymore. The traditional media gives us the polished, glimmery perfect version of stuff which is an illusion. What you wrote here is the reality. It ain’t always pretty, it ain’t always fun, and it is sometimes downright horrendous, but in spite of all that what makes it precious and priceless is this: it’s real.

    Stay writing and stay real. Change is inevitable, and that’s grace when you’re in the hole. After six years of work-at-home self-employment I at least know this for sure: in spite of the challenges it still beats the crap out of working for someone else.

  72. Gabriel
    November 11, 2008 at 12:37 am (8 years ago)

    Thank you so much for this post. Indeed, I’m feeling like that right now, trying to make my company take off into a good business, but it’s all so stressful when it seems you’re the only one with your ideas, or when all the issues overload the answers you can think to solve them. I won’t lose faith though, I shall look for all the answers and I’ll sort it. Advice from other people who are where I want to be (or close), like you, are most welcome.

    Thank you once again.

  73. Jessica
    January 9, 2009 at 5:13 pm (8 years ago)

    Thanks so much for this post!

  74. Becky Blanton
    February 24, 2009 at 11:19 pm (8 years ago)

    Actually, hydrogen peroxide will get the blood out better and cheaper. As for the rest of the story – man, I feel SO sorry for you! I hope it’s gotten better and brighter. That sounds so lame and unhelpful and deep inside my cowardly side is saying, “This is why you didn’t have children.”

    The freelance side of me is saying, “Whew. I really DON’T have to feel shitty alone!” Thanks!

  75. T
    May 7, 2009 at 4:34 pm (7 years ago)

    First, I’m one of your new fans (just discovered you thanks to Copyblogger) and I absolutely love your site. You tell it like it IS! I am not married and don’t have kids, but I know that feeling of “failure” although I try not to give into negativity as much as I can.

    My mom was a single mom to six kids (yup, I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers) and I really don’t know how she did it and sometimes worked 2-3 jobs just to keep food on the table and rent paid. However, I always thank my mom for making me tough and taught me independence at an early age which has helped me as I plug along in the freelance world.

    I’m getting over a bad bout of the flu (no, not the swine variety) and feel so behind but I also know when my body needs rest and when I need to chill out and listen to what my body needs – balance is key.

    I worked some crazy jobs in non-profit as a fundraiser and had bosses that made me cry so even when things get tough for me (especially the past few months of having to deal with a crazy client – literally crazy) I just remember that things could be worse and am not fundraising anymore.

    Things are tough in the States and across the world but I see it as opportunity to forge ahead and that I’m not alone and your post reminds me again that I’m not the only one having rough days and crazy times.

    Sending you peaceful vibes from California! Thanks!

  76. becky
    May 24, 2009 at 3:18 am (7 years ago)

    I really needed to see this tonight. Many times I wonder how I’ll get it all done. Many times I feel like a failure. So glad I’m not alone. Thank you.

  77. Chance Delaney
    June 28, 2009 at 1:12 am (7 years ago)

    Tonight I realized that the printout of the To Do List for my business had reached 10 pages. So I threw it away and deleted the file. Liberation Now!

  78. Renee Giroux
    July 8, 2009 at 9:58 pm (7 years ago)

    First my confession. I was on your site, looking for your contact information to send you an email about our marketing launch/experiment because I am an itty bity biz owner, who is launching a new site/program for marketing authors. (I have had Ijustfinished.com for a while and now we are venturing to another biz..longish story)
    Anyway, the launch and big experiment is set to launch this week, but I have been moonlighting as a private duty nurse to keep paying the bills and the staff until the businesses are covering it all, and managed to get myself so run down that I have caught a nice big case of strep throat, with a side of an ear infection. SO! I was plugging away at the “reach out to 1000 media outlets” plan, and when I was surveying your site, found “when you feel like a raging failure, and found myself halfway through the comments before I had the conscious thought of clicking the link.

    So I am sure that my comment will be followed up with an email about the other, and some more Motrin, but in the meantime, THANK YOU!
    Thank you on so many levels, for being brave enough to write the post, then even braver (not sure if braver is a word) to post it on your homepage with a snazzy button to go with it, for all the world to see. For the first time in almost 2 years I have seriously considered walking away from this dream, and settling back to the rut of being a nurse full time again. Crazy, I know. My team is all trying to help, with that vacuum advice, but it is not their passion that seems to be leaking out everywhere.

    The point of my drawling comment is simply, thank you. I will keep pushing through, since you have, and the other passionate biz ppl who keep commenting on this post. The passion that drives hopefully will flair back up over the exhaustion, and fuel the fire again.

    Thanks, again, (in case you missed the first 20 thank yous.)

    Renee Giroux

  79. Thomas
    August 28, 2009 at 7:16 pm (7 years ago)

    Hey. You know what?
    I *still* love this post. And I have read it several times. Thank you for sharing it with everyone, but especially me. It’s appreciated. I keep revisiting it.

    Thomas

    P.S. Is that wrong?

  80. Leah
    September 3, 2009 at 10:53 am (7 years ago)

    I just discovered your blog and am totally digging what you have to say and then way you say it!
    It seems that the topic of feeling like a failure is coming up a lot around me lately. A few of my clients and i find myself lurking around the edged of that feeling this morning. Even though I know it is totally normal and OK to feel that way, and I know enough tricks to ensure that it doe not last very long…but it still sucks !
    So I give myself the same advice I give my clients:
    Allow myself to wallow for a little bit and then be done with it.
    Know that you never get it all done and this crappy feeling is the perfect opportunity to focus on what would feel better and how I want things to be. ( You usually need something to feel like ass before you do something to make it better.)
    Focus on all the stuff that is working and feeling good and appreciate how far I have come already.
    Do something that feels good to get my head and energy into a better space.
    You Rock and I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
    Leah

  81. Kim H
    November 13, 2009 at 4:50 am (7 years ago)

    Let me just say that your post has given me a great amount of hope for my web design business. I’m constantly beating myself over the head; why can’t I get this to-do list done et cetera, the same old thing. It makes me feel great to know I’m not alone in that – now if only my floor weren’t covered in chocolate wrappers, I could possibly find more clients.

  82. Yo Prinzel
    November 14, 2009 at 12:21 pm (7 years ago)

    Okay, if I’m laughing right now it’s not at you…it’s with you. When I was stuck in a cubicle, dreaming of the time when I would work full time for myself, I was an idiot. I had no concept of time as it exists when you work from home, no concept of responsibility as it exists when you work for yourself, and no concept of depression as it exists when you are alone in an entirely new life where there are no coworkers to blame, no accounting department to call, and no boss to call in sick to. And the funniest thing is, the one thing I was scared of before I made the switch was–will I get enough work? And so far, that is the ONLY thing I’ve had no problem with.

    I am happier self-employed than I ever was…unself-employed…but that doesn’t mean I’m happier. Well, I mean…okay it does…but it also doesn’t. All of my employed friends are all up my ass begging me to tell them how awesome it is and I just look at them like they are insane…and then I remember how awesome I thought it would be…

    It’s not awesome. It’s rewarding, enriching, worthwhile and better–but it’s not college or your early 20’s relived and it’s not awesome. It’s scary and overwhelming and a lot of fucking responsibility–like way more than I think I’ve ever had before. It’s not like you just gotta get yourself outta bed and find a clean pair of pants then go sit in your cube and do what boss tells you…not at all.

    So while I know this post was a while ago and all these issues are resolved, I’m willing to bet you’ve gone through another couple of bouts of this same situation (in varying degrees) since you wrote it. Thanks for letting us all know how normal we are, and I hope that it just keeps getting easier to ignore these funks.

  83. John Doe
    November 20, 2009 at 1:55 pm (7 years ago)

    wow is this really comment 100? I’m honored.

    Boy oh boy have I felt some of this. Up until recently I was scoping out good places to be homeless and plan showering at the YMCA while my “dream” came true. Fortunately things are looking up enough and that isn’t a reality any longer.

    It’s the first time I’ve worried about money, felt like a massive failure and been very very unhappy. But, often times it’s the pain of that beginning that makes it worth it…or at least separates you from those who “wish” they could do it. (and I mean “beginning” as in….one year or more? yes, this is why few people will know what you’re going through…you’re not in Kansas anymore…the paycheck is gone, the boss is gone. You’re on your own with no one to yell orders at you and no one to blame…except yourself, ugh, ouch, yikes!)

    THE DIP, by Seth Godin, is a great example of this whole conversation…but I’m sure most of you know that. If not, then please read it today! (it’s so small it’ll take a couple of hours :)

    Thanks!

  84. brenda
    January 12, 2010 at 10:17 am (7 years ago)

    Wow. 2 years later. Timeless.

  85. Kris
    February 16, 2010 at 8:24 pm (7 years ago)

    I have so often wanted to write a post like this and never had the courage to do so. (Maybe I will have the courage next time!)

    By sharing your frustration with others you have given the gift of camaraderie. Sometimes that’s all we need to feel good again and start the march anew.

    Thanks!!!

  86. Roxann Souxi
    February 26, 2010 at 5:44 pm (7 years ago)

    As an abstract artist, there are times when I produce something I absolutely love. I know it works in every way. The next day I can go back can go to the studio, and nothing works. It can be so frustrating. I’ve learned, though it takes discipline, to stop listening to the thoughts of doubt, and just keep on working. I have to believe in the process. Spending too much time in my head is not good for me, so I came up with a personal motto: Think less, do more.

  87. Craig
    March 17, 2010 at 1:05 pm (7 years ago)

    The positive energy here is amazing!
    Comment about the itch, my wife has mystery itching for years, turns out Zantac combined with Zyrtec keeps it at bay. Eventually red bitelike welts appear and disappear at random. HTH
    Workin’ with What I got!

  88. Stephanie
    April 7, 2010 at 10:36 am (6 years ago)

    For a few months, I have been in communication with someone abroad who wants to buy an afghan from my Etsy site, and wants it custom-made to her liking, to be ready by a certain date. I said, sure, I can do that.

    She said, “I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”

    Uhm, that’s why you’re paying me!

    Early on, I told her that certain patterns would take more time and be more expensive, because they are more complex and therefore take longer to make. I reminded her of this a few times along the way when I emailed her to see if she had made up her mind.

    She said she could not look at the yarn on a website with pictures, and I, stupidly but in a customer-friendly way, offered to knit and send her swatches of the yarns I had on hand plus the ones she was miraculously able to choose from said website.

    Even allowing for long postal times, it took her a month from when we first talked for her to choose colours and a pattern.

    When she finally decided, wanted to snail-mail me her pattern idea (tack on another month where I have to wait to receive the pattern before starting), and told me in an email her ideas, catastrophe struck.

    She wanted the most expensive pattern that would take the longest amount of time. I wrote her back and said (professionally and politely) that there was no conceivable way I could complete the project on time for when she needed it. Originally, I worked out how long each pattern would take me, and she was aware that a certain pattern would not be feasible if she wanted it by a certain date – which she did.

    Her answer was “Don’t worry about it. I will reimburse you for the yarn you’ve bought to send me the swatches”.

    Trying not to sound like I was begging, I emailed her and asked if she would like to continue but with a different pattern that I could complete well before the due date?

    I hate to sound like I am begging, but let’s be realistic. These knitting projects are not produced out of thin air, and it appears that she thinks they do.

    My husband and friends agree that she is nuts, has no concept of how long these things take, and needs a reality check. The reason I am so disheartened by this is that my business is fledgling, and my customers are few and far between, so I need all the business I can get. If I lose this one, yuck!

    On the positive side, if she backs out, I will get money for the yarn and shipping costs, and I can make scarves out of the yarn I bought to make her swatches. I am also updating my Etsy site’s main page to prevent shit like this from happening again.

    My husband quipped that this client threw a shoe at me, in reference to George W Bush’s visit to Iraq last year, in which angry journalists lobbed shoes at the ex-president. Do to so says much more about the client than it does about me.

  89. Stephanie
    April 7, 2010 at 10:37 am (6 years ago)

    For a few months, I have been in communication with someone abroad who wants to buy an afghan from my Etsy site, and wants it custom-made to her liking, to be ready by a certain date. I said, sure, I can do that.

    She said, “I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”

    Uhm, that’s why you’re paying me!

    Early on, I told her that certain patterns would take more time and be more expensive, because they are more complex and therefore take longer to make. I reminded her of this a few times along the way when I emailed her to see if she had made up her mind.

    She said she could not look at the yarn on a website with pictures, and I, stupidly but in a customer-friendly way, offered to knit and send her swatches of the yarns I had on hand plus the ones she was miraculously able to choose from said website.

    Even allowing for long postal times, it took her a month from when we first talked for her to choose colours and a pattern.

    When she finally decided, wanted to snail-mail me her pattern idea (tack on another month where I have to wait to receive the pattern before starting), and told me in an email her ideas, catastrophe struck.

    She wanted the most expensive pattern that would take the longest amount of time. I wrote her back and said (professionally and politely) that there was no conceivable way I could complete the project on time for when she needed it. Originally, I worked out how long each pattern would take me, and she was aware that a certain pattern would not be feasible if she wanted it by a certain date – which she did.

    Her answer was “Don’t worry about it. I will reimburse you for the yarn you’ve bought to send me the swatches”.

    Trying not to sound like I was begging, I emailed her and asked if she would like to continue but with a different pattern that I could complete well before the due date?

    I hate to sound like I am begging, but let’s be realistic. These knitting projects are not produced out of thin air, and it appears that she thinks they do.

    My husband and friends agree that she is nuts, has no concept of how long these things take, and needs a reality check. The reason I am so disheartened by this is that my business is fledgling, and my customers are few and far between, so I need all the business I can get. If I lose this one, yuck!

    On the positive side, if she backs out, I will get money for the yarn and shipping costs, and I can make scarves out of the yarn I bought to make her swatches. I am also updating my Etsy site’s main page to prevent shit like this from happening again.

    My husband quipped that this client threw a shoe at me, in reference to George W Bush’s visit to Iraq last year, in which angry journalists lobbed shoes at the ex-president. Do to so says much more about the client than it does about me.

    But I am still frutrated and angry.

  90. Bunny Henningsen
    April 7, 2010 at 2:36 pm (6 years ago)

    Wow, I really needed to read about your crappy day. I’m ADHD and it gets in the way all the time. I just got an opportunity to design quilts for a fabric company.. I think I drove them nuts and not sure if I will hear from them again. I felt like the biggest looser of all time. Spent the whole day repeating.. “it’s a learning experience, get back up and keep going.” over and over again. I haven’t put a gun to my mouth as yet… but I can totally relate to sucky days and sometimes it helps to know I’m not the only one.

  91. Rachelle Mee-Chapman
    April 21, 2010 at 10:54 am (6 years ago)

    Thank you. “Not Alone” means a lot right now.

  92. Krysta Jackson
    April 29, 2010 at 5:28 pm (6 years ago)

    Thanks for this post! I’m nearing anniversary number one for my business, Lucky Mutts, and feel like I should have accomplished so much more than what I’ve done. That and I need to finish the laundry, call our health insurance, pay attention to my own wonderful dogs, clean, blah, blah and blah! A down day to be sure!

    Then, a bright cheery day breaks through our grey spring and reminds me that I love being outdoors with my clients, and the ability to get so much more accomplished in one day than I ever could with a day job. Sadly though, today’s not that day.

    I hope you accomplish everything you wish and plan for!
    Krysta

  93. Leslie Nicole
    June 11, 2010 at 3:36 pm (6 years ago)

    I think we think that when our lives are finally the way we want them that everything will be wonderful all the time. It just isn’t. I read a line in a novel once – forget the author – but it was “the tide is either coming in or going out” as it pertains to life – it ebbs and flows.

    I’m pretty much living my dream life. I quit my job and moved to France and I have a house I like with a garden and I get to work on my art pretty much all the time except when I’m pulling weeds (which I should do more)

    I’m very grateful but I still have days when I’m blue. I wonder why when I’m not working I can’t stick to a diet and exercise program. Every meal is not a gourmet meal. I still have times when I worry that I’ll never be “successful” and I still sometimes bicker with my husband. We expect that our lives will be like the glamorous people you see in magazines and on TV, but you know what – they are usually just like us.

    I’m grateful for my life, but I think we have to realize that life can have shitty days and life will always have it’s ups and downs, worries, and boring crap. A Romanian lover once told me that life is like a glass of Campari. It’s bittersweet.

    I think it’s great that you were so honest. Marketing can be so much about impressions and making everything seem glamorous and great.I hope your son is feeling better and you too.

    Leslie

  94. Alexandra
    August 18, 2010 at 3:55 pm (6 years ago)

    This is exactly what I feel like right now. I’ve taken on way too much, and have already missed a deadline. I ‘ve only made one decent meal this week for my kids, and my tooth is killing me.

    But I LOVED reading this post.

    Thank you.

  95. Melissa Dinwiddie
    August 18, 2010 at 7:48 pm (6 years ago)

    The opening line was all I needed to postpone putting my email to sleep for just another moment (so I can get some f*cking work done!)

    Yep. It doesn’t make all the crappy stuff go away, but it does ease the burden a bit to know that no, I’m not alone. I don’t even have kids, and “overwhelmed” seems to be the motto of my life. It always seems like everyone else has it so much more together.

    Naw.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  96. Dawn
    August 18, 2010 at 8:30 pm (6 years ago)

    I wanted to hug you all better, Naomi, and then I started reading comments and I wanted to hug all of them better too.

    And I realized that maybe I need to be a little more forgiving of myself when I can see dust bunnies floating across the kitchen floor because I haven’t swept it for days. I’m trying to make a living, trying to stay afloat and some days the kitchen floor just doesn’t seem that important.

    I soo-ooo understood when it was someone’s floor but can’t forgive myself for being a slob!

    Hang in there everyone.

  97. Miss Welcome
    August 19, 2010 at 7:41 am (6 years ago)

    Hi beautiful lady,

    Very well said. It rings so many bells, but today they’re all the light and tinkling ones since the sun is shining and the kids are healthy. Another day, this will be a good comfort read.

  98. Rishona
    August 19, 2010 at 8:50 am (6 years ago)

    Oh wow Naomi; I hope you get through this sooner as opposed to later! Many times I look at my own life and wonder “will I EVER get a break?”. Sometimes I feel like such a fool to not just give up, leave the workforce all together, and get on welfare or something. I’ve worked since I was 15…I work full-time now, graduated from college, and still, I remain firmly in the ‘low income’ bracket. But then at the end of the day I admit that it just is not my style. I do not just give up. I may finish the race last, but I always do finish.

    {hugs}

  99. Tracey - JustAnotherMommyBlog
    August 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm (6 years ago)

    Sending you the hugest hug from my computer desk in Illinois that is sporting a huge, honkin SLOOOOW computer. The desk has an almost empty bag of VERY stale tortilla chips (I know, because I just ate one), unpaid bills, rub on tattoos and random garbage. That is only a corner of my home and the rest is fairly in line with what I just said. I think ALL of us have more to do than time or energy to do it in. Just remember that there is no finish line and no big prize for “doing it right.” There’s just life. I try really hard to ignore the damn hormones right now and get ONE CORNER of my stuff done. Be it cleaning a counter or answering the important emails (notice I said “important” not ALL. Baby steps, here), I can at least look at that and say “I DID THIS TODAY.” and feel remotely accomplished and a little less guilty when my husband comes home and says “what did you do today?” as I drink my cooler on the back porch with the kids running through the dirty backyard and no dinner on the stove and , and…

    Muwah. Hope today’s a little brighter.

  100. KLZ
    August 19, 2010 at 5:04 pm (6 years ago)

    We all need to read this, for we are an army.

    An army awash in diapers but an army nonetheless.

    My kid pooped on the floor this morning. Then slipped in it. Then pooped again spraying all over me. Like a big ole’ failure I still had to go to work. And I have yet to figure out what I’m feeding him that’s screwing up his tummy because he’s not sick.

    So, no, we’re not alone. We’re an army.

  101. ed
    August 20, 2010 at 12:54 am (6 years ago)

    so this valley you experienced under the sheets and typing on your laptop produced this gem of a post.
    if we’re putting ourselves through shit to find the diamond, i guess we got to find the diamond to make it all worthwhile.
    as you did.

  102. jenifer
    August 20, 2010 at 9:59 am (6 years ago)

    I know you wrote this a while ago now…..but thanks so much for sharing….and for not giving the vacuum advice…..it is really nice to hear someone being honest with how they feel & then not just hiding behind the “you just gotta keep moving forward….blah…blah…blah….”

    Thanks….

  103. Karilee
    August 20, 2010 at 8:41 pm (6 years ago)

    Timely. I spent the last two days recovering from complete computer failure (new hard drive now in place). I’m in the cash flow crunch from hell because I’m launching without adequate cash, and the sales I’ve made that will generate revenue NEXT month don’t help now. I’m embarrassed and it’s hard to keep my head up, even though I know I’m doing the best I can.

    My friend keeps telling me “this is almost over” and “you’ll be out of this soon”. So many of us go through these periods, and sometimes there’s nothing to be done but be authentic, and be kind to each other. I love this site because I can count on both here.

  104. Kathie Clohessy
    August 24, 2010 at 1:13 am (6 years ago)

    In the mood for another tale of loss and misery?

    Up there in the fields I needed to fill out to reply to this blog it says-among other things, “Website?” and I answered “none”. But it hasn’t always-been that way.

    In fact, I had my little itzy biz started and a nice little website, too, not that long ago. I worked my ass off trying to build the business-an online consulting/education site for people like myself who live with chronic pain. But I was, and still am dead broke and one adage I never learned was the one that says before you can make money you need to have money.
    So I lost it. I was working with a great web host SquareSpace.com-but they are a managed hosting company and they were pricey-$25.00 a month . ( That’s pricey when you live on Social Security Disability. ) They are very good, though. I recommend them highly if you can afford them.

    But I couldn’t, so I just left my site when I could no longer afford to keep it running and eventually they took it down. But I had my files backed up. and I knew that someday I , I would get back on my feet and go with a cheaper and probably less inspired hosting company. Or use Word press. Something like that. No big deal, right?

    Well, yes and no. My files were backed up, true. But they were backed up on my Mac’s hard drive. The Mac I shipped cross-country via UPS with lots and lots of blankets and comforters and the like surrounding and protecting it. It was, after all, mid-November and depending on where they’re delivering those UPS trucks sometimes will drive the northern route across the mountains where November is not to early for freezing temps and snow. …So I did my best to protect it, and I was thrilled when it arrived all in one piece.

    Too thrilled apparently. I unpacked it carefully, saw that it appeared to be fine, and- excited as all hell to have my computer back (I’d been without it for over a week-far too long)-plugged it in and turned it on -inside my nice cozy warm apartment. And there, silently and stealthily, the cells in the logic board-warming too quickly after their nice cold late fall nap, started going “pop!” “pop!” “pop!”

    It took a couple of months for it to die. Soooooo sad. It was an old machine by computer standards. 5 years. But I loved my Mac In 5 years it never once crashed-NEVER.

    But what makes the whole thing a tragic rather than simply sad event-and the point of this rambling reply-is that I no longer have anywhere near the amount of money necessary to replace my beautiful Mac. It was-as I now realize- in all likelihood a one time event, financed by selling my condo( right before I lost it.)

    So I’m using a very nice borrowed PC for which I am very grateful. But it is a A WINDOWS PC…a Windows PC that will not allow me to transfer o any of the files that I so carefully saved on my old Mac hard drive. So all that stuff I backed up so carefully is now sitting on my carefully wrapped up in a static free baggie Mac Tiger OSX hard drive, where it will stay preserved until I can afford another Mac . Translation…..never.

    Unless….What have you done with those two Macs, Naomi?

  105. Corey Freeman
    September 19, 2010 at 6:31 pm (6 years ago)

    Yeah. You’re officially my hero.

  106. Larry Clark
    September 23, 2010 at 5:40 pm (6 years ago)

    Thanks for this post Naomi, I needed to read this, I also needed to read your Birthday post at Problogger, and really related to it. Thanks for posting the awesome words you do, for being human and real.

  107. Meqa
    September 24, 2010 at 12:17 am (6 years ago)

    …um…just quietly…I think more of us feel like this more often than not…and the fact that we then go around trying to pretend we don’t just makes it worse!

    Personally I’d rather work with someone who’s human and honest and says “sorry, I stuffed up” and fixes it – than someone who pretends to be superhuman. There’s more of a true relationship there and more of an opportunity for an authentic interaction – as long as the deliverables are still delivered to the expected standard of course.

    I feel like business’ (large or small) who are too ‘glossy’ may offer ‘smooth’ service but that the interactions often lack depth and interest, are very superficial and generic, like a big fake smile and an air-kiss as opposed to a squeezy hug, a genuine un-whitened grin and a kiss on the cheek…you know what I mean?

    Anyway…I hear you! Thanks for sharing and good luck :-)

    M

  108. Shanna
    November 10, 2010 at 12:12 pm (6 years ago)

    Thank you for “keeping it real” with this post – I think many of us can empathize with this situation, and you are not alone either – keep your chin up! :)

  109. Ruiz Mateos
    January 15, 2011 at 8:52 am (6 years ago)

    I love to cook, so I’m always searching new recepies to try. Could anybody recommend me what to cook today? Thanks a lot!

  110. Alfonzo Scozzafava
    January 31, 2011 at 4:35 am (6 years ago)

    I think your blog is fantastic I found it on Bing. Definetely will return tomorrow! I am very exsiting about learning newstuffHave a good day, Roberts

  111. nina
    February 4, 2011 at 12:46 am (6 years ago)

    the last paragraph is ME. I have my own lil’ business, and it is successful but I am misersable and the whole fucking last paragraph gave me so much relief reading it, I cannot tell you.

  112. Izzy
    April 17, 2011 at 9:55 pm (5 years ago)

    This post is hilarious. Glad we all aren’t alone with this and it helps to see others with the same frustrations.

  113. Katie Marsh
    May 5, 2011 at 6:36 pm (5 years ago)

    Single mom of two, blogger, waitress, entrepreneur in my soul, dropped out of photography school first quarter, being offered the opportunity of a lifetime.

    Risk.

    No one jumps up and down, claps, or even sends a note, do they?
    They shake heads in linear land, logical minds that clock in and out, never bothering to wonder what they could do to make life extraordinary, but what they do is sit back and judge you.

    I am pushing a business with another woman (entrepreneur, at heart, working business with three kids, well, four if you include the attention starved hubby.)

    It is gut wrenching, dazed and confused, full of tears, lots of laughs, blood, sweat, and sleepless nights, but I believe, and women like you make me proud to be what I am.

    My mom said I would miss out on my kid’s school events, days I can’t get back.
    I say I am giving them a gift, the gift of being oneself, and you make me crawl from under my covers, put my big girl panties on, and smile.

  114. Miss Obvious
    May 6, 2011 at 10:53 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh, and I couldn’t resist, to slap another wet kleenex on this day, marking my own crying raging failures in words, that make us girls more alike than different.

    Again, Bravo for being real.

    My next leg of this race shall be different, I am determined.

    But, for tonight, I give, get under the covers, and join you.

    http://buddhathepig.wordpress.com/2011/03/12/choices/

  115. Harvey
    May 23, 2011 at 6:28 pm (5 years ago)

    Truly inspirational and a stream-of-consciousness rant that we all face now and again.

  116. Ismael Harville
    May 26, 2011 at 1:13 pm (5 years ago)

    This was very entertaining. I have been reading your blog a few times this week and now its in my bookmarks.

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  121. Babu Puthethu
    July 17, 2011 at 12:06 pm (5 years ago)

    It is the ‘Law of the Nature’ that NO one will be happier always. Happiness and unhappiness are the 2 sides of the same coin. There are lots of ups and downs in life.

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    Hope you are doing well now..

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