Who’s The Asshole Now?
First off, thank you everyone for stopping by with your thoughts on yesterday’s No Asshole Rule post. Big supersized lilac colored thank yous to the lurkers — commenting here is not for the faint of heart, and I’m grateful. Hi, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.
Jamie is off thinking of a comment policy that is suitably funny and appropriately vulgar for this little home business blog — we might end up using something from How To Avoid Running Your Mouth Off Online — and I am thinking. I don’t have a lot of time to think lately, so sorry about that. It tends to get ugly because I’m so out of practice.
I read a comment by Milena Thomas of Quiet The Thunder, and she points to a link on her blog about comment rage. I was not a reader of hers before but I sure as hell am now. I’m not even going to bother to try and express what she expressed because I’d be useless at it, so just read it yourself when you have some time.
Reading her post made me realize that I am angry with this commentator because they have what I want. They have the time to sit around and read blogs like the kind I want to read and participate in the conversation and subscribe to comments and do all the things I want to be doing.
I’m angry because I’ve finally achieved what I thought was home business success and I’m still stressed as shit. I’m angry because, compared to my old life, I have more money than I know what to do with but I don’t have the time to read the books I can finally afford to buy.
I’m pissed off because there are over 300 unread posts in my reader — and believe me, I do NOT subscribe to a lot of blogs — and I can’t even envision a time when I’ll be able to get through them. Not because I have to — I know I could just click “Mark All Read” and be done with it — but because I want to and it feels like I can’t.
And I’m angry because I feel like this person is taking the privilege of time, the privilege I’m so desperate for, and dithering it away. This person has a special, beautiful, glorious gift of time and they’re using it stupidly. (Kind of like when you have a crush on a girl and her boyfriend treats her like shit. You want to punch him in the face because he’s squandering something wonderful.)
Anyway, I realized that I’m the one being the asshole. I’m directing the anger I feel about my own situation at this commentator, which is stupid and asshole-like behavior and frankly, a waste of my time and my energy and my life.
Thank you for your input and your advice and your wisdom and your laughs. And, when dealing with all of the overwhelm that has recently taken over my life, thank the Lord for the blog that is making my life better every day. If you are not reading Dave Navarro, you are an idiot. (Dave, you are free to put that on any testimonial page ever, for the rest of your life, and thank you for everything.)
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[quote]… I have more money than I know what to do with but I don’t have the time… [/quote]
Ah, what is success anyway?
Anyone can make money, but who can make time?
But at least we can make time *available* if we have enough money to fill our needs. Seems to me you’re on the right track and just need to make some adjustments in priorities?
Seriously, Naomi, as per my tweet. We wish we had the time to waste, or at least had we the extra time, we wouldn’t waste it.
A very wise perspective.
-Brett
Misplaced anger and projection are the two biggest reasons that point to the fact that you’re just like all of us :) Pretty normal and cool.
My advice? Take a deep, deep breath. Hit the “mark as read” on your feed reader. You’ll have one sharp, “OHMIGOD WHAT HAVE I DONE” moments that lasts exactly two seconds, and then it’ll ease.
Then you’ll realize that, shit… you have free time now.
Then, take some of that money and fuck the books you want to buy. Get something completely stupid that you don’t need that you can at least sit on your desk and look at - like a stuffed animal or something. The point is to blow your money. Just once.
Then open an RESP for your kid because the government is giving major moola (okay, by Canadian standards) for doing so.
And the stress of success? I hear you. I haven’t found a solution to that, yet.
Looks like you’ve undergone a valuable little voyage of self-discovery, despite the pain and irritation.
On the bright side, you’re acheiving at least some of your goals, so that’s a very good thing.
“Anyway, I realized that I’m the one being the asshole. I’m directing the anger I feel about my own situation at this commentator, which is stupid and asshole-like behavior and frankly, a waste of my time and my energy and my life.”
You are not an bleep-bleep, because bleep-bleeps never see their own mistakes. And bleep-bleeps certainly, NEVER apologize.
You are healthy, well-adjusted person who just had an off day. How do we know this? Because on your “on” day, you corrected your behavior and changed course :-)
“And I’m angry because I feel like this person is taking the privilege of time, the privilege I’m so desperate for, and dithering it away. This person has a special, beautiful, glorious gift of time and they’re using it stupidly.”
I’m curious to know - if you could have a serious conversation with that person, no anger, no hard feelings - what would be your advice to them? How *should* they use their time?
I always learn something valuable here. Thank you for speaking your mind, and saying things that everyone else doesn’t have the guts to say.
I hear you, hun.
But he’s still a twat.
Oh snap!
Did you take a QiGong class this morning? This is totally Zen. Congrats on the balanced perspective on this, Naomi.
Thanks, too, for the personalized “Lurker Welcome” from my first post yesterday.
@ Vered — Maybe something they enjoyed? They don’t appear to enjoy this blog very much but they keep coming back. That’s what leaves me clueless. Why come if you’re not having fun?
I totally understand what you mean about your business getting so good that all of a sudden there’s no time for other stuff. I’ve had to hit “mark all as read” several times in the last couple of months, and I feel so guilty every time. Things like Freelance Parent, which was not only my pride and joy but has also helped us get where we are today, have sort of taken a back seat because, well, it helped us get where we are today.
I’m definitely not looking this gift horse in the mouth, though. I’m so grateful for the growth and all; it’s just hard to adjust and have to give up some of the things that I really enjoyed and found useful (like reading and commenting on other blogs like IttyBiz, for example). Besides, change is scary.
Good luck with your adjustment. We’re all experiencing these weird growing pains, and it’s hard not to just get overwhelmed and lost in it all. You’re doing a good job by taking stock. It’s something we can all probably stand to do more of.
One thing about bloggers and commentators both is that there’s a WHOLE LOTTA projection goin’ on. It’s amazing what people fixate on and expend energy towards.
I can think of a few people on Twitter whom I refuse to engage with, but I’d really like to give them a piece of my mind. If I did that, the terrorists would win. How do you explain the conundrum of really wanting another person to know that you’re ignoring them but you can’t tell them that because you’re ignoring them?
Every time we try to talk “at” someone else in comments, it’s like we’re just holding a mirror up to our own faces. What we’re ranting about is what we see there. We reveal ourselves, not the “flaws” of another person’s argument or position. It’s weird, fucked up shit, in other words.
Naomi -
That quote WILL go on my page. Somehow.
I’m so glad I can be of service … being a parent and entrepreneur is not easy. That meant a lot.
Wait.. Who is Dave Navarro? Ignorance is idiotic.
Whew, I’m not an idiot.
Good perspective Naomi. You know that commenter must be just as pissed at other’s success and popularity to act as they do.
Well played, Naomi. You have behaved righteously. As your reward, please take a long hard look at James’ comment, where I do believe he has advised you to ‘fuck the books.’ Which I personally believe I can take out of context with minimal effort.
Naomi,
I think Michael Martine said it all. Well, mostly. You weren’t so wrong in the last post, and you’re very generous to apologize when it’s your blog and you don’t have to.
1. There are meds for mood swings like this.
2. If you can, BUY BOOKS! It will make you happy and you’ll peek at them when you’re supposed to be doing something else, which will make you feel naughty, which is great.
3. Husband, middle of night… you have stress? You gotta find a shop with price tags or somethin’.
Regards,
Kelly
See now I’m really worried that the person you are mad at is me cause….
I just saved the koi fish pond that Harry Twittered about in my favorites just cause I liked feeding the imaginary fish imaginary fish food.
I’m sorry.
Naomi, You guys are in the “running a business with little kids” stage of your life. Please don’t be too hard on yourselves. Balance is a slippery elusive thing at that time of your life. Heck, it always is, but at that time it will challenge the best of us. And anyone who acts like they have it all together is a big liar who is neglecting something else or who has no clean underwear. It will get better.
Grandma Wendi Promises.
Having read your posts and all comments on this particular subject (late as usual - but I have a doctor’s note), I still think the guy’s the twat. And you’re no asshole.
Just posted on your no - assholes rule…
What you say here is all true. but every once in a while it is still ok to tell shitty little people to go JUMP.
Plus it is very cleansing…kinda like yoga, only better
I’m sorry I’m not reading Dave Navarro (sorry Dave, you’re on my list!) but I don’t have the time yet. I hear he is a bad ass that will kick your ass. I wish he would come to my neighborhood and clean out all the punk hoodlum shits running around at 11:30 pm when I am trying to get some sleep.
Naomi, I hope you can find some more time to read your books you want. That does suck awful. Threre is nothing better lying in bed with a good book. Or a good man. And then one or the other vies for your attention.
Have a good day 3 Itty Bizzies.
Ellen,
I might even clear the books off the bed if option #2 showed up. LOL!
Regards,
Kelly
Holy crap - thanks for the link love…and I’m glad my bad attitude is in someway helpful…or at least cathartic…or whatever.
I just really like your blog.
[...] on their blog and respond with patience and seriousness. Seriousness because, perhaps, they’ve felt like me and moved past the [...]