You Are Fat: The IttyBiz Guide To Constructive Criticism
It has come to my attention that many home business bloggers are discussing their comment policies. Specifically, they want to know which comments they should delete. (Jonathan Fields at Awake at the Wheel discussed this recently, and very well.)
I’ve previously heard people say, both in business and in blogging, that they will accept criticism as long as it’s constructive. Personally, I don’t have a whole lot of time for constructive criticism because I don’t have a lot of time for criticism in general. But if you have to criticize, I guess it may as well be constructive.
What I notice, though, is that what gets packaged as constructive criticism tends to be a thinly veiled form of assbaggery. Someone says something is constructive and then they proceed to be a total prick for no good reason. (You get this when you go into freelancing a lot.) Kind of like prefacing something with “With all due respect.” Cause what they’re about to say is just SO respectful, I’m sure.
Therefore, since there seems to be so much doubt in the world about what is and what is not constructive criticism, I have decided to make public the ultimate guide.
First, a definition of terms:
Criticism: the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.
Constructive: Serving to improve or advance; helpful.
1. You are a fatty.
This is an example of criticism. The writer is finding fault with their target’s weight. There is no suggestion, advice, or offer of help. Plain old criticism at its grammatically dubious finest.
2. You should eat some celery.
This is an example of a statement intended to improve, advance, or be helpful, and is therefore categorized as constructive. Taken verbatim, however, there is no direct criticism here. This is just constructive.
3. You are a fatty. You should put the McFatty Burger down and eat some celery.
This is constructive criticism at its best. There is the criticism, along with some helpful and well-meaning advice. Obviously, since we are all good businesspeople, we should leave this in our comments section as an example of our ability to receive constructive criticism well.
NOTE: There is some concern within constructive criticism analysis circles about relevance and accuracy. Some suggest that a true and relevant statement, even when said critically, is not inherently criticism and should therefore be treated as a simple and neutral statement of fact.
For example, somebody could write in my comments, “You are rude and disrespectful.” This would be both true and relevant, leading many experts to debate it.
At the same time, they could say “You have no tits and you look like a man.” While this is also true, it is not relevant and therefore it sparks additional — and equally heated — debate.
Click here to subscribe to IttyBiz. “Hire IttyBiz so you don’t have to live off ramen for the rest of your fucking life.” (Today’s stupid tagline brought to you by Sonia Simone.)
***
Think you need a micro-business marketing consultant? Click here to get started.
Well, I’ve never been called fat, but I have been called a fool, a retard, and told that I “suck”.
I’ll allow all that – it’s just opinion and there’s usually someone other than me who will disagree. What I do delete is spam, especially of the “You have a lovely blog.. please visit http://spammerama.spam” variety.
When the comments start heading for the gutter, I usually just close ‘em off for that post, leaving what’s already there for posterity. Fortunately I do not get much of that.
I have issues with people who A) delete unflattering comments because they can’t handle the heat and B) people who always give praise and nothing else.
People. Call it like it is, for god’s sake. If it’s ugly, SAY it’s ugly. Nicely. Maturely. With praise for effort and A SUGGESTION to help.
TO HELP.
Oh, and another thing I hate? People who say really rude and nasty shit and use the “freedom of speech” excuse. I mean, that’s such crap. Really.
But honestly. Take the heat or get out of the kitchen. And stop with the flames. Heat does not mean burn a blog down. And tell the truth, but make it pretty, alright?
And when you’re giving constructive criticism, don’t be a bloody amateur trying to give pro advice. When you’re giving your thoughts, it isn’t the place to try and show off your own expertise. There’s nothing worse than a condescending show-off.
Except maybe someone calling you a fatty.
Naomi, if it’s any consolation, I have no tits, too. At least you and I can go rock climbing, scale walls and live to tell the story instead of being knocked off balance by hooters.
My favorite is . . .
“I don’t mean to be rude but . . .”
I always feel like saying, “No, you DO mean to be rude.”
The way I figure it, I’m a big boy (not a fatty, not that it would matter anyway…), so if someone had something genuinely constructive to say, even if it is a little rough, I’d take it.
(So far I’m so new that no meanies have dropped by. Okay meanies, this isn’t an invitation.)
Any spam or obviously questionable stuff would be removed, though. Which makes sense to most people.
I agree with James – people who always give praise and nothing else are a problem b/c it’s empty. I don’t want insults but I do want real discussion. I expect it on my own blog and I used to assume that other bloggers want that too, but I am gradually learning that it’s not always the case.
I have come across a few blogs where the commenters always say things like “wow, this is your best post ever” (on each and every post) or “thank you for your amazing, groundbreaking insight” (again, on each and every post).
It just makes me queasy.
Generally if it’s not spammy (unless it’s this kind of spam ;) ), I’ll let it through. I had some guy on my blog once, saying that he’s insulted by my recipe because it’s not the *real* way to make that dish, and he’s a professional chef in Japan, and blah blah blah. Definitely criticism, not really constructive, but I left it on there anyways because it makes me laugh. I had already mentioned that it was an *easier* way to make the recipe so people could make it at home, plus most of my readers don’t give a darn if people say what I do is wrong anyways.
When it comes to comments one must consider the source. Is the comment a valid opinion or just the rantings of yet another anomous fool who has commented because they are compelled to say something even though they have nothing of substance to say. Truth vs bullshit.
My friend Jon is a columnist for a dead-tree newspaper and he has a form letter he sends that says “Dear Sir/Madam, you are probably right.”
I’ve always loved that, and I try to emulate it, although what I am secretly thinking is “you asshole I am going to hunt you down and take a crap on your lawn.” So now when you all see me being diplomatic in comments you will know my true thoughts.
Also, Naomi used my tagline, so I am very happy.
Mmmmmm… fatty burghers.
I mean fatty burgers. Not burghers. But then again, maybe there is nothing wrong with fatty Burghers. I guess that wasn’t much of a constructive criticism.
Jesus Christ, Jamie. People get all ooey-gooey when you hijack my blog and now you think you’re a fucking comedian.
At it’s McFatty burger, by the way. Fatty.
Fine. McFatty burger. Point taken, skinhead.
Someone told me early in blogging – “don’t feed the trolls.” The people that leave these types of comments are not the kind of readers you want to have ultimately have anyway. I say blow the comment away if it adds nothing to the content, or the discussion.
Frugal –
The problem is that when you’re just starting out – you’ll take any kind of comment you can get. Anything to get some feedback. That said though, you’re right – they don’t add anything. I love it when people disagree or ask questions. Preferably disagree – because it makes me justify my position of realize that I missed something.
Question to the group – Do you think you should comment a few times on someones blog before you bring start criticizing? In other words, think you should establish some sort of e-lationship with the blogger before knocking a post?
@ David — YES. Unless they’re asking for very specific feedback, in which case “constructive” reigns supreme.
Oh, come on, Naomi. If someone’s very first post was about, say, how it’s economically stupid to give to charity, don’t you think you’d probably take him down a few pegs? In the UTTERLY constructive way?
Simone: I want a T-shirt that says that. Unfortunately, my friend who makes the T-shirts has a sense of humor exactly the same as mine, so what I have is a T-shirt that says ‘Inebriated Newt Fancier.’
Jamie: I think I shall forever after quote you as the guy with a secret jones for fatty Burghers. That’s what happens when you hijack the IttyBiz. Do it again! Do it all the time! (This is me, being evil. Heeheehee.)
@ Tei — You’re assuming I want to read a blog written by that ass. And no, I wouldn’t leave that comment because I am a highly evolved being and better than that shit.
(What that actually means is that I would head on over to my own blog, trash the guy, and send a couple thousand other people over to shit in dude’s comments.)
Oooh, delegating. I like it.
@ Naomi – So all I have to do is make an ridiculous argument, send you a link, and wait for the traffic to pour in? : )
I prefer method #3 too. Out of all of them, I hate #2 the most. It’s like, if you are trying to tell me something, at least have the guts to say it. That’s really annoying.
Once, a 6 year old girl said to me, “You are fat” and I replied, “Yes, and you are short”. I actually thought her honesty was kind of refreshing.
Telling people what they “should” do come more often across as rude than constructive. Even “would be healthier” or “you could try” are more constructive and less rude.
Especially as the person giving the feedback is rarely an expert in the field they are giving advice in.
haha i kinda like the game of tossing out random ‘helpful’ constructive comments and not giving anyone a clue as to what the criticism was. Just as unhelpful as the criticism but less mean. Maybe it balances those who just toss out the criticism?
lucky for me (oooh boy! lucky!) i dont have to worry about this…
I suck at taking criticism, constructive or otherwise. I even get pissed when people point out that I suck at taking criticism.
Two month into blogging and I haven’t gotten a mean comment yet…I’m waiting for it…I won’t delete it, but I’ll probably obsess over it for a good month afterwards.
“Question to the group – Do you think you should comment a few times on someones blog before you bring start criticizing? ”
Not necessarily comment, but you should read more than the post that got you riled up.
In the current New Yorker, there’s a great quote from Royall Tyler’s autobiography. Apparently he imagined a reader 200 years in the future (he wrote this in 1825). I quote:
The sprawling letters, yellow text,
The formal phrase, the bald stiff style
And in the margins gravely notes
A thousand meanings never meant.
“A thousand meanings never meant”. I see that often with some hit and run comment from someone who thinks I mean something I don’t mean at all.. had they read more of my blog they’d know better, so that’s why I prefer to hold my tongue for a little bit in most cases.
Will you know change your name to FattyBiz? You could score a shitload from McFatty Burgher promotions…
that meant to say “will you now”, not “know”.
With regards,
Fatty who can’t spell
First, Naomi, this is the best post ever. Except for those others I probably said that on, which were the best post ever first. Oh, and I don’t think you look like a man, I think you have a lovely face. That part I mean a bit more sincerely than the first part. :)
David, yes, you should find something you like about a blog before lauching into what you hate. Just as you might tell a good friend that the wine is perfect before mentioning the lasagne is watery. Tony’s point about getting a better picture of the whole blog through lurking or through going through old posts is also good, and you could make the nice comments all in an hour with the criticism tossed in among them. In fact if you catch up a bit you may find you don’t feel quite the same way as you did when you first read the junky post. In context sometimes things make more sense. That happens to me a lot when reading a new blog.
Great stupid tagline du jour. Ramen will not be part of the new Recession Chic, I guess. Sometimes what’s out is just out. I love that a use has been found for all those great comments.
Tei, is the t-shirt a reference to Jeeves and Wooster? I seem to remember a newt fancier…?
Later, folks,
Kelly
Ahem. The lovely face part I meant in all sincerity. I think I misspoke there!
ASSBAGGERY!!!!!!!!!!!. You never told me about this new word!!!!!!!!
I have one for you
You Langer
love you lots by the way
Kelly, I was hoping, somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my soul, that someone else out there knew and loved the Jeeves and Wooster.
Yes, yes it is. Augustus Finknottle: Inebriated Newt Fancier.
That is an example of non-constructive criticism. Otherwise known as hilarity.
Naomi, may I borrow the comments for just a moment to go completely OT? Thanks.
Tei,
Hahahahaha. I couldn’t remember his name but now the whole picture comes back to me. He had such a horrendous, super-pest’s voice. Oh my goodness! My daughter and I are huge Jeeves and Wooster fans. I read the stories long, long ago, probably when I was her age. I was amazed that the series could stay so exact to how the stories were written. Just brilliant.
It is a small, big world. I have thrown out dozens of little references looking for an echo over the Internet waves, and it’s pretty rare, I’ll tell you, but fun when someone does pick up on it.
Anybody ever know what on earth the t-shirt means when you’re wearing it?
Later,
Kelly
No. No one ever does. But I judge them for their ignorance.
And I criticize their ignorance, in a non-constructive fashion. It usually sounds like, “You’ve never read P.G. Wodehouse? What is WRONG with you?”
@ Kelly — Please. Mi casa su casa, or something like that. (You know, I don’t even know what language that is.)
@ Tei — I have to admit, that was a pretty block-rockin’ way to sneak an on-topic spin on your t-shirt.
Tei,
Judge away. What is the world coming to? No Wodehouse? Or am I just old? James told me I’m not…
Naomi,
It could use a verb, but if you don’t even know what language it is that’s mighty fine. (Spanish.)
See, now I was figuring you were off snuggled with Señor Fantastico (more Spanish just to be a show-off), and wouldn’t read this until morning. If I had a Señor Fantastico, I wouldn’t be finishing work and sneaking a look at blogs at this hour.
It appears to be devolving into looking at blogs and pretending I’m finishing some work… a sure sign I need a Señor Fantastico, eh?
Later,
Kelly
@ Kelly — I have to write 6,000 words by tomorrow morning for a client who reads this blog. What the hell else would I be doing other than responding to comments?
Señor, having completed his work for the day, is smugly watching a movie.
Does said client mind if many of the 6,000 are deposited here in the comments? ;) Can I get some clients like that?
I’m completely swamped here and about to give up. Ugh.
That made me spit out my Ribena. I love it. And yes, give up. Clay did a great post the other day about the power of giving up. I support it wholeheartedly.
Giving up periodically rocks. I did a little something on the subject Monday at MCE. At this hour I think it can fairly be called going home, although I did that hours ago. Thanks to the connectivity of the Internet, it made no difference to my workload. Grrr.
All right, I officially put up the white flag.
Hasta mañana (until tomorrow)…
Kelly
I have nothing to add, just wanted to say that assbaggery just became my new favorite word.
Thank you for that.
You have no tits and you look like a man.
That’s retarded. Your tits are just fine by me.
Love, Fiar the starfucker
@ MM — You’re very welcome. I do what I can.
@ Fiar — Finally! Fiar arrives to provide the voice of reason. If I’d known I just had to start making tit-deprecating remarks to have you stop by I would have done it months ago.
[...] You Are Fat: The IttyBiz Guide To Constructive Criticism [...]
Okay, I’ll admit, I’m brand new to your site. I’ve spent the last 3 hours just catching up and absorbing everything.
Your analogies are perfect.
As someone who has taken a lot of “constructive criticism”, I know it stings no matter how you word it or how nice you think you are being.
I just want to say, this is the first time a blog post has made me laugh ’til I cried.
[...] you treat others with respect and kindness, even when offering a criticism, you will always have a standing invitation to our [...]