I am sick. This is good for you because I write better when I’m sick. I don’t give a shit if anybody likes what I have to say, so I just say it. Like Chris Rock, but whiter. Or Johnny Truant, but prettier.

So how did the seminar go?

I did my first ever in-person seminar the other day and it was killer. I won’t tell you what I talked about because then I can’t charge you to come to the Canadian version later, but I will say that the intrepid souls who braved the trip and the risk made me very happy indeed.

I met Mark Benjamin who is brave enough to be honest about not having been born passionate about selling widgets on the internet. He’s about to launch a new quit smoking mp3 download and is using the proceeds to travel the world. Pretty cool, huh?

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 25, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 12 Comments

So today, I thought it might make sense to talk about the very first thing I tried in my online commerce fiesta, and also the thing I’ve had the least success with: selling a physical product. Because it was my first large venture, I have a fair amount to say about it. But, because it hasn’t been a runaway hit, you may not care if I say it.

Meh. You might as well read this anyway, because otherwise you have to get back to work. Or maybe surf for porn. (If it’s the latter, go ahead. I’d make the same choice.)

So here’s what happened.

By Johnny Truant - Jun 22, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 10 Comments

I am writing this for you today because my husband Jamie, the best husband in the history of marriage, has taken Jack away. I don’t know where he’s taken him and I don’t care. All I care about is that he’s gone.

Because Jack has become three. He’s not actually three until September but in his head, he’s totally three. If you are a parent, you understand that THREE IS ALWAYS WORSE THAN TWO.

Why? Because nobody fucking WARNS you about three. Three is “why?” Three is “whasSAT for?” Three is “whassat MEAN?” Three is “what does G mean?” Three is “what time is it?” Three is “what time is it?” Three is “what does time mean?” Three is “what does nine cocks mean?”

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 18, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 16 Comments

I know a guy who lives in northern Ontario. The economy kind of sucks up there and for a variety of reasons, he can’t get a conventional job. His skill set is limited, he doesn’t have a lot of spare time to work and competition for traditional small town ittybiz options (lawn cutting, snow shovelling, that sort of thing) is high.

He does, however, have one particularly unique skill.

He has freakishly good luck when he hunts. I don’t know a whole lot about hunting, but I know you don’t score a dead deer every time you take a walk. It’s an art and a science, and not every buffoon with a rifle gets to take home venison steaks.

So this guy decides to create a business as a hunting guide. He comes with you when you hunt. He finds them, you shoot them.

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 16, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 24 Comments

Ten minutes ago as I write this, I was begging to spend $60 for a service that I didn’t really, on any normal level, need or want at all. It was a surreal demonstration of the power of urgency-based purchasing.

Wait.

Wait, before you start expecting me to write something all deep and shit.

Let me be honest. I’m sort of on vacation here. I hope you’re okay with this being a laid-back sort of post, with a laid-back sort of point to it. I’m going to tell a story, and it has a moral, but I’m going to kind of saunter up to it slowly while holding a beer. Hope you’re cool with that.

Let me explain.

By Johnny Truant - Jun 15, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 17 Comments

This is a guest post from my creativity and business coach, Charlie Gilkey. It’s one of the most relevant posts I’ve read in a very long time. You should read it. He gets a real bio at the end.

Things started out great. You had this creative thing that you loved to do. It was fun. And then you figured out that other people wanted your thing, too. YAY!! So you started selling your thing.

Then things went to shit.

In The E-Myth Revisited, Michael Gerber tries to address why things went to shit. (Naomi’s note: E-Myth is one of those books everybody tells you that you absolutely must read before you start a business or your wife will leave you and your dog will die.) He talks about Entrepreneurs, Managers, and Technicians; he discusses who should be doing what and when, all told using Sarah’s “All About Pies” as a case study. It’s a great read, but it leaves one not-too-small question unanswered:

By GuestAuthor - Jun 11, 2009 in Guest Post, Small Business Marketing - 26 Comments

Editor’s note: This is the one where Johnny moves into the coaching and consulting module to see if I’m full of shit. It’s also the one where he appears to try magic mushrooms made of italics. He is high on the italics of life.

I would also like it noted that IttyBiz is pretty much the only place where you can hang out reading about dog-walkers with prostitute girlfriends and people in the esteemed profession of weasel whispering and call it “work”. Yes, we’re that cool.

This internet thing is pretty cool. You get some momentum in any of the traditional internet channels and soon there are all sorts of people finding you on Twitter and Facebook, offering you penis drugs regardless of whether you actually possess a penis. I NEVER AGAIN have to wonder where to find male enhancement devices, Ponzi schemes, or porn. This is why everyone should have a business online. You think you have porn inundating you now? Start building website traffic and just see the strange shit that finds you.

By Johnny Truant - Jun 8, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 6 Comments

I’m playing with the idea of giving a workshop in the UK before I go back to Canada. It will be my first ever in-person workshop/seminar thing, and I would like guinea pigs.

I haven’t thought too hard about the details, but here’s what I’ve got so far:

It will be in the next three weeks. (I leave circa June 28th.)

It will be at least half a day, but more likely a full day.

It will either be in London or in the Barn of Bliss in Cheddington. (40 minutes north of Euston on the London Midland line. Past Berkhamsted, before Milton Keynes.)

It will be really small. 6 people? 12 people?

It will be called Fuck Realistic. I don’t even really know what that means but my gut says that’s what I should be giving a seminar about, so that’s what I’m gonna do. Probably something to do with skyrocketing the living shit out of your ittybiz.

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 7, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 5 Comments

This is a guest post by one of the great loves of my life, Tim Brownson. He’ll get a proper byline at the end.

My guess is that if you are reading this fine blog you are in some way interested in either marketing, selling online or foul and abusive language. Or maybe you are heavily into foul and abusive language online about marketing and this place is your little corner of heaven.

On the other hand, you may have absolutely no interest in sales whatsoever and are contemplating heading off to YouTube to look for amusing videos of squirrels nibbling through power cables, dogs skateboarding and crop circles in the shape of the Virgin Mary’s underwear. Well before you do, humor me by answering the following questions:

Do you sell to other businesses?

Do you ever have to sell yourself over the phone?

By GuestAuthor - Jun 4, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 22 Comments

This post is part of a series that will tell you how to create your USP by looking at other real, live ittybiz owners who have done it and kicked ass at it.

First, it should be noted that it would be unwise to accuse me of any level of objectivity in this post whatsoever. I love Stacy Brice of AssistU fame (and I do mean fame) like I love pink sparkly ponies on Christmas morning. I love her like I love Hermès scarves and English roses and the word “apothecary”. Basically, I like her a lot. Just be aware.

So, who the hell is Stacy, other than my girl crush? Stacy runs the highly acclaimed AssistU, a finishing school of sorts for virtual assistants. You wanna be a Big Girl VA? You go to AssistU. Every part of the Learning Not To Suck process is smooth and delightful under Stacy’s careful watch and tutelage.

By Naomi Dunford - Jun 3, 2009 in Small Business Marketing - 10 Comments