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How To De-Clutter Your IttyBiz

You’re hanging out here on the IttyBiz blog because there’s something you want to do, something different than what you’re doing. Maybe you just want to get the hell out of your day job, maybe you have a tiny spark of a dream of doing something you actually love, maybe you saw a need that you could fill better than anybody. Doesn’t matter why you care about having an ittybiz, but I bet you might also be here because something stops you.

When you want to do your thing, or even just spend some time figuring it out, does other stuff get in the way? Sometimes it’s “stuff” (picture big finger quotes) like a crammed schedule, tight finances or family responsibilities. Other times, it’s actual stuff, as in physical clutter.

The Only Thing You Need to Know About Copywriting and Conversions

Recently, my husband was emailing with a reader and he received a refreshingly honest email that included this line:

“She claims that she is an excellent copywriter, yet nothing on the IttyBiz site seems to showcase this talent.”

I give the writer of this email credit for his honesty. Once your blog reaches a certain point everybody just sucks up to you because they want you to whore them out. Good for this dude.

My mother always said to me that when it comes to big business, if one person writes to you with an opinion, ten thousand people share that opinion but say nothing. Same thing applies to home business, just on a smaller scale. I have a feeling there aren’t ten thousand of you out there thinking what this guy thinks, but I’ll venture to guess he’s not the only one. I’d like to address that.

Marketing School: Beginner’s Guide To Doing The Splits

Did you like that title? Isn’t it search engine optimized? (It’s definitely optimized, but I’m not sure for what.) That is because I am an excellent and well-respected marketing professional. In other news, thank you for all of your emails asking if I’m dead. I’m not.

If you have a home business marketing consultant, they will often advise or supervise a split campaign — often called an A/B split.

This sounds scary. It’s not.

When I first heard this, I freely admit I freaked out. I will always associate A and B with algebra (X and Y I associate with chromosomes) and I don’t dig algebra. I am not saying this for comedic effect — I was borderline hysterical. Granted, I become borderline hysterical when I can’t calculate the tip at my friendly local tavern, but this was worse than usual. Anyway, moving on.

Marketing School: How To Be A Spammy Pants

Before we get into today’s lesson, I present you with Spam Of The Day:

Subject: Reach out and BONE someone

According to Wikipedia — which, as we are all aware, knows everything — spam as we know it today comes from the Monty Python sketch of the same name.

For your interest, Wikipedia also defines spam as:

A song by “Weird Al” Yankovic. It is a parody of R.E.M.’s song Stand. It is mostly an ode to the canned lunch meat SPAM.

The abuse of electronic messaging systems to indiscriminately send unsolicited bulk messages.

For the sake of argument, we’ll go with the latter.

There are two types of spam in the world. Spammy spam and not-so-spammy spam.

Spammy spam is, as the definition suggests, indiscriminate, unsolicited, and sent in bulk.

Not-so-spammy spam is more discriminate but less bulk. It is also mostly unsolicited.

Gorilla Marketing: What You Need To Know

In some sneaky, dirty circles, people misspell words in their websites to take advantage of search engine traffic from people who can’t spell. I find this hilarious and am thus parodying that behavior here. No, I don’t endorse it. I just think it’s funny. Relax.

Unless you have been living under a rock for decades or do not live in an English speaking country, you’ve heard of Guerilla Marketing. You might think it’s something worthwhile trying for your home business. It would probably be a good idea for you to know what the hell it is before you embark.

If you go to Google and type in “define: Guerrilla Marketing” you will get these two responses:

1.) using unconventional methods to make sales.

2.) unconventional marketing intended to get maximum results from minimal resources.

How To Write A Press Release That Won’t Get You Cursed By Reporters Everywhere

So you want to write a press release. Good. I dig press releases. It gives me something to write about when I haven’t had any coffee yet and I have to find something lucid to discuss. First I’ll tell you what you need to know about home business press releases, and then I’ll tell you how to write one. Sound fun? Good. So, who’s the press?

The press is people who get paid to relay information to other people via mass media.

The press is also people who do not get paid to do this, but are considered authority sources. If Anderson Cooper took a vow of perpetual poverty and decided to give up his worldly goods but still anchored for CNN, he would still be the press. Well, not the press. Not like, the whole press. He’d be some of the press.

Half Of Everything You Need To Know About Home Business PR

Public Relations is arguably the funnest part of marketing. (Yes, I just said “funnest”. It’s my blog. I can say what I want. Besides, people pay me good money to write stuff. I’m a professional, dammit. I don’t have to prove anything to you.)

Why is it fun? I thought you’d never ask. There are two key elements of public relations.

One: It’s public.

I am about to have very sexy business cards. I’m telling you, people, they’re going to kick ass. Are you going to see them? Unless you live in the backwoods of Ontario, probably not. (OK, that’s not totally true. I’ll post them on the blog. But you know what I mean.) So many of your marketing efforts will be completely unnoticed by the world at large. Such a small percentage of anybody, let alone your target market, is going to see your stuff. You bust your ass and the people don’t even know about it. But with PR, the whole world could see it. Cause it’s, like, public. Get it?

Brand Vs. Image: What’s The Difference, Anyway?

Because you can read, you know what this post’s about. What you don’t know is that it’s a special post. This week, I’m going to do exactly what I’ve been doing every other week (read: snark and call it marketing advice) but we’re breaking it up because I’m crazy like that. All of my examples this week are going to feature Erin from Durtbagz. Why? Well, because she rocks. And I really wanted some of her bagz. So I bribed her. Or maybe she bribed me. Doesn’t matter. My point(s)? One, you’ll see some Erin for the next few days. Two, I accept bribes. Keep that in mind. Moving on.

The other day, we talked about branding. Some people left stuff in comments and other people emailed me to indicate that they didn’t understand the difference between branding and image. I could come up with my own topic or I could just give the people what they want. Therefore, I give you…

How To Personally Chauffer Your Clients Out The Door

Let’s play pretend.

Let’s pretend that you are taking me out on a date. (For my lovely female readers, this can be a “friend” date or you can pretend we’re lesbians. Doesn’t affect the story at all.) Because you’re a cheap bastard, you’re taking me to McDonald’s.

We get to the counter and I’m trying to decide between the Quarter Pounder with Cheese and the Big Mac. They both look pretty good, but it’s taking me a while to decide. I step out of the line because I don’t want to piss off the people behind me and I see, to my left, another menu.

“What’s this?” I ask the nearest 15-year-old employee.

“Oh, that’s the menu for Burger King. They’re our competitor. You can go there if you want. In fact, we actually have a driver on call. He’ll take you there, if you like. You can go right now! You don’t even have to come back.”

Marketing School: What The Hell Is Branding?

Today, we’re going to talk about home business branding. Get a coffee, because I’ve got a lot to say.

Branding is a very big deal these days. We talk about personal branding and business branding. There are many definitions of the term, but here’s one I like so you don’t have to go searching for it on your own:

“A traditional advertising method used to elicit a latent response from a target based on cumulative impressions and positive reinforcement.” (from AdServerSolutions, via Google dictionary)

Conventionally, brands were used to identify cattle. They did not say the cow was a good cow or a bad cow. They did not convey the temperament of the cow. They just identified the cow.

That is branding.

People think that a brand is a logo.
People think a brand is a uniform.
People think a brand is a storefront, a package, a company car.